The Believer (The Shakers 2)

by Ann H. Gabhart

  "As all right as a person can be with her father dead this day." She looked directly into Payton's pale face. "Colton is going to finish the digging for us, and then I feel sure he will help us carry our father to his final resting place before he leaves to let us grieve in private:"

  Colton looked up at Payton with a pious look on his face. "Your father was a fine man. So many sorrows in this world, but he's gone on to a better place:"

  Elizabeth managed not to throw up until she got to the cabin out of sight of the grave. Payton came up beside her.

  "So it is the cholera" His voice was flat, resigned.

  She wiped her mouth with the cleanest under-edge of her apron she could find. She kept her eyes on the ground away from Payton. "No. It is Colton who makes me ill"

  "We don't have to do as he says"

  Elizabeth mashed her mouth together. The bad taste of her vomit clung to her tongue, for her mouth was dry as powder. "I need a drink of water." She started on toward the front of the cabin, but then stopped and turned back to touch Payton's arm. "We will talk about this after we bury our father."

  "The Lord will help us find a way," Payton said. "Isn't that what Mama always said?"

  "All he found for her was a way home to heaven' Elizabeth regretted the bitter sound of her words even before they were all the way out of her mouth. She added quickly, "But I will pray for a way."

  "So will I. A way you can bear."

  Colton helped them carry their father's body in the box to the grave. In truth, Elizabeth didn't know how they would have managed it without him there. She tried to be grateful as she thanked him for his help after the last prayer was said and the dirt was heaped in on top of her father. Each shovelful had thudded against her heart. But she felt no bit of gratitude until he mounted his horse and rode away, and then she thanked the Lord for the two days she'd been given.

  Payton and Hannah looked as wounded and bruised as she felt as they sat around the table eating their meager supper of bread and milk, for Payton had milked the cow. They tried to talk about what they could do, but their grief sat too heavy on them.

  Finally she touched Payton's cheek with her blistered hand and brushed aside the curls to kiss Hannah's forehead. "Perhaps we will see things in a better light come morn. ing „

  After Payton climbed up into the loft and Hannah went into the small room off the kitchen where she and Elizabeth had shared a narrow bed since Hannah was three, Elizabeth barred the door and poured water into the basin to wash. The cold water felt good on her hands and face. As she pulled off her dirt-streaked dress, she heard the crinkle of paper in her pocket.

  She pulled the paper out and stared at the Shaker seed package that had fallen out of her father's Bible. One can always find an answer in God's Word. Her father's voice was so clear in her head that she looked around to be sure he wasn't beside her, but of course, she was alone. That's where you must look for answers.

  The Shakers. Her father had told her of the Shakers when he brought the seeds in last spring. They lived over in the next county. He had gone there. Said it was a beautiful place with great stone buildings and plentiful crops. A village, he said.

  "But what are Shakers?" she had asked.

  They were sitting on the porch steps as night fell softly around them. Hannah had fallen asleep in their father's lap and he had carried her to bed before coming back out to the porch. Payton was inside by the lamp, reading the new book their father had brought home with him.

  "A religious sect," her father answered as he leaned back against the porch post and stroked Aristotle's head absentmindedly as he talked. In his other hand, he still held the seeds. "They are called Shakers because in their worship they are sometimes so stricken by a feeling of spirit that their bodies shake or they whirl about in a sort of dance"

  "That sounds odd:" Elizabeth frowned as she tried to imagine it.

  "So it is. A bit odd. They claim to be shaking off the sin of worldliness. And they all dress much alike. The women in white aprons over blue dresses with caps to cover their hair, and the men in dark pants and blue shirts. Similar to the Quakers back in the old settlements. Except the Shakers don't believe in matrimony."

  "How can they worship the Lord and not believe in matrimony? Doesn't the Bible say to go forth and be fruitful? Surely one should marry to do that:"

  "As best I could understand, they don't believe in that sort of relationship between a man and a woman. They live as brothers and sisters and claim the Lord revealed this as his will through visions in the last century to someone they call Mother Ann. She set forth their purpose. `Hands to work, hearts to God." He stared down at the seed package as if he saw the words there.

  "That doesn't sound so different from what the preacher back in the church in Springfield used to tell us. The part about hearts to God" Elizabeth looked at her father. He seemed very impressed with these people. "Did they convince you of the truth of their ways?"

  "No, no," he said quickly. Then he looked away toward the sky. "I did feel a peace there in their village that I have not felt since I lost your dear mother. But no, they didn't convince me of the sin of matrimony. What your mother and I shared was not a sin but a gift of love from God. Nor would I want to give up fatherhood and only be a brother to my children:" He reached over and touched her hand with affection.

  "But how do they have children in their midst without relationships to produce offspring?"

  "They take in all who come to their door. Those they have converted by persuasion and also orphans with the hope that, in time, they will come to trust in the Shaker ways. They don't turn away anyone in need. They have plentiful food and kind hearts. At least so it seemed for the ones I met"

  "And must those they feed believe?"

  "Not at all. They must work and follow the rules of the Shakers, but they are allowed to leave if they so choose or to sign a Covenant of Belief when they come of age if they decide to join the Shakers as believers"

  Elizabeth studied her father's face. She could no longer see his expression for the light had grown dim, but she detected a strange yearning in his voice. "You sound as if you wish you could have believed:"

  "There was peace there, my Elizabeth. And a school for Hannah. You know yourself she should be in school. There were woodcarvers and architects and many who seemed blessed with great talent and wisdom. I think you are right. I did wish I could believe:" He sighed and stuffed the seed packet into his shirt pocket. "But I did not. We will plant their beans tomorrow and see how they grow."

  The beans had grown well. Produced more than any beans they had ever planted.

  Now Elizabeth smoothed out the packet and laid it on the table. It was her answer. They would go to the Shakers.

  Ethan Boyd arose from bed at the sound of the rising bell the same as he had every morning since Brother Issachar had found him on the riverbank fifteen years ago. He had picked a good place to be washed ashore. Actually he hadn't picked it. Providence had guided him there. As Brother Martin who had taught him the Shaker way was prone to telling Ethan, he was destined to be a Believer.

  Ethan hadn't known that at first. It wasn't that he hadn't liked the village Brother Issachar had led him up the steep road to find. He had. It seemed an almost magical place of light and goodness. The Shaker brothers and sisters were all kind to him as they welcomed him into their midst. They dressed him in new clothes that matched their own and fed him and gave him a bed.

  Still, he missed Preacher and Mama Joe, and for months he watched for them to show up in the village to take him home. Brother Issachar did his best to find them as well by going into the towns of the world and asking about a preacher named Joe. But Ethan hadn't known a last name or a place name, and there was no way of determining how far the man who had claimed to be his father might have carried him through the woods and then down the river.

  Eventually his memories of the loving Preacher and Mama Joe faded and blended in with his new Shaker brothers and sisters. Brother I
ssachar was always there with his kind eyes and ready smile. He took Ethan into the forest with him and taught him the different kinds of wood for making the chairs and furniture and tools they needed in the village. Brother Martin filled his mind with knowledge of numbers and letters and the tenets of the Shaker beliefs. Brother Haskell taught him the songs and helped him practice the steps to the worship dances. They all embraced him as the gift Brother Issachar claimed he might be to the Shakers on that first morning so long ago now.

  Harmony Hill was just as its name said. Harmony and peace. And work. But Ethan didn't mind the labor. He had grown strong and tall with the Shakers, even taller than Brother Issachar. He enjoyed putting his hands to work, especially working with Brother Issachar, but he gladly did his duty with any work assignment. Sometimes at harvesttimes he imagined every Shaker in the village as the hands and feet on a giant reaping machine going through the field. By himself he could not accomplish so much, but when they joined together for the good of all, much was harvested. They knew no physical wants.

  Not only were their biting room tables where they took their meals weighted down with the provisions they grew on their lands, but their industries were booming as well. Every labor of a Believer's hands showed his or her worship of the Eternal Father whether that was weaving a basket, building a drawer, quarrying stone out of the palisades along the river for a new building, or mucking out a barn stall.

  While those of the world did not understand or accept the Shaker way, they did seek after the Shakers' seeds and herbs, jams and potions, brooms and baskets. And some of the world came to the village to find the perfect peace and right living of their Society of Believers. The membership at Harmony Hill had climbed since Ethan landed on their riverbank until it numbered over two hundred souls.

  Not all were covenant-signed Believers. Some were part of the Gathering Family where they lived as Shakers but had not made a commitment decision. Some only came for the provisions in a time of need and then left the village as their lots improved. Brother Martin spoke angrily of them as "winter Shakers" People committed only to filling their stomachs and running after the lusts of the world, he said. Brother Martin had no use for those of the world.

  He had been looking at Ethan in somewhat the same way ever since Ethan turned twenty-one as if he feared Ethan might be lusting after the world. He had expected Ethan to sign the Covenant of Belief and be welcomed into full membership of the Society of Believers at Harmony Hill in October of the year before.

  Ethan had brought memory of his birth date to the village. October 15,1811. He didn't know why he knew that and didn't know so many other things from before Harmony Hill, but he had treasured that one bit of knowledge. Something from the past to remember as his alone.

  A birthday had not been an important thing to know as a child among the Shakers. The date of one's birth was not noted in any special fashion among the Believers, but the dates were duly written into the records. Twenty-one was recognized as the age of acceptance when a young person could make a decision about the direction of his life, and Ethan had been ready to make that decision. Had looked forward to making that decision until Brother Issachar had taken him into the woods in the week before Ethan's twenty-first birthday and advised him to wait.

  They had sat on a wild cherry log that had fallen in a storm over the summer and that Brother Issachar hoped to use to make cabinets for the Centre Family House.

  "You are young, Brother Ethan;' Brother Issachar began.

  "I will be twenty-one. That is the acceptable age:" Ethan took off his broad-brimmed hat and wiped the sweat off his face before he smoothed a few stray black curls back from his face and pushed the hat down on his head again. The October day was warm and they had been hacking the limbs off the cherry log before they had taken a moment to rest.

  Brother Issachar took off his hat to cool his head and balanced it on his left knee as he studied Ethan with a steady gaze. Veins traced red lines across his high cheekbones on his long, angular face.

  At last he said, "Yea, that it is, but you are still young. You have lived most of your life in our village:"

  "But is not that good? How better to know the Shaker way?"

  "True:" Brother Issachar looked around as though concerned someone might be listening from the trees behind them. Age was beginning to droop his shoulders, and his knuckles were knotted with arthritis that made his woodworking difficult.

  When he hesitated before continuing, Ethan jumped in front of his words. "Do you not want me to be a brother?"

  "You ask the wrong question, my brother. The question is, do you want to be a brother? The Covenant should not be signed lightly."

  "I can't imagine any other life," Ethan answered truthfully.

  "Have you never looked out toward the world with longing? With curiosity to know how man lives outside the village?" Brother Issachar looked straight at Ethan. "To know how man and woman live as one"

  "Nay," Ethan said a bit too quickly. He dropped his eyes to the ground and watched a beetle scramble out of sight under the log. "At least not great curiosity. Brother Martin says all young men feel a stirring in their loins at times. That it is the lust of the world trying to lead us astray, but that such sin and desire can be shaken off us:"

  "So it can be if that is what a man wants" Brother Issachar looked down at the log and moved his hand up and down its bark. Each fallen tree was a gift to him, a way to make use of every bit of the Lord's providence.

  "How old were you when you signed the Covenant?" Ethan had never asked that. It had seemed to Ethan as if Brother Issachar had been born a Shaker.

  "I was thirty-two. I joined a community in the state of New York, but I came here when I was thirty-five. That was two years before the river delivered you to us. I had another life before I was a Shaker." Brother Issachar kept his eyes on the pebbled bark of the tree below his hand.

  "What sort of life? Did you have a wife?" Ethan asked.

  "I did. Her name was Eva'

  "So you had the sin of matrimony to rid yourself of before you could be a Shaker. Did she also become a sister?" Ethan had seen many couples come in to the Shakers since he had lived among them. They became brother and sister and no longer had relations one with another once they joined the Shakers.

  "Nay. My Eva died trying to bear me a child:" Brother Issachar looked up and stared at the trees as if he could see far away back to that other life of which he spoke. `And it was not a sin in that other world'

  "But the Believer has taken himself out of that world:"

  "Yea. That I have done, and with no regrets" Brother Issachar's eyes came back to Ethan. "But I see doubt yet in your eyes. Great or not, it is there. So perhaps it might be better if you wait a year."

  Ethan protested. "I see no need in delay. If the doubt you think you see is there, it lies buried so deeply that it will never come forward to cause me problems. I am ready."

  "You could be right, my young brother." Brother Issachar pushed up off the log. Then before he began wielding his axe again, he turned to stare intently at Ethan as if searching his soul. "But what is one year in the whole of a man's life? You need to be sure of your decision for a man is honor-bound by the promises he makes"

  And so Ethan had waited the year. He had withstood the questions and concerns of the elders and eldresses. He had exercised the dances and sung the songs and read more of Mother Ann's wisdom. He had shaken off the lustful drawing of the world without problem and put his hands to work for the good of the community. He had given himself the time Brother Issachar thought he needed, and the months had passed. He felt no different this October than last. He had been ready to sign his promise to be a Believer then. He was just as ready now.

  The elders and eldresses of the Ministry gathered with Ethan after the morning meal for the signing of the Covenant. He read through the document even though he already knew what it said before he signed his name, promising to live a life of purity, to stay celibate, to give his hands t
o work and his heart to God.

  Afterward, Brother Martin clapped him on the shoulder with a big smile spread across his broad face. "You will not regret your decision, Brother Ethan"

  Brother Issachar was there as well, and he shook Ethan's hand and spoke no words of concern. But now Ethan thought the doubt was in Brother Issachar's eyes instead of Ethan's. As if Ethan would have to prove his belief. But hadn't it been Brother Issachar's words throughout the years since he had found him on the riverbank that had pushed Ethan along this path? The words that Ethan would be the best gift the river had ever yielded up to the Shakers. He wanted to be that gift. A true Believer.

  It was Sunday and the bell rang to signal time for meeting. Out on the paths to the frame meetinghouse, voices began to join together in the Gathering Song. Brother Issachar left the room to join them, but Brother Martin held Ethan back for a moment.

  "Don't be concerned with Brother Issachar's reticence. He has a tendency to be too much of an independent thinker for a true Believer. A gift to our Society for sure, with his way with wood and his ability to go out and trade with the world, but sometimes he needs to study the Millennial Laws a bit more devotedly. As you have already, Brother Ethan. You are a gift to us here at Harmony Hill. Of that, there is no doubt"

  In meeting, Ethan took part in the back-and-forth steps of the worship dances passing in lines between his brothers and sisters without having to note once the pegs in the floorboards that helped them to make the right steps. Brother Samuel was gifted with a song and Sister Adele had a whirling gift. Elder Joseph said the spirit was strong in the meeting that day.

  Ethan waited for some special manifestation in his own spirit of the step he'd taken, but meeting felt no different this week than it had last week. He told himself that was because he had been a Believer as much the week before as he was this week. He had already made the Covenant promise in his heart. Years ago.

  Ethan had never been visited with any special manifestation of the spirit. No whirling. No shaking. No visions or songs. Brother Martin assured him that was not something he should regard with concern. He said each Believer was gifted in different ways, but no gift was more valuable than the next. Mother Ann had treasured the gift to be simple over any other gift, and that was a gift they could all receive as Believers if they humbled themselves and worked for the good of their society.