Sam's Theory

by Sarah Mendivel

  By now, I had escaped to Theory’s so many times in the middle of the night that I swore I could run the trail with my eyes closed. I let the headlamp I had grabbed during my last visit give me the advantage of some light though, knowing better than to feel too bold in the wilderness alone.

  When I reached the tree house, only a single, flickering light was on. I could tell it was coming from the library and wondered if Theory was sleeping. Not willing to turn back around, I climbed up the tree thinking I could at least leave a note for her.

  I reached the front door and turned the knob slowly, trying to be respectful of who might be snoozing. As I crept into the foyer and turned back around to shut the door quietly, a voice from behind me startled me. “Hi, Sam.”

  “Whoa, geez, Theory! You scared the heck out of me,” I said, throwing my hand over my heart.

  She laughed and tapped my shoulder. “Sorry about that, kiddo. You know the cats and I are night owls.”

  I looked down and saw Sage and Cadence trotting toward the door to greet me. They meowed happily and arched their backs against my legs. I laughed a little and tried to settle my breathing. “Hey, guys. Nice to see you again.”

  “How have you been?” asked Theory as she made her way to the library.

  “Good,” I said, setting my backpack down as if I was home.

  “Good, good,” she said, lighting candles with one hand and lifting the other into the air to poke stars into the atmosphere around us.

  I smiled in awe at the ambience. “Wow, so cool.”

  “I’m glad you’re still amused by my tricks,” she winked. “So. Tell me about what you’ve been up to!”

  I nestled into my chair, loving how the feeling of it never seemed to get old. “Well, things have definitely gotten better. We’re all getting along and tonight…”

  Theory caught my hesitation like a glass tipping over. “Tonight what?”

  I blushed and rubbed my eyes. “Tonight Dodger kissed me.”

  “Well, well, well,” Theory said playfully. “Congratulations on that finally happening. I can’t say I’m too surprised, though.”

  I laughed shyly. “Yeah, I guess not.”

  Theory smiled and waited for my embarrassment to pass. “And how are the others doing? How is our young gentleman, Rishawn?”

  I laughed instinctively. “Oh, he’s good as always. Although, you know, something interesting happened after you and I had talked about him.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah. He and Mikayla were having a rough morning the other day and were about to get into it again, so I took Rishawn on a hike to my favorite viewing spot on the ridge. While we were hiking I was thinking of how I could help him get rid of the hard stuff that had been building up.”

  “What did you come up with?”

  “Well, once we got to the top I had him say whatever he wanted to his parents.”

  “Mm, good thinking,” Theory said approvingly.

  I smiled, pleased that I had done the right thing. “When he was done saying what he needed to, I had him stand in this power pose and yell a bunch of stuff that I thought would make him feel stronger.”

  Theory’s smile grew bigger the more I talked. “And? Did it work?”

  “Yeah, actually. It did! He yelled so loud I thought he was going to scream himself down the side of the mountain,” I laughed.

  Theory laughed as well. “Aww, that’s so wonderful!”

  “Yeah,” I said, pausing to think back. “And then…butterflies,” I said, caught in my own suspense.

  Theory smiled coyly and bowed her head. “Mm hm.”

  I looked at her, trying to tease apart her expression. “What does that mean? The butterfly thing. They were the same ones as the one I saw here.”

  Theory began to putter around the library. “A Ulysses.”

  “Yes, that’s it. Only times a hundred!”

  “Mm hm. Well, do you remember what was happening the first time you saw your butterfly?” Theory asked, looking at me more intently.

  I wrinkled my brow, thinking back to the moment in the library. “We finished that big memory.”

  “Yes. And?”

  As quickly as she asked her question, the image of Theory holding me surfaced. I remembered how warm and protective she felt in that moment, realizing that it had been the first time I felt physically cared for by someone. “I started trusting you.”

  Theory’s face lit up before she bowed her head hastily, as if to trying to hide her reaction. “That’s right. It was the moment that you began to heal an old wound.”

  I sat on my chair, struggling to organize this new information against my recent memory of Rishawn screaming on the cliff. “Right. And when Rishawn was yelling, I noticed that he started feeling better too- like he was healing in his own way.”

  “Mm hm,” replied Theory.

  My mind hurriedly leapt over the images of butterflies until finally it made sense. “So, then, I was right? Butterflies appear when healing happens.”

  Looking like a proud mother, Theory stood tall. “That’s right. Sam, you have been on an incredible journey of self-healing. You have learned a great deal about yourself and the way the world works. When transformations of this magnitude happen, it is only a matter of time before they start to move into the world around you as well. Working on yourself, in turn, helps to heal everything else around you. It’s a domino effect.”

  She paused for a moment, considering her words, before continuing. “And now, it seems, you have discovered that you have the ability to heal others.”

  My eyes shot up at Theory as the room around us seemed to freeze in time. My heart raced in consideration of the reality that I might be a healer, too. Did I really have the same abilities as Theory? There was no way I’d ever be as good as her. Could I actually take care of other kids the way she had taken care of me? Was being a healer a good thing or a bad thing? Was I really ready to take this on? The questions flooded my head faster than I could answer them. “Yeah, I don’t know.”

  “What aren’t you sure of?” she asked.

  “I don’t know, that just seems like a really big deal.”

  “Does it surprise you at all?”

  I thought back to different things adults had told me when I was younger. I remember holding one of my cousins shortly after she was born and the grown-ups around me fawning over “how great you are with kids,” telling me that I’d be a “wonderful mother one day.” I had never wanted to be a mom, but I was really good at calming kids down and connecting with them.

  I sat back and thought of how the group seemed to calm and shift around me when things grew heated. “No, I guess it doesn’t surprise me. I think it just feels like a big responsibility.”

  “Ah, yes. Being a healer is a tremendous responsibility. It involves patience, resiliency, and honor. All of the things you happen to have.”

  I looked at her, thinking of how it was a nice idea, but how hard it had been to maintain peace in the group on my own. “Yeah, well, it seems like honor usually comes at the expense of the warrior.”

  “Mm,” hummed Theory, her voice deepening. “a wise insight, indeed. You are growing so fast, kiddo. But look, this gift doesn’t have to change who you are or what you are doing. It just means, for now, you have discovered a new, interesting part of yourself that you are free to explore when you feel more ready to.”

  Her phrasing helped to dampen my doubt. “Yeah, I guess so.”

  “After all, Sam, isn’t it true that all of our experiences are ultimately stepping stones to our purpose?”

  Purpose.

  There was that word again.

  “Yeah, I guess so,” I mumbled.

  I rubbed the tiredness from my eyes and looked out the window. It would be time to leave soon and head back to camp. It seemed, also, it would finally be time to decide what my purpose in these mountains was.

  “Ah, yes. Well, for now, it seems your purpose might be to nap a bit before going back to ca
mp,” said Theory in a motherly tone.

  “Mm,” I hummed, not realizing I had already started to fall asleep.

  I felt her lay a blanket over me and wipe my bangs to the side of my face. “I’ll wake you up before sunrise.”

  I wanted to thank her for being so thoughtful, or ask a random question so that she would stay longer. But my body was done, and I was already too deep into my dreams to reply.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  “This weather is weird,” said Mikayla as she poked at our morning campfire.

  Murky swirls of gray clouds manifested above us. The weather had been quirky for a few days now, slowly moving over the mountains until it finally threatened to break open above us.

  “Yeah, where the heck did the sun go? We were supposed to make puppets today,” whined

  Rishawn.

  “I don’t know, bud. But I’m thinkin’ we better gather a lot more firewood if it’s going to stay like this all day,” said Dodger.

  I looked up and took inventory of the clouds. They didn’t look very promising, and I remembered how hard it was trying to start a fire in the rain by myself. “Yeah, I think you’re right, Dodge. I’m done eating, so I can go start finding some. You guys can catch up with me later, if you want.”

  Dodger looked up at me, his brown eyes barreling right into my heart. “Thanks, Sam. We can meet you near the field in a bit.”

  I smiled at him, trying to contain the rush of excitement I always felt when he spoke in a specific tone that was meant for just me. It made me want to kiss him again. I wondered when we would be alone long enough to try again. Until then, I’d have to settle for the secret shoulder brushes on hikes and playing footsie during dinner while the cousins were busy bantering. I looked him over, feeling grateful to still have him nearby. “Okay, sounds good.”

  We spent a moment floating in a shared look before I bowed my head and zipped up my hoodie. I stood up and began to walk toward the woods, being careful to move gracefully in case Dodger was still watching me. I would sometimes watch him do things without his knowing, and wondered if he ever did the same to me. He was so easy to fall for.

  I felt the dirt below my shoes steepen and curve. I knew there was a pile of fallen branches on the opposite side of the wildflower field that might be dry enough to use for tonight’s fire. As I planned how I would carry a bundle of it back, I used the weight of my legs to crunch the smattering of butterscotch branches that rested around me. Beads of sweat began to puddle around my brow and I unzipped my hoodie a bit to let the breeze quell my heat.

  As I climbed the hill’s incline, thoughts of Nova began to hike into my head. It had been two years since I’d last seen her. Daydreams of her making me laugh inspired a chuckle out loud; she was still the funniest person I knew. Witty and creative, she had a natural penchant for igniting the world around her into a blaze of laughter. Thinking of her energy suddenly gave me a boost of my own. I drifted back into the mindfulness of my steps just in time to avoid a pile of massive stones bordering the field.

  Drip.

  Drip, drop.

  Drip, drop, drip.

  Looking toward the sky, I squinted as a raindrop pelted my forehead. Shoot, I knew it’d start to rain the second I got out here. Figures.

  Drip, drop.

  Drip, drip, drop.

  I sighed heavily, growing annoyed that the sun didn’t seem to last as long as I thought it should up here in the mountains.

  Drip.

  Drip, drop.

  Drip, drop, Snap!

  The crunch of a branch echoed in the distance and instantly turned my blood into ice.

  What was that?

  I spun around, trying to locate the source of the noise. Could it be those squirrels? They were always more feisty when it was raining, busy to fill their nests with nuts before it got too wet. No, maybe it was a hiker. But wait, why would they be up this high in this weather?

  The fog began to roll in between the trees and the sky grew darker above me.

  Snap! Another branch popped a warning into the atmosphere.

  There it was again. My entire body went on alert, my ears straining to organize the noises around me. The harder I tried to listen, the heavier the rain grew, muffling all the sounds of the forest together. This snap was too big. I had hoped for squirrels or a hiker, but my nervous system knew I was finally out of luck.

  The flashbacks of growls ripped through my brain and I started putting the pieces together. Dodger had been stalked on his hike up, just as I had been. Rishawn had been spooked during our hike to the summit, and even Mikayla had heard something during dinner the other night.

  Scaaaw!

  The call of a bird came from the trees several yards in front of me. I lifted my hand over my eyes to look through the rain. A coal black and silvery blue stellar’s jay perched boldly in the branch of a nearby spruce.

  “Oh, hey there,” I said to him, trying to let go of the fear that seemed to still be clinging to my chest. Maybe the snap I heard was just the bird. “What are you doing out here, little guy?”

  Scaaaw! It cried again, as if to force my focus toward a fallen log below it.

  As the rain drummed against the bark of the log, the leaves of a sleeping fern began to bend backwards in slow motion, like the retracting band of a slingshot. Time and space decelerated into a pause.

  Snap!

  The leaves of the fern swooshed back into place and, in the blink of an eye, unveiled the blurry fur of a tail. The ice in my legs shot into my heart and I sensed the same fear that had visited me too many times in past nightmares.

  I knew for sure now that I was no longer alone on my hike.

  Grrrrr…

  A low growl caught the stream of air passing over me and burned through my ears, destroying any lingering safety I had left. Tears swelled behind my eyes, but I tried to avoid crying so that my vision remained clear.

  Grrrrr…

  The growl was closer now.

  This was it.

  Whatever it was had finally found me.

  I bent my knees, unsure of whether to run or stay frozen in place. The bushes around me swayed slowly as it moved. I could feel it sizing me up.

  The hair on my forearms stood up straight. The ice repelled off my heart and burst through my veins, making my stomach bottom out. I hadn’t felt cold fear bullet though me like this since the last time He came after me.

  Errrrrr…rumbled a second entity from a separate bush.

  My heart raced so fast I could feel the air choking out of my lungs. Without moving my body, my eyes darted toward the stellar’s jay in the tree above me. I prayed that it wouldn’t make a noise, terrified that any movement made would startle whatever was watching me into attack mode.

  I quickly did my best to locate where the growls were coming from, mapping possible escape routes. Suddenly, a steaming whiff of heat rose from behind a bush only a few feet from me. The rain pelted the shoulders of my hoodie, and reminded me of the way the way I used to tap on my desk when I was anxious for class to end. I’d give anything to be in class again right now instead of out here, about to die.

  I thought about my friends, wondering if they’d be near enough to hear me scream. I thought of Nova, wondering if I’d get to say goodbye to her a final time. I wondered if I would die alone out here, less than a mile away from anyone that might care about me. Sadness penetrated my fear and I started grieving the loneliness of my imminent danger. Before I could feel sorry for myself fully, a deep, lurking growl walked out from behind the veil of leaves.

  It was a wolf.

  Its ghostly white fur and waxy teeth blustered a tormenting snarl. Drips of drool tangled with the rain, amplifying the immensity of its power. Its eyes gleamed in the rain, as if figuring out which part of me to eat first. I leaned back, still too afraid to run. My body suddenly felt as if it was floating outside of me. I didn’t know whether or not to bring it back to Earth to fight or let it continue to drift away to safety.

/>   The wolf grew brazen and called to the bushes behind me.

  Rrrrr!

  I inched my head to the side just enough to make out another predator of equal mass crawling toward me.

  My fate had been decided for me.

  We all stood in a triangular formation, each of us waiting for the other to make the first move. I struggled to breathe, wondering if my lack of air would kill me before the carnivores did.

  Aaaack! screeched the jay, bolting into the trees past us. Both wolves snarled and looked toward the bird. My feet instinctively took off after it, leaving far behind whatever part of me that was floating.

  Furious that I had broken their seal of intimidation, I could hear the scruff and grunt of paws behind me. Their huffing sent alarms screaming through my system, telling me that they were rapidly gaining speed and catching up with me. The rain poured down harder as I hurdled over logs in frantic desperation to keep up with the bird.

  Scaaaaw! called the jay, battering through the onslaught of saturated branches. My lungs began to hurt and it felt as if I had inhaled a handful of needles.

  Scaaaaw! the jay warned me to keep going.

  Grrrrr! protested the parade of predators behind me, enraged that I had found the inspiration to survive.

  Suddenly, through the chrome fog of the woods I could see the inviting lean of a nearby tree. It was a tree I had climbed a few days ago to watch the sunset. Maybe I could make it!

  Petrified of being eaten alive, I summoned every fragment of energy I had left to run as fast as I could to the base of the tree. I could feel tears cascade down the curves of my face, knowing that this might be my last chance to save myself.

  Wek-wek-wek! cried the steller’s jay as we blitzed toward the only shot I had at safety. The terrain flattened and the trees began to space out. The noise behind me also began to widen.

  Fight, Sam…a firm voice bellowed past me on the wind and my fear cleared just enough to think. I measured how many more feet I would need to make it to the tree and then braved a look behind me. Shockingly, the wolves had disappeared. My eyes scanned the forest floor all around me for signs of their monster paws.