Sam's Theory

by Sarah Mendivel

  I could sense Theory standing over my shoulder, but it didn’t bother me this time. It felt nice knowing she was close. “Ah, I see you found the sneaky slug you’ve been wanting to draw!”

  “Yeah, it crawled up the window as I was reading,” I said, excited that she remembered I was looking for it. “I finally get to see it up close. Although…”

  “Although what?”

  “Although, I’m sorry to say that it left a bit of a trail on your windows,” I said, pointing to the long, sticky zigzag of slime behind it.

  She leaned her head back and laughed. “So it did. Well, slugs are never shy about letting people know where they’ve been. It’s always been something I’ve admired about them. But I’ll have my clean-up crew get on that right away.”

  I looked up at her just in time to see her wink at me. I shook my head, enjoying how playful she was today. I looked down at my drawing, realizing suddenly that the reason she might be here was because it was time to go to work. “Oh, is it time to process stuff now?”

  “Mm, I think we’ve done enough for now. Do you feel good about where you’re at?”

  I nodded my head emphatically, wanting desperately to keep this sense of calm I had had for the last few days. “Yeah, definitely.”

  “Good, I think so too,” she said abruptly. “Since it seems you are in a creative mood today, I thought it might be nice for you to explore the world from a different perspective for a bit.”

  I lifted my head to see Theory holding out her necklace, the one that held the ceramic key to the telescope room. My pen froze in motion. I sat, surprised, wondering how she knew I wanted it. Did she catch me looking at it too closely that one time? Did she know that I had found the telescope room a few weeks back? If so, she never mentioned anything. Maybe she really could read my mind? This certainly wouldn’t be the first time she knew what I was thinking.

  “I’ll trust you know what to do with this,” she said coyly.

  I sat still, fiddling with my pen, unsure if I should really take the key from her.

  “It’s the first day of spring tomorrow, you know,” she said, still suspending the key over my notebook. “I imagine you’ll want to scout out Lake Isabel to see if any friends have made their way up the mountain safely. The telescope is a pretty swell tool to do so with.”

  Wait, what? It was spring already? I looked outside and noticed the sun peeking through the trees. It had been sunnier these last few days, but I never stopped to think of what that meant. How had I forgotten? Had I really been here that long? I wondered if Dodger had remembered our plan to meet. I’m sure he had, since all of this was his idea in the first place. But was I really ready to leave the house? After all, I had just gotten comfortable here.

  Even though everything inside me hesitated, it felt rude not to accept Theory’s offer to explore the telescope room, especially since I had been so curious about it up until now.

  I looked at the key, slowly taking it from her. “Thank you.”

  “No worries, I’m sure your slug will be around when you get back. He doesn’t seem to be in much of a rush right now,” she said jokingly, raising her eyebrows as if to tell me to “go outside and play.”

  I smiled, feeling comforted by her always giving me permission to enjoy myself. “Okay.”

  I shoved my notebook and pen into the back pocket of my jeans, just in case I’d need to sketch anything I saw from the telescope room. I wondered what I’d see from up there. Maybe I’d find hidden caves carved into the side of another mountain. Maybe there would be a sleepy bear crawling out of one, hoping to find a snack after a long winter’s nap. Or maybe I could see the ocean from here!

  I always loved the ocean. I remembered being little and walking up to it for the first time. The sand was slurpy and cold as it sunk beneath the weight of my footsteps. The summer air, sprinkled with salt and the sound of seagulls, wafted over me.

  There was this moment, after the waves had tripped and tumbled over my feet, that I had said “hello” to it for the first time. I remember looking out at the water, feeling tiny, wondering what mood it was in. The waves flexed and curled like long stretches of muscle, commanding appreciation from anyone who dared play with it. It was the first time that I felt respect for the immense power of nature.

  As I walked out of the library, I snapped back into the moment, realizing suddenly that I had recalled another good memory. I turned toward Theory, excited by being able to recognize something positive from the past. She smiled at me knowingly and held up her hand. “Hold onto it, kiddo. Go have fun exploring first.”

  “Okay,” I said with a huge smile on my face. I couldn’t believe another good memory had surfaced. I wondered how many more might.

  “Oh, Theory?” I added, instantly remembering something.

  “What’s up, kiddo?”

  I pulled a letter from my hoodie pocket and looked down at it. “I, um, wrote this for James and Anna. It just says thank you for everything they did for me. I thought it’d be nice to kind of, you know, let them know they left an impression on me.”

  “Mm, indeed,” smiled Theory.

  “Ha, yeah. Anyway, I was wondering if you could somehow get it to them?”

  Theory smiled and reached her hand out to collect the letter. “I most certainly can.”

  I felt bashful. “Okay, thanks.”

  “Of course,” she said quickly. “Now, go play.”

  I smiled, put my head through the necklace, and held the key protectively in place as I walked through the kitchen and climbed out the trap door in the ceiling. The mountain air blew past me, cooling my face. The sun was brighter from this angle, inviting me to come join it.

  I made my way up the spiral staircase and across the first set of wooden bridges between the trees. My mind continued to run through the possibilities of what I could find from way up here.

  Another cool breeze brushed past me as I made my way through the curtains of moss. I thought again of the salt water air, wondering if Nova was maybe by the ocean now. Maybe she had already escaped her world by building a raft of her own. Maybe she was out fishing right now, catching dinner after a long day of sailing around the world. She was so good at fishing, the few times we went.

  I hope she was okay.

  A sadness about not knowing where my sister was settled deep into my chest. I looked around, knowing how much she would love to be up here with me. We would have so much fun racing each other across this bridge. We had always talked about what it’d be like to build the ultimate tree house, and here I was living in one. Without her.

  I missed my sister constantly.

  I knew for sure she and Theory would get along. I could even hear what their conversations in the library would sound like. I wondered if Nova would try star tracking, or if she would just blurt out all of her secrets right away, like she did everything else. She had always been really outgoing and chatty, which was the complete opposite of me.

  Nova was incredibly popular at school, constantly surrounded by friends wanting to be near her. There was a contagious magic to her that people would always comment on. They’d tell me. “Sam, your sister is hilarious; she’s so energetic!” She could make witty jokes about anything and everything, often stumping most of the adults we knew. Her verve was something that kept us afloat when things got rough at home, and was still somehow the force that kept me going now.

  As I reached the final bridge, the sun leapt ahead of me and bounced off the windows of the telescope room. I was excited to see it again, knowing that I had the key to open it this time. I made my way to the door and looked around inside, half expecting to bust in on a party of squirrels that didn’t think anyone would be home. Instead, the floor was completely clear.

  I removed the key from around my neck and held it between my fingers. A mixture of anticipation and hesitation hit. I looked at the keyhole, reflecting again on the prospect of seeing Dodger so soon. I took a deep breath and unlocked the door.

  As
the hinges of the door creaked open, a gust of lilac blew past me. The room, bathed in sunlight, smelled sweet and inviting. Dust danced in the light like glitter. It felt warm inside, despite the cool breeze whisking over the windows. I walked toward the telescope, surprised by how many details I had missed in the dark last time.

  The telescope looked hundreds of years old and boasted two looking scopes. The smaller scope was fastened just above the larger one, and was embossed with tiny fragments of ruby. The diameter of the larger scope was bigger than my hand, stretching over two feet long. Plated in copper and brass, and bolted into place by sturdy wooden legs, the entire contraption seemed to operate by a heavy turning wheel fastened to the side.

  The thrill of curiosity cycloned through me and I leaned into the smaller scope to see what awaited me. A thin frame on the lens housed a compass, and the view pointed directly at the clouds.

  “Hmm, I wonder if this one’s for the stars,” I mumbled out loud. I turned my attention toward the larger scope, adjusting the view piece just enough to make out the details of pine trees in the distance. I smiled, feeling the frenzy of excitement leap into my chest.

  My hand felt for the wheel and turned it slowly to aim the scope toward the mountain range that sat dozens of miles in front of me. The circular window magnified the details of rock walls, fallen tree trunks, and even small patches of grass. As the view inched upward, a sliver of dark blue appeared over the tip of the mountain ahead. Adjusting the view piece again, I could make out the horizon and the ocean in the distance. “Woooow, there it is!” My heart leapt into a charge and all of my fantasies about Nova and the raft flooded back into my head. I couldn’t help but laugh, eager to see what I’d discover next.

  I spent what felt like hours exploring the mountain terrain surrounding Theory’s house. I had found a pair of feisty mountain goats leaping down the side of a cliff, a spruce that looked like an old wizard, and several boulders that looked like they were ready to bowl through the trees below at any moment. It wasn’t until the blur of a bird swooped through my view that I remembered I was supposed to be looking for Lake Isabel.

  I felt for the notebook in my back pocket and flipped through my drawings. I had sketched a smaller version of one of the maps hanging in the library to study the lay of the land. There was an unmarked miniature blot of blue that I assumed was Lake Isabel. Finding the page in my notebook, I compared the bumps of mountains I had sketched to the real ones sprawled out in front of me. Squinting my eyes to estimate an approximate location, I then turned the wheel of the telescope to point north of the tree house.

  I leaned back down and slowly moved the scope to scan the forest. I swept it back and forth for several minutes, but all I saw were blankets of deep green trees. How in the world was I supposed to find a tiny lake in the middle of all of this wilderness? I sighed, growing more frustrated as the minutes passed.

  Suddenly, a bird swooped back into my view, catching me off guard. “What the heck?” I stood up, looking out the window of the loft.

  It was the Stellar’s jay.

  I watched him swoop in circles, then flutter back and forth. After a few moments, I realized he was hovering over the same space of air I had been peering through. I leaned back into the telescope and pointed it toward the jay. It dived past me one more time, and then disappeared. I held the scope into place and adjusted the lens. As the view clarified, a tiny blot of blue water appeared tucked into the curve of a mountain ridge appeared.

  “Isabel!” I yelled victoriously.

  Peering closer, I could see tiny strings of campfire smoke crawling into the air.

  No way!

  Could that be Dodger?! Did he get to the lake early? Wait, what if it was someone else? Would it be safe to hike there alone? I could stay hidden in the trees to make sure whoever it was wouldn’t see me. After all, if anything bad happened, it wouldn’t be the first time I ran back to Theory’s for safety.

  I pulled my face away from the telescope, nervous about seeing Dodger. Was I ready to see him again? All of a sudden I felt unsure. I wasn’t the same person I was when we last hung out. I felt stronger, more confident in myself. Would he still like me this way? Would I still like him? I had no idea how to figure out the answers to these questions, but I knew someone close by that could.

  I sighed again, placing the key back around my neck and shoving the notebook back into my pocket. Looking out onto the horizon, I thought of the ocean, and then the lake. It was strange how two entirely different bodies of water seemed to hold the same significance all of a sudden. I hope I was making the right choice by going to Isabel tomorrow.

  I gave a final pat to the telescope to show my appreciation for an afternoon of adventure. I snapped the door to the telescope room shut and ran over the floating bridges back to Theory’s house. The clouds had started to turn orange above me, a sign that the afternoon was almost over. Just as they adopted a stain of pink, I arrived at the trap door above the kitchen.

  “Theory?” I called out as I climbed back into the house.

  “Hey, kiddo. See anything cool out there?” she responded right away from another room. I walked into the living room to see Theory without her glasses on. She was wiping her eyes and holding a book in her lap.

  Wait, had she been crying? Was she okay? What could have happened since I left? Should I ask her? Was I allowed to ask her questions like that? I froze in place, afraid of seeing my hero in a weak moment.

  “Sorry,” she said, sensing my surprise. “I was just reading a book that had a hard moment in it and it got to me. Everything’s okay.”

  I wanted to believe her, but I had never seen her sad before and it scared me. My body wanted to panic, but my brain reminded it that she was right here in front of us, safe and alive. If she said everything was fine, then it had to be. Right? I continued standing in place, unsure of how to react. Completely lost, I blurted out the only reasonable response I could find. “Okay.”

  “Come. Let’s hang out in the library and you can tell me what you found,” she said, standing up to break the tension.

  “Okay,” I said again, mad at myself for not being able to think of a better response. As Theory walked ahead of me, I shuffled behind her, trying to read the cover of her book.

  It was blank. Was it another person’s story? Was it someone she knew? Was it my story? Was she sad because she knew I was leaving for the day tomorrow? No, that sounded selfish. Wait, how long would I be gone for? Should I really leave if she was sad right now? How do you take care of someone whose job it is to take care of you? I had gotten so used to her watching over me that it almost never occurred to me that she might need support.

  “Sam,” Theory said in a firmer voice from the doorway of the library. “I promise everything is okay. Come on, kiddo. It’s time to talk about you.”

  I looked up at her, studying her expression to make sure she was being honest with me. Her tone had authority in it, making me feel like she was in control again. I let my body relax and followed her into the library, finding solace in my leather chair. She sat down in front of me, appearing to be back to herself. I guess she was okay now.

  “So? Did you see anything interesting?” she asked again.

  My heart shifted from worry to excitement suddenly. “Yeah, actually! There were these two mountain goats that were jumping up the wall of a cliff. They kept running into each other and almost knocking the other off. I thought they were gonna go at it.”

  Theory laughed loudly. “Oh my, that sounds about right. Those goats are a fiery bunch. What else?”

  “Well, I could see a little bit of the ocean,” I said, trying to be vague enough to hide all of the daydreams that came along with it.

  “Mm hm. You seem to love the water,” she replied, instantly seeing right through me.

  I dipped my chin into my chest bashfully. “Yeah.”

  She smiled. “Anything else?”

  “Well,” I started, and then stopped. I didn’t know how to brin
g up finding Lake Isabel and the campfire smoke. Maybe right now wasn’t a good time to talk about Dodger. Maybe I should put off trying to see him for a couple more days so that I knew how I felt about it completely.

  “Tell me, Sam,” Theory insisted, helping me to stay focused.

  I looked back up at her and started to babble nervously. “Well, there was this campfire smoke and it was near the lake, which I think is Lake Isabel, but it probably isn’t, so I don’t know if I should go tomorrow or not.”

  She held up her hand and gestured for me to slow down. “Whoa, okay. Let’s slow down and parse this apart a bit. You said you found Lake Isabel?”

  I was afraid to say “yes.” “Yes” meant I had to leave. “I don’t know. It looked like a lake, but it could’ve been anything.”

  Theory smiled coyly. “Mm hm. It sounds like you found it, which is hard to do because it’s so hidden. Well done, Sam. Did you see anyone there?”

  I sighed, knowing it was pointless to lie. “Well, there was a string of smoke coming from a campfire, I think.”

  “So, it sounds like your friend might already be there?” she said, making it easier for me.

  “Yeah, it could be him. I was thinking I could just wait a couple more days until I knew for sure.”

  “Oh?” said Theory, tilting her head in a way that usually happened right before she called me out on something.

  “Ugh,” I grunted out loud, surrendering to the pressure that I already knew was coming. “I just don’t know if I’m ready to see him yet.”

  “I see. What’s your hesitation?”

  “I don’t know. I just feel nervous.”

  “Nervous or excited? Those two can feel similar.”

  I scanned my body to try and figure out the difference. “Maybe both.”

  “Well, let’s figure this out. What’s making you nervous about seeing him?”

  I propped the side of my face onto my fist, making my cheek squish into the bottom of my eye. I sighed dramatically. “I just…well, it’s like, I just don’t know if it’s time to see him yet.”