American Honey

by Heidi McLaughlin

  I want instructions, I want to read words that will help me show others how to cope and move on but I can barely cope myself. Have you ever read something and just the intensity of a few words gave you tingles? I once read a phrase that actually made my heart skip a beat, although for different reasons at the time. It said “One breath, one step, one day at a time…” Little did I know how appropriate this phrase was going to be for all of us as we dealt with this unimaginable loss and went on with our lives like nothing had changed when, in fact, everything had.

  Chapter Eight

  ~ Age 23 ~

  Rhea

  Life seems to be slowly getting back to normal. Since Tanner and I have moved to Myrtle Beach to take over running Club Mango things are running smooth compared to some of the bumps in the road we had in the beginning.

  I haven’t seen or heard from Daddy in five years. When Tanner and I went home a few weeks after Savanna’s death we told Daddy that we were moving to help Knox. Daddy tried to bribe me into staying with him. Told me he’d pay my way through school, he’d buy me any car I wanted and offered to help me buy a house after graduating. Only problem with that was it didn’t include letting Tanner be a part of my life. When I told him if Tanner couldn’t be a part of that with me then I didn’t want anything from him. He flipped the fuck out and cut me out of his life. He told me I was just like my mother. It took everything I had to stop Tanner from punching him in the face that night. It was a fucking disaster.

  It took Knox and Rex a long time to come down and visit us after losing Savanna and their parents; it was hard on them. It was hard on all of us really. Audrey and Austin were just those cool parents that you wished were really yours. Audrey was a better mama to me then my real mama was at times. When I first got my period it was Audrey who took me to the store and explained how things worked. My mama always seemed to have more important things going on in life. The summer following their death, Cade and Jeremy couldn’t take it anymore and more or less continued on with life as if Knox’s parents just weren’t come down during that summer, like something came up that they couldn’t get out of. Every weekend Cade and Jeremy would force Tanner and me to go over to the Mitchell’s beach house and have a BBQ like old time sakes. I loved them a little more for doing that, for keeping the memories alive. Audrey and Austin would want that.

  Knox called me the week of July fourth five years after the passing of his parents throwing me off guard a little. When he does call he’s normally calling for Tanner and then I’ll get to talk to him for a little bit after that.

  “I’m coming for the weekend.” He rushes outs.

  “You’re what?” I say choking on the sweet tea I just took a drink of.

  Knox chuckles, “I’m coming down and I’m bringing some people with me.”

  I took the phone away from my ear and stared at it for a long minute. “You’re coming here without us begging you?”

  Knox sighs, “Yeah.”

  I shake my head, “Hmm.”

  “Hmm, what?”

  “Did you hit your head?” I joke.

  “Ha. Ha. Stop being a brat and make sure the house is clean, please. I know Cade and Jeremy have been using the house like a bachelor pad.” He’s right, they have been.

  “Hmm.”

  Knox groans, “What?”

  “If by people, do you mean a girl?” I had to know, this was huge.

  “What?” He’s avoiding the question by acting as if he couldn’t hear me the first time.

  “You heard me Knox.” I huff. “I take it you like her too.” It has to be a girl. It’s the only thing that makes logical scene.

  “How do you know I’m bringing a girl?” He questions.

  Now it’s my turn to sigh, “I’m not a dummy.”

  “I beg to differ.”

  “Jerk.”

  “You know it.”

  “Oh my God, are you bringing more than one girl? Please tell me you haven’t become another Cade and Jeremy?” I stammer thinking that he said he’s bringing “people” with him and that means more than one girl.

  “Have you lost your mind? She has a friend she’s bringing with her.” He clarifies, as a breath of relief escapes me. “Rex is actually good friends with the both of them.” Ah, now that helps explain things a little better. The little brother is trying to hook the big brother up. How cute.

  “When are you coming?”

  “Friday some time.”

  “Okay.”

  “That’s it? No twenty questions?”

  I ponder that for a second, “Nope, not right now at least.”

  “Love you, Little One.”

  “Love you too.”

  “Talk to you later.”

  “Hey, Knox?”

  “Yeah,” he hesitates.

  “I’m glad you found someone.” I hang up before he can respond because he’ll just deny it.

  I left Tanner to take care of things at the club on Thursday while I ran around and got the house ready and bought some food for the weekend. For some reason I was nervous about their visit and that was just silly. It was almost as if I was the mom meeting my son’s girlfriend for the first time. What the hell has gotten into me?

  Come Friday morning I’m a bundle of nerves and excited at the same time. Tanner decides he’s going to try and help me relax by taking me out to the beach for the day until they arrive. Only problem is we fell asleep and my little Irish ass is now burnt to a crisp.

  Tanner and I step out of the shower and he helps rub aloe over my whole body. “Damn it, Tanner, that shit is freezing.”

  He rolls his eyes, “I don’t want to hear it, and I told you to put sunscreen on.”

  I grab the bottle out of his hand, “I’ll do it.” I squeeze some into my hand and start with my legs cringing as the cold aloe hits my flaming skin. “Do you think they’re here yet?

  Tanner sits on the bed and ties his sneakers, “Probably.”

  I quickly finish up, get dressed, put a little make-up on and we make our way downstairs. A super cute, short girl is walking up the stairs looking completely uncomfortable. She has beautiful chocolate hair, bright green eyes and her olive skin complexion is sheer perfection and everything I wish for with my own pasty, yet now the color of a lobster skin. I should despise her from looks alone, but I can’t. I’m sure she doesn’t ever have to worry about frying in the sun.

  “Hi,” Tanner and I say at the same time.

  “Hey,” she says with a smile continuing upstairs.

  As soon as my feet hit the bottom step I run full force into Knox’s open arms. “Oh my Lord, I’ve missed you!” This hug can’t be close enough or tight enough when it comes to Knox right now. In this moment, this one defining moment of having him here with us, in this place, I start to see the vague shadow of lights forming at the end of this very long tunnel, a way out, not for just me but for all of us. A sense of normalcy that none of us have had in a very long time. A tear escapes out of the corners of my eyes as I try to contain the overwhelming emotions that are just begging to be set free.

  He laughs, “I missed you too, Little One.”

  “Get your hands off my girl.” Tanner says with a smile on his face.

  They clap each other on the back, “Nice to see you back in town.”

  Knox shrugs, “I thought it was about time.”

  My stomach growls and they both laugh at me. “What? I’m starving.”

  Knox nods and rubs his stomach, “Let me go settle things upstairs and then I’ll cook everyone dinner.”

  I hug Tanner’s arm, “Sounds good.”

  Knox turns to leave the kitchen but stops and turns around, “Have you seen Jasmine yet?”

  I look up to Tanner and then over to Knox, “Yeah. She’s beautiful, Knox.”

  “She’s the devil.” He says with a chuckle.

  I laugh, “You wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  He nods, “You’re right.”

  The rest of the night goes on and Kno
x officially introduces Jasmine to Tanner and me. I can see why she caught Knox’s eye. She a sassy, no nonsense kind of girl and exactly what Knox needs in his life. I see how different Knox is with Jasmine. My heart swells for him, he deserves to be happy after everything he’s lost.

  Saturday night rolls around and we all decide to go to Club Mango. I was a little worried at first since Knox has only been there a handful of times over the last five years but he said he was fine and he wanted to do this.

  The guys are all piled in the living room watching TV while waiting for the pizza to arrive. Jasmine, Summer and I are up in my room rooting through my closet trying to find something for Jasmine to wear out tonight since she didn’t pack any clothes to go to a club.

  After trying on a few dresses, Jasmine decides on a silver one with a plunging neckline and a back scoop that ends just above her ass. I lent her a pair of black stilettos. Damn, she looks better in this dress than I do when I’m wearing it.

  Summer comes out from the bathroom wearing a short, shimmery blue, one shoulder dress that hugs all her curves. She is sure to turn a few heads tonight. She pairs the dress with silver heels and piles her hair high on top of her head in a tight bun.

  “Look okay?” Summer asks Jasmine.

  “Yup, Rex is going to have to fend the guys off.” She says with a smile. I’ve gathered from last night that Rex and Summer are a couple. “He’s going to have to keep you on a tight leash tonight.”

  Huffing and puffing, I’m looking in my closet for something equally as drop dead gorgeous.

  “Everything ok?” Jasmine asks.

  “Yeah, yeah, just can’t decide on what to wear.” I yell back from way in the back of the closet.

  I hold a dress up to me.

  Jasmine peeks her head in my closet, “That’s the dress.”

  I turn sideways in the mirror, “You think so? White doesn’t make me look too fat?”

  Jasmine rolls her eyes at me, “You, fat? Trust me, Tanner’s not going to be able to keep his hands off you tonight.”

  The dress is white with a scoop neckline. One shoulder is cutoff while the other is a full see-through sleeve. There are black lace trim strips that wrap around the dress and it’s tight fitted and stops about mid-thigh.

  Jasmine bends down and picks up a pair of white heels and hands them to me, “Wear those and it’s stunning.”

  I don’t waste any time stripping off my t-shirt and shorts and then slide the dress on. I slip my tiny feet into the heels and do a full turn in the mirror. “Hair up or down?”

  Jasmine shakes her head, “That’s Summer’s department,” she laughs and turns to Summer, “Hair up or down?”

  Summer leans against the doorway to my closet, “Definitely down but with big waves.”

  I nod and kick stuff out of my way to get out of the closet that I buried myself in. When I make it out, Summer takes a seat at the vanity and turns on the curling iron.

  “What’s the matter, Jas?” I ask while looking at her through the mirror.

  Jasmine sits on the end of my bed and looks down to make sure her girls are still covered. I reach into a drawer in my vanity and throw her some tape. “Thanks,” she says. “I don’t want to sound like I’m prying or anything but how often are you and Tanner here? I got the impression that it was only used for a shore house.”

  I pick up a hairbrush and start brushing the knots from my hair. “We used to be here all the time but not so much in the last few years. We haven’t really taken all our things home with us because we’re hoping things will go back to normal eventually.” I stop brushing my hair and look down at the brush in my hands. “This house holds a lot of memories for all of us.” Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.

  I look back down to my hands, “When she left, all of the memories that were spread throughout the house did too, even the ones of his parents.”

  “Who is she?” Jasmine asks.

  My eyes fill with unshed tears, “You’ll have to ask Knox. It’s not my story to tell.”

  Summer clears her throat loudly. “Let’s get your hair up, Jas, and then I’ll help Rhea real quick and we’ll be on our way.” Summer says, steering the conversation in a different direction.

  As Summer finishes up with my hair, Tanner pops in, his eyes go wide at the site of me. I glance over at Jasmine and she gives me a ‘told you so’ smile.

  Tanner stalks right over to me and kisses me until we’re both breathless. “Cabs will be here in like twenty minutes.” He whispers against my lips.

  “K, Sugar Lips,” I coo as I reach up and wipe my lipstick from Tanner’s mouth.

  “You guys are so cute.” Summer says as she applies some lip gloss to her lips.

  I wink in Tanner’s direction. Then quickly glance at Summer, “Thanks.”

  Summer and I come down and we are both yanked into our men’s hands.

  Jasmine asks Jeremy and Cade, “So who’s going with who?”

  Cade answers, “Those four can go together and me, you, Jeremy and Knox will go in the other cab.”

  I turn in Tanner’s arm and he kisses my neck and my need for him grows. Jasmine looks over Jeremy’s shoulder down the hallway, I guess she’s looking for Knox, but he’s nowhere to be found. “Where’s Knox?”

  Jeremy shrugs and says, “He’s in his room still, I think.”

  Rex speaks up beside me, “No, he’s not but I know where he is.”

  Rex takes the stairs two at a time and disappears upstairs while Tanner ushers us outside. Summer and I go over to the one cab and the driver opens the door for us, we both slide in the back. Cade, Jeremy and Jasmine walk over to the other one and the driver opens the door for them too. Cade jumps into the front while Jeremy and Jasmine slide into the back. A few minutes later Rex and Knox walk out from the house, Knox stops to shut and lock the door while Rex climbs into our cab.

  “He alright?” I ask Rex.

  He shrugs, “I never know these days with him.”

  A short time later we pull up beside Club Mango and the line wraps around the corner. “Damn,” Rex whistles, “Business is doing well, huh?”

  I exchange a knowing glance with Tanner, “It’s doin’ well.” The club is bringing in more money than we were ever expecting it to. And, of course, being summer time helps a lot too.

  Summer runs over to Jasmine and throws her arms around her. “Twenty minutes and then I’m getting your ass on the dance floor, girl.” She says excitedly.

  Knox walks over to Dylan the body guard, they shake hands and Dylan opens the side door for Knox to enter. Knox looks back over his shoulder and nods his head for us to follow. He holds the door for all of us to walk in.

  Tanner and I have redesigned Club Mango just a little bit in the last year. The second floor has about six, twelve by twelve rooms, three on each side of the club. There is a huge red U-shaped couch with a black leather square table placed in the middle. The lighting is set low, giving the floor a light sparkled look. Each room is set up the same way but just a different color. The center of the second floor overlooks the dance floor below. There is a bar along the full wall that only has a few people sitting around it. I walk over and glance over the railing to all the people dancing to the music. The DJ is set up on a stage right along the back wall. All of his equipment is spread out in front him and he’s bobbing his head to the beat.

  “Jas!” Summer yells over the music.

  She turns in her direction and holds up a shot for Jasmine. She walks over to where our group is holding up their glasses.

  “A toast,” Jeremy says and holds his shot glass up. “To good friends, good music and good fucking sex tonight.”

  I roll my eyes as Cade throws his head back and howls. Knox, Rex and Tanner shake their heads laughing. We all tip glasses and take our shots. The tequila burns as it makes it way down to sit in my stomach and warm me.

  After a few more rounds of drinks, the effects of the alcohol kick in for everyone. Jasmine grabs Summer and
me and drags us down to the floor below. Timber by Pitbull and Ke$ha starts blasting from the speakers. Summer, Jasmine and I hit the dance floor and our bodies start swaying to the beat as we sing at the top of our lungs. I grab Jasmine’s hand, wink at her and lip sync “Let's make a night you won't remember,” then she spins and grabs Summer and sings to her, “I'll be the one you won't forget.” These girls are a lot of fun to hang out with and fit in perfectly with our group.

  We’ve been at it for a while before the boys come down. Rex, followed by Jeremy, Cade and Tanner, make their way over to us. Rex goes to Summer and Tanner comes to me. Cade and Jeremy close in on Jasmine and I look around for Knox wondering where he is. Gas Pedal by Sage The Gemini comes on. Cade steps up behind Jasmine and places a hand on her hip and Jeremy steps in close to the front of her. Jasmine is sandwiched between Cade and Jeremy and they start rocking their hips.

  “This isn’t gonna end well.” Tanner shakes his head.

  I glance up and see Knox taking a pull from his beer staring at them. “I don’t know, babe, they might be on to something here.”

  Tanner spins me in his arms, “I might be on to something too.”

  Forgetting the scene unfolding in front of me, I focus on the man who has me wrapped in his arms. He’s my center, my universe, my everything. Looking at him now I take a moment to reflect on the fact that life is so fleeting, time is passing us by every second of the day. And I won’t take this moment with Tanner for granted. With all of the tragedy we’ve had over the past five years, I don’t hesitate to lean in and give Tanner the most sensual of kisses while swaying my body up against his. Right now we are two people in a club surrounded by hundreds yet we connect as if we are the only ones left on the planet. I pray that Tanner is “on to something too” as we continue our dance.

  And he was, all night long. It was like a marathon with no finish line. Just two people helplessly in love running towards feelings, living in the moment, enjoying what we both have to offer each other and reveling in the fact that things seem to be returning to normal.