American Honey

by Heidi McLaughlin

  The party wraps up around eleven-thirty that night; the only people still here are Knox and Rex. They are sitting on the couch in the living room, “Are y’all staying over?” I ask taking a seat next to Knox on the couch.

  The boys, when they are in town, will either sleep in the spare room at my house or over at Tanner’s. They’ve been doing this for years. I wish Audrey and Austin would just move back to Fayetteville with all of us.

  “We’re going to crash here.” Knox says with a wink.

  “We’re,” Rex coughs out the last word, “covering.”

  My eyebrows furrow in confusion and I mouth, “Covering?” I know I had a little to drink but I’m most certainly not drunk.

  Mama saunters in, “What’re y’all up to for the rest of the night? Are you boys staying here or Tanner’s?”

  “We’re staying here, ma’am.” Rex answers.

  Knox kicks his shoes off, “We were thinking of watching a movie until we fall asleep.”

  Mama nods, “Okay, just remember to turn the TV off before you go to bed.”

  “We will.” I answer.

  Mama heads up the stairs to bed. I lean back to make sure she is far enough away before figuring out what the hell they are covering for.

  “What’re you two up to?”

  Rex chuckles and Knox rolls his eyes. “Go upstairs, change out of that hideous dress and meet your boy toy at your spot.”

  I sit there for a second before snapping into motion.

  “Oh,” Knox calls out, “you’re welcome.”

  “Um,” I tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. “Thank you?”

  Rex waves me off, “Yeah, yeah.”

  I’ve changed in five minutes flat and out the back door a minute later. I made sure to shut the spotlight off before running through the back yard; I don’t need to wake Mama up.

  I slip past the pool fence and I see a flicker of light.

  “Tanner?”

  He steps out of the shadows, the flicker from the light dancing across his handsome face. His jet black hair is sticking up everywhere; he’s stressed, and it’s obvious he has been running his hands through it all day. He’s got scruff on his face that I love to run my hands over. But his eyes, his green eyes, hold a story that he’s hiding from me. I know he’s got a lot on his plate. His parents are fighting like mine. He’s supposed to be leaving for college next month but he doesn’t want to go. He’s lucky though; his parents let him have a year off after he blew his knee out in the beginning of the year in a nasty sack that caused him to lose his scholarship to the University of North Carolina. Now he’s going to take classes at the local college.

  When I reach Tanner he pulls me to him, reaches down and picks me up. No words are spoken, just the release of the emotions we’ve both been carrying around with us for what seems like forever. I do the only thing my heart and my mind tells me to do. I wrap my legs around him and cup his face with all the tenderness and emotion that I’m feeling right now and kiss him on the lips.

  Tanner pulls away, “I’m so sorry.”

  Chapter Four

  ~ Age 19 ~

  Tanner

  “Shh,” Rhea says as she runs her hands through my hair. I’ve been doing it all day after I caught my dad and Rhea’s mama at the diner a few miles out of town.

  I left early that morning to go pick up a glass blown flower for Rhea’s birthday present. She’s been collecting blown glass pieces for as long as I can remember. I found this one piece online and I knew I had to get it. It was four calla lilies with long stems that were formed into the shape of a heart. It was different, like nothing I’ve ever seen before and perfect for Rhea.

  I called the store and they said they only had one left and they would hold it for me but I had to come that day, the day of the party, to get it or they would put it back on the shelf. I couldn’t risk losing this gift for her sweet sixteen birthday, she’s my everything and I want to give her a symbol of how much she means to me.

  I got up, got ready and headed out for the hour drive but decided to stop for some breakfast about forty-five minutes out of town. I thought I recognized my daddy’s truck but didn’t put much thought into it because why would he be here if our house and his work were in the other direction. I walked into the diner and asked to be seated in a booth.

  “Follow me right this way,” the hostess said.

  We walked past a couple of tables and I heard a laugh that sounded a lot like Daisy’s, Rhea’s mama, but again I pushed the thought away. I guess I was worried about Rhea’s surprise being ruined and wasn’t paying attention to the obvious happening right before my eyes.

  The hostess stopped and placed the menu on the table. I sat down and picked up the menu.

  “Your waitress will be right out.” Then she turned on her heel and left.

  I heard silverware clatter against a plate. I lowered my menu to see what happened and that’s when I saw them. My daddy and Rhea’s mama, sitting at the table having breakfast, and to make matters worse, they were sitting next to each other rather than across from one another. Obviously intentional based on their proximity to each other and the intimate glances they were sharing with one another.

  After sitting there staring at them I slowly slid out of the booth. I needed someone to pinch me, tell me this isn’t real. That I’m seeing things or that this isn’t what it looks like. It can’t be what it looks like, right? My mind is trying to convince me of the latter but I know in my heart that what I’m seeing is my new reality. I’m not even sure how I made my body move towards them but there was no avoiding this scenario.

  “Son,” Dad addressed me, obviously in a state of unaffected panic.

  “Don’t Son me.” I seethed.

  Daisy had her head down, not making eye contact at all and I swear I heard her whimper.

  “Tanner,” Dad tries again. “I can explain.”

  I laugh, “Yeah, I’m sure you can. Happy birthday, son, I’m fucking my best friend’s wife.”

  “You will not speak like that to me.” Dad said angrily.

  Daisy is softly crying into her napkin; throw the book at her, she’s guilty as charged.

  At this point, the other patrons in the restaurant have stopped to watch the show that no amount of money can possibly buy. I don’t even care, if they want a show, they’re damn sure gonna get one.

  “How’s Eddie, Daisy?” I asked. “I heard he’s been working a lot. I guess this would explain why that is right? Does he know?” I look at my dad. “Does Mom know? Is this why she’s barely functioning, barely living?” I laugh once. “Oh wait, you wouldn’t know that since you hardly come home.” I shake my head. “Always working, you told me. I didn’t realize that working on Project Daisy is what paid the bills.”

  My dad slammed his fist on the table, “Enough.”

  My head falls back and I laugh harder, “Enough? Oh no. I’m just getting started. Do you even fathom what each of your acts of selfishness has done and will do to both of our families? Do you fucking realize that you have now officially crossed the friend line and there’s not a chance in hell you can ever go back? Do you?” I scream at them. I see the manager of the diner heading our way so I turn on my heel to leave.

  “Tanner!” My dad yelled after me but I didn’t bother to turn around.

  I’m done with him, his bullshit, and his lectures. I’m just done.

  I lay Rhea down on the blanket that I have spread out on the line of dogwood trees that separates our property. It’s a secluded line of trees that divides the back of the property and blocks the view from the street. The fence around the swimming pool blocks the view to Rhea’s house and a large pine tree blocks the view to my house. It’s where we’ve shared so many of our firsts: our first kiss, our first make out session, the first time she’s given me a blow job and the first time I’ve ate her out. God help me but I’m hoping that tonight’s the first time we make love because I’m on the edge and it’s a vast precipice that only Rhea can save me
from at this point. This isn’t something I’m going to share with her; it isn’t something I could tell her on our birthday. So I need to lose myself in her, in us, knowing that we have tonight and I’ll deal with all of the fucked up bullshit later. And try to protect her from the inevitable fallout as much as possible.

  I lose myself in the gorgeous girl next to me. Her hair is up in a messy bun, and she’s dressed in a tight tank top and short gym shorts. I love that she knows that she doesn’t have to dress up for me. I slide a hand under her tank top; her stomach is tight and so warm.

  I kiss her neck, “I’m sorry I never showed.”

  Rhea sighs, “It’s okay.”

  Lying on my side next to her, I push her tank top up just above her breast and kiss the left side of her ribs. I moan when I see that she has no bra on. Thank you, Jesus. “No, it’s not okay.”

  I sit up and help Rhea up so that I can remove her tank top. Once it’s over her head, I throw it somewhere behind me. My hands move to her amazing boobs of their own accord.

  Rhea sits up on her knees between my legs and arches her back towards me. My mouth moves to the valley between her breasts. I slowly circle her nipples with the tip of my tongue. Rhea’s body starts to tremble and she has a grip on my hair. I don’t stay there long because I want my mouth lower, between her bare thighs, as she moans out my name while she comes because of what I can do to her. Watching her fall apart is the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

  I lay her back on the blanket and make my way over her ribs then venture down to her hip bone knowing the affect it will have on her. I bite at it teasingly as she squirms under my touch. I pull her shorts and panties off and toss them over my shoulder to join their companion tank top that was discarded first. I need her and only her in this moment. I made a promise with myself to wait until her sixteenth birthday before having sex with her. I’ve held out for this moment, with her, and every day for that last few years I thought I would cave. She hasn’t made this easy for me either. She’s begged, she’s threatened to go get it elsewhere but I made love to her body with my hands and tongue and made her forget all about that. Nothing, and I mean nothing, will stop this from happening tonight, unless of course she stops us.

  I kiss the inside of her thigh, and her legs clamp around my head. I glance up at her; she’s glistening from the heat of the summer and from my touch. She’s so perfect, so mine. Her cheeks are flushed, her lips are swollen, and she’s panting.

  This is a first for the both of us. I want to make this good for her now before the pain strikes. I want her to remember what I can do, how I know her body and what she wants and needs.

  My fingers circle her opening first. Big mistake because I’m so fucking worked up with knowing what’s about to happen that keeping this train moving slowly doesn’t seem like it’s going to be an option for me tonight. Must. Slow. Down. Rhea moans and her body starts shaking as I add a second finger, and swirl my tongue around her clit. Her back shoots up off the ground, her hands fisting in my hair. Nothing is said, no sounds are made except the moans of our combined pleasure. Her thighs are squeezing my head so I can’t hear anything, but the grip on my hair gives me an indication that she is enjoying it.

  She’s close; I know she is. Rhea does this little thing where she starts to gasp like a little fish out of water right before she comes. She squeezes her eyes shut, her body freezes, she takes a final breath and shoots off into the night. It’s so damn hot it has almost made me come my jeans just watching her fall apart in front of me. And, as I expected, the rocket has launched and she’s now racing with the stars as she soars to the heavens with me between her thighs.

  I slide my body up against her and wait for that lazy smile. “Good?”

  She throws an arm over her eyes. “Yes…”

  I hover over her, pressing my weight against her. She can feel how hard I am now but I don’t move yet. I feel a little hesitation at first but it quickly fades away. This is it. There’s no going back.

  “Please.” Rhea begs, her eyes fluttering open when I stop kissing her. “Don’t stop, Tan. Not tonight.” She takes a deep breath. “You made me this promise. Don’t break this one.”

  I’m staring at her, watching that lazy smile fall from her face. “Never, baby.”

  Rhea smiles, her legs move and widen, bringing me flush against her center.

  This is it; there is no turning back. I stand up and reach into my jeans for the condom I grabbed before coming down here. I toss it on the blanket beside her and remove my jeans. I kneel down between her open legs watching her, waiting to see if there is any doubt that surfaces. I see nothing. I tear the condom open with my teeth and roll it on. I slowly lower myself over her. The heat from her core is fire that’s about to melt me just from sheer contact. If there’s a God in heaven, please don’t let her have second thoughts, not tonight, please not tonight.

  “Are you sure?” I ask one last time knowing we can never come back from this.

  She reaches up and cups my face, “More than sure.”

  I push forward as gently as I can; waiting on her reaction but there isn’t one. She’s so fucking tight I can barely move but I have to; I need to. When I pull out and push all the way in, that’s when she tenses, her thighs squeezing my waist. “Ow.” She mutters against my lips, whimpering out in pain. Her hands move to my shoulders, gripping them hard.

  “I’m sorry, baby.” I whisper against her lips. “I’m gonna stop.” I start to pull out.

  She shakes her head, her legs wrapping around my waist as if to keep me there. “No, just---” she takes a deep breath and moves just a fraction of an inch. “Give me a second.”

  Fuck, it feels so fucking tight I can barely breathe, hardly think about anything but wanting the sensation, the feeling of being inside her to never end. It’s probably for the best that she doesn’t want me to move just yet. The tightness that’s surrounding me is about to cause me to blow my load before we can continue; I need a moment as well just to slow this train down, once again.

  I pull back and give her a gentle smile. “You okay?” I’m not sure if I’m saying this to her, or myself.

  “Yeah.” She hikes her legs up higher and I sink in deeper. I’m about to lose it, right here, right now.

  “Feels so good.” I say against her lips, pulling out and pushing back in again. Each time I do this, her grip on me eases up and she begins to relax. I distract her and myself with my kisses. I keep my movements slow but it’s not easy.

  “I love you.” I kiss the corner of her mouth. “So fucking much.”

  Rhea’s breath hitches, “Oh, Tanner.” She sniffles. “I love you too.”

  My lips move from her neck and find her lips. I can’t take much more of this and I think she senses it too.

  “I’m gonna come.” I warn her.

  I can’t take it. With three quick movements, my body lets go and I groan against her lips, my body trembling with unquestionable pleasure. A pleasure that’s so much more intense knowing this is another first, possibly the ultimate first, that this beautiful being has given to me.

  I rest my forehead against hers trying to slow my breathing down. Rhea runs her fingernails up and down my back.

  I slip out and pull Rhea into my arms. “Happy birthday, Rhea.” I kiss the top of her head.

  She rests her chin on my chest, “Happy birthday, Tanner.”

  Exactly two weeks after the best night of my life, the worst day of my life happens. I didn’t want this to happen but I couldn’t keep quiet any longer about my dad and Daisy.

  My dad and I were at it again when my mama came home early from work the day before I was to leave for college and she overheard our fight.

  “How could you fucking do this to her?” I slam my glass of water on the table as some spills over the side. “And with Daisy of all people? Do you feel better, Dad,” I turn my back to him. “Knowing you not only ripped this family apart but you’re about to rip your best friend’s family ap
art too?”

  “What I do is none of your business, Tanner, so keep your mouth shut.” Dad slams the fridge door.

  “Screwing Daisy in our house is my business, Dad.” I yell.

  There is a gasp behind me and then a thump. I turn to watch as Mama hits the floor in hysterics.

  “See what you’ve done, Tanner.” Dad yells as he rushes to Mama.

  “No.” She screams. “Stay the hell away from me.”

  I pull a kitchen chair out and sit down. I thought she had some kind of an idea that he was cheating, that something was wrong. My God, how can this situation get even more fucked up?

  “Darlin’, I can explain.” Dad tries to assure her.

  Yeah, good luck with that, asshole. Try to come up with a feasible explanation that will make all the sense in the world as to why you have been balls deep in your best friend’s wife. I can’t wait for this explanation. If he pulls this off, I’ve got to find out how to nominate this bastard for an Oscar, I’m thinking.

  “Get out!” Mama yells. “Get out of my fucking house, Josh and don’t ever come back again!”

  “Darlin’” Dad tries again.

  “Don’t you fucking call me darlin’ you son of a bitch. Get out now!” Mama screams.

  Dad’s head falls forward as he stalks off towards the front door. I can’t even remotely feel anything for him. He caused this and he has to deal with the consequences, the fallout from his selfish choices.

  I get up from the chair and walk over towards Mama who is still sobbing on the floor. I reach down and pick her up. “Come on, Mama. I’ll help you get upstairs.”

  She cries harder as I cradle her frail body against my chest. “Oh, sweet boy, what am I gonna do?”

  “Shh, we’ll figure it out Mama. Don’t worry about that right now.” I push her bedroom door open with my foot. “Why don’t you get changed and then we can talk.”