“You don’t say,” Tom said grimly. “We’d better get crackin’ before the river beats us to those doors.” He could see the line of people in the rain, passing sandbags from hand to hand from a large truck. There was a wall about two or three bags high stretching along the front of the building already, but it wouldn’t be enough. Not nearly enough.
Gideon told Bilbo to stay, angled out of the car, and flipped the hood of his raincoat up over his head. “We could use a little divine intervention here. Maybe you should have stayed back at the church and prayed.”
Tom clapped him on the shoulder. “Well, my brother, those aren’t our only two options. Remember that it’s possible to pray and work at the same time. In fact, we can follow the Benedictines and ora et labora.”
As the heavens opened above them, Tom and Gideon hiked toward the line of volunteers. They split up, with Tom taking a spot near the truck and Gideon headed for the wall, where the help seemed most needed.
He stopped to greet Austin, who looked cold and exhausted. Gideon, who rarely touched anyone, put a hand on Austin’s shoulder and said something. Austin lifted his head and smiled. Tom paused for a moment, taking in the scene. Whatever life threw at them, they were united― as brothers and as friends.
Tom squinted into the cold rain and saw the hours of hard labor ahead of them. The community was pulling together as it always did in times of need. The weather was no match for people of Natchitoches. They would not let their history be swallowed up by the swirling brown water.
Pray and work. They were going to need to do plenty of both.
Chapter Twelve
“He's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of,
his and mine are the same.”
― Emily Brontë
Flannery passed the heavy sandbag to Alice and swiveled to take another from Charlie. Flannery’s hair was dripping into her face and her boots were covered with thick mud. She was soaked, but she barely noticed. All she could think of was Rem’s expression the day before. She’d asked him to explain his behavior and he looked like he’d been backed into the proverbial corner. It was clear that he thought that the only way out was going to hurt them both.
They’d barely spoken since then. He was out helping, too, only about twenty feet away. He’d waved when she had arrived, but he’d quickly looked away. Flannery swallowed past the lump in her throat and tried to focus on what she was doing. She thought passing thirty pound sandbags around in the pouring rain would keep her from thinking about Rem, but she’d been wrong. She hadn’t slept, couldn’t eat breakfast, and was walking around like a ghost who didn’t have a house to haunt.
As she passed off another sandbag, she couldn’t help glancing at Rem as he pulled white sandbags off a dump truck parked in the street. His hood kept slipping back and his hair was plastered to his head. His lightweight jacket didn’t seem to have held out the rain and he was as soaked as she was. She loved the serious look on his face, although she wasn’t sure why. Laughing Rem was always better than serious Rem, but at the moment she didn’t think she could watch him smile. She wanted him to be as miserable as she was. Flannery sighed, realizing what an awful person that made her, but still unable to change that fact. She didn’t want Rem to go on about his life as if everything was okay. It wasn’t. Her life was crumbling around her and she wanted him to feel the foundations of his world shake a little, at least.
For the first time in as long as she could remember, they weren’t friends and it felt like the end of the world. Last night she’d tried to reason with her own grief. She would find more friends. Justin could turn into a real boyfriend. Christmas was almost here. Charlie and Austin’s wedding on Saturday would be a beautiful joining of two people before God and the community. But as she tried to talk herself into feeling better, she felt her heart shattering into pieces. All she wanted was to be first in Rem’s life again.
“Ready for a break?” Alice asked.
“Pretty soon.” She wasn’t weak but she was no athlete. It was too bad her brothers weren’t in town. They would have been able to work for an hour without stopping. She’d been at it for fifteen minutes and her arms were shaking.
“Do you and Rem need help moving later today?”
It took Flannery a moment to understand what Alice meant. She’d assumed that Rem was going to help Flannery move. “I― I think I’ll stay in my apartment until the end of next week. That’s when my lease runs out.”
Alice took a sandbag from her and handed it off. She brushed wet curls from her forehead and frowned. “Why?”
Flannery didn’t want to explain how Rem didn’t want her there and that she wished she’d never given her landlady notice. “Just easier, I guess.”
They worked in silence for several minutes. Flannery could see Rem tossing sandbags to Blue who tossed them to Paul who tossed them to Andy who tossed them to Blue who tossed them to Fr. Tom who tossed them to Gideon who threw them about five feet to the wall where Austin and Mark straightened them in a line. Her grandpa stood nearby with Patty. He was wearing his World War II raincoat and holding an umbrella. His seeing-eye dog had a raincoat complete with hood and she looked perfectly happy out there in the mud and the rain. Her grandpa, not so much. Ruby was inside preparing hot chocolate for volunteers and helping Rose with the babies.
Alice said most of the books on the lower shelves had been moved by a crew that had worked all night. Flannery wondered if Rem had been part of that group. Of course he would have been. He looked about as exhausted as she felt.
“I’m sorry I didn’t… get here earlier,” she said to Alice. She was winded and the words came out in huffs. “I went to close the library… and put out some signs. I can’t imagine people… will try and come in but…”
“Rain makes everyone want to snuggle up and read.” Alice finished for her. She put her hands on her hips and blew out a breath. “Don’t be sorry. You didn’t have to come help at all.”
Flannery watched the sandbag coming down the line toward them and tried to catch her breath. “And miss the biggest party… Natchitoches has seen in years?”
Alice snorted loudly.
Charlie looked over at them and said, “My mom and dad are filling the sandbags down on First Street and they’ve only got ten people helping. I should let them know we’re the happenin’ place.”
“Your poor parents. I bet they wish you’d have agreed to have your wedding in Florida after all this rain,” Roxie said from Charlie’s other side.
“I wish I was somewhere warm and sunny,” Flannery said. Of course, it wouldn’t have helped her mood.
“My daddy said he thought brides spent the day before the wedding getting manicures,” Charlie said, passing Flannery a sandbag. “I told him I was getting a free mud mask.”
“Well, we’ve got your rehearsal dinner tonight. Unless there’s manual labor involved, we should all be replacing these lost calories with some phenomenal chicken and biscuits,” Alice said.
Flannery caught Alice’s eye and gave a tiny wink. There had been a plan afoot for several months and Charlie had no idea what was in store for that night. She hoped it went off without a hitch.
“I heard the Natchitoches Sew and Sews got sandbags around the quilting shop in an hour,” Alice said. “Who would have thought the sewing club was so fit? Maybe next summer we should have a contest between the quilters and our book club, see who can throw more sandbags.”
Flannery couldn’t help laughing at the idea and nearly missed the handoff from Charlie. As she struggled to catch the slippery plastic, the weight of the bag threw her off balance. After a several second long struggle against gravity, Flannery slid down into the mud, landing on her rear with a wet slapping sound. She rolled to her knees and then slipped again onto her side. Alice and Charlie both leaped forward to help her up. Flannery took a moment to assess her injuries and found none. She reached out to grab their hands and saw her own were covered with mud. In fact, most of her body was cov
ered with mud. As Charlie and Alice hauled her up by the elbows, she started to laugh.
“Mud wrestling isn’t on the schedule today, is it?” Roxie asked. “I would have brought that old cupcake suit.”
“You there, the librarian. You’re holdin’ up the line,” Paul called over, a grin on his face.
“They weren’t made for this kind of work,” Alice called back.
“Hold your horses. We’ve got a fallen comrade here,” Charlie said to the volunteers ahead of her. They paused, sandbags lowered to the ground.
Alice and Charlie reached out again, but Flannery waved them off. “You’re just going to get muddy. I’ll get up by myself.”
The next moment they moved aside and she felt herself being hauled up by the armpits.
“Okay?” Rem ran his hands down her arms, seeming to feel for broken bones.
Flannery didn’t answer, just shook her head. She didn’t mean to say she wasn’t okay. She meant to say about ten other things, including a snappy comeback, a dismissal of his concern, and perhaps a note to herself that being that close to Rem wasn’t a good idea. But he took that slight shake of her head as something different and turned her around, feeling the back of her legs and down to her ankles.
She stepped away from him. “I’m fine,” she said as firmly as she could. If she’d thought he was being at all condescending or drawing attention to the fact she was so unathletic that she couldn’t stand on muddy ground, she would have let him have it. Instead, she struggled to pretend she wasn’t touched by his concern.
“Sure?” He bent down a little to look her in the eyes.
“Wé,” she said. “Merci.”
He seemed to accept her answer and turned back to his place in line. Sandbags were already moving again and within seconds, Charlie was handing one to Flannery. She tried to pass it to Alice, avoiding her gaze.
Alice didn’t take the bag and Flannery looked up to see what had grabbed her attention. There was a woman walking toward them, although truthfully, she was waddling more than walking. The large yellow raincoat gave the impression of a duck and the burnt orange leggings didn’t help to dispel the image.
Henry stopped to give Gideon a kiss and offered him a hot drink from the carrier in her hand. They could see him talking to her a serious expression on his face, but she kissed his cheek again and started toward the women. “Just picked up some hot drinks for you guys.” She looked at the long line of helpers. “I should have ordered more.”
“Hey, Henry, you don’t get to play in our reindeer games,” Charlie said. She picked up the fallen sandbag and handed it to Flannery. “You don’t want to go into labor out here. Plus, then you couldn’t be in my wedding and we all know that’s what’s most important.”
“I could give birth out here and still make the wedding,” Henry said. She leaned a little closer. “Gideon would have to be taken to the hospital, though, so I better not.”
Alice took the sandbag from Flannery and handed it to the young man next to her. Then she stepped out of the line and took the coffee. “Let’s go inside. Come on, girls. We need a break. Flannery, come with us. You can shower and clean up. I think we’re about the same size. I’ve got lots of clothes upstairs.”
Charlie adjusted her ponytail, her pale pink hair looking drab in the rain. “I’m good for a little longer. I’ll be in as soon as I get too cold.”
“Andy will call me a wimp if I stop now. You go ahead.” Roxie pretended to flex her muscles.
“Flannery?” Alice asked.
The idea of a hot shower and a change of clothes was tempting, but Flannery didn’t want to quit while Rem was still working. She’d never been competitive with him before but she had the sudden feeling that he would be the real adult and she’d just be a kid playing at being useful if she quit then, especially after her embarrassing slide into the mud. “I’ll stay with Charlie and Roxie for a few more minutes and then I’ll come inside.”
Alice glanced toward Rem, then nodded. “Thanks, y’all. Don’t stay out too long. It’s cold out here.”
Flannery watched Alice help Henry toward the bookstore and looked back toward the truck to see Rem standing there, his hands by his sides. Their eyes met and he smiled, but it was nothing like the smile she knew so well.
She stared at him, wondering how she could possibly respond to what had happened in the last twenty four hours. Her heart was crushed. She’d lost her best friend. Okay? How did he think she could be okay?
He went back to pulling bags from the truck and Flannery looked around, noticing Charlie beside her.
“That was real sweet of him,” she said.
“Yeah,” Flannery said.
“The way he ran over here when you fell, it was like he thought you were really hurt.”
Flannery didn’t say anything. Rem might care if she bruised her knees, but he clearly didn’t care if he broke her heart.
“I mean, it was obvious that you were okay. We were all laughing,” Roxie said. “But maybe he just needed to make sure.”
Charlie handed her another sandbag and Flannery passed it on. She didn’t understand why Rem ran over and it hurt to even try to figure it out.
They worked in silence for a few minutes then Roxie said, “So, he seemed surprised to have you moving in upstairs.”
“You could say that.” Flannery wasn’t trying to shut them out but she didn’t know if she could tell the whole story without crying. Plus, Charlie was two days away from her wedding. She wouldn’t want to hear some sob story right then as they stood in the mud and pouring rain, straining muscles.
“I just want you to know…” Charlie said. She stopped speaking for a moment to pass a sandbag. “It’s going to be okay.”
Flannery heaved the bag toward the man beside her and turned around, frowning. “Okay?”
“Yep. What’s happening between you, it’s all good. I know right now you’re probably in six different kinds of pain, but it’ll be worth it in the end.”
Flannery froze. The rain pelted against her hood as she stared at Charlie, trying to parse the words she’d just heard. “Pain?”
She didn’t answer, just passed her a sandbag.
“She’s right,” Roxie said. Her face was soft. “I know nothing makes sense right now, but it will.”
“I’m not confused,” Flannery said, louder than she intended. “I can see clearly what’s happening.”
“I love a lot of people. Understand none of them.” Charlie nodded.
“She’s quoting Flannery O’Connor,” Roxie said, seeing her expression.
“Oh.” Flannery tried to force her mind into gear. Maybe all the confusion didn’t have to do with a friendship on the rocks but something else entirely. She put her head down as she worked, hoping they wouldn’t keep talking. Her thoughts were muddled and circular. All she could feel was the excruciating pain of losing Rem. He wasn’t even far away. They were still talking. They were friendly toward each other. He’d run right over when she’d fallen in the mud. They were going to sit next to each other at dinner that night and smile.
But it wasn’t the same and never would be. He wasn’t going to come watch movies with her, snuggled under a blanket on the couch. He wasn’t going to go on road trips with her or spend a week camping in the summer.
Tears burned in her eyes and she focused on the mud at her feet, waiting for the next bag. She never should have moved back to Natchitoches. She’d been searching for something that was only in her head. I love a lot of people, understand none of them. Until it was gone, Flannery had never realized how much she needed Rem, and it wasn’t just as a friend. She needed him like oxygen, like sleep. She couldn’t function without knowing he loved her best.
Charlie held out a sandbag and Flannery took it blindly, passing it down the line. She didn’t need to be first with Rem because she was jealous and needy. It was because she loved him better than anybody else. Anything less than the same from him hurt too much.
For years they�
��d existed as friends who weren’t only friends but she hadn’t realized it. She wiped her face, hoping her tears looked like rain. How obvious she must have been. She thought of Alice and Charlie and Bernice. They had all seen what Flannery herself had not. When she’d moved here, Rem must have known for sure, and hadn’t wanted to hurt her. She wondered how long he’d been trying to distance himself from her, and how long she’d been running after him, clueless.
She looked up and let herself gaze on the man who held her heart in his hands. He must know. He would have to be blind not to. How she wished she could go back to a point before she’d known that she was in love with Rem. She would live in her criminally blinkered world, content with what she thought was friendship but was so much more for her.
But there was no going back. What she’d had with Rem was gone and she was facing the world alone. For the first time, Christmas didn’t hold any joy for her. She looked around at the muddy brown water, the strained faces of her friends, and realized that she couldn’t stay. She imagined Rem trying to avoid her, the sympathetic looks everyone would exchange as she passed by.
As soon as she could, she would move out of By the Book. She would put on as brave a face as possible so she didn’t ruin Austin and Charlie’s wedding, but realizing she was in love with Rem was the worst moment of her life, and there was nothing she could do to make him love her back.
***
Charlie felt her phone buzzing in her pocket. Another alert. Two days before her wedding and the mentions were avalanching. She swallowed hard. She’d spent most of last night trying to crack into the groups that were dropping her old gaming name in conversation. Not only had she not succeeded, the firewall had turned her own virus into a gibbering monkey. She’d had to repair it several times and had finally conceded defeat. She needed Paul.
Looking across the muddy parking lot at her old friend and boss, Charlie reminded herself of how many times Paul had proven that he was a kind and loyal person. He would hate that she’d waited so long to ask for help but she’d tried so hard to solve it by herself. She’d dealt with online bullies before and they had nearly broken her completely. She hadn’t let it go that long this time, and her spirit was still strong, but she’d been working on the problem for months.
Until Winter Comes Again: (An Inspirational Contemporary Romance) (Cane River Romance Book 6) Page 11