She Never Knew

by CJ Simpson

  Kat chuckled out loud. Leaning towards Mary, she said, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Tyler at a loss for words.”

  Bobbing her head, Mary said, “I’m glad he likes it.”

  “I love it!” Tyler exclaimed. Jumping on the couch, he threw his little arms around Mary’s neck, nearly knocking over her water glass. “Thank you!”

  Laughing, Mary squeezed Tyler in return. “You’re very welcome, young man.”

  “Well, it would appear that you have good taste.” Kat winked at her sister, offering her a napkin.

  “I had a little help in making my selection, sister dear.” The two women laughed as they recalled their last phone conversation. Mary had asked Kat what some of Tyler’s favorite things to do were and Kat had told her about the Pointer system. She had mentioned that Tyler had taken a recent interest in the sun, moon, and stars. Little did she know that Mary would actually find an interactive adventure pack in which Tyler could learn more about outer space.

  “Thank you for doing that, Mary.”

  “Are you kidding? The look on his face is priceless.”

  The sisters sat back on the couch, eating cheese and crackers while watching Tyler point and press at the planets, the stars, the moon, and the sun. The distance from Earth to the sun is approximately 93 million miles, the mechanical voice droned.

  A few minutes later, the oven timer went off, signaling that dinner was ready. Tyler continued to play his new game while Kat set the roasted chicken on the counter.

  “It needs to sit for several minutes before I carve it.” Kat said. “How about if I give you a hand with your bags?”

  “I’d love that.”

  The women went outside to retrieve Mary’s bags from her rental car. They took their time, enjoying the moment both thought they would never experience together again. The sky had darkened considerably and the moon was out in full force. Millions of stars shone, twinkling their charm and beauty for the world to admire. The temperature had gone down but the air was still warm to the touch.

  Kat broke the silence when she said, “Mary, I’m so glad you’re here.” She hugged her sister and began to cry.

  “Oh, honey.” Mary held Kat tightly as she felt her sister’s body quiver. “I’m just so thankful that we’re together now.”

  Kat wiped away her tears with the back of her hand. “Let’s get your stuff and get back in the house. Dinner’s getting cold.”

  Over dinner, Tyler told Mary all about vacation bible school, preschool, and his friends. Later on in the evening, the sister shared stories of the things they used to do when they were little. Tyler laughed at how animated Mary became when she described how Kat decided one day she was going to perform a back flip. The girls had been in the family room of their parents’ basement. Kat had removed the cushions from the fold-out couch as she wanted to try out her experiment on a larger surface area. Amazingly, her first and last attempt went well for the most part. Kat made an entire rotation in the air but her position was off. When she landed, her bottom made contact with one of the corner mattress springs. Not only was the landing painful, but there had been a loud boing!

  Laughing at the memory, Kat said, “I never did that again!” She recalled how her bottom hurt for two weeks and vowed never to pull a stunt like that ever again.

  “It was hilarious!” Mary said, her cheeks rosy from laughing so hard. “All I kept hearing was that boing!” She slapped her knees and rocked back and forth, trying to contain herself.

  Tyler was laughing too, trying to imagine his mother flipping backwards. He climbed onto the couch and made circular motions in the air with his hands.

  “Now you know why I tell you not to jump on the couch!” Kat giggled, gently grabbing her son. She held him tightly and planted kisses all over his little face.

  After the squeals and laugher subsided, Tyler went back to his solar system and the sisters cleaned up the kitchen. After a quick tour of the house, Tyler joined Mary as she settled her bags in the guest bedroom. He wanted her to read some of the new books she had brought for him. Kat was delighted that her sister and son had hit it off so well, so she gave them their privacy and headed back downstairs.

  She decided she would call Daniel as she was still perturbed by the way things ended between them at the park. His friendship meant a great deal to her and she didn’t want to lose it. She wanted to tell him how much he meant to her and Tyler.

  Taking a deep breath, she dialed Daniel’s number and waited with baited breath.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi, Daniel.”

  “Kat?” His deep voice contained a mixture of surprise and hesitation.

  “How are you?” she said a little too quickly. Suddenly feeling insecure, she remembered the way he had avoided her eyes at the park. Pushing the thought to the back of her mind, she was determined to remain positive.

  “I’m doing okay. What’s up?”

  “Not a whole lot, really.” Unsure of where this conversation was headed, Kat struggled to find the right words. “I just wanted to call and see how you were doing. I, uh—I haven’t heard from you since the park.”

  “I’ve been putting in a lot of overtime at work. By the time I get home, it’s late. I’m headed over to the church in a little bit to catch up on some repairs.” He wanted to work on the sound system.

  There was an awkward pause as Kat digested his words. He was polite but his voice lacked the warmth it once had toward her. If she didn’t know better, she’d swear that he was trying to cut their conversation short.

  “My sister Mary arrived today.”

  “Well, that’s good. I know you’ve been looking forward to that.”

  “Daniel?”

  “Yeah?”

  “You—you sound different. Have I done something to offend you?”

  “Uh, no—not really.”

  “Why do I get the feeling that something’s changed?”

  “Look, Kat, I really don’t want to get into this right now.”

  “Does this have anything to do with what we talked about? You know, about telling Tyler who his biological father is?”

  “That’s part of it.” He sighed.

  “What about us?” she prompted.

  Daniel lowered his voice as he spoke. “There is no us, Kat.”

  “What do you mean, there’s no us? I thought we were pretty close. I thought we had more than a typical friendship. I confided in you.”

  “You did and I’m glad I was able to help you.”

  “So what are you telling me? You don’t want to see me anymore?”

  “Yeah, I guess that’s what I’m saying.” Daniel paused for a moment, then said, “I’m sorry, Kat, I’ve gotta go.” Then he hung up.

  Kat stared at the phone in disbelief. His words stung like a bee sting. Why was he acting this way? Didn’t he care about her anymore? Didn’t he enjoy spending time with Tyler? After all that she had confided to him, didn’t he want to be a part of her life? Maybe that’s the problem, she thought. I scared him away. What man would want to be around that kind of baggage, anyway?

  Kat made herself a cup of hot tea and sat in a chair by the living room windows. Her heart heavy, she watched the moon cast its light on the water, revealing a stillness that briefly soothed her. She replayed her conversation with Daniel in her head and tried to figure out where things went wrong. She knew how much his childhood haunted him. Despite what he told her previously, she knew he needed closure when it came to his own family.

  Reflecting on their exchange at the park, she remembered the pain in Daniel’s eyes and the bitterness in his words when he spoke of his mother. The worst part was I never knew who my biological father was. I still don’t. Those words burned in her memory.

  On the other hand, she also remembered how much he enjoyed being around Tyler. His interest in her son had always been sincere, which is probably why Tyler adored him.

  A realization suddenly dawned on her. Am I a reminder of his mother, somehow? By n
ot telling Tyler who his biological father is? Is Tyler a reminder of when he was a little boy? Is that why he’s taken a special interest in my son? Have I really been that insensitive? Are those the reasons why Daniel doesn’t want to continue our friendship? What am I missing here, God?

  As Kat finished her tea, she had a feeling there was more to this than Daniel let on. Something is very wrong, she decided. Daniel wasn’t acting like himself and despite what he had said to her, she was determined to get to the bottom of it.

  She felt a hand on her shoulder and nearly jumped out of her skin. It was Mary.

  “Kat, all you are right?” A look of concern crossed over her sister’s face as she peered at Kat. “You were a million miles away.”

  “Sorry, I didn’t hear you come down.” Kat shifted in her chair and looked at Mary. “How did it go?”

  “He’s sleeping like a baby.” Mary smiled. “And we read six books together!”

  Kat tried to smile, but it was evident from the look on her face that she was distracted.

  “Oh honey, what’s wrong?” Mary pulled up a chair and sat next to Kat, folding a hand over her sister’s.

  “I called Daniel while you were upstairs with Tyler.” She felt a lump form in her throat and swallowed hard. “It didn’t go well.” Kat relayed the conversation to her sister.

  “That doesn’t sound like the same man you described in your emails, that’s for sure.” Mary said, squeezing Kat’s hand.

  “Mary, I think somehow I scared him away.”

  “Oh, I don’t think so, honey. From what you’ve told me, it would seem that he still has some unresolved childhood issues that he needs to deal with.”

  “Maybe so. I do know that he was a summer camp counselor during his teen years, so perhaps that was his way of healing, his way of coping by helping other children.”

  “And you think the reason for the drift between the two of you is because of Tyler?”

  “I think Tyler is part of it. Don’t get me wrong, Daniel’s really good with him. He has a way of making him feel special and grown up. He just doesn’t agree with the fact that I don’t plan on telling Tyler that Michael is not his biological father.”

  “Ah, now I understand.” Mary leaned back in her chair and looked at Kat thoughtfully. She didn’t see how any of this was Daniel’s business, but she made no mention of it to her sister.

  “Believe me, I don’t like deceiving Tyler, but wouldn’t it cause more damage to him to know the truth?”

  “This is a tough one, Kat.” Mary chose her words carefully. “A child Tyler’s age does not have any notion of the biology of conception, so he would not understand what rape is. He would understand that mommy and daddy were ‘together’ at one point before going separate ways. As a child psychologist, I highly advise against trying to explain this to him at his young age. He most likely would not understand why daddy hurt mommy and develop mistrust toward any man who comes into your life. Telling him now would only serve to confuse him and he may very well believe he’s at fault. Am I making any sense?”

  Kat nodded, letting her sister’s words soak in and remembering Daniel’s words. “Should I tell him when he’s older?”

  “You certainly can, sure. But your timing will depend on several factors. He will need the maturity to understand that he was not conceived out of love, but rather through an act of violence. He will need to grasp that what happened to you is not his fault, nor yours. He could very well blame himself for what happened to you, Kat.”

  “I think that’s what worries me the most. I hear stories of how divorce affects children, and I can’t even imagine how this would affect him.” Kat frowned and bit her lip.

  Mary nodded and continued. “The male role models in his life are another factor to consider. If he grows up surrounded by positive male influences, he will have a much better chance of coping with what happened because he will have already learned that most men are good people.”

  “I think I’m beginning to see where Daniel’s coming from.” Kat said. “I think he was just trying to tell me to keep an open mind in telling Tyler the truth about his biological father someday because he doesn’t know who his own father is. It could be why he doesn’t seem to want to pursue a relationship with me because my silence will be a constant reminder.”

  “That’s very possible, but something tells me that’s only part of the trouble between you two.”

  “I need to find out what it is.”

  “And you’re not going to be able to sleep until you do, right?” Mary grinned.

  “You got that right!” Kat returned the grin and stood up. “Would you mind if I went to see Daniel?” It was just past nine o’clock. Chances were good that he was still at the church.

  “Not at all. This will give me a chance to unpack and check my messages.” Mary had told her partner that she would be out of commission for an entire week, but she still wanted to check in nonetheless.

  “Thank you so much! If Tyler wakes up—”

  “—Go!” Mary pretended to scold Kat. “We’ll be fine. I have your cell number if we need you.” She hugged her sister and wished her good luck.

  After she watched her sister drive away from the house, Mary went upstairs to check on Tyler. She found him sleeping peacefully, still holding Froggy from when they had read bedtime stories earlier. So as to not disturb him, she carefully leaned over and kissed his cheek. She smiled at the sweetness of his little face and thought to herself what a lucky little boy he was.

  Chapter 33

  His car sat in the parking lot near the entrance to the church. Daniel had been truthful to her when he told her he needed to work on the sound system. Kat chided herself for entertaining the idea that he would lie to her. She sat in her car for a long time, thinking about the many conversations she had had with him and how he always managed to lift her spirits. Perhaps this time she could return the favor and help him deal with whatever was bothering him. As she dug through her purse for her lip balm, she failed to notice the driver of a car had slowly weaved his way into the parking lot with the headlights off.

  After she freshened up, Kat stepped out of her car. Immediately, she heard a sound behind her and when she turned around, she gasped at the sight before her.

  A man stood there, gaping at her. Although it was pitch black outside, the parking lot was well lit. The man looked to be homeless as his face was dirty and his pants hung loose from his body, torn at the knees. He was tall and thin with a long beard that was matted. His hair was greasy and unkempt, and overall, he appeared sickly and disoriented.

  “You thought you could get away from me, didn’t you?” The man sneered as he wagged his finger at her. “You thought you could get away with it, didn’t you?”

  As he lunged toward Kat, she tried to scream but nothing came out. She stood there paralyzed, momentarily forgetting the self-defense training she had learned earlier that summer. Instead, she flashed back to that night six years ago, in her apartment. The man standing before her seemed to resemble the man who raped her. It all had happened so fast and she couldn’t be sure.

  “Did you think I wouldn’t find you?” the man continued his rant at Kat, slurring his words. “Well, I did!” He staggered backwards a little and Kat realized from the putrid smell in the air, the man was intoxicated. He was also irate.

  Her heart hammering in her chest, Kat retreated slowly, cursing herself for leaving her cell phone behind in the car. There was no way she would be able to get to it from where she was standing. The man blocked her path as she fished for her car keys in her pocket. If she could just stop shaking, she might be able to activate the panic button. But as the man advanced menacingly toward her, Kat threw both arms in the air, blocking her face. The man jammed a hand in his pocket and fumbled around until it was obvious he had a grip on what she assumed was a weapon. She didn’t know if he was holding a knife or a gun but she wasn’t about to take a chance of finding out.

  “I—I think you have the
wrong person.” Kat continued to hold her hands in the air, backing away slowly in the direction of the entrance to the church. If Daniel was in the sound booth, he would probably not hear her from inside. “I don’t know who—”

  “You know exactly who I am, don’t you, Katarina Richards-Brennan?” the man screamed as he taunted her, his eyes wild with rage. Kat gasped when she heard her name. Who was this lunatic?

  “You ruined my life, and now you’re gonna pay!” His face red with fury, he whipped the object from his pants pocket and lunged at her again, but fell flat on his face against the pavement. Kat screamed and bolted for the entrance to the church. When she reached the door, she pulled on the handle, but it was locked. She screamed again as she pounded on the door. The man caught up to her and pulled her away and swung her body back toward the direction of the parking lot. His breath was awful as he huffed and puffed over her. Overwhelmed by the foul odor of alcohol emanating from his body, she kicked her feet wildly in an effort to gain control. Despite his drunken stupor, the man had a strong grip on Kat.

  Kat knew she had to act fast. Her self-defense skills began to kick in and she forced her body to become limp. When she felt her attacker’s hold on her loosen, she grabbed his arm and pulled him down with her to the ground. Fortunately for her, the man was so inebriated that any sense of balance he had was long gone.

  With both of them on the ground, Kat began to pummel her attacker. She screamed again as he grabbed a hold of her foot. By this time, Daniel had charged outside and sprinted toward them. He pulled the madman away from Kat and tossed him aside like a piece of garbage. When the man stood up again, his face met Daniel’s fist and he fell backward onto the pavement.

  Breathing heavily, Daniel stood there watching him, ready to strike again if needed. But as the lunatic lay there in a stupefied daze, the effects of his alcohol consumption finally began taking its toll on his body. He rubbed his head and mumbled something unintelligible before passing out.

  Sirens could be heard approaching in the distance. When Daniel freed Kat from the crazed drunk, she had retrieved her cell phone from her car and called the police. As she stood near Daniel, she observed the pitiful figure on the ground and wondered who he was. Was he the man who raped her six years ago? Was what he said to her true? Did she know him from somewhere? He knew her name yet she had no earthly idea who he was.