Sam's Theory

by Sarah Mendivel

“Seester, what happened to you?” she finally asked.

  I took a deep breath, thinking carefully about what I wanted to tell her. I felt protective of what parts of my story she might be able to handle and didn’t want her worrying about things that had already happened. “Just a lot of hard stuff, seester. But, it’s over now and He can’t find either one of us up here.”

  Nova sighed. “Yeah, I’m happy about that. You know, my mom…uh, sorry, I mean our mom…”

  I looked up at her awkwardly and we shifted in our positions uncomfortably. “It’s okay, go ahead.”

  Nova bowed her head again. “I don’t think Mom knew what to do. I think She felt bad about leaving you.”

  I ran my finger through my bangs and shook my head. “Yeah, it’s fine. We don’t have to talk about it. I’ve already worked on that part and don’t need Her anymore.”

  “What do you mean you worked on it?”

  “I mean, I talked about it with Theory and did star tracking. It’s a long story, but I’ve basically learned how to take care of myself and be proud of who I am without Her.”

  “Oh, I see,” Nova said, clearly disappointed.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Well, I guess I was just hoping that we could be a family again one day.”

  I forgot how young Nova was, and how far removed she was from most of the scary stuff that had happened to us. I felt angry at the thought of ever reuniting with Her again. There was a lot of hurt and anger that still existed for me, but I also knew from my work with Theory that anything was possible. If there was one thing I had learned in all of this, it was that life was way too big and complex to think I ever had it all figured out.

  Whatever the case, now wasn’t the time to have to think about it. No, for tonight, all I had to think about was how happy I was to have my sister back. “Yeah, seester, we’ll see. Maybe one day.”

  She smiled at me softly, then laid in bed to get a head start on sleep. I rubbed her back for a few minutes, watching her breath slow until she was completely engrossed in dreamland. “Goodnight, seester.”

  I turned toward my lamp, catching a glimpse of the other tiny loft hanging in a tree across from ours. Dodger was sitting in the window, staring off into the night sky. His profile seemed at peace and I watched him for a few minutes until he finally caught sight of me. We both smiled at one another, my heart racing as it always did when I saw him.

  I was so grateful for everything he had done, and so excited for everything that lay ahead of us. He seemed to sense this gratitude from the other tree, because he waved graciously and nodded his head. I waved back, hoping to send the love I felt for him into the atmosphere just enough for him to absorb.

  Moments later, both of our nightlights went out, leaving all of us suspended under the stars, wondering what adventures awaited our newfound family.

  “Think of what you would tell a friend if they were having a hard time, and then tell yourself those very same things.”

  -Theory

  CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

  I had woken up early that morning to watch my sister sleep. It was just like it was when we were little and I used to wake up before her on Christmas. It was a tradition we always had; she would lay in bed until I came in and got her, before both of us rushed into the living room in hopes of finding some kind of gift-wrapped respite to our reality.

  Today felt better than Christmas, though. I got to wake up next to my sister, eat breakfast with her and my family, and then show her around Theory’s house as if it were my own. Everything was okay today. To top it all off, the group had agreed to go on a hike I had been dying to share with them.

  “Okay, does everyone have everything they need?” asked Theory as she looked at our disheveled attempt at preparing for an adventure.

  Rishawn had pulled his socks up over his pants, as if we were going to march through swampland. Mikayla used so much bug spray that she was now coughing. Dodger had fashioned together a new first aid kit, and I had packed extra food for Nova, in case she got hungry.

  Theory laughed and shook her head. “My goodness, it’s as if you all haven’t been living in the woods for months already!”

  We all laughed, looking around at one another and realizing how silly we looked. Rishawn jumped in place. “It’s cuz we finally found Nova and she’s doing her first hike!”

  Theory looked at my younger sister, concerned. “Your first hike?”

  Nova shrugged her shoulders and shuffled her feet. “Yeah, I told Rishawn that I’ve never really hiked before.”

  Dodge smiled at me compassionately. “Well, aside from our climb up here. But that was under different circumstances, so.”

  “Ugh, yeah,” Nova nodded.

  “But, Sam, you hiked sometimes, right? Didn’t y’all grow up in the same house?” asked Mikayla.

  Everyone fell silent. Nova and I looked at one another awkwardly, not wanting to think about being separated again.

  Mikayla closed her eyes and shook her head. “Ehh, sorry. Okay, my bad.”

  I smiled at my friend, knowing it was an honest mistake. “It’s okay, friend.”

  Theory jumped in and adjusted the straps of my backpack as it rested on my shoulders. “Well, Sam, maybe you can tell Nova how nervous you were the first you went for your first big hike up here.”

  Half embarrassed that she announced my shaky adventure to the group, but feeling nurtured by her taking care of me, I looked toward my sister. “It’s true. I was a mess.”

  Nova laughed. “No way, seester. But you’re always so brave!”

  Theory snuck me a smile and a wink. “Yes she is, Nova.”

  I smiled proudly. “Yeah, well, not all the time.”

  “All right, let’s get this party started,” clapped Dodger, taking charge to push us toward the front door.

  We took turns climbing down the tree and the group naturally fell behind me so that I could take the lead. I walked them past the familiar pattern of trees, past clumps of friendly rocks, and toward the river where I first saw the elk. Everyone took turns pointing out some tiny bit of magic they’d catch sight of.

  As we walked, Nova began to pace me. “So, seester. I had a dream about you a few months ago.”

  “Oh yeah?” I asked, feeling pleased that she had thought about me while we were apart. “What was it about?”

  “Well, I don’t totally understand it all yet. But, it started out with you running through a city. You ran through really tall buildings and were yelling something. All of a sudden, tons of kids started coming out from everywhere and following you. There was this huge group of kids behind you, and you guys ran all the way to the ocean. When you reached the ocean, I was there waiting for you. You lifted your arms and all of these butterflies started flying out of you! Like, there were so many that they filled the entire sky! You looked really strong, like you had just saved the world or something,” she said thoughtfully.

  I looked away from Nova and into the trees, nervous at how close her dream seemed to be to reality. How did she know about the butterflies? Did someone tell her about my ability to heal other kids? That was impossible; no one but Theory knew. What city was I running through? Were the kids behind me part of The Collective? Was this something that was actually going to happen, or was it just a dream?

  “Sam,” Nova said, touching my shoulder. “do you know what all of that means?”

  I looked back at her, desperately wanting to tell her everything, but knowing it wasn’t time yet. “I don’t know, maybe little parts of it. What other kinds of dreams have you had?”

  She smiled. “Lots of them. That’s how I knew you’d come find me.”

  “You dreamt I would come find you?”

  She nodded happily. I smiled at her, proud of how much she had grown up. I wondered if she had her own abilities, still stunned by her dream. “Yeah, well. You don’t need a dream to know that I’ll always come find you.”

  “I know, seester. Although now I know I should’ve jus
t started climbing trees until I found out which one you were sleeping in,” she joked.

  “Hahaha, no kidding. Next time I’ll leave a candy trail or something for you.”

  “Yes please. Anything sour would be great.”

  I shook my head, quickly getting used to having her around again.

  “You guys, look,” called out Rishawn in a loud whisper.

  We all turned toward him, following his pointed finger to the trees in the distance. Standing there, in the neon green thick of the ferns, was a herd of elk.

  “Shhh, hold still,” whispered Dodger to the group protectively.

  Nova leaned into me. “Seester, what are those?”

  I smiled, happy to be teaching her something about the world I had been living in all of these months. “They’re elk. They won’t hurt us if we just let them have space.”

  “Wow,” she said, reminding me of myself.

  The herd spread out slowly in front of us. A group of females watched us cautiously as their calves began to relax enough to start snacking on the vegetation around them. Their fur had a brown luster that sparkled when the sun hit it.

  “The little ones are so cute,” whispered Mikayla, walking backwards toward our group. She bumped into Rishawn as the rest of us stood still, watching the herd quietly.

  Just as everyone relaxed into the moment, there was a grunt that erupted from behind the herd. A few calves startled, their ears flinching back and forth in the afternoon air. The herd shifted and parted ways, creating just enough space for a massive 6-point bull to emerge. He towered above the rest of the group, making his presence known naturally by the size of his stature. His eyes, a familiar deep brown, rested into mine.

  I recognized him immediately.

  “Oh my gawd,” squealed Rishawn. “That thing is huuuuge!”

  My group shifted back a few steps, but I held my stance. Dodger placed a hand on my arm. “Sam, be careful.”

  “It’s okay, Dodge,” I said, gently touching his hand with mine. “I know him.”

  The same elk that I had met by the river, and again when I was trying to build my first fire, was now here in front of me, standing with his own family behind him. We stood in recognition of one another, respectfully keeping our distance.

  He looked bolder now, more attentive. I felt a rush of excitement looking at him, as if it was time to run toward something. As he stared into me, a rising sense of courage and purpose settled into my bones.

  I knew, now, what I was meant to do.

  Eerf! grunted the elk, suddenly bowing his head and breaking through the suspension of our moment together. He turned back toward the forest and sauntered heavily into the trees. The rest of the herd began to follow him. We stood and watched them file away into the distance, until the bushy tail of the last calf was out of sight completely.

  “Um, okay. That was awesome,” laughed Rishawn, already skipping back into action.

  “Did you see that huge one?” yelled Mikayla, running after him.

  Dodger turned to me with a knowing look. “You knew him, huh?”

  I shrugged my shoulders innocently. He rolled his eyes, laughed, and jogged to catch up to the group.

  Nova looked up at me. “Wow, seester. You’ve seen a lot of stuff out here, I guess.”

  “Yeah, kind of. Just when I’ve been out exploring and stuff,” I replied, trying to downplay my experiences in front of her.

  “Well, I think it’s cool,” she said. “I hope I can explore it, too, one day.”

  I threw my arm around her. “Of course, seester. We’ve got the whole world to conquer now.”

  As the sun set into the trees, the group walked back to Theory’s just in time for dinner. We took turns climbing up the staircase of branches and into the tree house. It wasn’t until I was a few feet up my own ascent that a nagging feeling started to nip at me. For some reason, this felt like one of the last times I would climb this tree.

  I paused, halfway into my climb, overlooking the horizon of treetops. The sun had already ducked behind the mountain range, tossing color into the clouds on its way out. The feeling that there was more out there began to pull at me. What if Nova’s dream meant something? What if it was really time to start helping other kids? Suddenly, this tree house and its humble inhabitants felt like a very small space to be living in.

  “Sam?” I looked up and saw Nova hanging off the rail of the porch, wondering what was taking me so long.

  I studied my sister, ever grateful that she had been brought back to me. Her eyes sparkled with the same hazel mine did. She was one of the greatest gifts the universe could have given me. She was a part of me, in the same way roots are a part of a tree. And now, a new journey called for us. I knew it was time to answer it. Even if it meant that it was time to leave Theory.

  “Coming, seester,” I said.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

  The evening sky had been painted in amethyst and indigo by a sleepy sun, the stars peacefully poking through what clouds lingered behind. Mikayla and Rishawn sat cuddled on the living room couch playing cards, while Dodger and Nova laughed over guessing who originally said one another’s favorite movie quotes. I sat in a corner chair watching my herd comfortably settle into one another. The house felt warm and full.

  “Sam?” said a voice quietly from behind me.

  I turned around to see Theory smiling gently near the library door. She looked as relaxed and natural as the rest of the night felt. I smiled at her, grateful to have her near. “Yeah?”

  She motioned for me to follow her, to which my body instinctively did so by leaning out of its chair and walking itself to the library discreetly. As I walked into the room, I caught Theory hovering over the corner table. Her posture was rolled over a bit, making her seem sad somehow.

  “How is everything going out there?” she asked.

  I smiled and walked closer to her. “Really good, actually. I think everyone is acclimated and just hanging out finally.”

  “That’s wonderful. It’s been quite the journey to get to here,” she said encouragingly.

  “Yeah, I guess it has been,” I said, reflecting on how much had changed in such a short amount of time.

  “So,” asserted Theory, turning toward me. “What comes next?”

  “Oh, uh, I don’t know,” I said, thrown off by her sudden change of tone.

  “Hmm, well, I imagine you have some idea, no? After all, you worked so hard on that Manifesto the other day. I think it’s such a beautiful start to a bigger plan. How do you think you’ll get it out there to other kids?”

  “Oh, thank you. Mm, I don’t know. I mean, I have a couple ideas, but I haven’t run it by anyone else yet,” I answered, wondering why the relaxed feelings I had a few minutes ago seemed to be turning into anxiety.

  Theory averted her eyes away from me. “I see. Well, it sounds like it might be a good time to explore those ideas out loud with your affiliates.”

  “Yeah, of course. I can bring it up tomorrow, or in a few days,” I said, wondering what she was getting at.

  “Sam.”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m going to say something you might not want to hear, but I wouldn’t be saying it if I wasn’t absolutely confident that it was right,” she warned.

  I swallowed nervously. “Okay.”

  Theory took a deep breath and suddenly looked like she was going to cry. Instead, she smiled and folded her hands in front of her. “Sam, I think it may be time for you to go back into the world.”

  “Wait, what?” I said, immediately panicking.

  “You have done the hard work and have grown such an impressive amount. You are strong, and capable, and a shining example of what anyone can become if they are brave enough to stare the truth dead in the eyes. It’s time, now, to go see what all of that looks like in the real world.”

  My heart started breaking as it struggled to race out of my chest. “Theory, I can’t leave you yet.”

  “Ohhh, but kiddo, you can
. And you need to. The longer you stay, the less you will grow,” she said with conviction.

  “But,” I spurted, unable to argue because I was too busy trying not to break down.

  “Sam,” she said, approaching me. “We have talked about this before. You know this is part of the process. I will always be here, but you need to explore what the world looks like for you with your new lens. You have more to accomplish than what sits here on the mountain.”

  I wiped a tear from my face. “Yeah, I know. But it isn’t safe. What if something happens? Or what if I forget the stuff I learned and go back to old habits? Or, what if-”

  “What if you already know everything you need to and will actually be okay? Sam, you have gotten so much bigger than I could have ever anticipated. Truly, you are a gift to this world and have tremendous things waiting for you at the bottom of the mountain,” she said, soothing my heartache with her never-ending belief in me.

  “Yeah, I just.” Sadness swelled in my throat, choking off any shot I had at responding.

  “It’s just what?”

  I slowed down my breathing and focused on my voice. “It’s just…I’m angry that you changed my life and now won’t be there to see how it unfolds. Like, what if something amazing happens and you won’t be there to share it with?”

  “Aww, kiddo. You’re right to feel anxious about that part, but the things we did together to prepare you to have those amazing accomplishments will always exist. That is the story you and I wrote together, and it will always be there. We are forever part of one another’s story now. And that is what you will carry with you into every moment you have after this.”

  “Gaaaaaaad, I know, I know,” I grunted, wanting so badly to argue back but knowing she was right. I wiped more tears from my face and tried to imagine what life would look like without Theory within hiking distance of me every day.

  I was scared, but it wasn’t the kind of fear that brought me to her originally. That fear had been wrestled out of me by grit, tenacity, and compassion. That fear no longer existed in me and was never welcome back in.