Until I'm Found

by M. Lynne Cunning

  “Oh, to be young again.”

  I arched an eyebrow. “Yes, because you are so old.” I rolled my eyes, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

  When Alexis gave her notice a month ago and decided to take a job in Denver to be closer to her boyfriend, after much discussion with Cole I decided to give up my bartending job at his brother’s bar and manage Cole’s pub instead.

  Ryan completely understood, and I still managed to fill in at Rustic’s every now and then when he was short-staffed. I did a lot more than just bartending now, and I loved the diversity of each day. Because I was at the pub a lot of the time, Cole tended to be there more often than he used to be as well, which suited me just fine.

  For the most part, he just trusted my decisions regarding the basic management of the place, but it was nice to sit down at night and go over plans for the future of the place and ways we could make it even better. Working for your boyfriend had other perks, like sneaking into the back office to sit on his lap and kiss lazily when things were not quite so busy. It was a pretty sweet gig, if I did say so myself.

  Cole’s cell phone rang, interrupting the silence that had contently fallen between us for a moment. He shifted his position in the chair and managed to extract the phone from the pocket of his jeans.

  “Don’t move. Give me one second, it’s just Jere,” he announced before flipping the phone open and launching into a conversation with him.

  Perhaps the most surprising thing to happen since the night Ethan died was the fact that Cole and Jeremy had managed to mend their friendship, and, oddly enough, Jeremy and I had become better friends because of it. His cockiness and overconfidence still made an appearance from time to time, but we generally got along just as well as he and Cole did.

  When he began to get cocky now and then, I would just tell him in no uncertain terms what I thought of it and the conversation would turn to the topic of my feistiness. We would all have a good chuckle over what could only be called our highly dysfunctional friendship, and sometimes Jeremy would even give me that cocky grin as he reminded me that he had saved my life once upon a time and that, for that reason alone, I should really be nicer to him. This path of conversation would always end in me rolling my eyes and the topic being changed eventually, but Jeremy was well aware that I could never fully repay him for what he had done for me that night.

  It turned out, after I had told him to leave my house that afternoon, he had driven out to the site of Cole’s truck wreckage without me while I walked to the bar. In the amount of time it took me to find out from Ryan that Ethan had gone to my house, Jeremy had deduced that something was not right about my story of having to pick up something at the bar. He had allowed me the usual ten minutes to walk there plus twenty minutes to do what I needed to and head back home, and then he had gone looking for me.

  He headed straight for the bar first to see what he could find out from Ryan, who unknowingly gave him all the information Jeremy needed to determine that Ethan, my ex-boyfriend I had told him about, had found me and was plotting something against me.

  Ryan had told him my brother had just been there to leave a message for me and that he was heading back to my house to wait for me. Jeremy had obviously paid more attention than I thought to the snippy little comments I made to him at the bar, and knew that I was an only child. I’d said so on numerous occasions.

  Why would someone claim to be my brother when he wasn’t? Jeremy knew this person could only be Ethan, and he had headed straight for my house, yelling at Ryan to call 911 and get an ambulance there.

  Parking the police car out of view, he’d drawn his gun immediately upon seeing the front door was ajar. He could hear Ethan yelling at me from the bottom of the stairs but had wisely called for police back-up after finding Cole and checking for his pulse.

  Whenever Jeremy told this story, his relief was clear, and I knew he would never forget the day he thought his best friend had died at the hands of a maniac.

  Jeremy had ascended the staircase, gun drawn and at the ready. I always wondered how he’d made it up those creaky old stairs without being heard by Ethan or I, but he claimed that if you stepped really slowly on the left edge of each step, the creaking sound was minimal. I always meant to try out his theory, but I forgot.

  After making it up there, he’d overheard me tell Ethan that I loved Cole, and Cole loved me, and although that significant word had not actually passed between us, Jeremy knew I meant what I was saying. He’d listened to every word before rounding the corner and shooting Ethan in the chest.

  As long we lived, neither of us would ever tell Cole that Jeremy had been there and actually waited to shoot Ethan. I just don’t think Cole would understand, as Jeremy did, that in order for me to have some sort of closure, the words I had stated to Ethan were a necessary part of that. Even if I meant to die after saying them, the words themselves were something I had to make sure Ethan was aware of. The man had owned me, my confidence, and my pride for eight years. In a matter of a few simple phrases, I had managed to say the only thing Ethan would never bear to hear from me.

  He did not own me. I would not let him. Not anymore.

  Ethan could’ve shut me up. He could have killed me.

  Even as I sat here and thought about the events of that night as I had so many times since then, it shocked me to know that I’d really been prepared to die. I could easily have died, but I would have still won the battle. I cherished the fact that the last words Ethan heard before he died were that he did not own me. To me, that was freedom.

  Slowly, Jeremy and I had begun to piece together what Ethan had actually subjected Cole to from the moment he caused his truck to roll to the moment I found him unconscious on my living room floor. Cole himself had never truly confided in me or in Jeremy about everything that happened.

  Every now and again, a new tidbit of information would leak through when Cole was not meaning to say it, and Jeremy and I would tell each other what we’d learned. Usually these snippets of truthfulness came out after a couple of drinks or on the rare occasion when Cole talked in his sleep. Only once did I ever mention to him about his sleep talking, and he was adamant he’d never talked in his sleep before so I am careful not to mention anything he says while speaking to him the next morning. Those secrets are Cole’s to keep.

  To be honest, knowing the details of what happened between him and Ethan would just break my heart. I could only hope and pray that Cole saw things the way I did, that the hell we’d gone through together was meant to be and only made us and our relationship that much stronger.

  The past led us to this moment, me on Cole’s lap in the back office of his pub with Jeremy on the other end of the phone undoubtedly trying to con Cole into some upcoming night of male camaraderie. I smiled when I felt Cole sliding his fingers tenderly along my back as he finished up his conversation and flipped his phone closed, setting it down on the desk in front of him.

  “What kind of trouble are you two plotting now?” I chuckled softly. My head was pressed gently into Cole’s shoulder and I turned slightly to kiss his neck just above his shirt hem.

  “Trouble? Whatever makes you think it’s trouble?” Cole pretended to be shocked. I lifted my head, my suspicions peaked. “I actually forgot I was supposed to be heading over to Rustic’s tonight. Jeremy just reminded me. He was calling to see if I needed to a ride.”

  “But you’re leaving tomorrow,” I said, pretending to pout. Before he had a chance to become apologetic and turn his guilty expression into verbal apologies, I gave him a little grin. “Cole, it’s fine. I know I can’t have you all to myself all the time.”

  Cole wrapped his arms tighter around me. “Of course you can. Go lock that door and I’ll prove it to you.” The mischievous grin he wore on his face made me shake my head in mock protest.

  “Not a chance,” I replied, pointing a finger at him.

  Cole was heading out of town tomorrow for a week on a construction job in Alamosa. He and his crew rarely too
k jobs beyond Denver, but the client was a man who was good friends with his dad, and Cole couldn’t turn him down.

  The job would be relatively quick and the pay was excellent. The only downfall was that it was impossible for Cole and his crew members to make the four hour trip to and from the site daily. Therefore, I would be without Cole for the first time since he had been released from the hospital. I’d have to run the pub by myself, which didn’t bother me in the least.

  I would never admit it out loud, but the one thing I looked forward to least was waking up without him. Nothing reminded me daily of how blessed I truly was like seeing his calm sleeping face in the early morning light.

  “Fine,” Cole said, pretending to pout. “Rain-check for when I get back, then?”

  I chuckled again. He was relentless.

  “Of course,” I agreed, giving him a kiss.

  He put his hands on my arms and pushed me away from him gently, his gaze finding mine. I watched his expression grow serious as he held me in place, looking at me as though he were making some kind of silent decision. Before I could ask him what was wrong, he spoke first.

  “Ames, I want to ask you something.”

  “Of course. Anything.” My confusion was giving way to worry, and I could feel my heart starting to beat a bit faster. Something was up, I just didn’t know what.

  Once again, Cole paused before speaking, seeming to mull the words over in his mind before he said them out loud.

  “I know it’s not a good time. I know I’m leaving for a week and you’ll be alone, and I’m sorry for that. I really am. And I know you’ve been through hell and back not so long ago. I guess you could say we both have. But it’s because of those things, because I won’t be here and because we’ve made it through hell…that’s why I have to make sure of something before I go to that job tomorrow.”

  I looked at Cole questioningly. I didn’t understand what he was getting at. “What do you have to make sure of? Cole, we’re going to be fine. It’s only for a week.” I didn’t move a muscle as he reached across to the top drawer of his desk and pulled a small box from within it. My eyes widened slightly but I didn’t take my gaze off the little silver box in his hand. It couldn’t be what it looked like.

  Cole moved his other hand and brought it up to my chin, gently guiding my stare away from the box so I was looking at him. The uncertainty and nervousness was written blatantly on his face.

  “Like I said, I know you’ve been through hell, and I know it’s probably too soon to be laying this on you, but I’m away for the next week so at least you’ll have some time to yourself to think about what I’m asking. Ames, I want you to be mine in all the ways that you can be, and that means I want you as my wife.” He paused, searching my eyes for some kind of sign of what I was thinking.

  When I said nothing, he continued. “I just want you to know where I’m at. You’ve got the choice, and you can take all the time you need to—”

  “Yes.”

  Cole stopped talking. “Yes?” he repeated. It was a question, not a confirmation.

  “Yes,” I assured him. “I don’t need to think about it, Cole. Yes.”

  His expression told me he had never expected me to agree to be his wife tonight. The look of pure astonishment he was wearing was difficult to comprehend, like he wasn’t quite sure what to do or say next.

  “Yes,” Cole whispered again. I did laugh then, nodding. He seemed to need the confirmation.

  I slipped my hands around his neck and pulled him to me, kissing him with an uncontrolled passion that could only be reserved for someone I wholeheartedly intended to spend the rest of my life with. When Cole pulled away, there were tears in my eyes. I said the only thing I could think of to keep me from letting them spill down my cheeks in full force.

  “Cole, show me what’s in that box.”

  He smiled, and I could tell he’d momentarily forgotten about it. He used his thumb and flipped it open with one hand, turning it to show me its contents. A soft gasp escaped my throat as the solitaire diamond set in white gold gleamed back at me.

  “Cole, it’s beautiful.” Inside the box was a little note just like the ones I’d become so accustomed to receiving from Cole every now and then. I couldn’t help but chuckle at the words scrawled in his handwriting.

  Amy Teake, will you do me the honor of becoming Amy Ceden? I love you.

  He moved me forward slightly on his lap so that I was almost facing him and then he plucked the ring from the box. His touch was delicate when he took my hand and slid the ring onto my finger; there was nothing I could do to stop the tears from cascading down my cheeks.

  “I love you, Cole.”

  “And I love you, Amy.”

  ***

  Cole held the door open for me and I brushed up against him playfully as I walked past him into Rustic’s. A wide smile spread across my face when I saw Ryan. When he met me in front of the bar and hugged me, I knew he was just as happy to see me as I was him.

  “I didn’t expect you to come here tonight, too, Amy,” Ryan said, giving Cole a nod. “You did tell her it’s a guys’ night out, right? Or, don’t tell me, she’s a damn football fan, too?”

  I held my hands up. “Don’t get too worried, Ryan, I know the deal. No girls allowed. I’m just the designated driver. If he’s drinking tonight with you guys, I know damn well you will not be in any shape to drive.”

  Ryan bit his lip to stifle a grin. “Awesome. Now he has no excuse to pansy out early.”

  “I don’t go home early all the time,” Cole said in mock defensiveness.

  “Just tell him now, Amy, that there will still be a warm place for him in bed with you when his drunken ass gets home. That way, maybe he’ll be able to hack a full night out with the boys,” Ryan said, and my eyes widened.

  “I am not getting involved in this banter,” I said. I turned to face Cole. “Call me when you need a ride home, and stay as late as you want,” I added with a wink in Ryan’s direction. Ryan patted my back to say thanks. I stood up on my tiptoes and kissed Cole gently before heading for the door.

  The door flung open just as I was about to grab the handle, and I was startled when Jeremy bounded in. He stopped directly in front of me and looked me up and down, so I shoved my hands in my pockets and grinned up at him.

  “Can I help you with something?” I asked, arching an eyebrow.

  Jeremy looked at me, and then to Cole, pointing at me. “Well?” he exclaimed at Cole. “Did you ask her?”

  I burst out laughing, shaking my head. I looked past him to Cole and saw that he was shaking his head, too. Acting like it was no big deal, I removed my left hand from my pocket and held it up in front of Jeremy to show off my ring.

  Jeremy pumped his fist in the air and let out a holler that I could only assume was excitement. Then he pitched himself forward and hugged me tightly, lifting me off the ground and spinning me in three complete circles.

  “Congrats, you two!” he announced loudly, and Ryan and the two other guys in the bar started clapping. Jeremy finally set me back on my feet.

  “And what exactly were you going to do to if I hadn’t already asked her, Jere?” Cole inquired. I glanced back at Jeremy, eager to hear his response.

  “Dude, I’d have asked her for you myself, if I had to!” he exclaimed emphatically. I couldn’t stifle my laughter then, and it was clear that Cole was enjoying his friend’s excitement at the news of his engagement.

  “Wow, that would have been memorable,” he quipped, winking at me.

  Jeremy shrugged. “It’s not my fault I expected you to be a big coward.” Everyone in the bar erupted in cheers.

  Jeremy leaned in to me, pretending to lower his voice but still talking loudly enough for everyone to hear. “You two just got engaged and you’re still lettin’ him go out with us tonight?” he questioned. His smirk grew bigger when he added, “I’d have thought you guys would have had better things to do tonight. You know, considering—”

  “Enou
gh out of you, Officer.” I playfully hit him on the shoulder. “Cole and I have all the time in the world to plan it all out and…celebrate our engagement.” I felt my face heat up when Ryan let out a whistle.

  A flicker of hopefulness crossed Cole’s face. “I’m holding you to that,” he said.

  “I knew you would,” I replied as I turned on my heel and headed for the door. “You boys have a good night.” Just before the door shut behind me, I ducked my head back into the bar and pointed at Cole playfully.

  “And I will see you later,” I promised. Everyone once again erupted into whistles and catcalls, and I knew I’d left Cole with a little something to think about. If he didn’t come home early, I would be really surprised.

  ***

  The phone rang that night at our house, cutting shrilly through the silence and jolting me from a sound sleep. I didn’t usually sleep well without Cole there, but knowing he wouldn’t be gone all night had offered me enough comfort to doze off easily.

  When I reached for the cordless phone after three rings, there were two things my sleepy brain registered quickly. One was that the call came much earlier than I had expected, which made me chuckle to myself. My parting comments to Cole must have played in his mind and now he was relaxed enough and sufficiently buzzed to come home and make good on my promise.

  That was when I realized the second odd element. The call was not from Cole’s cell. I didn’t recognize the number gleaming back at me on the glowing caller display in the darkness of the bedroom, but I answered anyway.

  “Hello?”

  “Amy.”

  One word, that was all it took. The familiar voice said only one word, my name, and I knew that something had changed. Something was wrong.

  His voice was all too familiar, yet riddled with such disparity and fragility that he shouldn’t have been audibly recognizable at all. That one word held more fear, sadness, and heartbreak than I had ever heard, more than I could ever fathom. I not only knew but felt, without a doubt, with all of my being, that everything was about to change.