She Never Knew

by CJ Simpson

  “Your picture doesn’t do you justice.” she said.

  “I could say the same about you.” Michael believed Kat was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He loved the tiny light freckles that dotted her nose. Her deep blue eyes matched the color of the community pool water. Her skin was flawless and he liked the fact that she hardly wore any makeup. To him, that meant Kat was comfortable with herself and that she didn’t feel the need to be someone she was not.

  Kat blushed. Looking at the man standing in front of her, she realized how comfortable she was with him. After all, they had confided in each other for the last two months. She felt as though she knew everything about him, yet wanted to learn more. Michael seemed to have a way with words as he always wanted to talk about her.

  “Would you like to sit down?” She motioned to a chair near the one she was using.

  “I thought you’d never ask.” Michael grinned. He waited for Kat to sit down before continuing their conversation. When they were both seated, Kat asked Michael how he found her at the pool.

  “You found me, remember?” Michael said, slyly.

  Both of them laughed. Kat protested, “I mean, how did you know to find me here?”

  “I was watering my plant when I noticed you sitting here. At first, I thought my eyes were deceiving me, that there was no way it was really you.” He pretended to look sheepish again.

  Kat laughed. “Yep, it’s really me!”

  “But if you don’t want to talk to me, I can leave.” He pretended to rise from his chair.

  “No! Don’t you dare!” she giggled. She loved the way he smiled at her. His teeth were so white and perfect.

  Michael said, “There’s something you should know, Kat.” His face was no longer smiling and in fact, he looked rather serious. Kat’s heart started beating fast. Was Michael going to tell her he didn’t want to continue their online chats anymore?

  “The truth is,” Michael began, “I didn’t want to wait until our first date on Friday.” He winked at her.

  Kat relaxed in her chair and smiled back at Michael. “You had me going for a minute there. You do realize that, don’t you?” She wagged her finger at him. They both laughed.

  “Hey, Kat?” Michael leaned over the table and locked eyes with her, mesmerizing her.

  “Yes?” she answered, blushing again.

  “Do we really have to wait until Friday to go out to dinner?”

  Michael and Kat became exclusive after their first date. They waited until that Friday as scheduled so that Kat could finish her assignments. When she wasn’t studying, she was with Michael. When he wasn’t working, he helped Kat with her schoolwork. He was a self-employed financial advisor with flexible hours and he always found time to be with Kat.

  The couple dined out frequently with people they knew from work. They attended each other’s corporate parties, shared popcorn at the movies, and took long walks during the evenings. They shared each other’s dreams and hopes for the future and spent hours chatting by the fireplace in Kat’s apartment. Simply put, Kat loved Michael and Michael loved her.

  When Kat completed her studies, she invited her parents to join her and Michael at her graduation ceremony in Millstone, Arizona. Kat and Michael flew from Charltonville to meet her parents, who flew from New York. The foursome had decided to make a family vacation out of the trip and spent two weeks together, visiting Sedona, Flagstaff, and Grand Canyon. As a graduation present, Michael had presented Kat with a beautiful diamond necklace. Later that evening, he slid an engagement ring on her finger and asked her to marry him.

  Kat’s parents were delighted with the thought of having Michael as their son-in-law and they treated the happy couple to an elegant seafood dinner. By the end of the second week, all four of them were ready to get back to their lives at home. Kat’s parents’ return flight was a day earlier than hers and since she had badly sprained her ankle the night before, she stayed behind at the hotel while Michael drove her parents to the airport. Minutes later after exiting onto the highway, a drunk driver had plowed into their car, killing them all.

  Kat was devastated. She had never felt so alone in her life. At first, she was in disbelief and stubbornly refused to accept that three of her favorite people were no longer a part of her life. But as the days passed, she realized that she had to move on. She had to be strong and make a new life for herself. It was what her parents and Michael would have wanted her to do.

  Even though she had a sister in New York, Michael had grown up in an orphanage and had no known family. She had him cremated and spread his ashes into the bowels of the Grand Canyon in remembrance of when he proposed. In honor of her fiancé, Kat had legally hyphenated her last name to include Brennan. It was only a matter of time before they were to be married, and she felt Michael would approve. It gave her a sense of closure to know that she shared the last name of a man she deeply loved and admired.

  One month later, she was raped.

  Chapter 2

  It was raining outside. In her kitchen, Kat had just taken the lasagna out of the oven when she heard her son in his bedroom squeal with delight. She smiled when he did that as his sounds of happiness had a way of soothing her soul. At five years old, Tyler was a striking child. With blond hair and blue eyes, he exerted a sunny disposition to all those who knew him. Resembling his mother in many ways, Tyler also had light hair, fair skin, and a thirst for new knowledge. He liked to ask questions about everything, it seemed. Lately, he had been asking questions about who his father was. Kat dreaded those moments but had rehearsed months before as to what she would tell her son. She couldn’t very well tell Tyler that he was the product of rape, so she had told him his father died before he was born. Oh, how she wished Michael and her parents were still alive. By now, she and Michael would have had several children and her parents would have been proud of their grandchildren.

  Michael was an orphan until he became of age to leave on his own, so his parents weren’t around for her to confide in. It had been six years since their deaths and she missed them all terribly.

  Realizing how quiet the house had become, Kat decided to check on Tyler. After she set the lasagna on a cooling rack, she turned off the oven and put away her oven mitts. She removed her apron and hung it on the back of one of the kitchen chairs. Rubbing her hands together, she walked through a small hallway that led into the foyer. When she reached her front door, she peered out the glass front and noticed that storm clouds were starting to roll in. She saw the birdfeeder had been knocked to the ground and deduced that the wind was to blame. Better bring an umbrella to class tonight, she thought.

  She turned toward the banister and began her ascent to the top of the stairs. Tyler’s room was at the end of the hallway. Kat loved the feeling of carpet underneath her bare feet. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw one of Tyler’s matchbox cars tucked in the angle of the third step. She bent down to pick it up and curled it in her hand.

  When she reached the top of the landing, she turned toward Tyler’s room. The door was closed with a sign dangling from a tack that stated that no girls were allowed. That doesn’t include me, she thought happily. She gently knocked on Tyler’s door and waited for her invitation to enter.

  “Come in!” a small voice sang.

  Kat opened the door and saw her son sitting Indian-style on the carpet. In front of him on the floor was an interactive United States map he’d gotten for his fifth birthday from Kat. It was the size of a large poster board attached to a thick cardboard frame. In his left hand was a Pointer device that had a tip at one end. When the tip pressed against the map, an electronic voice unveiled information about that particular selection.

  When Tyler saw his mother standing in the doorway with a smile on her face, his face broke out into a wide grin. “Hi Mommy!”

  “Hi, Tyler! What do you have there?” Kat walked into Tyler’s room and handed him the little car she had found on the stairs. Then she sat down next to him.

  “Mommy,
watch this!” Excitedly, Tyler pressed the tip of the Pointer in the area designated as the state of North Carolina. The interactive voice responded, “North Carolina.”

  “North Carolina!” Tyler repeated.

  “Very good!” Kat praised. “Can you tell me what the capital of North Carolina is?”

  “Raleigh!” Tyler exclaimed proudly.

  “That’s right! How about the capital of Florida?” she prompted.

  “Tallahassee!”

  “Massachusetts?”

  “Boston!” Tyler screamed. Obviously pleased with himself, Tyler clapped his hands and then rolled onto the floor with his feet up in the air. Kat leaned over and began to tickle his feet. He squealed with delight then stood up so that he was the same height as his mother. At forty-two inches, he was tall for his age. With a glint in his eye, Tyler charged forward into his mother, nearly knocking her down. Both of them laughed.

  “You are so smart!” Kat wrapped her arms around her son, squeezing him lightly. She kissed the top of his head and breathed in the scent of the lavender shampoo that lingered in his hair from his bath the night before.

  “Mommy?”

  “Yes, sweetie?”

  “Where’s my daddy?”

  Her heart sank when she saw the sad expression on Tyler’s face. She knew where this was coming from. She gave him another squeeze and said, “Come, let’s go sit on your bed.”

  Kat raised herself to a standing position and extended her arms out downward. Tyler reached for Kat’s hands and tried to pull himself up. When Kat helped him up, she led him to the unmade full-sized bed that made Tyler appear tiny when he slept in it. His CARS comforter was pulled back about half way down and Froggy, his beloved stuffed animal, peeked out from behind the rumpled sheets.

  Kat sat down on Tyler’s bed and patted the area next to her so he could sit with her. After he climbed onto the bed and joined his mother, both of them leaned back against the headboard. Kat reached for Tyler’s hand and kissed it gently.

  “Sweetheart, I know this has been bothering you for a while now.” Tyler nodded, looking sullen. At day camp, many of the children were picked up by their fathers. He had asked her before why he didn’t have a daddy to pick him up like the other kids did.

  “Where is he, Mommy? Where is my daddy?” Tyler rested his head on Kat’s shoulder and sighed.

  “Your daddy is in heaven.” Kat began, her heart heavy. “He lives with God and all of His angels.”

  Tyler said, “But why did he have to go to Heaven?”

  “Because God is taking care of him now.” Kat stroked Tyler’s hair. “Do you remember when I told you that your daddy was in a car accident?”

  Tyler nodded, grabbing Froggy for comfort. “And it was a really bad accident, right Mommy?” He began sucking his thumb.

  God, she hated lying to Tyler, but she felt that she didn’t have a choice. She couldn’t very well tell her son that his biological father had raped his mother. Besides, he was too young to understand the truth. As far as she was concerned, Michael was Tyler’s father, even though he and Kat were never intimate. She made a mental note to call her pastor. He would give her some sound advice.

  Kat nodded her head, recalling her reaction when the doctors told her that Michael and her parents died on impact. “Yes, a really bad one. Your daddy had so many boo boos that his body couldn’t fix them. His body was very tired so God decided He would take care of your daddy in Heaven.”

  Wide-eyed, Tyler sat up suddenly and turned toward his mother. “But, will he come back to us?”

  Kat shook her head. “No, sweetheart. Once someone goes to Heaven, they stay there forever.”

  Tyler leaned back against the headboard, studying Froggy. His small fingers pushed the buttons on Froggy’s chest, and a nighttime lullaby began to play. “And Grammy and Grampy, too? They’re never coming back too, right?”

  Although Tyler was born after their deaths, Kat talked about her parents a great deal to Tyler. It was so unfair as Kat knew how much they would have adored Tyler and how proud they would have been of him.

  Kat replied, “That’s right. They will live with God forever and forever.”

  “And someday we will see them in Heaven, right Mommy?”

  “Right.” Kat leaned over to the side of Tyler’s bed and reached for the picture frame of Michael and her parents that sat on a night table. In the picture, Michael stood behind Kat’s parents with a proud smile on his face. Kat’s parents were smiling, proud as well. The picture was taken on the day of Kat’s graduation ceremony. The three of them had stood in front of the university’s administration building, and Michael had worn Kat’s graduation cap on his head. There were big smiles all around and sparkles in their eyes.

  Kat’s smile faded into sadness as she remembered her final moments with her sister. She and Mary had been at the cemetery with immediate family members, their heads bent in prayer as the pastor concluded parting wishes. Although Kat was numb with grief, she was quiet during the service while Mary openly sobbed. Their mother’s sister and brother had embraced Mary and when Kat tried to do the same, her sister had lashed out at her.

  “This is all your fault!” she had screamed at Kat, tears streaming down her face. “None of this would’ve happened if it weren’t for you!”

  Kat had recoiled, feeling stung beyond words as she watched her sister turn her back and drop to the ground next to the burial plots. Their aunt immediately crouched down next to her, rubbing her back. Mary began whimpering at that point, rocking herself back and forth.

  “I—I’m so sorry,” Kat whispered, her eyes bright with fresh tears. She clamped a hand over her mouth as she stared at her uncle in bewilderment. He shook his head slightly and held up a palm to indicate that she should give Mary her space. Close friends stepped back while others left, upset and dismayed by the outburst.

  After what seemed like an eternity, Mary finally rose and turned to face Kat. It was obvious how angry she was and despite her efforts to maintain composure, she fumed at Kat, pointing her finger at her.

  “You did this. If you hadn’t—”

  “Mary—” Kat reached out, desperate for her sister to see reason, but Mary wasn’t finished with her yet.

  “—If you hadn’t dragged them across the country, they would still be alive!” she raged, slapping Kat in the face hard. “What were you thinking?”

  There was a collective gasp as the remaining onlookers stood frozen, shocked from what they had just witnessed. All eyes were on the sisters as the pastor quickly intervened.

  Kat felt ill as her sister continued her tirade. Her face burned and her head felt dizzy. She thought she would faint but snapped back to reality when Mary again raised her voice.

  “You think you feel sick? How do you think the rest of us feel?” Mary glared at Kat, waving her hand at the few who remained. It was an awkward and embarrassing moment as people stood around uncomfortably, unsure of what to do. Uncle Chucky and Aunt Barbara stood quietly, holding each other for support. Kat couldn’t believe her eyes. Did everyone blame her for her parents’ deaths? Were they for real?

  When Kat tried to speak, nothing came out. Instead, she hung her head and began to cry. No one came to her rescue as Mary uttered her final words to Kat.

  “I don’t ever want to see you again,” she seethed. “I will never forgive you for this!” Before Kat could respond, Mary stormed off. Through blurry vision, Kat watched her sister stagger her way across the cemetery to the parking lot. Feeling alone and helpless, Kat stood rooted for a long time as she observed her parents’ friends and remaining family members slowly depart. One of her father’s friends, a lawyer, wished her well and said he would be in touch to discuss her parents’ estate. Her aunt and uncle were among the last to leave.

  A luncheon had been scheduled at her aunt’s house immediately following the service, but Kat didn’t attend. She didn’t want a continuation of what transpired at the cemetery and besides, she was still reeling from
the chain of events. Instead, she returned to her parents’ house where she found solace. She spent an hour there, wandering from room to room, studying their contents, and remembering the things she and Mary used to do together when they were children.

  Sitting on her bed that she slept in as a child, her thoughts drifted to Michael. A tear slid on her cheek as she recalled his last words to her before he left to take her parents to the airport. After he had teased her about her sprained ankle, he made sure she was comfortably resting in bed. He had joked that when he returned, they would walk to the hotel’s dining room for dinner as a three-legged person. Then they would attempt a three-legged dance afterwards. Later that evening, they would order dessert through room service.

  But none of those things ever happened. Michael never came back to her. Her parents never returned home. Nothing would ever be the same again.

  Wiping her tears away, Kat meandered into the family room. She mused over framed photos displayed on the mantel and was reminded of the many vacations she and Mary had taken with their parents over the years.

  In the foyer, a large portrait of her parents hung prominently on the wall. Kat had had the portrait made in honor of their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary and they had loved it. It was the perfect memoir for Kat to display in her apartment next to the portrait of Michael and her. She couldn’t explain it, but she felt her parents would have wanted her to have it.

  As she looked around, Kat knew that at some point, she and Mary would need to start sorting through her parents’ belongings. In fact, she dreaded the process of saying goodbye and never returning to her childhood home. She pushed the thought from her mind and called her aunt.

  When her aunt answered the phone, the luncheon was in full swing. Aunt Barbara wasn’t surprised to hear that Kat had gone to her parents’ house directly after the service. When Kat asked if it was a good time for her to swing by, her aunt admonished her. After what happened at the cemetery, she felt that her presence would only upset the family members, especially Mary. No, it wasn’t a good idea to attend the luncheon. No, she shouldn’t stay at the house. Yes, she should leave and fly back south to her apartment. Her aunt and uncle would take care of her parents’ estate.