Until I'm Found

by M. Lynne Cunning

  “No, Cole.” I sighed. “I always sleep with it there.”

  “You could have told me.” His voice didn’t get any louder, but I could hear the shift in his tone. He was definitely hurt by the fact that I had slept with a gun under my pillow while he was there with me.

  “That gun being there had nothing to do with you, Cole. You must know that.”

  He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. “It has nothing to do with me? Ames, after telling me everything you did, and having me stay over here with you, you’re saying it has nothing to do with me? The gun may not have been intended for me, but I damn well deserved to know it was tucked under your pillow in bed with us.”

  I stepped forward and pulled out the chair across from him. He was right, I should have told him about the gun. At the time though, I just hadn’t felt that it was the right time. Obviously, I was wrong. There was no right time to tell a man who was sleeping in your bed that you spent the nights with a gun stashed under your pillow.

  “I’m sorry, Cole,” I said sincerely. “I’ve put it under my pillow every night since I left California. Last night was no different.”

  He seemed to be measuring his words carefully. “Last night was different for me,” he said in a less cross tone. I met his eyes.

  “Me, too,” I attested. “I just meant…I’m sorry, Cole.”

  He gave me a forgiving nod and uncrossed his arms. “Just tell me things like this, okay? A little heads-up would have been nice before rolling over to find the butt of a handgun peeking out at me from beneath your pretty little head.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Enough apologizing,” he said, his expression softening slightly. “Just take it out of my sight for now, okay? Do whatever it is you usually do with it during the day.”

  “It stays in the top drawer over there if I’m home,” I said as I pointed across the room to the drawer beside the refrigerator, “and I carry it in my purse when I’m not here.”

  Cole stood and gave me another contemplative glance. “You’re really that convinced he’s going to find you again, aren’t you?”

  I nodded, not moving. “I told you. He will, Cole.”

  “That night when I waited for you in the parking lot outside of Ryan’s bar…”

  “I thought you were him,” I finished his sentence for him. “Yes, I reached for the gun in my purse.”

  Cole just nodded. He seemed content to let it go. Okay, maybe not content, but he didn’t attempt to push the subject.

  “I should get going on my way to work, Ames. This job site is about half an hour out of town.”

  “If you’re going to work like that, I’m taking up construction as a hobby,” I said, stepping toward him as I nodded at his bare chest. His quiet chuckling reverberated through his chest as he hugged me to him.

  “If you take up construction as a hobby, every house I build from here on out will be crooked and only half finished.” He smirked. “You are a definite distraction, Amy Teake, but a good one.” He lowered his head and kissed my forehead gently. I bit the inside of my lip, envisioning what it would be like to take him back upstairs to the bedroom right now.

  “You have yourself a good day, Cole,” I said. “Thanks for making coffee.”

  He chuckled, not letting me go. “I’ve quickly realized that you can ingest more caffeine than the average human, Ames. I figured you’d want coffee first thing in the morning.”

  I brought my hand up to conceal the humor in my expression, knowing his judgment of my caffeine addiction was spot on.

  “Will I see you tonight?” I asked.

  “Do you work tonight?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m going to have to talk to that brother of mine about being such a slave driver to work for.”

  I laughed. “I have tomorrow off, though.”

  “Good. Me too.”

  “You do?”

  A mischievous glint shone in Cole’s eyes. “I do now. I own the company, remember? There are perks to being the boss.”

  I shook my head, chuckling at him.

  “I’ll pick you up when the bar closes,” he said, and I just nodded. I watched him disappear upstairs, taking the stairs two at a time and I quickly hid the gun in the drawer by the refrigerator.

  Cole appeared again around the corner. This time, his shirt was on and he had his truck keys in his hand.

  “I better go or I’ll be late,” he said, giving me a quick peck on the lips.

  “I thought you just said you were the boss? You can’t be late when you’re the boss.”

  “I’ve never shown up to a job site any later than seven-thirty in the morning, Ames. If I leave now, I can still make it. If I show up late, the other guys who work with me are going to have a field day with that, and I can’t give them the satisfaction,” he explained with a grin.

  I pretended to be mortified at such a thought.

  “Oh, I meant to ask you,” Cole added after a moment. “There’s a big ol’ bonfire that happens just outside town every year. Pretty much the whole town goes. I thought maybe you’d like to go, too.”

  I quickly wished I had caffeine running through my veins. “I kind of told…I mean, Jeremy mentioned it to me and asked…it’s just as friends.” I didn’t know what to say. After our talk last night and Cole staying over, I felt horrible having to tell him that Jeremy had already invited me to the bonfire.

  I watched him run his hands through his dark hair as he let my sporadic words sink in. An awkward silence fell between us, and I waited ashamedly for him to say something.

  “Amy,” he said finally. “The last thing I’ll do is tell you who you should and shouldn’t be friends with, okay?”

  “I swear we’re only going to this thing as friends, Cole. I swear it.”

  “I know,” he replied. “I’m just saying, you can be friends with whomever you want to. Just know that I hope someday maybe you and I can be more than that. I’ll see you tonight, Ames.”

  He pulled me to him and kissed me once more. This kiss was more passionate than the peck on the lips before it. I wondered if he’d intended to leave me wanting more when he was gone. He winked at me when he pulled away and headed for the door, telling me it was definitely intentional.

  “See you tonight,” I muttered as I watched him unlock the door and look at me once more before he shut it behind him.

  I stood there, my body still tingling from his touch and the pressure of his lips on mine. I listened to his truck start up and back out of the driveway. The engine roared as it disappeared into the distance before I stepped forward and locked the door again.

  ***

  I got to work early and made myself my usual coffee before my shift started. The walk to work for once was not riddled with wind or rain, so I felt much better about the fact that I had spent so much time on my hair and make-up as it hadn’t been ruined in the process of getting there. The difference must have been evident, because even Ryan commented on it.

  “You look nice tonight.” He grinned when he appeared from his back office. I thanked him and tried not to show that his compliment had caught me off guard. He pressed a code into the cash register and it made a loud dinging sound as the cash drawer popped open and he deposited a stack of tens and fives into it. When he closed it again, Ryan made his way over to the bar stool I was sitting on and leaned in close.

  “Just a heads-up,” he said in a low voice, “but Maria is here and she’s been digging at me for the past two hours for information on you and Cole.” He gave me a look that I could not quite comprehend. “As a matter of fact, most of the folks who’ve come in today want to know about Cole’s new woman.” He failed to hide the smirk on his face when he said this, and I rolled my eyes.

  “I’m just trying to figure out how it’s anyone else’s business what goes on between us.”

  “Oh, a bit snippy about it, are we?” Ryan retorted. “Sorry to burst your bubble, darling, but you live in a small town now and every
one and their dog seems to be talking about the fact that Cole’s truck was in your driveway until early this morning.”

  I silently cursed myself for asking Cole to stay with me. Almost immediately, I took it back. I mean, in the scheme of things, who really cared what other people thought of me or what I was or wasn’t doing with Cole?

  Small town folks were going to draw their own conclusions and gossip about it no matter what the real story was, so I may as well just let them do their thing while I did mine. Besides, Maria just wanted the gossip firsthand. All I knew was I sure as hell wasn’t about to let her opinion or anyone else’s affect my relationship with Cole, despite still being unsure of what exactly the definition of our relationship was. If I didn’t even have a solid opinion yet about it, there was no way I could allow someone else’s opinion to matter.

  “It’s not what you think, Ryan, but I am not having this conversation with you anyway.”

  “That may be the case, Amy, and I don’t care either way. I’m just giving you a friendly warning that, while I don’t want to know the details of whatever is going on between you and my brother, other folks aren’t going to be so tactful around here. Feel free to tell them all to go to hell. I’ll defend your actions if anyone complains, and I’ll tell them all to keep their gossip-loving little noses out of your business.”

  He was actually enjoying this, I could tell. Maybe Ryan liked that there was something to talk about for once in this little town, too, but I had to admit, I appreciated his support.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Throughout that week, my time seemed to be split between Cole and Jeremy when I wasn’t at work. Neither of them seemed to want to talk about the other, but they didn’t scold me for any time spent with the other as well.

  “Damn it, it’s cold out tonight,” I said as we sat in Cole’s truck, and I rubbed my hands together to create warmth.

  “I can warm you up when we get home, if you’d like,” he replied with a mischievous glance before he looked into the rear-view mirror and backed out of the parking space.

  I laughed. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were trying to put forth a little innuendo in that statement.”

  “Christ, Ames, I’d say more, but you carry a gun in that purse of yours. I’m not stupid,” he explained in feigned terror, and I chuckled again. He was right though. The gun was tucked safely in my purse on my lap. At least he could joke about it. He patted my knee gently as though to confirm it, and a comfortable silence fell between us.

  There was not another car to be seen on the road between the bar and my place. It was a short distance to go, but sometimes the isolation I felt being in this part of town made me nervous. I silently thanked my lucky stars that Cole had taken to driving me home at night.

  He pulled his truck into the driveway and killed the engine, leaving the keys dangling from the ignition as he turned his body to face me. His genuine smile made my heart leap into my throat.

  “Right here or in the house?” he asked, his smile not fading.

  “Pardon me?”

  He sighed dramatically and rolled his eyes, but I could see the playfulness in his actions. “I would really like to kiss you, Ames, and I’m asking you if you’ll let me do it now or if I have to wait until we get inside. I’d have done it at the bar, but I’m not quite sure yet of your thoughts on public displays of affection.” I bit back my amusement at the fact that he was making it sound like some sort of transaction he was not sure whether to keep secret or not.

  I put my finger to my chin and pretended to think about my answer long and hard.

  “Both?” I finally said, and Cole playfully tackled me on the bench seat of the truck, landing kisses on whatever parts of my face he could make contact with. I giggled until he pulled his head back a bit and looked at me. His eyes, his expression, became serious and intense. Then, he kissed me. The playfulness was gone. He kissed me with a passion and a need that I could never compare to anything else. Cole had kissed me before, but never like this. His kiss spoke more to me than any thousand words he could have possibly strung together. I didn’t fight him. I couldn’t, and I didn’t want to.

  As suddenly as it began, it ended. He pulled away from me. I heard a small gasp escape my lips, and noticed Cole’s breathing had quickened as well. His gaze was still locked with mine, and I knew my face displayed a mixture of shock and desire for him. I wasn’t sure what to say, so I hoped he would break the silence, but neither of us said anything for a long time.

  “Can I give you your gift now?” His voice was low and husky. He sounded different. Then again, everything seemed different. That was the moment, for me, when something had changed between us, whether or not we meant for it to happen.

  “You mean that wasn’t it?” I said, and my voice came out weaker than I expected it to.

  Cole leaned back in his seat a bit, obviously covering the amused grin on his face. I struggled to sit up straight, still dazed from his kiss but relieved to feel the electricity between us subside for the moment.

  “That wasn’t it,” he replied. “This is it.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small cell phone. “You don’t even have a phone in your house, Amy. You said so the other night at Ryan’s bar,” he explained. “So, I took the liberty of getting you one that can be with you wherever you are. I thought maybe it would make you feel a little safer around here. You know, so maybe someday you can stop toting a gun and start carrying a phone the way all the other beautiful girls do.” He smiled, but I could see that he was nervous as to how I would react to his gesture. He placed the phone in my hand and I turned it over between my fingers carefully.

  “Cole,” I said slowly. “You didn’t have to buy me a cell phone.”

  “I know, but if it will bring you an ounce of peace of mind, then I’m glad to do it. I even got it up and running for you earlier today.” He was looking at me with concerned eyes and I realized in that moment just how much it bothered him that I felt the need to carry a gun with me and sleep with it at night. A twinge of guilt hit me without warning.

  “Thank you, Cole. Really, it’s very thoughtful of you to get it for me.” I glanced at him reassuringly but chose to look at the cell phone rather than at him.

  “But you don’t like it. I can tell,” he replied cautiously. I looked up then, and saw that his excitement at his gift was quickly deflating.

  “It’s not that,” I said with a sigh, pausing for a moment to choose my words carefully. “The only cell phone I ever had was from Ethan, and as much as I know your reasons for getting it for me are different than his, it’s just an odd moment for me to have one in my hand again, especially when I know the calls I would get on it are from someone I actually would want to hear from.”

  Cole’s expression didn’t lighten, and I felt as though I was quickly ruining our night.

  “I didn’t buy it to keep tabs on you, Amy,” he said in a voice that almost broke my heart. I could tell that the giving of this gift was not working out as planned. I immediately felt awful. I should have just accepted it graciously and continued on with making out with him in the cab of the truck instead of telling him my thoughts. Perhaps honesty was not always the best policy, after all.

  “I know that, Cole, I swear. I know.” I reached out and touched his face softly, guiding his gaze toward mine. “I’m sorry, I never meant to sound ungrateful for such a great gift. I really do like it. I do.” Cole just looked at me and I could tell he was searching for hesitation in my eyes. I hoped he could see there was none. “The cell phone I had from Ethan had only one number in it,” I explained. “His. If I had been caught talking to someone else, well…” I silently willed myself to shut up. I was not making this any better by continuing to talk.

  “You can talk to whomever you want to, Amy.” He sounded like he was pleading with me.

  I nodded in response, unable to move my hand from his face in fear that he may recoil from me. “Again, I know that, Cole,” I said. “Thank you.”<
br />
  “You’re welcome.”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Ethan leaned over the dining room table, fatigued, angry, and not even close to sober. As the days ticked by slowly without a word as to where the hell she was, he began to second-guess himself and hated Amy even more for pulling this stunt on him. She obviously had no intentions of returning, no second thoughts about the very dumb move she had made, and that pissed him off even more. If, after more than eight long weeks of not being with him, she truly thought she had made the right decision by leaving him, she was wrong. Dead wrong. Unfortunately for him, however, he hated to admit that he had no leads as to where he should be looking to find her. She had covered her tracks well, he would give her credit for that.

  The problem was, after eight weeks of searching and phone calls and hiring others to track her down, Ethan’s money was running out. The inheritance he had been gifted from his father when he passed away was dwindling, and Ethan had spent every penny of it to find Amy. He could add that to the list of reasons she needed to pay for what she’d done to him. And, without her here to earn her paycheck each day, Ethan wasn’t quite sure how he was going to continue to pay the bills let alone fund his search efforts for her.

  A surge of frustration and fury coursed through Ethan’s veins and he snatched up the empty vodka bottle from the table and whipped it violently against the far wall, watching through bloodshot eyes as the glass shattered into sharp shards and fragments. The sound of glass breaking reverberated through the silence of the house, and it took a moment for him to realize that the phone was also ringing. Ethan took a deep breath, his anger pushed deep inside him for the moment, and picked the cordless phone up from beside the computer in front of him.

  “What?” he said. He didn’t give a damn that he didn’t know who was listening on the other end. He was through with niceties and manners. This situation was definitely getting the best of him, and he hated Amy for that, too.