200+ Mulla Nasrudin Stories and Jokes

by Rodney Ohebsion

  Tiger Powder

  Nasrudin was busy sprinkling crumbs on the ground around his house. A neighbor saw him and asked, “Nasrudin, what are you doing?”

  “I want to keep tigers away,” he replied.

  ’But there aren’t any tigers within a fifty kilometer radius from here,” the neighbor retorted.

  “Yes,” said Nasrudin, “thanks to my powder.”

  Question with a Question

  Man: “Mulla, why do you always answer a question with another question?”

  Nasrudin: “Why shouldn’t I?”

  The Negotiator

  Nasrudin dreamt that a man was giving him nine coins, but that he demanded ten. Suddenly, Nasrudin woke up, and looked at his hands and saw that they had no coins in them. He closed his eyes, opened his hand, and said, “OK—you win. I’ll settle for nine.”

  Hospitable Nasrudin

  One day, Nasrudin was boasting to a group of others about how tremendously hospitable he was. One of them, eager to make Nasrudin make due on his claim, said, “Well then, will you take us all to your home and treat us to a meal?”

  Nasrudin agreed and led the group towards his house. Upon arriving there, he told them, “Wait out here so I can let my wife know what’s going on.”

  He went in and told her—but she replied by saying, “We don’t have any food. You must turn them away.”

  “I surely cannot do that!“ Nasrudin replied with great alarm. “My reputation for hospitality is at stake here!“

  “Fine,” his wife said, “go hide upstairs, and if they start calling for you, I’ll tell them you’re not here.”

  So Nasrudin did as she said, and left his guests waiting outside.

  After some time had passed, they grew impatient and began pounding on the door and calling for their host.

  “Nasrudin! Nasrudin!“ they shouted.

  Nasrudin’s wife opened the door and told them, “Nasrudin isn’t here.”

  “That doesn’t make any sense,” one of them replied. “After all, we saw him go in, and we’ve been waiting here watching this door this whole time.”

  As Nasrudin listened to this from upstairs, he couldn’t help but open his window and retort, “You don’t know what you are talking about. I could have gone out the back door!“

  Nasrudin Treats Guests to Dinner

  One day, Nasrudin was in the village square, and invited a group of people to his house for dinner that evening. He went home to tell his wife beforehand about the guests, and asked her to make rice and kabob.

  She remarked, “Ah—but we don’t have any rice or kabob. You forgot to buy it!“

  “Fine,” replied Nasrudin, “but can you at least bring me some plates?”

  She did, and when the guests arrived an hour later, Nasrudin presented the plates to them, and proudly remarked, “My beloved guests! If I had remembered to buy rice and kabob earlier today, there would be a fabulous meal in these plates right now!“

  Nasrudin Gets Sued

  Nasrudin was going around town saying that, “The wise men of this town put together don’t know shit.”

  One day, a group of them took Nasrudin to court, and demanded that he back up his statement or else face punishment.

  “OK,” said Nasrudin.

  He presented each of them with a piece of paper and pencil, and remarked, “Now each of you should write an answer to this question: ‘What is shit?’“

  They all wrote a response and handed it to the judge, who read them out loud.

  “The scientist wrote that shit it is a composition of water and foodwastes.

  “The philosopher wrote that it is a living being’s manifestation of the universe’s prevalent themes of cycles and changes.

  “The doctor wrote that it is the matter that must be passed through the body as part of regularity of bowels and good health.

  “The religious leader wrote that it is a symbol of our sins passing through our body.

  “The fortuneteller wrote that it is material that can be used to tell our future.

  After hearing these answers, Nasrudin remarked, “You see what I mean—all of these wise men put together don’t know shit.”

  Nasrudin the Gambler

  Nasrudin wagered his friends that he could endure an ice-cold winter night near the mountains, wearing only slippers, shorts, and a shirt.

  After making good on the bet, he went to collect his money the next day.

  His friends, wanting to hear some details to verify his feat, asked him if he remained outside the entire night without according to the rules of the bet.

  “I sure did,” replied Nasrudin. “I had nothing. In fact, the closest thing near me that was a fire some people lit a few hundred meters away from me.

  “A fire!“ the others said. “That wasn’t part of our agreement-and thus, we won the bet.”

  And so, for losing the bet, Nasrudin hosted his friends to dinner at his house one night.

  When that night came, however, his friends arrived and waited a few hours without being fed anything.

  Finally, they said, “We’re hungry—when is dinner going to be ready?’

  “I’m not sure“ said Nasrudin. “Let’s go see.”

  And with that, he led them to the kitchen and showed them a huge uncooked pot of stew on a table, and a lit candle several inches away form it.”

  “Interesting,” Nasrudin remarked, “I’ve been cooking it like this since last night, and it still isn’t ready yet!“

  The Palace Feast-Day

  Nasrudin went to the palace for a feast-day—but when the servants noticed his ragged clothes, they paid him no attention and offered him no food.

  And so, Nasrudin went back to his house, put on his most extravagant clothing, and returned to the palace, where this time he was treated like royalty, and had numerous dishes placed in front of him.

  Nasrudin then proceeded to take handfuls of food and pour and rubbing them into his clothing—causing another guest to ask, “What in the world are you doing?”

  “Oh, I am just feeding my clothing first,” was the reply. “After all, they are what got me this food!“

  Do You Know or Don’t You Know?

  As part of his duties as a Mulla, Nasrudin had to give speeches to his community. Greatly bored of the routine, he looked for a way out of this task; and one day, after going up to the pulpit and beginning his speech, he asked his audience, “Do you know what I am about to teach you?”

  “No,” they responded.

  “Well then, “Nasrudin said, “Since you don’t have enough background information, there’s no point in me trying to teach it to you.”

  And with that statement, Nasrudin left.

  The next day, he went up to the pulpit and asked his audience, “OK—do you know or don’t you know?”

  Thinking that they were on to his trick, they responded, “Yes, we know.”

  Nasrudin replied, “Well, then, if you already know, there is no point in me telling you!“

  And with that, Nasrudin left.

  The next day, he went up to the pulpit and once again asked, “Do you know or don’t you know?”

  The people, once again thinking that they were on to his trick, replied, “Half of us do, and half of us don’t.”

  Nasrudin replied, “OK, fantastic—now the half of you that do know can tell the other half that you that don’t!“

  And with that, Nasrudin left.

  The Turban is Mine

  Nasrudin’s old friend Eynolla came to visit him one day from a far away village.

  “I want to introduce you to a few people,” Nasrudin told Eynolla.

  “OK,” replied Eynolla, “but please lend me a turban, for I am not properly dressed.”

  So Nasrudin lent him the turban, and they went and visited one of Nasrudin’s friends. “This is my friend Eynolla,” Nasrudin said, “but the turban he’s wearing is mine.”

  Deeply annoyed by the remark, Eynolla waited until they left the friend’s
house, and then said to Nasrudin, “Why did you comment about turban I am wearing being yours?! Don’t do that during our next visit.”

  So they made their next visit, and this time Nasrudin said, “This is my friend Eynolla—and the turban he’s wearing is his, not mine.

  As they left, Eynolla once again expressed his annoyance, exclaiming, “Why did you go to such lengths to say that the turban was mine and not yours. Don’t do it on our next visit.”

  So as they made the next visit, Nasrudin said, “This is my friend Eynolla…and I have nothing to say about whether the turban he is wearing is his or mine.”

  Cow-on-Cow Homicide

  A neighbor ran into Judge Nasrudin’s room and asked, “If one man’s cow kills another’s, is the owner of the first cow responsible?”

  “It depends,” Nasrudin cautiously answered.

  “Well,” said the man, “your cow has killed mine!“

  “Oh,” answered Nasrudin. “Well, everyone knows that a cow can’t think like a human. So obviously, a cow isn’t responsible-and therefore, its owner isn’t responsible either.”

  “Excuse me, Judge,” the man interrupted, “I made a mistake. What I meant to say is that my cow has killed yours!“

  Judge Nasrudin sat in contemplation for a few moments. “Now that I think about it more carefully,” he announced, “this case is much more complex then I initially thought.”

  He turned to his assistant and said, “Please bring me that big blue book on the shelf behind you…“

  You’re Right

  Judge Nasrudin was listening to a case. After hearing the plaintiff present his side, Nasrudin remarked, “You’re right.”

  Then, after the defendant had presented his case, Nasrudin again remarked, “Yes, you’re right.”

  Nasrudin’s wife had been listening to the case, and remarked, “that doesn’t make any sense—how can both the defendant and palintiff be right?”

  “You know what?” Nasrudin responded. “You’re right, too!”

  A Bird Saved My Life

  Nasrudin was walking through the desert, and spotted a foreign holy man. Nasrudin went and introduced himself, and the holy man said, “I am a mystic devoted to the appreciation of all life forms—especially birds.”

  “Oh, wonderful,” Nasrudin replied. “I am a Mulla, and I would like to stay with you for a while so we can share teachings. And guess what-a bird saved my life once!“

  Delighted to hear this, the mystic agreed to share company with Nasrudin. As they shared their teachings, the mystic constantly asked to hear about how a bird saved Nasrudin’s life—but each time Nasrudin refused to tell the story.

  One day, after the mystic pleaded and pleaded to hear the story, Nasrudin finally agreed.

  “OK, here is how the bird saved my life,” Nasrudin began explaining while the myystic intently listened. “One day about six years ago, I had not eaten for a long time and was about to starve to death. Then I caught a bird and ate it.”

  The Donkey Experiment

  Nasrudin began gradually reducing the amount of food he fed to his donkey each day, hoping to get it accustomed to less and less food. By day thirty, however, the much-emaciated donkey dropped dead.

  “Darn it,” Nasrudin lamented. “I was just a few days away from getting this donkey used to living on no food at all!“

  Government Subsidies

  A farmer said to Nasrudin, “This town really hooks you up. I planted barley crops last year, and when they were destroyed by rain and flood, the government compensated me for the loss.”

  “Oh, that sounds really generous,” Nasrudin replied.

  And then after thinking for a few moments, he continued the conversation by asking, “Do you know a way that one can cause a flood?”

  Selling a Turban

  Nasrudin went to the mayor’s palace one day wearing a fancy turban.

  “Wow!“ said the mayor, “What a magnificent turban! I’ve never seen anything like it. How much will you sell it for?”

  “A thousand dollars,” Nasrudin calmly replied.

  A local merchant turned to the mayor and remarked, “That price definitely exceeds the market value of comparable items.”

  “Your price sounds very expensive,” the mayor remarked to Nasrudin.

  “Well,” he replied, “the price is based on how much I bought it for—and I paid a lot for it because I knew that there is only one mayor in the entire universe with taste exquisite enough to buy such a turban.”

  Upon hearing this compliment, the mayor immediately demanded that Nasrudin be paid full price for the turban.

  Nasrudin then walked over to the merchant and said, “You might know the market values of turbans, but I know the market value of complimenting the mayor.”

  Efficiency?

  Nasrudin was working for an employer who complained to him one day.

  “You’re doing everything to slowly,” he said. “There’s no reason for you to go to the bazaar three separate times to buy material—you surely can do it all at once.”

  Then several days later, the employer said to Nasrudin, “I’m sick—get a doctor.”

  Nasrudin came back with a doctor and two other people, causing his boss to ask, “Who are the other two people?

  “Well,” explained Nasrudin, “in order to save myself from making extra trips, I also brought the imam, in case we need to pray for your recovery; and the undertaker, in case you die!“

  My Foot Hurts

  An illiterate man asked Nasrudin to write a letter for him.

  Nasrudin, however, refused, saying, “Unfortunately, I can’t do it right now—my foot hurts too much.”

  “Your foot?” the man said. “What does that have to do with writing a letter?”

  “Well,” explained Nasrudin, “since nobody besides me can read my handwriting, I have to go wherever the letter goes so that I can read it to the recipient.”

  Guess What I Have in My Pocket?

  Nasrudin’s friend had an egg in his pocket. He went up to Nasrudin and said, “If you can guess what I have in my pocket, I’ll treat you to breakfast. I’ll give you three clues.”

  “OK,” Nasrudin replied, “give me the clues.”

  The friend said, “It’s yellow in the middle. The rest of it is white. And it’s shaped like an egg.”

  Nasrudin replied, “Is it some kind of pastry?”

  Can I Borrow Your Clothesline?

  Neighbor: “Nasrudin, can I borrow your clothesline?”

  Nasrudin: “I need it right now. I’m hanging flour on it.”

  “What? That is ridiculous. Whoever heard of someone hanging flour on a clothesline?”

  “Only those who others don’t want to lend it to!“

  The Neighbor’s Garden

  Nasrudin spotted some ripe oranges in his neighbor’s garden, and wanted to steal one.

  He took his ladder up to the dividing wall, climbed to the top of it, and pulled the ladder over.

  As he began climbing down to his neighbor’s side, he suddenly heard the voice of his neighbor exclaiming, “What are you doing here!“

  Nasrudin calmly replied, “ I’m selling ladders.”

  The neighbor countered, “Does this look like the place for selling ladders?”

  “Well now,” Nasrudin said, “do you think that there’s only one place to sell ladders?”

  Nasrudin the Singer

  One day, Nasrudin sang in a bathhouse, and was very pleased with the sound that was boosted tremendously by the bathhouse acoustics.

  When Nasrudin left, he went to the village center and began singing—but the people looked at him in wonder, and one shouted out, “What are you doing? You’re not the one to be singing; your voice is no good!“

  “Oh yeah,” Nasrudin, replied. “Just build a bathhouse here, and then you’ll find out how great my voice is!“

  The Gift

  Nasrudin was on his way to the palace carrying a sack of potatoes.

  As he ___
A local man asked him, “Where are you going?”

  “I’m taking this gift of potatoes to the new ruler,” Nasrudin replied.

  “What?” the man said. “That’s not a suitable gift for a ruler. You should give him something better, like strawberries.”

  So Nasrudin went home to get strawberries, and took them to the palace instead.

  The ruler, however, was used to receiving much nicer gifts, and ordered his men to throw the strawberries at Nasrudin as punishment for giving such a meager gift.

  As the strawberries hit him, Nasrudin began shouting, “Praise be to God!“

  Hearing Nasrudin make such a comment so out of its ordinary context, the ruler ordered his men to stop, and curiously asked, “We’re hitting you with the gifts you brought, and now you’re praising God? Explain your behavior, Mulla.”

  Nasrudin replied, “I’m thanking God that I didn’t bring you potatoes.”

  Warriors Boast

  Several of the town’s warriors were boasting about a recent battle. On of them exclaimed, “In the midst of the battle, several knives had daggered me in my legs and arms, but I continued fighting, and took out five of their men!“

  “Well,” another warrior chimed in, “I had an axe go right into my leg, and several blades in my arms, yet I still continued fighting, and was able to overcome an ambush of over a dozen men. In fact, I ended up killing them all!“

  “That’s really not that impressive,” replied Nasrudin. “Back in the day when I was in battle, a ten foot tall warrior sliced my head right off, but I picked it up, put it back on my shoulders, and kept on fighting as if nothing had happened!“

  Palace Comparison

  An Indian man was in Nasrudin’s town, and was bragging about the architecture in India: