by Kelly, Marie
You did good! You did good!
That was all I fucking got?
My brothers fuck up and I clean up their mess—so to speak—and all I get is a motherfucking thank you!
I clenched my jaw and my fists.
My love was right! No matter what I did, my pops was going to make excuses for my brothers to keep them on top.
In my eyes, the strongest one should run this shit and that was me!
Surge was too busy fucking to be king and Wrath was too fucking blind by love and wanting peace to run this shit.
And Legion was no fucking son to my pops, so that left only me!
It should have been me! I clearly showed that I was the one who fixed it all but just to save Wrath’s stupid ass, my pops turned it to a we thing to make it look like as a family we dealt with shit. When it was really all me.
But that was my pops and I was stupid to think he would finally see it my way.
He never gave me credit where it was due and always praised Wrath like he was the motherfucker who did shit.
Granted it was all a fucking lie but they didn’t know that!
I gritted my back teeth as I watched my family talk around me like they always did.
When my pops finally dismissed us, I couldn’t get out of my chair fast enough.
“Son, you good?” Wrath put an arm around my shoulder as I leaped up to leave.
“Yeah, I’m straight.”
He looked at me like he didn’t believe me and I almost thought I saw love for me in his eyes but I knew that I didn’t. This nigga loved nobody but himself and I knew that.
“You sure. You know you can talk to me.”
Once upon a time I did know that I could talk to my big brother about anything until my eyes were opened to the fact the nigga didn’t really give a fuck.
“I know,” I said giving him a fake smile.
My pops calling Wrath over gave me the chance I needed to leave. I already knew they were going to have their secret meetings like they always did which was just another way to exclude me.
I walked out of the new warehouse with my boys close behind me.
Dagger drove us there, so I climbed into his car without saying a word.
The car was quiet for ten minutes before Dagger spoke up.
“What we do now Guns? Your pops just ate that shit up,” He said as I sat there stroking my chin while my mind raced.
My love was right all along!
No matter what I did, it wasn’t going to be good enough for my pops. And as long as my brothers were alive I was never going to be king. Not while my pops sat and made excuses for them.
Although I didn’t want to see my brothers dead, the need to be on top outweighed that and I started to see that my love was right all along.
It was me or them—and I chose…
Would I be able to live with the idea of my brothers being dead?
Now that was a question!
Alvaro ‘Wrath’ Ramsey
The Next Morning
Going home was the last thing I wanted to do but I was tired of Ma calling just to cuss my ass out, so that was the only reason why I brought my ass home last night.
After that meeting with my brothers and pops, I came home expecting Kanada to be in my bed but she wasn’t.
Which was good for me because I just wasn’t ready to talk to her just yet.
At this point, I didn’t know if I wanted to talk to her again or not.
I rolled on my back, dropped my head to the side and looked at the time on the clock. It was almost 8 in the morning and I was tired as hell.
For the past few nights I had barely slept—too much bullshit on my mind for me to rest—but last night was better than it had been. Especially after finding out Guns got rid of Bully and his crew.
It pissed me off that I had motherfuckers following us because I too believed that could catch the crew that was fucking shit up. Only to find out they were probably in on it too because there was just no way they didn’t find the crew yet, but Guns had.
Still, I was glad my little bro was on his shit. Now I could breathe a little easier knowing I only had Trojan to handle—well once the security I had following us were handled.
At least that part of my life was working out.
I knew I would have to talk to Kanada sooner than later but for now I would prefer the later part.
Yawning, I closed my eyes thinking that I would take another hour of sleep since KeKe was with Brittany.
“ALVAROOOO!”
Hearing the way Ma screamed my name had me rushing out of my bed—almost falling on my face—as I tried to get to her.
I snatched the door open and took the stairs down two at a time until I made it to the living room where I heard her voice coming from. My eyes widened when I saw why Ma was calling me the way she was.
Inside of my living room were three fucking cops. That instantly made me grit on my back teeth because I didn’t fuck with those people—except for the ones who worked for me and I damn sure didn’t want them inside of my personal house.
Ma was standing there with tears flowing down her cheeks as she watched a cop place handcuffs on Kanada.
She was crying too and then she turned to look at me.
Everything inside of me was telling me to get those bitch ass niggas off her and save her but the fact she had lied to me, made me stay where I was.
If she fucking told me the truth from the beginning, I could have dealt with this shit! I thought as I looked at her and shook my head.
“Mommy!” TJ came rushing into the room and tried to go over to his mother, but I stopped him and picked him up.
“I want my mommy! I want my mommy!” He screamed which only made Kanada cry harder.
“What is going on?” I asked, and the cops turned to look at me. “I’m the owner of this house and she…”
We both locked eyes when I hesitated on what to call her, but I looked away first.
“She’s my guest. I want to know what the charges are. And why you n-men are in my house?” I stopped myself from calling them niggas because I was holding TJ.
One of the cops walked over to me, so I turned and handed TJ to Ma.
“Take him upstairs. Let me deal with this.” I instructed Ma.
She looked around me to Kanada and her wet eyes hesitated. I knew how much she loved Kanada but I didn’t need TJ in here watching this shit. It was stressing him out.
“Ma, please.” I begged and her eyes landed on mine. “I will deal with this.”
She reluctantly nodded her head and left the room with TJ who was still fighting to get to Kanada.
I turned back to face the cop once I saw Ma was out of the room.
“She’s being arrested for prostitution, aggravated assault and robbery.” The cop said to me and my eyes instantly landed on Kanada.
All she could do was look at me with pitiful eyes.
“It’s not true, Alvaro.” She cried out to me.
I wanted to believe her but, how could I? The number of times she looked me in the eyes and told me that she was trying to get a job so that she could look after TJ.
And then I thought about how I had offered her a job so she could do just that. And how by her working for me, lead to us getting together. It had me wondering since my reasoning for helping her in the first place was because of a lie she told me, was everything else after that a lie too?
My heart told me that what I had in her and the way I gave her all of me, wasn’t a lie on my part. There was anything I didn’t share with her. But then it ripped in two because I had fallen for someone I didn’t even know.
I was conflicted! Too many thoughts and emotions were flowing through me, that I couldn’t think straight.
I knew that I had the power to help her, save her but who was I saving?
The Kanada I thought I knew?
And then another thought entered my head.
What else was she lying about?
Was that it or
was that only the beginning? Was anything she told me real?
Did she really care about me?
Did I take a chance on something that wasn’t real?
It was all too much for me and giving me a headache.
“Alvaro, please.” Kanada called out snapping me from my thoughts.
We locked eyes and my soul cried out for her.
Why did she lie?
“I will call my lawyer,” I said to her and she nodded while they pulled her away and out of my house.
“Alvaro, you got to help her!” Ma came running back into the living room seconds after they left.
I couldn’t bear to watch them place her in the back of a car—even though my mind was telling me she deserved that for the stupid decisions she made—so I stayed put in the living room.
My eyes moved from the carpet—where it had been since they pulled her from my sight—and I looked at Ma.
“Where is TJ?”
“I put a movie on for him.” She answered me and I nodded.
“Alvaro, are you not going to help her? Why didn’t you follow them?”
I could both see the panic in her eyes and hear it in her voice. There was no denying how much she loved Kanada—if anything I could sympathise with her!
“Ma, I’m gonna deal with it.” I nonchalantly said and turned to leave the room.
“Are you?” Ma’s question made me stop in my tracks and turn to look at her.
“If that was your brothers, you would have been out of the door before the cops could even put them in the back of the car. Yet, she’s gone and you are still standing there!”
“Do you think I’m happy to see that shit? But she caused it! She lied to me!” I didn’t want to yell at my grandmother but I was fucking hurt. This shit was killing me, and it was like she didn’t see that!
Ma shook her head at me with a sigh.
“She made a mistake, Alvaro.” Ma defended her.
“Did she or was the mistake getting caught?” My question had Ma stuck.
Since she couldn’t answer me, I used that as my chance to leave the room.
I don’t care what Ma had to say, Kanada had more than enough chances to tell me the truth and she didn’t.
So was that my problem???
That, I didn’t know!
It had been just over six hours since Kanada was locked up. I should have gone down there to help her—I wanted to—but at the same time, my pride wouldn’t let me.
Ma cussed my ass out something serious but that still didn’t make me go down there. If anything, I was ashamed to.
Ashamed that a woman I paraded around with pride, a woman that I happily let everybody with ears know belonged to me, a woman that I turned my baby mother down for, was nothing more than a liar.
Not only a liar, but was being accused of prostitution, aggravated assault and robbery!
That shit had me looking at my own fucking self sideways! Like how the fuck did her true colors evade me? How did I so easily fall for the lies she feed me instead of finding out for myself?
Something about Kanada had me taking everything she said as facts and not once did I question it or her.
I was just so taken by her that it didn’t even enter my mind.
That’s why a nigga should have stayed fucking!
Had I stuck to what I was doing, I would have been able to avoid this bullshit. I wouldn’t be sitting here feeling like a sucker and I damn sure wouldn’t be in my feelings over a female.
Fuck and dip was my motto until Kanada came crashing into my life and filled it with lies.
Even the fucking snake I had in my camp wasn’t as bad as Kanada and I say that because she knew all the shit I was dealing with and still chose to lie to me.
Those motherfuckers I worked with didn’t know me. They didn’t know Alvaro—they knew their boss Wrath—which was the same person yet was so different too.
Kanada saw me—the real me; all of me! She saw my strengths and my weaknesses. She saw me at my most vulnerable. Something no one but my family ever saw!
Kanada knew my thoughts that I freely shared with her. It didn’t matter what it was, I never felt embarrassed to tell her because that’s just how comfortable I felt with her.
She was my soulmate, my match, my rib and I treated her as such.
A deep sigh left my lips and I closed my eyes.
It was no secret that I had something with Kanada that I had never had before. Something I never thought I would have or would ever want.
Life started to have a different meaning because she was in it.
Fight for what y’all had nigga. My thoughts screamed at me and begged.
I allowed that thought to linger for a few seconds before I opened my eyes.
It was a thought that had been ringing in my mind and heart since Kanada left. As angry as I was at her, not seeing her around the house, hearing her laughter and smelling her scent was fucking with me.
I felt like I was in a prison—like I couldn’t breathe. And as much as I wanted to deny it, I missed her lying ass.
“Fuck it!” I thought as I jumped up to my feet.
She lied but something inside of me was telling me that I shouldn’t just let what we had go. Shit was just too deep for me to walk away and not try.
There must have been a reason why she lied to me and I want to know why. But we can get past this.
No matter how angry I was for what was going on, knowing it could have all been prevented had she told me the truth, I knew I would be angrier if I walked away now without trying.
We had a lot of shit to talk about, but I was willing to try.
After I pushed my feet into my sneakers, I snatched up my cell off my bed and dashed out of my room.
As I jogged down the stairs, I scrolled through my contacts to find my lawyer, David’s number.
He was the best of the best. Even if a crowd of people saw you kill a motherfucker in cold blood and they caught that shit on video, David would get you off.
The motherfucker knew laws that most people didn’t or overlooked and he used that to his advantage.
If anyone could fix this shit for Kanada, he could.
I shook my head at myself knowing I should have called his ass days ago, but stubbornness was my fucking middle name.
Something I definitely had to work on!
Getting to his contact, I went to press the phone symbol to call him, just as I pulled my front door open. My steps were halted when I almost walked into a tall nigga.
He looked me up and down before his lips turned into a tight line.
“Who are you?” I snarled at him because I didn’t know this nigga.
“Um, I’m Terrence.”
I frowned at his name.
“Kanada’s baby father?” I asked him after remembering his name.
He simply nodded to my question.
“The fuck you doing here, nigga? You have a lot of balls turning up at my fucking door after kicking Kanada out with your son when she wouldn’t work the streets for you!”
I was so angry I wanted to rip this nigga’s face off. He had a lot of fucking balls to come to my fucking house.
Furthermore, I didn’t even know how the fuck he found out where I lived anyway.
“I have been looking for Kanada for weeks but once she was arrested it was easy to track her down.” He explained but he still wasn’t saying shit.
“Nigga, the fuck you doing here?”
“Listen, I just came for my son.”
“Your son? The son you kicked out on the street? Do you know they were living in a fucking car before my grandmother found them?” I grabbed him by his collar and pulled him toward me.
After the bullshit that went down two days ago, I was looking for a way to relief some stress and this motherfucker was the perfect candidate.
I couldn’t stand a fucking deadbeat dad because there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for my daughter.
I didn’t give a fuck! Nothing but de
ath could keep me from my daughter and even then I would find a way to haunt her. I wasn’t leaving my daughter for shit.
Motherfuckers like this nigga here shouldn’t be able to have kids—in my opinion.
When he smirked, I almost went black on his ass.
“Is that what she told you?”
His question made me frown and seeing that, he smirked at me.
“Kanada wanted to be out there in the streets like that and when I caught her, I told her to stop or get out. But I damn sure didn’t tell her to kidnap my son.”
“Bullshit!” I spat even though I wasn’t sure of anything again at this point.
Up until I found out she lied to me about what she was doing the night I found TJ, I thought that I knew everything about her. I thought that everything she told me about her past was the truth.
And finding out that it wasn’t had me questioning everything. Which is why until now, I hadn’t tried to help her.
But now, this nigga was pushing doubts back into my head that I just let go.
“If that was bullshit, what is she sitting inside a jail for?” He asked me.
“Do you really believe it’s a coincidence that she moved here and went back to doing what she claims I forced her to do? I wasn’t even here, so what was her excuse?” Terrence said and he had me thinking because it was the same shit I thought when I found out.
Like if her baby father forced her in the streets, why the fuck did she do that same shit when she got here?
It was a question that played over and over in my head like it was on replay. And each time, I couldn’t find the answer.
I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt and I was willing to put it down to her just making a fucking stupid mistake but now this nigga had me doubting that.
“Kanada isn’t who you think she is, my friend. She was living recklessly in Boston; why do you think she’s here? Her plans were to find herself a rich man that she could swindle money out of.” The way his eyes penetrated mine it was like he was trying to say more than what his mouth did.
No, she wouldn’t play me. I thought but then I remembered that she had already lied to me once!
Why the fuck did she have to fuck shit up by lying to me???