She Never Knew

by CJ Simpson

  “Okay, Mommy!” Tyler yelled from upstairs. “I’m coming!”

  Robert and Rhonda had taken Eli to Disney World for a family vacation before their son was to begin Kindergarten at the end of the month. Kat had agreed to keep an eye on their house, take in their mail, and feed their cat. She wanted to brush Marlowe’s coat before the cat took off on her daily expedition.

  Tyler came bounding down the stairs and found his mother in her bedroom putting on her sneakers. “I’m ready, Mommy.”

  “Me too!” She stood up and inspected Tyler’s feet. He did as she asked, but wore mismatched socks. Laughing, she said, “I’d wear mismatched socks too, but mine are all white!”

  Tyler giggled as the two left her bedroom. Kat gave her house a quick glance and saw that all doors and windows were locked. Satisfied, she swiped Rhonda’s house key from the counter and met Tyler at the front door.

  “After you.” Tyler said, with a lilt in his voice.

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  It was a game mother and son played. Since Tyler did not have a father figure in the house, Kat tried hard to teach him things that men would typically do, and opening a door for a lady was one of them.

  Ten minutes later, Marlowe purred loudly in appreciation. Kat had brushed her coat until it shone. After she refilled the cat’s water dish and set out fresh food, she and Tyler walked back to their house. Out of the corner of her eye, Kat thought she saw someone run through the thicket behind her neighbor’s house. She stood over to the side of her yard to get a better look but didn’t see anyone. Frowning, she stood there watching in case she saw movement again. A few minutes passed with no signs of activity, so Kat dismissed her interest and turned her focus on meeting Daniel.

  “Look, Mommy!” Tyler shrieked. “I see Daniel!”

  Kat had just pulled into a parking spot when she spotted Daniel leaning against the back of his truck. He wore a wide grin on his face and waved when he saw Tyler.

  The park was brand new and one of the largest in Lakesboro. It hosted a number of swings, slides, and in its center was a two-foot high labyrinth carved out of bushes. The grounds contained attractive lawns and flower beds and offered plenty of covered benches for those who wished to rest in the shade. The park also had a small aquarium which was scheduled to open by the end of the year.

  As Kat and Tyler climbed out of her car, Tyler ran up to Daniel and gave him the obligatory high five slap. When he ran off to the entrance of the playground, Daniel leaned over and pecked her cheek with a soft kiss.

  “Would you like one of those too?” He held up a hand so Kat could slap it.

  Laughing, she swatted his hand and said, “Thanks for meeting us here.”

  “Thanks for having me.” He smiled at Kat, admiring her beauty and the way her eyes sparkled in the sunlight. “I would’ve been glad to pick you two up.”

  “I know, but you live near here, so it didn’t make sense for you to come all the way out to get us.”

  “Mommy!”

  Kat and Daniel turned to the sound of Tyler’s voice. He had found himself at a dead end in the modest labyrinth and judging by the look on his face, he didn’t know what to do.

  “What do you say we go rescue him?” Kat suggested.

  “Last one’s a rotten egg!” Daniel shouted. He took off running in the direction of the maze, leaving Kat behind.

  “What—hey, wait for me!” Kat laughed, running after him. When she finally caught up, Daniel had hopped over the bushes to where Tyler was waiting. He took Tyler’s hand and guided him back to an opening that would lead them farther into the maze. Kat stood where she was, watching the man Tyler adored help him find his way out.

  “You’re a child, you know that?” Kat scolded Daniel, trying to maintain a straight face.

  “You’re just now figuring that out?” Daniel laughed. “The truth is, I’m just a big kid trapped in a man’s body.”

  “Oh, I get it now. That’s why you were so eager to meet us here.” Kat nodded in mock understanding while Tyler watched in amusement.

  For the next hour, Kat and Daniel pushed Tyler on the swings, spun him on the merry-go-round, and rode the slides with him.

  Daniel and Tyler both had endless energy that knew no boundaries. Kat rested on a bench and observed Daniel with her son. He was so good with Tyler and it was obvious to Kat that Tyler loved having Daniel around. This is what having a father figure is all about, she mused.

  A short while later, Daniel and Tyler joined Kat on the bench. “Whoo! That was fun!” Daniel panted, reaching for a water bottle that Kat had brought for him.

  “Let’s do it again!” Tyler exclaimed, jumping up and down.

  Daniel winked at Kat. “Your turn.”

  Kat laughed. “I think both of you need to drink some water and cool down for a little bit.”

  “Aw, man!” Tyler pouted, but as he sat down on the grass, it was clear that he was ready to take a break as well. He drank eagerly from the water bottle Kat had opened for him.

  “Daniel?” Tyler had dropped the ‘mister” when addressing him a couple of times now but Daniel didn’t seem to mind.

  “Yes?”

  “Are you going to marry my Mommy?” The question sounded pensive in nature and while Kat was at a loss for words, Daniel was quick to answer.

  “Probably not.”

  “Why?”

  “Because your mommy didn’t ask me.”

  Kat swatted Daniel and both of them laughed. She said, “You think you’re funny, don’t you?”

  “Of course I do.”

  “Mommy, he is funny.”

  “Hey, I thought you were on my side!” Kat laughed, leaning over to tickle her son.

  After the laughter subsided, Kat told Tyler, “Honey, right now, Daniel is my friend.”

  “He’s my friend too.”

  Daniel leaned over and poked Tyler lightly on the nose. “And you’re my friend, too.”

  Tyler giggled. “Do friends get married?”

  Kat and Daniel looked at each other. She replied, “Yes, they do. But people become friends first before they get married. They spend a lot of time together to see if they will still like each other for a long time.”

  “Then they love each other forever, right?”

  “Well, that’s the idea, sweetheart.”

  “Allie’s mommy and daddy don’t love each other anymore,” Tyler declared, referring to his classmate at church. “She said her mommy has a new boyfriend.”

  “Oh, I—I’m sorry to hear that.” Kat said. “But sometimes people still love each other, even if they are not together.”

  “How?”

  “Well, I’m sure Allie’s parents loved each other before they got married, but sometimes people change over time. Sometimes two people don’t agree on certain things, and sometimes they can’t get along.”

  “Why?”

  Kat studied her little boy’s face. He was so innocent and so loving. She tried to think of a way to help him understand when Daniel offered an explanation.

  “Hey, buddy. Do you and Eli always get along?”

  “Yes, we—well, uh, sometimes he doesn’t like to share.”

  Kat laughed. “Sometimes you don’t like to share, either.”

  “I know.” Tyler giggled.

  “And how does it feel when someone doesn’t want to share things with you?” Daniel prompted.

  “Not too good.”

  “That’s right. And sometimes we hurt other people’s feelings when we don’t share.” Tyler nodded, as if understanding exactly what Daniel meant.

  “It makes me sad sometimes when Eli and I don’t get along.”

  “That’s right, but you make up, right? You say you’re sorry and you become friends again, right?”

  “Yeah!” Tyler perked up. Then his shoulders sank. “We do that a lot, though.”

  Everybody laughed. Kat said, “That’s how we learn from our mistakes, honey. We learn to fi
nd ways of making other people happy, and one of those ways is to share.”

  Daniel chimed in. “And adults do the same things too. Sometimes they don’t share and they end up hurting each other’s feelings. Sometimes they can make up and sometimes they can’t.”

  “Allie says she doesn’t like her mommy’s new boyfriend.”

  “Did she say why, honey?” Kat prodded.

  “Just that he doesn’t talk to her much.”

  “Oh. Well, maybe he’s kind of shy. Maybe he doesn’t know how to be friends with her yet.”

  “Well, she said she already has a daddy and she doesn’t need a new one.”

  Kat looked at Daniel. She wanted to tread lightly in this area. As if reading her mind, Daniel spoke up. “Tyler, her daddy will always be her daddy, no matter what. But there is nothing wrong with her mommy’s new friend being her friend too.”

  “I guess so.”

  Sweetheart, do you remember your first day of day of bible school?” Kat asked. When Tyler nodded, she went on, “You were kind of shy because you didn’t know anybody yet?”

  “Yes, but then we all became friends.”

  “That’s right, because it takes time to be someone’s friend. You get to know someone a little bit better each day and before you know it, you’ve made yourself a really good friend.”

  “Like Eli!”

  “And Allie!” Daniel said.

  Kat continued. “So maybe Allie’s mommy’s new friend just wants to be Allie’s friend too. I don’t think he’s trying to be her new daddy. He already knows she has one.”

  “I wish my daddy was here.”

  Kat’s voice caught. “Oh honey, I’m so sorry.” She pulled Tyler into her lap and hugged her little boy. Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked at Daniel.

  “It’s the same way with us, Tyler.” Daniel said, a lump forming in his throat. “I would never take your mommy away from you. All I want to do is be your mommy’s friend and your friend. I don’t want to ever make you or your mommy sad, okay?”

  Tyler nodded, then abruptly jumped up. “Mommy, can I go back on the playground now?”

  “Yes, you may.” After Tyler bounded off, Kat leaned on her elbows and stretched her legs. “Wow, where did that one come from?”

  “You’ve got a smart boy there.” Daniel peered at Kat. “You’d be surprised at what kids his age think about, especially when their classmates talk about stuff like this.”

  “Thanks for being here for him.” Kat lightly touched his arm.

  Daniel’s eyes contained a faraway look. “He doesn’t know, does he?”

  “Know what? That Michael’s not his biological father?” When Daniel nodded, she withdrew her hand and said, “No, he doesn’t, and I would prefer to keep it that way.”

  “Think you’ll ever tell him?”

  Kat stared at Daniel, wondering where this conversation was going. “Honestly, I haven’t thought about it. He’s only five.”

  “Kat, can I share something with you?”

  “Of course.” She shifted so that she was facing him.

  “When I found out my father wasn’t my real father—my biological father, that is—I felt like I didn’t belong in my family. I felt like an outsider in my own home. I could see in my father’s eyes that he didn’t want me around, but of course he didn’t know I that knew. Do you have any idea how that felt?”

  “I can’t imagine.” Kat remembered Daniel telling her during vacation bible school that he was seven years old when he discovered the truth. “You were just two years older than Tyler.”

  “That’s right.” Daniel wiped his face with the back of his hand. “The worst part was I never knew who my biological father was. I still don’t.” Watching Tyler play happily on the monkey bars with another little boy similar in age, he continued. “I don’t think my mother even knew. Heck, I don’t think she really cared.”

  “Daniel, I won’t pretend to know what you’re going through, but it’s obvious how much your family history bothers you. If I’m not being intrusive, have you considered talking to a professional?”

  He turned to look at Kat. “I don’t know what good it will do. It’s been so many years. There’s been too much damage. I really don’t ever want to see my brother again. And even if I wanted to find my mother, I don’t know if she’s still alive or where to begin looking for her.”

  They sat together in silence. Finally, Kat spoke. “Are you saying that I should tell Tyler the truth about his father?”

  Daniel swallowed hard before looking at her. “Yes, I do. Maybe not right now, but when he’s a little bit older. When I found out the truth, it was very hard for me. It was harder because nobody bothered to tell me. I found out by accident, and trust me, it’s not a good feeling.”

  Kat let Daniel’s words soak in. As she watched Tyler and his new friend work their way through the labyrinth, she tried to imagine what it would be like for him growing up not knowing who his real father was. What was so terrible about letting her son believe Michael was his father? Michael was an honorable man and would’ve been a devoted, loving father. Besides, she didn’t know who her rapist was. It wasn’t like Tyler would ever have a relationship with him.

  “Daniel, I appreciate where you’re coming from, but I think Tyler’s situation is a little different than yours.”

  “How do you figure?” He stared at her, eyes wide.

  “Your mother wasn’t raped,” she said softly, remembering when Daniel told her his mother had an affair. “Even if I did tell Tyler who his biological father is, what makes you think he would want anything to do with that pig?”

  “Whoa.” Daniel leaned back and looked at Kat. “Okay, listen. What happened to you was horrible, I get that. But it’s not Tyler’s fault. Don’t punish him for something he had nothing to do with.”

  “I’m not punishing him!” Kat protested. Taking a deep breath, she looked at the sky. “Okay, first of all, even if I did tell him, I have no idea who his father is or where he is. As far as I’m concerned, he’s dead.”

  “What if he’s not? What if you knew who he was? Would it make any difference?”

  Kat stared at Daniel. “What do you mean—”

  “—the fact is, it doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t matter who the guy is; he’s Tyler’s father whether you like it or not.”

  “I know that.”

  “Look, I’m sorry I upset you.” Daniel reached for her hand and held it in his. “I’m just saying that from my own past experience, I would probably not be so bitter had I known the truth the right way. While I know the truth now, it was by accident, and that’s one of the worst feelings a little boy could ever have. I had nobody to talk to about it. When I was a camp counselor during my teenage years, I saw a lot of kids who were messed up because their parents felt hiding the truth from them somehow made them better off. I’m telling you, it doesn’t.”

  Kat sighed. “It sounds like we both have some thinking to do, Daniel.”

  “I suppose we do.” The mood between them had changed and Kat wasn’t sure she liked it.

  “Hey, Mommy! Daniel! Look at me!” Tyler was on the merry-go-round, holding on with only one hand while waving with the other. Kat and Daniel waved back.

  “Remember the night you came over to meet Rhonda and Robert? I had mentioned Mary called me?”

  Daniel nodded but remained quiet.

  “She’s a child psychologist and she’s flying in this weekend to spend a week with us. I’ll ask her what she thinks about this, about me telling Tyler who his father is.”

  “Well, I’ve already shared my opinion, even though you didn’t ask for it. I suppose a second opinion—a professional one, that is—couldn’t hurt.”

  “I also need to tell Tyler who Mary is. I don’t have any pictures of her in the house and I’ve never mentioned her. Funny, Tyler has never asked about anybody in my family except my parents.”

  “He’s at the age now where he’s going to start asking questions.
Look at how he described Allie’s confusion with her mother’s boyfriend.”

  “I know. It’s not going to be easy.”

  “You’re doing the right thing, Kat.”

  “I’ll just tell him the truth and describe it the way you did earlier about Allie. I’ll let him know that she and I hurt each other’s feelings and it was time to make up and become friends again. Sisters again.”

  “I pray that it goes well for you.” He stood up, straightening his shorts. “I need to get going.” His tone of voice indicated that things had definitely changed between them.

  “We do too. Would you like to come over and have dinner with us?”

  “I can’t. I’ve got some stuff I need to do.” Daniel turned to wave to Tyler.

  “Okay, then, how about early next week? I’d love for you to meet my sister.”

  “Um, Kat. I’m sorry, but I don’t think that’s a good idea. Besides, this is your time with your sister.” He gave her a sad smile.

  When Tyler caught up to them, Daniel told him he was leaving.

  “Aww, do you have to?”

  Daniel squatted down and grinned at Tyler. “Sure do, tiny man. I’ve got stuff to do at my house, but thanks for having me here today. I had a really good time!”

  Tyler wrapped his arms around Daniel’s neck and squeezed him. “I’m glad you came too.”

  With a high five out of the way, Daniel stood up and tried to avoid Kat’s questioning eyes. Despite the awkward moment between the two, he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. Then he was gone.

  Feeling defeated, Kat held back tears as she drove herself and Tyler home. She didn’t understand what had happened between them. Why did Daniel suddenly distance himself from her? Was it because she didn’t agree with him about telling her son who his father was? Just because she mentioned one time that she would consider it didn’t mean she would go through with it. Did he somehow believe she was insensitive to his situation when he was a little boy?

  By the way things ended, Kat wondered if their friendship would ever be the same again. Frustrated, she found herself with more questions than she had answers.

  Chapter 30