American Honey

by Heidi McLaughlin

  I wanted to know what was under the tight boxer briefs.

  We were in this terrible situation, stuck for the night together, with nothing to do but get to know each. We were both adults, yet he was the only one that seemed composed, while I was crumbling before him. I didn’t know how to act, and out of pure fear, I was making a fool out of myself, showing him how inexperienced I really was.

  It wasn’t long before I was back in the living room. He was sitting in front of the fire putting in a another log. I opened the second bottle of wine and poured us both a new glass. “That last question was my queue to leave. I’m not very open, if you didn’t notice.”

  He turned his attention to me when he sat back down and picked up his glass. “Do I make you nervous?”

  I bit down on my lip and nodded. “Maybe a little.”

  “When I walked up on that porch and saw you standing there, with those wet clothes stuck to your body, I thought you were the sexiest woman I’d ever seen. I knew there was no chance in hell that you’d be interested, plus I really need a roof over my head for the night, so I’ve been trying my hardest to be a gentlemen. I’ve gotta tell you though, sitting here with you is getting harder by the second. Now, I’ve got no problem going over there on that other couch and giving you your space, but if this attraction is mutual I’d like for you to let me know. If I see you lick your lips one more time I might have to kiss you.”

  I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. A fire ignited between my legs, and all I could think about was his lips touching mine. My breathing increased and I crossed my legs to try to distract the feeling of losing control over my actions. “I…”

  “You’re interested.” It was as if he was answering for me, like he already knew I was crumbling.

  He was convinced that I wanted him, and I had no idea how to respond. “I never said that.”

  “You don’t have to, Erica. I’ve been around enough women to know when a beautiful lady is attracted to me. I’m not trying to put you on the spot, and certainly after everything we’ve been through tonight I’m not trying to push myself on you. I’m just stating that the attraction is mutual. Look, my years of beating around some bush to get laid are over. I’m an adult and I know what I want. There is nothing wrong with being confident.”

  “Get laid? I’ve never…”

  “You can call it whatever you want.”

  It wasn’t the word. It was the fact that I’d never just slept with someone. I’d been involved with them first, gotten to know them for long periods of time where we courted each other. Then, when the time was right we’d be intimate.

  Reed reached over and took the glass out of my hand. I looked down as he scooted his body closer to me, and took my hands into his. A hint of cologne, or maybe deodorant caught my senses. He’d been outside in the rain, and yet still smelled fantastic. I stared at the tags hanging from his neck, unable to look him in the eyes. It was immature, and I couldn’t understand why he was still trying to pursue me when I was acting like a teenager. “Erica, look me in the eyes.”

  It was hard, but I looked up and met his stare. In those eyes was something so passionate, so unwritten. I wanted to know what it would be like to fall to the floor and let him ravage me. I could feel my body shaking while I searched for the words to respond to him. “Sorry, this is -. I’m just not -.” I couldn’t bring myself to admit out loud that I was in uncharted waters. “I’m afraid.”

  He brushed the hair hanging down over my shoulders and placed it behind my ear. “Of what?”

  “This,” I whispered. “Being with someone older.”

  He leaned forward, never taking his eyes off of mine. His lips touched the corner of my mouth as he spoke. “Don’t be afraid of me. I’m not trying to freak you out. I find you so attractive. Is it wrong for me to want to explore that body of yours?”

  I was focusing on breathing more than his words.

  “Have you ever received hours and hours of pleasure? Have you ever had a lover that fulfilled every single one of your fantasies?”

  He wanted to give me pleasure, and I was only focused on taking my next breath and not passing out. I’d always been terrible with confrontations, and this was like no other time before it. This was powerful. While my mind fought my body to answer, I closed my eyes and pictured what it would be like to let go of everything I stood for. “I can’t do something like that.” As the words rolled off my tongue I hated myself. As much as I wanted to lose control, I knew I wouldn’t be able to. He was still a stranger; someone that I’d just met hours before. There was no way I could take off my clothes and give myself to him without freaking out.

  Reed backed away from me, and for a moment I thought he was going to stand up. “You can’t, or you don’t want to?”

  “It’s the same.”

  “No,” he shook his head as he answered. “It’s not.”

  “Either way it means that nothing is going to happen.”

  He grabbed my hand and pulled it up to his lips, while giving me those eyes again. “Answer the question. You can’t, or you don’t want to?”

  I opened mouth and closed it before I could say anything. He had me right where he wanted me. As much as I wanted to stand my ground, I could feel it falling beneath me.

  “Erica.” He took his hand and rubbed his fingers over my lips. I closed my eyes as he spoke softly. “We’re just two people. Let go of what you think you know.” I kept my eyes closed, but parted my lips as his fingers continued to brush across them. “This isn’t like a relationship where you have to impress the person you’re dating. You can be yourself, completely, without fear. You can take what you want, and not expect repercussions.”

  I opened my eyes and looked right at him. “That’s the thing, Reed, I’m petrified. This idea of yours isn’t going to happen. As much as I appreciate the compliments, and everything else you’ve done, I simply can’t let myself be someone that I’m not. Those morals that you tell me to let go of make me who I am. Trust me when I say that you may possibly be the sexiest man I’ve ever laid eyes on. Those muscles, and the tattoo on your back caught my attention immediately, but they are superficial. I have standards, and there is no way I’m sleeping with a man that I just met, even if we sit up for the next twenty four hours telling each other everything about ourselves. It’s not happening.” My racing heart let me know that I had to leave the room. There was no way I could face him after what I’d just said. I stood without regard for how close we were sitting. I started to move away, but reached over and grabbed the wine first. It was going to be a long night and I needed something to help me sleep.

  “Where are you going? There’s a damn hole in the roof. Don’t be crazy.”

  I kept walking. “The back room has a different roof line. I’ll survive.”

  When I made it up to the bedroom I locked the door. The last thing I needed was him coming in and provoking me to go along with his convoluted plan to seduce me. It wasn’t going to work, and I’d be even more frustrated over it.

  I plopped down on the mattress and took a sip straight from the wine bottle. It was pitch black in the room, so I couldn’t see a thing. I let my body fall back on the pillows, while I thought about contacting the insurance company about the roof. I was probably going to have to take a couple more days off of work, and my boss was going to ream me a new ass over it. Then I thought about my aunt, and the reason she’d left me this big house. As much as I wanted to get back to my life in the city, it was her last attempt to get me to stay here. She hated that I chosen a life that took me away from the family. I hardly had time on the weekends to visit with anyone.

  I should have been there in those last couple months to say my goodbyes to her. As I lay in her bed a rush of tears hit me. Maybe it was the wine, or just the fact that I was in this situation, but I lost it.

  I secretly loathed my job.

  I was stuck in this creepy house because of a tropical storm.

  My roof had a hole in it. />
  There was a man downstairs trying to get into my pants.

  Those were the facts.

  I hated my life.

  Curled up in a ball, I cried for all of those reasons. I’d neglected my family, friends, and even relationships to get to a position that I thought I wanted; a life I thought I wanted.

  Meeting this stranger had made me question everything, and it pissed me off. My life seemed fine until tonight. Now I was all messed up over it.

  I sat up and poured the rest of the bottle of wine down my throat. I wanted to forget about my worries and pass out. The loud booms of thunder, and crashes of lightning kept me from being able to relax, so I knew getting drunk was my only option.

  The warm feeling started to fill my stomach, and I was sure it was only a matter of time before I finally let myself fall into a somber. My body began to relax, and I knew the wine was taking affect when I started laughing at myself for being so upset.

  Then I heard the knock on the door.

  Chapter 3

  I giggled and sat up in the bed, realizing that there was a door standing between me and the sexy man who wanted to get me naked. “Nobody’s home!”

  He kept knocking. “I’m not leaving until you open this door. Come back downstairs with me, Erica. It’s safer.”

  I stood up and walked over to the door, letting my head rest against it as I talked. “That’s a matter of opinion.”

  “I promise I won’t touch you. Does that change your mind?”

  The alcohol was getting to me, because I wanted more than anything to open the door. “No. I’m staying in here and going to sleep. You should do the same. I’ll see you in the morning when the sun comes back out.”

  He tapped on the door with his last words. “If you need anything at all, you know where to find me.”

  When I heard him walking down the stairs I walked back to the bed. That door was going to stay closed, because if it didn’t I’d be down on that plush rug, in front of the fire, giving a stranger everything I had to offer. It was the one thing I was fully certain of.

  The longer I stayed awake, the more the wine was taking effect. I became restless with myself and my choice to hide upstairs in a locked room. Realizing that I was acting like a child, I stood up and walked in front of the mirror. With only a flashlight on, I could still see enough of my body reflecting back at me. I sat the device on the floor and ran my hands over my waist and then down to my hips. I knew I had a nice figure, and that I could look sexy, even when I never considered myself to be. I let the back of my hand glide over my tank top where my breast sat snugly in my bra. Imagining what it would be like to be touched by Reed, I closed my eyes and touched myself there. My top teeth dug over my bottom lip as I imagined what he was willing to do to satisfy me completely. His words repeated in my mind while envisioning him touching me instead.

  It had been at least thirty minutes since he walked down the stairs, and I hadn’t heard a peep from him after that. Since I’d rejected him I just assumed that he’d probably gone to sleep. After all, it wasn’t like he really expected me to want him, or did he? If I was standing around secretly imagining being with him, was he doing the same thing? The chemistry between us was like nothing I’d ever felt before with someone I’d just met, and I had to believe that it had a lot to do with our situation.

  The wind brought new sounds to the house, and I got chills imagining the whole roof coming off, sweeping me away in the dark of the night. I pictured someone finding my broken body in a field weeks later, and how horrible it would be to die that way. Being downstairs was safer. Reed had been right to try to get me to join him, whether he touched me or not.

  I’ve heard the saying that curiosity killed the cat, well if that is the truth then I was on my way to my demise, because nothing could stop me from going downstairs. I wasn’t going to be able to fall asleep until I knew for certain that I was safe. Plus I was dying to peek at Reed as he slept. I wanted to look at him to see him lying there so quietly.

  It was just a peek, and then I’d lay down on the other couch and go to sleep.

  No harm, no foul.

  Quietly, I crept down the stairs, skipping the third one because I knew it creaked. I approached the back of the couch, fully prepared to peer over the top of it. Seeing him shirtless lying there was going to put my mind at ease, and let me finally be able to close my eyes and get some rest.

  I placed my hands on the back of the couch and peered over it, hoping to catch a glimpse of his perfect body.

  He wasn’t there.

  The blankets and covers were, but he wasn’t. The fire had dimmed, but it was still light enough to look around the room. Reed wasn’t anywhere. Before I could turn around and head toward the kitchen I felt hands on my shoulders, causing me to jump. I turned and ended up face to face with him. His arms were around my waist, and I didn’t fight my way free.

  We stood for a moment looking into each other’s eyes.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I came down to check on you,” I replied.

  We were close enough for me to see the intent in his eyes. I could smell the wine on his breath as his lips parted again. “Are you sure that’s the only reason?”

  I nodded, but it was a bold-faced lie.

  He inched his face forward and drug his bottom lip over mine. I immediately closed my eyes, letting the alcohol and fire between my legs take control. He pulled away, probably waiting for me to react. I said nothing as my eyes opened. He leaned forward and did it again, this time letting his tongue run over my lip. He was so slow, taking his time, inching his way towards a full-blown kiss. It was like he was giving me a chance to change my mind, but the more he did it, the increasingly eager I became.

  The wine was like instant courage, except I was still letting him take the lead. He couldn’t know that I was burning for his touch, that secretly I yearned to be with him, to experience him in ways that I’d only read about.

  Reed pulled away and ran his hand through the back of my hair. He slowly pulled it back, causing my chin to lift upwards. My lips parted and I felt him getting closer. My eyes were still closed, but I was aware of how close he was to me. His bottom lip drug over mine, and then I felt it. He sucked on my lips, slowly dragging his tongue over them when he pulled away. I couldn’t back away, because I’d already begun to reciprocate. Our tongues touched for the first time, making me weak in my knees. This man, this stranger that I was only beginning to know, was kissing me with more passion than any man had ever showed me. A slow groan escaped his lips, vibrating over mine. It’s when I realized that I was trembling. Being with this man was making me shiver, and we’d barely touched.

  I backed away, feeling utterly embarrassed that I couldn’t keep my shit together enough to kiss him. There was no way I could continue with more. He’d probably laugh at me. I placed my hand over my lips as I spoke. “I can’t do this.”

  My next move was pretty stupid. I blame the wine for making me think that it was smart to run outside on the porch for air. One minute I was warm, kissing a handsome man by the fire. The next I was running outside during a dangerous storm. The wind whipped the rain into my face, and I didn’t even care. I was too numb and confused to be able to accept that it was uncomfortable.

  Reed followed me outside, and I immediately jumped off the porch and began running from him. The stupidity continued when I found myself ducking behind a tree. In my defense it was dark, and I was trying to prevent a confrontation. In my drunken stupor I assumed that he wouldn’t be able to find me.

  I felt his presence and looked around the tree trunk to see him standing on the other side. “What are you doing? Are you crazy?”

  The lightning flashed above, and beads of rain blew over us, feeling like tiny shards of glass. “I have to stay away from you, Reed.”

  “Get your ass back in the house, Erica. You can’t be out in this weather. It’s too dangerous.”

  I pointed right at him, determined to get my point
across. Another bolt of lightning crashed behind us. “You can’t kiss me like that, Reed.”

  He reached his hand out to me. “Come on. We can talk about this inside.

  I pulled away from him. “No. We need to talk about this now,” I yelled.

  Thunder rumbled the ground, and I felt myself getting chills. Reed, standing outside in his underwear, reached his hand out for another attempt to grab me. “Please. You’re being ridiculous.”

  I backed away. “I can’t.”

  He broke the distance between us faster than I was able to turn around and run away. He spun me around, forcing me to face him. Then his lips were on mine. The water was running down our faces while our tongues mingled together. I knew the rain and wind made it cold outside, but my body was instantly on fire. I felt his hands pulling my body closer to his, and then suddenly I was being lifted into his arms. I was done resisting temptation. My legs finally wrapped around his back as he carried me toward the house.

  His hot body felt so strong, so powerful as he climbed the stairs and made it onto the porch. My arms clung to his neck, unwilling to let go, even though I knew we were back to safety. Then Reed did something that shocked me. Instead of carrying me inside, he pressed my body up against the house. I felt him lifting me higher as one hand raised my shirt up above my bra. He tugged down on the cup, exposing my breast, and rubbing his tongue over my nipple. The wind was blowing rapidly, but all I could feel was what was happening between us. The sheer pleasure of being exposed outside was both shocking and sexy.

  Slowly, I felt my feet touching the porch floor. I let my hands fall free from behind Reed’s back, and watched as he pulled away from me. The feeling of rejection only lasted seconds, because he’d begun removing my shirt. The wet fabric made a sound when it hit the ground. My bra came next, falling somewhere that I paid no attention to.