Smack dab in the middle of my pity party a strong, familiar hand grabs my wrist and starts tugging on it. With my desperate tears dried up, I turn to peer up into Finn’s gorgeous face. My brain pulls back, but my damn body follows him without hesitation or second thought. Holy Shit! My dreams have been filled with this man for the last week. Every night his caring hands embrace me while his dark wavy locks brushed against my sensitive breasts, and now I’m in his arms on the dance floor dancing. You would think I was a naïve toddler just learning to walk because this man has me tripping all over myself.
“Tess, I have you,” Finn softly whispers into my ear.
At his words, I let go of all my fears and worries and just dance with Finn.
I carelessly melt into his long, lean body. A masculine tangerine scent fills my senses, as Finn lowers his hands down to grip my waist. I could smell him forever. Being a little adventurous, I press my body into his and tug on his hair then bury my face into the crook of his neck to smell him again. A romantic and lustful electricity buzzes between us and without using words it’s very obvious what both of us desire. The primal want is palpable and raw. The song ends and Finn pulls me off the dance floor to a tiny, dusty side room. A dim, buzzing light barely lights up the small space.
Finn pushes me against the wall and without saying a word he starts to undress me. Without knowing, he’s taking me back to the day of the accident by exposing all of my flesh. Strangely enough, I let him. He starts by pulling off my shirt and bra. Then he makes his way down to my blue jeans, the place where all my hurt and darkness resides on a daily basis, and where the visual reminder of the worst day of my life is. The day I can never take back. The carnal need to have Finn buried in me drives away all sane thoughts. He’s going to see how truly broken and scarred my body and soul is. Finn is walking into a fully rigged booby trap and is about to be blasted with the nasty, ugly truth it holds.
With my head arched up and eyes squeezed shut with utter fear and horror, I feel Finn’s fingers dig into my flesh as he drags down my pants. Not a word, not a gasp, not a shudder of horror…nothing but dead silence comes from Finn. Dead silence fills the desolate room. My heart stops and I begin to cry with complete shame and revulsion. Yes, my very own heart cries for me in this moment.
I feel Finn as he instantly drops to his knees before me and grabs my foot softly peppering kissing on it. Salt tears land on the top of my delicate flesh causing goosebumps to form on my foot. His tears touch my flesh, and then I feel as he touches every part of each of my legs. After moments of tenderness, his mouth works its way all the up to my lips. Cupping my face with his strong hands, we both pause a moment, and then I attack his mouth with mine. When I finally dig up enough courage to open my eyes, Finn has tears streaming down his beautiful face.
The taste of him in my mouth is purely assaulting. He finally pulls away leaving my lips bruised and swollen with his want. Only three words are spoken between us and they were on the dance floor. “Don’t stop, Finn.” He takes all of me.
Chapter 4
Neutered
“What the hell,” shouts Tommie.
The kitchenette sink in Tommie’s small veterinarian clinic is overflowing with water, as I stand mere inches from the cascading waterfall lost in thought. Remembering Finn’s hands and mouth all over me last night has consumed all of my senses. My hand instantly flies to the faucet, and my face reddens with embarrassment at being caught.
“Sorry, sis, I’m kind of distracted this morning,” I reply.
“What’s your problem, Tess? You seem a million miles away and you even dressed up a little bit today. Are you sick? God, don’t tell me you’re thinking about ending your life today and wanted to look good for it.”
“Jesus Christ, Tommie! I had sex last night. Okay, I know you won’t stop being a nosy, bossy, bitchy older sister until I spill it, so there you go. I got banged in the small office at the G Spot last night by Finn. Are you fucking happy? No, I’m not going to kill myself yet, dumbass.”
Tommie’s face falls in disbelief at my words. I can tell she is trying to decipher if I’m telling the truth or not, so I flash her the glaring hickies that are plastered all over my chest.
“Happy?” I snapped at her.
Tommie quietly turns around and heads straight for her office. I can’t tell if it’s from shock or doubt. The cold hard fact is I couldn’t be happier at the moment and only hope to have another fling with Finn again and soon. Fling, being the perfect word, because only dumbasses can truly fall in love that quickly, right? I mean, I’m right. Right?
The shrilling sound of the door opening draws me from my thoughts again. What a fucking mess I’m in. Willing myself to pull my shit together, I look up and see a gorgeous blonde standing before me. As if she just walked straight off the cover of Vogue and strutting her stuff proudly. She’s the type of woman every woman wants to look at and the kind every man wants forever. Her skin is the clearest I’ve ever seen. Her golden silky locks are long, draping over her shoulders, and her mile high legs are killer. She reminds me of someone I once knew, me before the accident.
Drying my hands on my jeans and pulling myself from the tiny girl crush I just formed, I begin to speak. “Can I help you?” I ask.
“Um yeah. I made an appointment to get my puppy--”
Her words are cut off by the crashing sounds of the front door and the loud crashing noise accompanying it. I look up to a mid-size Golden Retriever come busting through the door and on the end of the leash, Finn.
“There’s my boys,” Blondie coos.
Everything inside me freezes with sheer horror. Finn. Girlfriend. Dog. I let him inside of me last night. He touched every single part of me.
“Just a sec. Just a second,” I manage to mumble out before racing off.
“Tessa,” Finn hollers.
I force myself to ignore the tone and the sound of his voice and instead prep the room for the procedure scheduled. I knew we had one puppy to neuter this afternoon, never did I imagine it was Finn’s girlfriend. Never.
“What’s going on in here?” Tommie asks.
“Prepping for the procedure, fucking duh.”
“Stop throwing shit now, Tess. What’s wrong?”
Throwing a sterile kit at Tommie, I let her have it, “The guy who fucked me is out there with his puppy. Wait, I mean his girlfriend’s puppy.”
“Stop, please. You need to leave. Go get some fresh air. I can’t have you here like this, Tess.”
“Oh, I’m not leaving, you can bet your ass on that one, sister. We have a dog to neuter.”
“Settle down then,” Tommie warns as she leaves the room.
Moments later, the door opens and Tommie leads Finn, Blondie and the puppy into the room. It took everything in me to calm down, the few minutes I was by myself, but just a few seconds of seeing his handsome face and those hands that were all over me, I’m instantly enraged again. I want to shout, “How” “Why” and most of all “Fuck you, Finn.”
Tommie begins her typical vet routine explaining to them about the procedures and after care, while I busy myself organizing and reorganizing all the perfectly placed instruments.
I finally hear Tommie’s voice. “Are you ready, Tess?”
“Yes,” I reply
“Okay, we’re going to ask you to leave now. We’ll be in contact with you when the procedure is done or you are more than welcome to wait out in the waiting room,” Tommie instructs.
Blondie pipes up, “Thank you so much. Take care of my boy for me. Finn and I have some catching up to do.”
“Kara, it’s not like that and you know it,” Finn hisses.
“Can’t blame a girl for trying.”
Kara giggles at her own joke, and all this mess makes me want to stab my left kneecap with a scalpel.
“Tess, walk these two out while I get to work, and remember to switch the phone to go directly to the answering service.”
Finn walks over to their puppy, pets
his head and begins to speak, “You’ll be alright, little buddy. Sorry about the nut thing, but I promise you a full day of fishing and fetch at Granddaddy’s. These girls will take good care of you, Rocky.”
He instantly straightens, stands up and walks straight towards me, grabs my hand and shouts over his shoulder, “I’ll meet you at the truck, Kara.”
Halfway down the hall, I realize I’m allowing Finn to drag me.
“Stop, Finn.”
He doesn’t loosen his grip or slow his speed. Finally, we hit a dark corner of the office, and he spins me around to face him.
“She’s not my girlfriend.”
Silence
“Listen to me, Tessa. She’s my ex and needed help.”
Silence
“Fucking listen to me.”
Raising my head, I reply, “I did. Now leave me alone.”
I push off Finn and make my way back to the front office. I find Kara waiting for Tommie and immediately switch the phone to get the fuck out of the front office.
“Finn, where did you run off to? Mom and Daddy are waiting on us for lunch. Let’s go, baby.”
“Ex, my fucking ass,” I mumble under my breath.
“Tessa, don’t,” he warns.
Kara catches Finn’s warning and the anger in my eyes. The three of us freeze and everything in the office suddenly becomes very tense.
“This is her,” she hisses.
“God dammit, Kara. I’ve told you over and over again we’re done and have been. Just because you come home for the summer doesn’t mean I’m here on bended knee for your presence. We’ve been done for months.”
“Finn, you know we’re meant to be together forever. We’ve been together since first grade.”
“Alright, I’m going back to do my job, you two lovers can work this out on your own.”
“Tessa, please,” are the only words I hear, as I turn my back and go help neuter his dog.
***
“Scarlett, he has a freaking girlfriend.”
“Is she one legged, too?”
Scarlett is the only person alive and walking on this Earth that has the balls and permission to make fun of me. At first, it was like having ice cold water run over my spine every time she cracked a joke, but over time the pain eased. It actually helped take the burden of that day off my mind.
“Tess, they’re not boyfriend girlfriend. How many times do I have to tell you this?” Tommie hollers from the kitchen.
It’s girls night at Tommie’s. Popcorn, candy, hair color and chick flicks. Will escapes our wrath every time. Tommie has been quiet about the incident with Finn, and I know she wants to bring it up.
“For the last time. He. Has. A. Girlfriend. Assholes.”
“I want the real story, Tommie, get your ass in here and spill. I’m sick of the half-truths and bitterness from hell cat here.”
Tommie flops down on the couch with the goods and doesn’t shut up for the next thirty minutes about my gushing attitude this morning and then the neutering. Scarlett for once in her life is left with her jaw hanging down and completely speechless.
“What? Nothing to say? I was used. It was great sex, but that’s all.”
“You didn’t tell me all that,” she finally replies.
“Well, Tommie wouldn’t give up while neutering the damn dog, so I finally spilled.”
“I’m in shock, Tess. I really don’t know what to say,” Scarlett whispers.
The two women in the room truly know my heart can and never will love again. What I let Finn take and feel is something I will regret for the rest of my life. Not because it was a mistake, but because he gave my shattered heart a tingly sensation that has been missing for over a year. He breathed life into a hopeless cause and then crushed it the instant he came stumbling into the vet office with a dog and a girlfriend.
“The dog was cute,” I finally say, hoping to end all parts of this miserable conversation.
The sound of the garage door lifting, Tommie’s dogs going ape shit and the kitchen door shutting saved my ass from any further scrutiny. Both girls instantly recognized the pain and pleasure mixed in my eyes, they are not dumb by any means.
“Will,” Tommie screeches. “You’re home early. What the hell? It’s bitches and beer night.”
Tommie and Will have such a carefree relationship, always slinging shit at each other, but coming back together at the end of the day. In only seconds, Tommie has bounded up into Will’s arms showering him with kisses.
“Shit looks deep in here. What’s going on?” He asks with an eyebrow raised.
“Tess got fucked by Finn Evans,” Scarlett causally replies as she pops some junk in her mouth.
Will nearly drops Tommie from the brash and crude way Scarlett just shared everything.
“As in Finn Evans?” He asks.
“Yes, but he has a girlfriend. I’m an idiot and I let the hottest asshole in town screw my brains out in the closet at a freaking bar.”
“Finn. The G Spot. Closet. Girlfriend. My sister is a freak,” Tommie mumbles.
Will places Tommie on the counter and gives her one long final kiss before grabbing an ice cold beer from the fridge.
“Finn doesn’t have a girlfriend,” he replies, pulling from his beer.
“He does,” I insist. “I saw her and she flaunted the fuck out of it right in front of me, Tommie and their dog’s nuts.”
“Quit using that word, Tess. Jesus Christ, it’s like an automatic out of your mouth over the past year,” Tommie scolds.
“Oh fuck off,” I mumble.
“Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with her using the word fuck. One, it proves the closed up woman is alive and two, I like fucking. In fact, I live to fuck,” Scarlett adds.
This is the moment Scarlett always gets the best reaction from Will. He has adapted to most of her absurd off the wall tactics, but some still get him from time to time. He holds back his mouth full of beer trying not to spew it all over the place while clutching onto Tommie.
The two have really been my saving grace over the last year. I’ll never forget the day Will had to carry Tommie from my dorm room sobbing. She didn’t want to let me go and I for shit sakes didn’t want to let go, but knew, deep down, both of them had a life back in Iowa. Both had their own doctor practices, so I had to, for once, let go of my bratty and childish ways and let them go. It took everything in me on that crisp fall day not to run and jump in Will’s arms, while he held Tommie. Instead, I stood tall on my new prosthetic and waved good-bye to the only family I had left then bawled for the next twenty-four hours until my roommate opened the door and changed my life forever. Scarlett. Do I need to say more?
The nights I couldn’t sleep or the days I no longer thought I could take another breath, it was Will I texted or called. He was the strong, broad shoulder I dumped it all on. He took it all without question for one reason, he simply loves my sister that much, and in turn he is stuck with me. He wanted her, wanted to save their marriage and everything in her life after the day we both lost our parents. There hasn’t been one beat he has skipped or bitched about. He has made us both feel wanted and instantly, without question, replaced both of our parents in an instant.
One night at college, I desperately wanted to leave. I couldn’t stand another day in the dorms around all the perfect, typical college aged girls, who I so desperately wanted to be, so I called and begged him to come get me. Sobs, ugly tears and hurtful words were exchanged. I threw everything I had at him. Every dagger, sword and rock. He simply replied, “I love you, Tess, like a sister. You’ll always be a part of my life and I feel like I need to tell you what you don’t want to hear, stay, go be a college kid.”
Well, I stayed. Didn’t play the college kid role instead stayed in my dorm studied and stared at my missing leg remembering every single second of that last ride with my parents. My momma’s smell, my daddy’s pride and my asshole ways. Every single bit of it haunted me with the glimpse of my stump.
&nbs
p; Will can take anything. Even ‘fucking’ talk.
I finally sense the question in his face and whisper, “I let Finn fuck me at the G Spot the other night.”
So ashamed of my actions and feelings of want for the fucker, Finn, I bury my head. An odd silence takes over the room.
“It’ll be alright, Tess, he doesn’t have a girlfriend.”
His strange answer causes me to nearly fall off the couch.
Will makes his way over to me and sits next to me on the couch.
“Finn Evans is well known around this area. His family damn near owns this whole town. The boy is definitely not in a relationship, much to his father’s dismay. And he definitely doesn’t just fuck anyone. A massive flirt, yes. A fucker, like Scarlett likes to call them, he’s not. Finn has a wild heart just like his granddaddy’s. He was supposed to go to college and have the pick of his own business in town, but waved the middle finger and works next to his granddaddy everyday on the family farm. If there’s one thing about Finn, he is not dishonest. Now who was the tramp with him?” Will asks, with his eyebrow raised.
I know the eyebrow raised for approval of the word tramp. With all of our texts and calls, I always had to approve or disapprove of his terminology. When he called one of the bitches in our dorm a heifer even I cringed and had to explain the significance of being called a cow as a woman. The word heifer has never left his mouth since.
“Kara,” I finally reply.
“Kara Montgomery?”
“Perfect in every way. Snotty, a prude and a super-ultra mega bitch.”
“Yes, Kara Montgomery. That’s a daddy request for Finn. Those two have been destined to be married since birth, at least, that’s what their parents tell everyone.”
“There you go. He has a girlfriend,” I declare, mentally patting myself on the back.
“If you want to believe that then do. His dad wants him to have a girlfriend just like he wants him to have a dental or pharmaceutical practice and does he?”
I shrug my shoulders. Honestly, I don’t know what he does or doesn’t have at this point. Will said he stayed by his granddaddy’s side and that’s all I know.
American Honey Page 45