Into the Dark

by T A. McKay

  Feeling him fill me up but him not moving is driving me insane. He needs to move. Now. I need some friction against my clit, I’m so close it’s unbelievable. I feel him pull out of me and I can't help the noise of frustration that leaves me, but the feeling of loss only lasts a few seconds before he slams back into my body making my head fall back against the wall behind me as I scream. His pace picks up and I struggle to catch my breath, he’s thrusting into me as though he hates me and I couldn’t love it any more than I do. I tangle my fingers into his hair again and pull his mouth to mine, I want to be joined to him in any and every way possible. I feel his finger running over my clit and it’s too much. I can feel the tightness building in my core making me clench harder around Masons dick, seeking the release I crave. I feel my walls start to pulse and I'm right on the edge, desperately trying not to go over. I want to hold on to the feelings in my body, make it last as long as I can.

  “Let go, baby. I will be just after you, but you need to let go.” The growl in Mason's voice is what finally sends me over the edge, that and the fact he pinches my clit sending pleasurable pain through my body. I pull his hair screaming out in ecstasy, and it only takes him a few more thrusts before I feel him release inside me with a long groan. I gasp for breath once the world around me comes back into focus. Holy shit, I don't think I have ever orgasmed that hard before. I knew he would ruin me. I slip down the wall as Mason loosens his hold on my arse and I quickly realise I need to leave. I need to get out before he tells me to leave, I have some pride left and I want it left intact. I unwrap my legs and when Mason steps back from me, I pull my skirt down, trying to keep as much modesty I can while topless. I walk to the middle of the room where he had thrown my tank top and pick it up, quickly putting it on. I have no idea what to do now, I just want to get out of here before he says something.

  “Um, I’m gonna go. Thanks for ...I hope your ribs are feeling better and you didn’t hurt them again.” With those words, I almost run to his front door, throwing it open and running down his front path to my car that is parked at the kerb. The last thing I hear before I shut my door and drive away is Mason shouting my name.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Niamh

  Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. How is this even possible? This can't be happening, it must be a dream and a really bad one at that. I look down again and I feel tears starting to burn the back of my eyes. This can't happen, not to me. I’m a nurse and I know better than that. What am I going to do? My legs can't hold me up anymore and I collapse onto the closed toilet seat. I had been putting this moment off for two weeks now, I knew what would happen but I just couldn't bring myself to confirm what I already knew. I look back down to the little white stick in my hand as the first of my tears escape and roll down my cheek. Positive. The one word I didn’t want to show on the pregnancy test. I preach to all these teenage girls that come in for the morning after pill, always use a condom, never be unsafe and here I am. After one amazing night with the man of my dreams, my life is going to change forever. One night where I lost my mind and all common sense went out of the window as soon as he touched me. I’m pregnant. I’m hoping the more I say it to myself the realer it will seem. But my mind goes back to the most important question on my mind, what am I going to do? I have a lot of decisions to make and most of them are ones I don’t want to think about. I need to go to the midwife and register, but then that makes it real. Can I still live here with Talia when it arrives, will the flat be big enough? The most important question that keeps running around my head, the one that will probably keep me awake for days or weeks to come ... do I tell Mason? We should be in this together, but I don’t know if I can face him, say the words to him, and I don’t if I’m more scared about him not wanting anything to do with me and the baby, or him wanting to be part of our life. What if he is in our life because he feels he has too, not because he wants to be, he could end up hating me for the rest of his life. I can feel my heart rate start to beat quickly in my chest and my breathing become laboured, with sweat beading on my brow I know I have the start of a panic attack coming on. I wipe the sweat from my forehead and then drop my head between my knees, trying to slow my breathing as much as I can. In through my nose, out through my mouth. Slipping from the toilet I move to sit on the cool tiled floor and try and calm down. The only way I am going to survive this is to take it one step at a time. I take a final deep breath and make my way from the bathroom to my bedroom, I need to call the midwife and get an appointment and there is no better time than now.

  I walk in through the front door of the hospital and make my way through the waiting room. I have an appointment with the midwife next week, but I thought I would see if I could call in a favour. I press the button for the third floor as I get into the lift. I’m so nervous at the moment I actually feel like I’m going to be sick. I go into my bag and grab a piece of chewing gum, I have found that it has been helping with my nausea in the mornings so far, but then I haven’t felt that sick. It was one of the reasons I put off taking the test, I was convinced it would be negative as I hadn’t been having morning sickness, just feeling a bit of colour, a bit like the flu. The lift pings as it reaches the floor I want and the doors open, stepping out of the lift I look around seeing if I can see Karen, she said she would be around the reception desk at two waiting on me. I look at the clock on the wall and see that it’s five minutes before two so I walk over to the desk. I ring the buzzer and wait for someone to come, when the door behind the desk opens I see Karen walking out. She screams when she sees me and runs to grab me into a huge hug. She whispers into my ear.

  “I can’t believe you’re pregnant. You don’t even date, how can you be the first one that’s pregnant. Who is the dad? OMG, it’s not Callen is it?” She is talking a hundred miles an hour and I try to get her to calm down while looking around.

  “Karen, shhhhh. You don’t know who might be listening, I don’t want anyone to know. And no, Callen is NOT the dad.” I try to make that the most important fact that I get across, it will be bad enough if it gets out I’m pregnant but if they start telling people Callen is the father I would have to leave my job here, I would be mortified after the disastrous night we spent together.

  “He’s not? Are you going to tell me who is?” I know I’m going to have to tell people something, but I refuse to say anything before I tell Mason that he’s going to be a dad. Before the panic starts to take over again, I take Karen by the hand and lead her towards the scan rooms, this is what I’m here for, visual proof of the life that is inside me.

  “So what room are we in?” I try to change the subject, to bring her attention back to the job at hand.

  “Room three. It has a blocked sink so it can’t be used, but I didn’t think you would care about that today.” She was right, all I care about is seeing what will show on the screen. Karen keeps talking to me, but I won’t be able to repeat anything if anyone asks me, I have too many thoughts running through my head.

  Stepping into the darkened room, I feel the butterflies in my stomach as I look around, taking in the ultrasound machine. Never once did I think I would be here on my own, without the father of my baby.

  “How far on do you think you are?” I hadn’t given Karen much information when I called, just that I was pregnant and I wanted a scan to confirm it. She had owed me a favour since I had stitched her up after a drunken party one night.

  “I’m thinking about six weeks, it can’t be more than that.” I know I’m six weeks, I clearly remember the night with Mason, the night I lost all common sense.

  “Ok. I will need to do an internal scan, you’re not far enough along for it to show any other way.” I know this already, but I let her talk, maybe if I make this feel as professional as possible I won’t feel the panic. I start to undo my jeans, knowing that I’m going to have to be naked on my bottom half for the scan. Karen throws a blanket over to me as she prepares the ultrasound machine, and I remove my underwear, lying on the bed making sure I’m covere
d. I watch Karen as she types information into the machine and try to stay calm. I always imagined that this would be such a joyous experience, I’m about to see my first ever baby for the first time, but all I can think is why is this happening to me? I think of all those women who I thought were irresponsible for falling pregnant when they didn’t want to, the ones I judged so harshly and yet here I am, in the same situation.

  “Are you all set to go?” She has a smile that would dazzle anyone, even in the dark room. She is showing the excitement I should be. I take another deep breath, preparing for what is about to happen. I have spent the last few days taking deep breaths, and I have a funny feeling I will be doing it for a long time to come. Karen slides the blanket up to just below my belly, trying to keep as much of my modesty as she can.

  “Just place the soles of your feet together and relax your legs.” She places one hand on my knee as I do ask she asks.

  “Just relax, Niamh. You’ll be fine.” She smiles, trying to put me at ease. She picks up the wand and applies lots of gel before turning to me.

  “You know how this works, but stay as relaxed as possible. It will be uncomfortable but not too bad.” She pushed the wand inside as I try to relax. I have done this to women but never had it done, I feel full but it’s not painful. I look at the screen as Karen moves the wand around, trying to find the baby.

  Then it’s there on the screen.

  A tiny little bean shape, tiny and looking nothing like a baby, but that’s not what catches my attention. What I am focused on is the heartbeat. The tiny little flicker on the screen that proves I have a life growing inside me. I feel a tear slip down my cheek as I stare, unable to look away. That’s mine, that little blob on the screen is all mine. It wasn’t made because of love, but I don’t care, seeing it on the screen makes it real but it’s also settled my nerves. I can do this, with or without Mason's help.

  Mason

  Thank fuck its Sunday. This has been the week from hell, everything that could have gone wrong did. Parts were broken, newly resprayed bikes bubbled, deliveries were delayed and one engine actually went on fire. That was the one that cause most of the problems, we needed to get insurance companies involved so that meant stopping work for a full day until we got a representative from the insurers out to us. It let me catch up with a lot of the paperwork but put us behind on our workload, and it’s the end of the summer, one of our busier times. People seem to put their bikes in for an upgrade in the autumn and winter so they are fully ready to use at the end of spring, no one wants to miss the summer on their bikes. I was planning in going in today to try and catch up, but Rocco put his foot down, he told me that if he found out I had been into the garage today he was going to change the locks and make me take a two-week holiday. I know he’s telling the truth, the dick would do just that. He is always complaining that I don’t take any time off, which is true, I think it’s been a few years since I took more than two days of at one time but Rocco is just as bad. I think he feels bad for all the time he had to take off while he recovered so is trying to make up for it now, I just hope Makenzie will make him rest more. I have nothing outside of work, the only life I had changed the night I spent with Niamh. I used enjoy my nights out with the guys, they could be fulfilling if I found the right woman, but now I can’t face being with someone who isn’t her. Being with her was a game changer, well at least it was for me, but the way she went running out of my house when we were done made me realise she didn’t think the same. My mind drifts back to when we were together, the feeling of her mouth on mine, her body fitting against mine perfectly and when I slipped into her...well I about lost my mind. It wasn’t until afterwards that I realised in our haste we hadn’t used protection, and it was my first time ever without, I never forget. But then she ran. I haven’t contacted her since that night, deciding to leave it up to her if she wants me, but that’s backfiring at the moment since she hasn’t been in touch. I have had to stop myself a few times from texting her, but I refuse to chase her, I need to try and keep some of my dignity.

  My plan for the day is to relax, just have a day with all my favourite things. The gym, grab some food for the week from the supermarket and maybe go and visit Rocco and Makenzie for dinner. Grabbing my coffee from the kitchen unit I walk towards my bedroom to get ready for the gym, I haven’t had a really good work out for a few weeks and I think it’s time to work out some of this frustration. I slip into my basketball shorts and grab my white vest as my mobile phone rings. I grab it from the top of my chest of drawers and look at the caller ID.

  Niamh.

  My heart rate picks up as I answer the call. Why is she calling after so long?

  “Hello?” I try to keep my voice even and not show my nerves.

  “Mason? Hi, it’s...em…Niamh.” God, even her voice takes my breath away.

  “I know. What do you want?” I sound like a dick, but I can’t let her know how much I want her, I can’t seem too eager.

  “I need to speak to you, Mason. Could we meet somewhere, today if possible?” I get pissed off with the feeling of excitement that goes through my body, I have no idea what she wants to talk about but my body is looking forward to it no matter what.

  “Well, I was just about to go out, I have plans all day. I can do it another day, we could meet at the garage.” I hear her taking a deep breath before she carries on, her voice not sounding as strong as before.

  “Oh, is there any way you could see me just for a few minutes, I really need to speak to you.” I suppose I could miss the gym, or eating for the rest of the week to speak to her. I’m now interested in hearing what she has to say after running out a few weeks before.

  “If you can meet now I can give you an hour or so, where do you want to meet? A coffee shop or…”

  “Can I come to your house, please? I think we need to chat in private.” I have no idea why we would need to speak in private for, but my dick seems to think there is only one reason as it hardens in my shorts.

  “Yeah, that’s fine, do you just want to head over now?”

  “Thanks, Mason. I will be there in ten minutes.” When she hangs up I can’t help the smile that is on my lips, maybe she has finally come to her senses and wants to be with me.

  I open the door to Niamh with a smile, standing back so she can enter. She smiles back at me before walking quickly into my living room.

  “Can I get you a coffee?” I ask walking past her into my kitchen. I pour the freshly boiled water into my cup and grab another one for Niamh.

  “No thanks, I’m off coffee at the moment.” She says it in a quiet voice and it makes me wonder what is wrong with her. She looks nervous and a little sick.

  “Are you ok, Niamh? You don’t look well.” She looks at the floor, avoiding all eye contact with me.

  “Could we just go, sit and chat. I have something I need to tell you and I think it’s best if I just do it.” Ok, now she has me really intrigued. What could be that important?

  “Ok, fine. Let's go then.” I walk through to the living room sitting on one end of the couch and letting her take the other. I notice the deep breaths she is taking and I get a little nervous wondering what this is all about.

  “I honestly don’t know how to say this so I’m just going to come out and say it. Mason, I’m pregnant.” My world stops. I can’t hear anything and my vision goes blurry. Pregnant? This has to be a joke, that’s it, it’s a joke. I start laughing realising she must be doing this as some sick joke.

  “Oh God, Niamh. You almost had me there. Is this your wind up or is one of the guys putting you up to this?” The look on her face when I laugh looks stricken, there are tears in her eyes and I get a dropping feeling in my stomach. I don't think this is the joke that I’m hoping it is. She goes into her bag and pulls out a little folder and hands it to me. I open seeing scan pictures. I know what they are as last year, Bill’s wife had been pregnant and he had brought in scan pictures into work to show us. Now I’m looking at scan pictures with Ni
amh’s name on them and the date from a few days ago.

  “You’re pregnant? Who’s the father?” I don’t understand why she is telling me about the baby, or that’s what I try to convince myself. I know why she’s here, one night a few weeks ago without protection tells me why she is here.

  “You are the father you dickhead. You were with me when we had unprotected sex, we were both stupid and now we have to deal with this.” Deal with it? Both of us? I stand and start pacing the floor unable to sit still.

  “Why do I have to deal with this? You were the one who knew you weren’t on the pill, you knew there was a chance this would happen. Not once did you tell me there was a chance that I could get you pregnant. Or is that what you were hoping? To trap me to you with a baby that I don’t want?” I can’t stop the accusations that are coming out of my mouth. I’m so angry at the moment, angry at her and angry at myself.

  “You’re seriously saying these things to me? You were there just the same as me, not once did you stop and ask if I was protected. This is just as much on you as it is on me.” She has tears flowing down her cheeks now, but I can’t feel sorry for her. She is ruining my life with this shit.

  “No darling, this is on you. You went with me with no condom so how do I know that isn’t a common thing for you, a treat that you give to all your men.” She slowly stands and takes a step to stand in front of me and with a strength I didn’t think she would have she slaps me.

  “You, Mason McIntyre are nothing. Why you think I would want to trap you with a pregnancy I have no idea. You are a pathetic example of a man and have absolutely nothing to offer MY baby. You are a no good manwhore, and please do me a favour, forget I came here today. I want nothing to do with you from this moment on. Forget I even told you, you could never be a dad.” With those final words, she walks out of my front door and out of my life.