Sing A New Song

by Michelle Lindo-Rice

  The telephone rang, and Tiffany answered with a soft “Hello.” She smiled when she heard the voice at the other end. “Hey, Darnell.”

  Tiffany left the teenagers to entertain themselves and went upstairs to take the call. She went into her bedroom and sat on the bed. Darnell called her every night, and they stayed up until the wee hours, talking about all sorts of things. He had given her a renewed outlook on her life.

  But she was going to die, and there was no getting around that fact.

  Tiffany knew the best thing to do would be to cut Darnell loose before this thing between them became more than she could handle. Darnell made her yearn for something she had no business wanting in her condition.

  Hope.

  Her mother was in her room and on the phone again, and Karlie wondered who was calling on the regular. She did not like it one bit. Unless it was Neil. She envisioned her mother with him.

  Karlie knew that Neil was married, but that did not deter her fanciful thoughts. If he was happy with his wife, Karlie did not think he would be over at their house all the time. Besides, people got divorced like it was nothing. Many of her friends in L.A. were the products of divorce. Look at her. She barely knew her father. Thomas Knightly had not even bothered to visit her, even though she was only a stone’s throw away now.

  Neil could divorce that woman and marry her mother. Her mother laughed and seemed happy whenever he was around. That meant a lot to Karlie. Maybe if her mother were with him, she would live. Karlie’s face remained pensive.

  Brian and Jamaal each caught the other one looking at Karlie. Jamaal immediately went over to her to give her a hug. He was claiming his turf and wanted Brian to know it. Brian realized what the younger boy was doing and shrugged. Karlie was too young for him, anyway.

  Brian pulled out his cell phone to look at the time. It was getting late, and neither one of his parents had called to find out about his whereabouts. He knew they would be shocked to know where he was hanging. They probably assumed he was up to no good.

  Brian jumped up, went out the front door, and stepped outside to get a smoke and to think. Jamaal came out a couple of seconds later to head home. Brian supposed he should be getting ready to leave as well. If he were honest with himself, he would prefer to stay here. He did not want to go home. This was the first time in months he had played and just had some clean fun.

  Brian heard the front door squeak and saw Tiffany at the door. He spat the cigarette out of his mouth and snuffed it out with his feet.

  “Those will kill you. That is not a lie,” Tiffany warned.

  “I know,” Brian said. “I cannot even stand the smell of them.”

  “Then why are you smoking them?” Tiffany asked. She moved aside to let Brian back into the house.

  “I only started in the first place just to . . .” Brian stopped before he said too much.

  Tiffany took pity on him and let the matter rest. She could fill in the blanks. Brian was at that crucial stage between boyhood and manhood, and she knew that maintaining his pride was a must.

  Tiffany offered him a cola, and Brian gladly accepted her offer. She knew Brian was probably used to consuming a different kind of beverage, but he was still a minor.

  “So, what brought you here?” Tiffany finally asked the question prominent on her mind.

  “I came by because I heard you tell my father you needed to meet with him, and I wanted you to know that you are probably wasting your time. My father does not have time for anything but his job and my mother.”

  Tiffany reeled at the bitter tone in his voice. The problem with Brian and his parents was deeper and more complex than she had realized. Tiffany wondered what she could say or do to help.

  “I am sorry to hear that,” Tiffany stated. “But your father is going to have to make the time to talk to me. It’s important.”

  “Well, good luck,” Brian told her. Then, feeling as if he had said too much, Brian uttered a hasty “I’d better go.” He thought about calling his friends but felt too tired to do anything else. Deciding to head home, he hopped on his motorbike and revved the engine.

  “Well, feel free to drop by whenever,” Tiffany called out.

  Brian gave an unenthusiastic response, trying to pretend that it did not matter. He was trying to be cool and appear unaffected. He pulled away from Tiffany’s house and headed down the street. Now that he was alone, Brian smiled.

  Tiffany must genuinely want him around to extend a second invitation. It felt good getting such a sincere welcome. Brian felt at home with her and Karlie. Such comfort and love had surrounded and engulfed him, and Brian had just basked in it. He’d relished every minute of it. He knew that he would visit again. Wild horses could not keep him away.

  Chapter Twenty-five

  Neil stood outside and watched the sunrise. It peeked through the clouds with sparkling brilliance, a lovely shade of gold that no kind of paint or artist could capture. The first verse of Psalm ninety-one popped into his head. It was so true; the heavens did declare God’s glory.

  He could never get over just how lucky he was to be able to see this sight whenever he wanted to. So many other brothers his age missed this because they were locked in a four-walled cage. They would give their soul to be standing in his shoes.

  It was so peaceful at this hour, when the neighborhood was still asleep. There was no one hanging on the streets, trying to sell drugs. There were no fights going on. The scenery could fool a person into thinking this place was a dream. However, Neil knew that by midday it would become a living nightmare.

  Neil wrapped himself even more in his robe. It was a cold and windy Thursday afternoon. The wind was tossing the trees branches. November was coming in with a bang, which meant the possibility of a deadly winter.

  He quickly retreated into the house.

  Myra should be up soon to get dressed for work.

  Tiffany must have done well with her promise, because things with Myra were grand. She seemed to have relaxed about her “mission” for a little while. Neil was glad for the reprieve. They had been having some great sex, and things were feeling right between them again. Neil prayed that this “vacation” from baby boot camp lasted.

  Her internal alarm clock went off, and Myra stretched languidly. She knew it was time to get up. Sleepily, she headed for the bathroom to shower and get ready for her day.

  Myra sat on the toilet to relieve herself. Looking down at her underwear, she saw a tiny spot of blood. Myra knew what that meant. By the middle of the day, she was going to be in a significant amount of pain. She was surprised that she was not vomiting as usual, and Myra prayed it stayed that way.

  Myra dutifully went to work with the enthusiasm of a fish out of water. It took every ounce of willpower she had to ignore the throbbing pain in her lower abdomen and in her legs. Myra knew from experience that this month would be bad. She was going to have to take the next day off, for sure.

  Then one of the other teachers dropped a bombshell at work. Ms. Wise was pregnant.

  Myra smiled upon hearing the news. “Oh, I am so happy for you. You must be so excited!” she told Ms. Wise. She laughed and offered her congratulations with the rest of her coworkers, but inside she was dying all over again.

  On the drive home, Myra gripped the wheel and replayed Ms. Wise’s announcement in her head. “Even Ms. Wise is pregnant, and she is forty-three. Forty-three and she got pregnant. Why is God doing this to me?” Myra pulled over to the side of the road to look up at the sky. “God, why are you punishing me like this? Why won’t you open my womb? You gave all these other women children, and they don’t even deserve them.”

  She plopped her head on the steering wheel and whispered, “I want a child of my own to love and cherish.” She wanted a new life, which she would treasure and shower with love. Myra could not figure out why God denied her that right.

  She knew without a doubt that she would make a good mother and would be better at it than some of the people she knew. Myra put
her car in gear to continue her drive home.

  Myra touched her abdomen and felt the tears streak down her cheeks. She stopped at a light and noticed that the driver in another car was looking at her. Myra quickly wiped her face, feeling discomfited.

  She made a dramatic U-turn and drove up to her favorite bakery. Things had been going so well that she had even managed to drop a few pounds. It had been weeks since she had baked any cookies or pies.

  Myra climbed out of her car, slammed the bakery door, and went to the counter. “I’d like two dozen of your chocolate chocolate-chip cookies and a box of your éclairs.” Once she received her order, she stomped out of the store and sat in her car. Myra ate the entire box of éclairs. The chocolate chip cookies she would carry home.

  Sensibly, Myra knew there was no use beating herself up about her infertility. She had to accept what she could not change. She just did not know how to do that. Myra firmly believed in God and was certain that He could perform miracles. She accepted all the stories she read, and knew God had come through before. He had done it for Hannah, and for months Myra had prayed, fasted, and studied the scriptures. However, it had been to no avail. It was as if God had closed His ears. Her pastor kept saying it was all about God and His timing, but her clock was ticking. To herself, Myra confessed she had lost a little faith that God would come through.

  Myra stopped at the supermarket to pick up some feminine products she would need. Though she had the cookies in the car, she went to the dessert aisle and selected a couple boxes of Louisiana Crunch Cake and some doughnuts. The way she felt, she knew she was going to need them.

  Tiffany carefully steered her Escalade out of her driveway and turned onto Main Street. She was on her way to Ryan’s home. She had been surprised by his telephone call, and grateful for it. She had not expected it, since it had been almost two months since she had barged into his office, asking him to take a paternity test.

  Ryan saw Tiffany drive up and opened the door to meet her. He was eager to sit and chat with her. Brian had spoken so highly of Tiffany that Ryan had eventually called to arrange a meeting.

  Ryan wanted to know how she had managed to earn his son’s evident respect. It was because of her that he and his son had engaged in an actual conversation consisting of more than monosyllabic words. Ryan figured that meeting with Tiffany would keep him on Brian’s good side. The boy had gotten up this morning without a hassle and was now in school. For that simple feat, Ryan would give Tiffany his right hand.

  He would volunteer his specimen, even though he prayed he was not the father. He could barely handle the one child he had, and was not sure he would be able to cope with another. He had filled his wife in on the nature of Tiffany’s visit, and thankfully, Patricia had been forgiving and supportive.

  Ryan greeted Tiffany and took her jacket. The two went into his study to carry on their conversation. Ryan did not skirt the issue but plunged head-on.

  “I invited you over because I know we did not have a chance to discuss your situation the last time we met. I just wanted to let you know in person that I will take the paternity test. However, I’d be lying if I said that I hope I am your daughter’s father, because frankly, I can hardly handle the one child I have now.”

  Tiffany nodded her head in understanding. “I appreciate your frankness, Ryan. I will make all the necessary arrangements and get back to you.”

  “Okay, then.” Ryan gave Tiffany his private cell phone number.

  “How’s Patricia?” Tiffany asked. She could not imagine this was easy on his wife.

  “Remarkably well, considering the circumstances,” Ryan answered. “Patricia knows I love her and nothing can shake that. She told me she sort of suspected I had been with someone else all those years ago. She just never imagined that my, ah, momentary lapse in judgment could have such lasting repercussions.”

  “That is good to hear,” Tiffany said, unsure of just how to reply, as she was a part of his “momentary lapse.” “It seems as if you and your wife have a great relationship.”

  Ryan smiled. “We do. Patti completes me. She means the world to me. Funny enough, being with you that night proved that to me. I knew without a doubt there would be no other woman to fill her shoes.”

  Tiffany smiled pleasantly and got up to leave before she asked Ryan how he felt about his son. She wanted to know if Brian also meant the world to him, but she knew it was not her place to ask any questions, particularly because of the favor she was asking of Ryan.

  Tiffany did not know why she felt such a pull toward Brian. Maybe it was because he had so much potential. Or maybe it was because she knew firsthand what it felt like to wonder if your parent loved you. Maybe it was a combination of both. Whatever the reason, Tiffany determined that anytime Brian graced her doorstep, she was going to let him into her home, no questions asked.

  Tiffany heard her cell phone go off just as she entered her car. She quickly put her Bluetooth in her ear and took the call. “Hello?”

  “Hi, Tiffany. How are you?”

  “Okay. I miss you. I think we need some girl time.”

  “I totally agree.” Winona was then all business. “I have arranged a few limited performances for you at Nakisaki starting next Saturday night.”

  The restaurant served Jamaican and Chinese cuisine and hosted a nightclub in the basement. Tiffany had been there a few times with her friends and remembered how much she had liked the general ambience of the restaurant.

  “Sure. Thanks. I will do it.”

  “Let’s definitely get together,” Winona said before ringing off.

  Tiffany made a U-turn and headed toward Nordstrom at Roosevelt Field to purchase several gowns for her performances. Tiffany called Winona back and asked her to line up a piano and a voice coach. She wanted to get her voice back on track for her performances. Tiffany had to admit that she was excited about returning to the stage. It had been ages since she had sung live, and she was looking forward to it. She realized she missed all the drama, tension, and work that went on backstage during her acts. Myra’s church had requested that she sing again, and Tiffany relished the opportunity. That would serve as even more practice for her.

  She looked at her watch. It was a little past four o’clock. Tiffany wondered if Karlie was home yet. She texted her but didn’t get a response. She had invited Darnell and his daughters over, and she would need Karlie’s help. However, Tiffany wasn’t too concerned. Sometimes a parent just had to cut the umbilical cord and trust their children.

  “You cannot ignore her, or me, forever, you know,” Willie advised.

  Thomas continued his painting, determined to ignore his mother. “I can certainly try.”

  Willie let out a huge sigh. She waited several seconds before leaving the room. Thomas put down his paintbrush and thought about Karlie. Karlie had been dropping by his place and he had been spending time with her ever since she showed up at his door, but he had kept her away from Willie. Thomas could not chance his mother saying the wrong thing.

  “What am I going to do?” he muttered. Thomas loved Karlie, but knowing she might not be his had him twist tied. Though he had been missing in action for every birthday and every Christmas, Thomas had faithfully sent his daughter a gift. But a part of him strongly wanted to forgo the tradition this year. However, the better part of him did not want to disappoint Karlie, even though he was furious at Tiffany for lying to him all these years.

  Spending time with Karlie did not appease his anger.

  Why had Tiffany deceived him the way she did? Underneath all his anger was the hurt. Hurt that Tiffany had kept the truth from him. The sad thing is that the truth would not have deterred him from marrying her. Thomas despised the fact that Tiffany had taken advantage of his genuine love for her. It ate him up inside.

  Thomas packed up his supplies and prepared to go home. He put on his sweater and jacket before going outside to start up his F-150. The powerful engine roared, causing Willie to come to the screen door.

/>   “You weren’t going to say good-bye?”

  “I’m sorry. I just have a lot on my mind,” Thomas lied. He wanted to avoid any further discussion about Tiffany. He backed his truck out of the driveway and spent the ten-minute drive to his own home filled with thoughts of Karlie.

  He knew from their conversations that Karlie had no idea about the real reason Tiffany was back in town. Thomas vacillated between wanting and not wanting to tell her the truth. Thomas walked up the three steps to enter his home.

  “Hi, Dad.” Karlie sat on the couch. Judging by the empty Chinese food containers, she’d been there awhile.

  “You finally used your key!” Thomas exclaimed. He’d given Karlie a key to his home and told her to come and go as she pleased, but she always rang his doorbell, anyway. He’d even found her waiting on his porch once.

  “Yeah.” Karlie blushed. “It was cold outside. I waited about twenty minutes before I decided to come inside. I have to get home soon.”

  “I told you I much prefer to drop you home. The bus takes one hour, when I can have you home in fifteen minutes.”

  “I just don’t know how Mom would feel about me coming here.”

  “Tiffany would prefer honesty.” Thomas almost choked on his words. He felt bitterness rise within him and squelched it down.

  Karlie looked guilty. “I know. But my whole reason for reaching out is that I’m scared. Mom was all I had my whole life, and I’m going to lose her one day. Being here with you makes me feel closer to her somehow. Like I will always have a connection, you know.”

  Suddenly overwhelmed, Karlie started to cry.

  Thomas hugged the teen and kissed the top of her head. “Karlie, from the depth of my heart, I truly apologize that I wasn’t a better father to you. I should have been there. I should have played a more active role in your life. My reasons at the time seemed viable, but now that I see you here face-to-face, I realize that my fears dictated my life.”