American Honey

by Heidi McLaughlin

  I giggled, because nobody had ever said that about me. “I think it’s just you.”

  He leaned forward and brushed his mouth over mine. “You keep giving me compliments like that and I may never want to leave.”

  He didn’t know how much I thought that sounded fantastic. In fact, if I could figure out a way to box up the last twenty-four hours, I would do it. Before I could say anything he spun me around, lifted me up, and bent me over until my ass was up in the air. I felt him running his hands up my legs as he stood behind me. Reed slapped his hard erection against the base of my ass. As frightened as I was, I didn’t argue when he started pushing his way inside. It was painful at first, as if I was being ripped open. Then, as quickly as the pain had begun, it was replaced with pleasure. He reached around, rubbing hard on my clit in a circular motion while still banging inside of my ass. I cried out his name as I clenched the edge of the tub. The faster he moved, the more I liked it. I could feel my legs buckling, just as he grabbed me tightly on my hips and held me still. He filled me, while letting our bodies sink back down in the tub.

  There were no words to describe what I’d just experienced, and I don’t expect that I would have ever tried such a thing had it not been for my full trust in my partner. He’d been so gentle, and even though there was a bit of pain in the beginning, it turned out to be a pleasing experience; one that I’d be willing to do again if he asked.

  A part of me felt dirty, like I’d crossed over some kind of sexual boundary. Obviously not everyone liked that kind of sex. I was learning that maybe I knew nothing about my desires. That was something that needed to be rectified, especially when it brought me so much joy.

  After our bath, Reed and I returned to my aunt’s old bedroom. We climbed under the covers and fell asleep holding each other. While he snored softly I woke up and thought of ways to ask him to stick around. I rolled over and watched him lying there next to me. His facial hair was starting to grow and it made him look rough, but sexy. While staring at him, his eyes opened. He’d caught me being all creepy, but only smiled and pulled me into a long kiss. “Do you always watch your partners sleep?”

  “No. Sorry. I was just thinking.”

  “About what?” He flipped me around and pulled my back up to his chest. “Are you ready for another round?”

  “Do you ever get tired?” I was teasing, but damn did he have a sex drive. “Anyway, I wasn’t thinking about sex. What would you say to sticking around here and helping me get this place ready to sell? My life is in the city, whether I like it or not I’ve spent too many years vested to walk away from it. Since I won’t be able to afford the taxes and the upkeep, I’m going to need to get this property in better condition for when it goes on the market. I can’t pay you much upfront, but once it sells I will give you a cut for your time. While you’re working you can stay here and have the house to yourself.”

  He sat up in bed and traced the skin on my arm after I turned to face him. “That sounds like a decent proposition to me, but it’s missing one thing.”

  “What?” I couldn’t imagine what else he would want. I was giving him a whole house to live in.

  “I’m not agreeing to anything unless I know there’s perks included.”

  He had my attention. “Perks?”

  “Perks like a very sexy female being in my bed every weekend.”

  I ran my finger over his lips and smiled. “That can probably be arranged.”

  He leaned forward to place tiny kisses over my lips. “Then I guess we have a deal.”

  “Really? It’s that easy?” I was more than excited to hear that he’d be sticking around. “You know, earlier I thought you left without saying goodbye. I woke up and you weren’t here. I guess I thought you used me to get a piece and moved on to the next conquest.”

  Reed started laughing really hard. When he wouldn’t stop I started to get offended, so I slapped him on the chest lightly. “Stop it. What’s so funny anyway?”

  “I’m sorry, Erica, but the idea of traveling city to city to have conquests is hilarious.”

  How was I to know what he did with his time? “Well, I just got the impression that {MISSING SYMBOL}”

  He put his hand over my lips. “If I just wanted to fuck you I would have. There had been times in my life where a quick fuck was all I had time for. This isn’t one of those times.” He got this disappointed look on his face. “You really don’t know the difference do you?”

  When he got up out of the bed I began to realize that I’d offended him. I hadn’t meant to, but somehow my not understanding how men thought had caused this conflict between us. One moment we were making love and the next he was literally walking away from me. I chased him down the stairs into the laundry room, where his clothes were in the dryer. He opened it and started pulling them out, putting his shorts on. “I’m sorry, Reed. Maybe I don’t know the difference. I haven’t had that many partners to compare it to.”

  He left the fly of his shorts open and approached me. With both hands holding either side of my face he peered into my eyes. “Close your eyes, Erica.”

  I did as he said, putting all of my trust into him.

  “Think about last night, and even this morning. Think about our connection, and what it was like to be together. Was it the same as other experiences you’ve had?”

  I shook my head. “No. Everything about you is different. That’s why I want you to stay. I just met you and it scares me how much I want more.”

  “Is it because you like the idea of seeing me more, or the fact that I take your mind off of everything else you have going on?”

  “I don’t know,” I answered abruptly without thinking.

  He put his forehead on mine. “That’s why I should go. It’s obvious that I’ve clouded your judgment. Our time together is something that I will never forget. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever been with, but we’re just two people that happened upon each other in a desperate situation. We came together and shared something on the brink of destruction.” He pulled away and waited until I looked at him. “One day I hope that we’ll see each other again, Erica. When and if that happens I hope you’ll have found your true calling in life.” He leaned forward and kissed my trembling lips. In just moments he was saying goodbye as graceful as he could. Our time together was over and I was crumbling.

  Reed left me in the laundry room as he gathered his things and left the house. I heard his bike start up and ride down the dirt lane. As devastated as I was, I managed to make it upstairs to the bedroom, where I cried for the rest of the day.

  Chapter 5

  I was confused about a lot of things, but knew for sure that I’d be selling the bed and breakfast as is. Aside from a lifetime of memories, I knew I could never walk inside of it again and not think of Reed, who was probably the only man on the planet that I wanted and knew I could never have. It wasn’t like we’d exchanged numbers, or addresses. I didn’t even think he had one.

  I ended up taking off the next week to tend to matters with the insurance company. They had to replace the entire roof, as well as repairing all of the damage inside of the house, including new flooring in the attic and second level bedroom. A month later the house was put on the market. I worked with the realtor via emails and phone calls, determined to spend the least amount of time at the property. Since I was selling the house furnished, I’d only have to go back to pack up personal matters of my aunts.

  Another month passed with no nibbles from any potential buyers. Each day got easier for me to deal with things that had transpired on the night I spent with Reed. There was only one problem that I was trying to deal with.

  My job.

  I’d gone from loving it to hating it with a passion. Finally, on a Friday morning, I turned in my resignation, and gave notice to my landlord that I’d be moving out in the next thirty days. Just as I was preparing to call my realtor and take the property at the beach off the market I received an email from him stating that an investment comp
any was interested in buying it at full price. I didn’t know how to respond.

  Everything was happening so quickly. I’d quit my job, given up my apartment, and now was being offered a contract.

  I looked up to the sky, desperate for answers. “What am I supposed to do now?”

  It took me five hours to respond to his message. I knew I could take the money and start a new chapter in my life. Maybe this was all meant to be.

  The settlement was twenty days later. I packed up my apartment and rented a U-Haul to transport it to the beach, where I was prepared to buy a small house and do some soul searching to find out what I wanted out of life. It was so weird that I’d worked so hard for my career, only to give it up once I was getting somewhere. I suppose life is all about learning, and since I’m still young I had plenty of time to figure it out.

  I was nervous on the day of settlement. Aside from meeting with the attorney to put the property in my name after my aunt’s death, I was having to deal with a large investment company in a professional environment. I went out and bought a nice new dress for the occasion. After arriving early, I sat around waiting for both my realtor and the buyer to arrive. Shortly after biting half of my nails off, I saw two men walking in. One was my realtor, and the other was a man with dark hair and a close cut beard. Though he was far away, I could tell he was wearing a designer suit. In his hand was a leather brief case. I could only see his profile, but knew he was a handsome gentlemen. I looked down at my hands, pretending that I wasn’t just checking them out. This was a business deal, not a dating game.

  I looked up only when they’d come into the room, giving my attention to my realtor first. Then I turned to shake hands with the buyer and got the shock of my life.

  He wasn’t soaking wet, hair disheveled, and shirtless like I’d known him to look. This man was well kept, well groomed, and dressed classy. He didn’t look like someone that would ride a motorcycle with a dew rag on his head. He didn’t appear to be someone with a tattoo covering his entire back.

  But it was him…

  It was Reed.

  He extended his hand to me, before I could address the elephant in the room. “Shawn Reed. Nice to meet you.”

  I couldn’t rationalize enough to think of what to say. “Erica Swanson.”

  He sat down, acting as if he’d never met me in his life. I watched as he opened up his case and pulled out a folder, never making eye contact with me.

  My hands were shaking so bad while I tried to compose myself. “So you’re the buyer?”

  My realtor was organizing the paperwork and looked up to answer. “Mr. Reed owns Freedom Investments.”

  “Of course he does.” Finally I got his attention, and noticed a quirky half-smile forming at the corner of his lips.

  “Is there a problem, Ms. Swanson?”

  I folded my hands to keep them from shaking. “Yes, actually there is. Would you mind giving me and Mr. Reed a moment alone?”

  “May I ask why?” My poor realtor didn’t have a clue.

  “Just a few moments,” I added.

  Reed put his hand on the realtor’s shoulder. “It’s fine. Just give us a minute. I’m sure everything will be fine.”

  Once he’d left the room and closed the door I stood up and leaned forward to be closer to the man that was suddenly sitting right in front of me, trying to buy my aunt’s home out from under me. “What in the hell do you think you’re doing?”

  He folded his hands and smiled, showing his bright white teeth. “I’m making a business deal, Erica. Do you have a problem with that?”

  “Seriously? I haven’t seen or heard from you since you walked out of my house, after making love to me for countless hours, and now you’re doing this? A simple phone call would have sufficed.”

  “So,” he leaned back in his chair. “How have you been?”

  I pointed toward him. “I’m not selling my house to you, Reed. It’s not happening.”

  I sat back down and put my hands over my face, trying hard to not begin screaming at him. When the room remained quiet I looked up to see that he was reaching in his briefcase. He pulled out a folder and slid it across to me. “I had a feeling that this would happen, so I had this just in case.”

  I looked up at him confused. “What’s this?”

  “I’ll give you a second to read it. Take your time, Erica. It’s a big decision.”

  I pushed the folder back to him. “Screw you. I’m not reading anything. I thought you were a kind man, but I was wrong. Anyone who has no qualms about ruining my life is just a plain old asshole in my book.”

  “I’ll be back in after you’re done cutting me down. Read what’s in the folder, Erica.” He walked out, leaving me to sulk on my own.

  After battling with myself for a few minutes I opened the folder and saw a letter addressed to me. I unfolded it and noticed that it was handwritten.

  Erica:

  It’s taken me a while to figure out what I wanted to say to you. Since our time that we spent together, I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind. In all of my travels I’ve never met someone that had such a hold on me.

  That day I left was hard, because I knew you didn’t want to see me go. Trust me when I say that driving away from you was difficult, to say the least.

  In the weeks that we’ve been apart I’ve considered contacting you at least ten times a day. Since I didn’t know your last name, or your real address, I had no means of getting in touch with you.

  Then I remembered how much you wanted to sell the bed and breakfast. Low and behold I found the listing on the internet and pursued it as an interested buyer. I thought that if I could see you again I’d be able to explain myself in an effort to get to know you. If you’re reading this letter than you’re probably fuming at me. If selling the bed and breakfast was really your goal, you wouldn’t be holding this letter.

  You’re probably telling yourself that I’m just a stranger, that in fact we have nothing in common. In so many ways you are right, but in this circumstance I believe you’re wrong. You see, I could tell how much the house meant to you. I also saw how conflicted you were about where your future was going to take you.

  You needed time to decide it for yourself.

  I needed to accept that, after all of my time feeling like I didn’t belong, I’d finally discovered something that felt right. You may or may not believe this, and after everything I’ve seen in my life, I have to believe that something powerful out there exists. It wasn’t an accident that I stumbled upon your house that night, and it also wasn’t an accident that you and I were drawn to each other.

  Erica, the guy you met that night was looking for a life to settle into. I told you the truth when I said that I’d been traveling looking for a place to call home. That bed and breakfast has potential. You were so conflicted over it. I’m not trying to take it from you. It’s the opposite. My hopes were that if I bought the place you could come and visit on the weekends, so that it would never be out of reach for you. It wasn’t just about the business. It was about being able to see you again.

  Whatever you decide just know that I don’t want to be strangers. However this turns out, I want to see you again. I hope you want that too.

  Reed

  He came walking inside right as I was finishing up.

  “Um, were you planning on telling me that you owned a investment company?”

  “It wasn’t important. I’m part owner of a rundown bar in the Keys. It was a bad investment that I made to help out my cousins. Does it really make a difference anyway?”

  He had a point. We were strangers, and it was more apparent than ever. “Pack up your briefcase and get out of here, Shawn Reed.”

  “If that’s what you want?”

  I nodded. “I can’t look at you without wanting to rip your dick off.”

  Reed gathered his belongings and walked out of the room. I spotted him giving word to the realtor. He seemed extremely annoyed, and came in to fire at me. “What the
hell is going on here? Ms. Swanson, you’re under a legal binding contract. You can’t just back out of a deal like this.”

  “Look, I’m sorry for the trouble, but Mr. Reed and myself will not be seeking any kind of legal battle. We’ve agreed that the bed and breakfast is no longer for sale. As far as your commission goes, well I’ll write you a check for your troubles. I’ll give you more than the small percentage that your firm would have given you. I’m sorry for all of this. It’s a conflict of interest, really. It’s nothing that you did.”

  He put up his hands. “Freedom Investments just gave me a check. I don’t know what just happened between the two of you, but I’m done here. I need a damn drink.” He walked out of the office, leaving me sitting there alone.

  When I got to the parking lot my car was the only vehicle left. Reed had gone, and part of me was happy about it. I had nothing left to say to him.

  Two weeks after refusing to sell the bed and breakfast, I was busy painting and redecorating. The ad that I’d put in the newspaper had been answered by eight different men, and none of them seemed capable of being a good grounds keeper. I was sure that most wouldn’t pass a criminal background anyway. I still had one more interview, but my hopes weren’t very good about it panning out.

  My first guests were due to arrive in one week, and I wasn’t near being ready for them to come. I had cleaning, painting, decorating, and shopping still to do. With my family being busy with their own lives, I was buried deep with a long list of things I’d never be able to finish. Still, I stayed motivated that I’d do my best, and not give up until it was all finished.

  After working a long day, I was covered in tiny drops of paint from rolling a ceiling. I poured myself a large glass of tea and went out on the porch to sit on the swing. An afternoon storm had begun, and the cool breeze brought the rain drops onto the deck. I looked out into the yard, appreciating that the hot temperature was finally dropping. Later I would open the windows and air out the new paint smell in the front of the house.

  The sun finally set, after the storm was miles away. I went inside to wash out my glass, and head up for a long awaited bath. Just as I turned on the sink I heard a motor coming down the dirt lane. My stomach dropped as I slowly made my way back to the front of the house. The porch door swung open and I watched as his helmet was being removed from his head. I put my hands on my hips, ready to stand my ground. “What do you want, Reed?”