Unrest

by Wendy Higgins

His worry turned to something different. He crossed his arms and turned serious.

  “I don’t know what’s going on with you and Ry, but I know him better than you when it comes to girls. He’s not the kind to hook up if he doesn’t care, and he’s still feeling like shit about Livia. Don’t mess with his emotions.”

  “I’m not,” I said. His words hurt, but also drew my respect. “I love him.”

  His shoulders relaxed. A perplexed, skeptical look crossed his face. “Since when?” It came out like he didn’t believe me.

  “Since I was thirteen.”

  “Thirteen?” His arms uncrossed as he stared.

  “Mom knew,” I told him. “Remy knew too. I just . . .” I looked down at my fingers. “I didn’t think he’d ever feel the same.”

  “Oh.” He crossed his arms again, but dropped the standoffish attitude.

  “And what about you and Remy?” I asked.

  He shrugged, shook his head. “Not happening. She’s going through this ‘born again’ thing anyway. She doesn’t want to be with me.”

  “You mean sleep with you?” Now it was my turn to cross my arms.

  He scowled. “Whatever. I’m not even talking ‘bout that. She’s the one who feels like she can’t be with a someone without having sex.”

  “I think she needs to know that you want more than that.”

  “Well, I don’t,” he said. “I’m not getting married or having kids just for the DRI to fucking take them away too.”

  I raised my eyebrows and felt myself soften. “Are you going to those classes with her still?”

  He scoffed and shook his head, but said, “Yeah.”

  “Good. That’s really good, actually.”

  He gave a shrug. “I’m not a complete asshole, you know.”

  “Yo se.” I know. I reached up and put my fingers through his thick, but soft waves of hair. Mine was straight, like Dad’s side of the family. Tater got Mom’s awesome hair. Her wide, dark brown eyes.

  “I miss them,” I whispered. The raw truth of those simple words fissured something inside of me, and I fought to shove it all back into that crack and seal it up before I broke wide open.

  “Me too,” he whispered back.

  I gulped down the rapidly building moisture until I knew I wasn’t going to lose it. Then I took a deep breath and let it out.

  “I’ll see you later,” I said. He yanked a lock of my hair before walking away.

  I followed behind him out into the common area. It was still early, but a few people milled about the room. The scent of grits wafted from the kitchen. I watched as Tater passed Rylen sitting in an old loveseat, and the two of them fist-bumped. Tater headed to the tunnel, probably to shower before breakfast.

  Rylen remained seated, but his eyes drifted over to me, and I stopped in my tracks while he looked at me in a way he’d never looked at me before. His eyes roamed me, and the look on his face was wholly unguarded, not bothering to be careful. I waited for him to shield those lustful feelings, to snap back into the polite boy-next-door that I was used to seeing, but he had let down his guard in that moment in a way that made me think he was imagining exactly what he’d been doing less than two hours ago.

  There was a wild sort of predatoriness about his gaze that made me quiver at the core, though I knew I couldn’t be much of a great sight. I wore my skinny jeans, that were now faded and slightly loose, with sneakers and Sean’s ARMY sweatshirt that he said I could keep. My hair was in a ponytail.

  You would have thought from his blatant staring that I was in a skirt and heels. Or naked again. I swallowed hard and slowly made my way over to him. His dimmed eyes rose to mine.

  “Sit with me ‘till breakfast?” he asked. But I swear his deep voice rumbled something more like, “Straddle my lap ‘till breakfast?” and I blushed as I quickly sat.

  “What’d you learn about that guy?” His abrupt change of tone and subject left me reeling and cooling.

  “Um, he’s a pilot.”

  His eyebrows rose and fell. “What else?”

  “Nothing, really, except that he was under the DRI, and he’s . . . I don’t know. He has a lot of guilt about working for them. He escaped. I think he’s for real.”

  “Let’s hope,” Rylen said.

  Yes. It was terrifying to imagine what would happen if this compound were infiltrated.

  “How many of us do you think are left?” I asked. “Humans? Do you think there are other places like this?”

  “There are,” he assured me, but he didn’t expound. I resisted the urge to ask how many, and if we were in contact with them. He was privy to more information than most of us, and I knew the reasons. If I were captured and tortured, the information wouldn’t be safe.

  “We have a chance to beat them,” Rylen whispered. “It’s just a matter of timing, and the element of surprise. It all has to line up perfectly.”

  I swallowed hard, wondering what kind of crazy planning was going on behind the scenes. How could we possibly beat them? The thought of what we were up against, and the state of the world, had me scooting closer to Rylen’s strong body. He took my hand in his and twined his fingers through mine. We both looked down at our hands, and the sight made my lungs flutter with a shaky breath of disbelief.

  “Is it weird to you?” he asked.

  I felt suddenly shy. “Yeah. I really never thought it would happen.”

  We continued to watch our hands. His thumb trailed up and down my skin, and his voice was low.

  “When I used to get your letters, I fully expected you to tell me about some boyfriend, or say you were engaged. I thought some smart, lucky guy would snatch you up. Or maybe some asshole that Tater and I would have to get rid of.” I snorted at this. His low rumble softened further. “I never thought there was a chance for me.”

  “I told you in one of those letters that you were the only guy for me.” I looked at him now. “You have no idea how much nerve that took. And then you blew it off.”

  His eyes were wide with disbelief. “I swear, I thought you were fucking with me.”

  I smiled wryly and shook my head.

  “My mom would be happy, you know.” I glanced down at our joined fingers. “She always hoped for this. She was one of the only people who knew how I felt.”

  His gaze turned wistful. “I loved her. Your mom . . .” He shook his head, like there were no words. “Both your parents. They were the ones who made me believe I could be somebody.”

  I swallowed hard and looked in his gray eyes. “You always were somebody.”

  He looked away. Still, all these years later, this grown man clearly didn’t quite believe his own worth. I wished he could see what I saw when I looked at him.

  The door to the tunnel opened, and the breakfast rush began making their way in. I tried to pull my hand away, but Rylen’s fingers tightened on mine. I met his gaze, his locked jaw of stubbornness.

  “You don’t want people to know?” he asked.

  “It’s not that.” I hated how private I was—how any little bit of PDA made me self-conscious—even holding hands. Especially with so many of the people in this compound being lonely and single, missing their loved ones.

  “After seeing every one of these men watching you dance,” Rylen said, “I’d like them to keep their distance.”

  Though his voice was full of jest, his eyes darkened with a jealous seriousness. Rylen Fite wanted to publicly claim me. And I could feel eyes on us as people passed.

  J.D. gasped and hit Sean’s arm. They both smiled at us.

  I sensed other’s voices quieting as they took in the way we held hands, facing one another, sitting closely. Like a couple.

  Oh, my God. Rylen and I were a couple. A jubilant laugh bubbled in my chest and I bit my lip against a smile as I gazed up at him.

  The grin he gave me was sexy, lazy even. He bent his head and nuzzled his mouth against my ear, whispering, “You tasted good this morning.”

  His erotic words caused a immediate
full body reaction in me, from a throb in my core to my tingling toes and heated face. I pressed my forehead to his shoulder and let out a short laugh of surprise. I never in a million years imagined Rylen saying something naughty like that.

  “You’re bad,” I muttered. He pulled back enough to see my face, which I kept turned down.

  “I made you blush, Pepper.” He sounded proud. I let out another laugh of embarrassment. What other shocking things was this quiet, intense man capable of?

  “Um . . . hey?” A sweet voice stood nearby, and we both looked up at Remy, whose smiling eyes gobbled up the scene before her.

  “Hey,” I said, pulling back just slightly. My cheeks were still warm. I tried not to laugh at the look on Remy’s face—I knew she was about to burst at the sight of us together.

  She grasped her hands in front of herself and asked, “Are you guys coming to breakfast?”

  We stood and walked together to our regular table, where I sat between Rylen and Remy, with Tater on his other side. Everyone at the table looked between Rylen and I, noting, grinning, but nobody said anything. A sense of comfort filled the space.

  For the first time in these months of darkness, I felt a ray of hope. Not just for myself personally, but as I looked around at the people at our table, and the people in this room, every one of us a hard worker willing to fight for our way of life. And I thought about Rylen’s words that we had a chance. I desperately wanted that to be true.

  I tried to eat slowly, but my body was famished from skipping dinner last night. After I finished the small breakfast and weak coffee, I downed two glasses of water to trick my stomach into thinking it was full.

  “You working tonight?” Rylen asked me as everyone stood to go.

  I nodded.

  “Get some rest,” he said.

  I nodded again, and my tummy flipped, wondering if he would kiss me right here in front of all these people. But he didn’t. With a squeeze of my fingers, he left toward the door of secrets, and Remy cleared her throat next to me. I turned to her and had to press my lips together at her bug-eyes staring a hole through me.

  “Well?!” she said impatiently. “Don’t even try not to tell me! I’ve been waiting too long for this moment. Not that it’s about me, but I have to live vicariously through you!” She bounced on her toes. This was the least I could do for her.

  I grabbed her hand and pulled her to the empty loveseat on the other side of the room. And then I forced myself to tell her the conversation that led to our feelings finally coming out and being accepted.

  She stared hard. “And then?”

  I squirmed.

  She prompted, “And then you had sex?”

  “No.” I sighed, smoothed back my hair. I needed to fight this instinct to keep every detail to myself. “Not yet. We just made out and thenhewentdownonme.”

  She grasped my hands and bounced on the springy cushion, making it squeak.

  “All right, enough,” I said laughing. “I need some sleep.”

  Remy pulled me into a tight hug and I held her back. When we let go, she headed to work and I headed to the tunnel. Back in our room, I slept for six much-needed hours until it was time to get up for my evening med shift.

  I stared at the shelves of prescription drugs, alone in the supply room, and I felt nervous. The clinic here had a large supply of birth control, and it had grown after the recent pharmacy raid. But I’d never been on birth control. I took several of the boxes out and began to read through the pamphlets, deciding on the shot that would last three months.

  I readied the vial and needle, and swabbed my arm with an alcohol pad. Then I pressed my lips together and administered the shot to my left upper arm. It stung, and I exhaled loudly when it was finished. The informational packet said that my periods would get lighter and eventually stop. But now that I thought about it, I hadn’t had a period in two months. That was normal, I supposed, considering all that my body had been through. I tossed the needle in the sharps container.

  Weird, I thought as I rubbed my stinging arm. I was probably going to be sexually active soon. The thought made my blood rush with nervous excitement. Rylen. Me and Rylen. Together . . . naked.

  The door opened and I jumped. First Sergeant eyed me.

  “Sorry to startle you. Captain King has been cleared.” Ah, the new guy. “I’ll need you to check him over to make sure he’s ready to be shown to a room.”

  “Sure.” I got up and followed him into Michael’s room. The man was sitting on the edge of his hospital bed, dressed in camo pants and a white T-shirt. There was color under his freckled face now that complimented his shock of red hair, but his green eyes were sort of blank when they looked at me.

  “Hello,” I said. He didn’t respond, so I went on, getting my stethoscope and equipment ready. “I’m Amber Tate. Paramedic. Army brat.”

  He gave a small nod, his shoulders hunched. I took all of his vitals. Then I checked his fingers and toes. A couple had begun to blister.

  “This is a good sign,” I told him. “They’re healing, but they’ll look worse before they look better. Just keep them really clean.” I made a bag with sterile bandages and a cleaning solution for him to take with him. “Come see me or Captain Ward any time if you need something.”

  “Thanks,” he said quietly.

  Top led Michael King from the room, and I couldn’t help but feel sad for the man. The darkness surrounding him was thick. I didn’t want to know what demons he was battling; I just hoped he was strong enough to beat them.

  I went down the hall to Texas Harry’s room. He was sitting up in the bed with his monstrous calves hanging down, arm dutifully held up by a sling. His face was the picture of boredom and annoyance as he eyeballed me.

  “Get me outta here, Mama Tate.”

  I smiled. “Let me see what I can do.”

  I took all of his vitals and was happy about how well everything looked.

  “I think I can safely discharge you, if you promise to take it easy on that shoulder and arm.”

  “Yep.” He quickly hopped down, wincing.

  “I mean it, Harris. I will kick your ass if you reinjure it.”

  He saluted me with his good arm.

  “Want another dose of painkiller?” I asked him, feeling generous since the run had replenished our stock.

  “Nah.” He ran a hand down his beard. “Save it for the pansy asses.”

  I rolled my eyes and he grinned before strolling out.

  I stripped the sheets from his bed and was walking down the hall when First Sergeant stepped out of a room and halted in front of me.

  “What are you smiling about, Tate?”

  Had I been smiling? His gaze was humored.

  “I guess I’m having a good day?”

  “Well, it suits you.” He gave an approving nod and moved on.

  And this time when I made my way to the laundry room at the end of the hall, I embraced the small smile on my lips, fully aware of its presence, and grateful that there was anything to be happy about.

  I was halfway through my shift and bored enough to read about suturing techniques when the door to the med room opened. The sight of Rylen’s handsome face and stark gray eyes sent a zing singing through me.

  “Hey,” I said, shutting the book and trying not to grin like an idiot.

  The hallway was silent behind him as he slipped in and closed the door. It was the middle of the night.

  He leaned against the door. “Working hard?”

  “Hardly working.” I pushed the book away. Nerves shot through my belly as Rylen pushed off the door and his presence filled the room, energizing my blood. He paced before me with his arms crossed.

  “That new guy,” he said quietly. “I want you and Remy to keep your distance from him.”

  My eyebrows pushed together in curiosity. “Why?”

  “He’s just got some skeletons.”

  “Don’t we all?” I backed up to the exam bed and hopped up on it, my feet dangling. Ryle
n moved closer and put his hands on my knees, sending a shiver up my thighs.

  “Yeah, but, let’s just say his skeletons would . . . clash with others’ skeletons.”

  Huh? I was about to dig for more information, when he grasped my lower thighs and pulled me to the edge, stepping between my legs. Our conversation fled my mind. The intensity of his eyes took up every bit of space in my head. When his body met mine, a rush went to my core and my breaths became shorter.

  “I’m on the clock,” I whispered.

  “Yeah, me too.” He wrapped his arms around my back and I slid mine over his shoulders. It was still so strange and exhilarating to be able to touch him like this.

  His mouth hovered over mine, his warm breaths skirting my lips. “Want me to leave?”

  “No,” I whispered. My nails dug into his hair as I pulled him to me. God, his mouth was so perfect on mine. One of his hands roamed up my back to my neck where he cradled the base of my head as he leaned forward, making me cling to him, wrapping my legs around his waist as he held me at an angle. The kiss grew hungry and hurried. If he were to slide a hand down my pants right now, I would immediately come apart. No kiss had ever done that for me. No kiss had ever made my body beg for so much more, and right now it was crying out to be covered in him.

  My mind was harried when Rylen’s mouth pulled back and he pressed his forehead to mine, our panting breaths mingling between us.

  “I wasn’t planning for that to happen. It was supposed to be a quick break.”

  He had to get back to work. I gave an unhappy whimper and fought the urge to resort to dirty tactics to get him to stay longer. But what I was craving should probably not be done in an unlocked room when Top could walk in at any second. The thought was sobering. I unhooked my feet from his back and tried not to pout.

  Rylen leaned in and sucked my bottom lip into his mouth before releasing it and giving me a look of sheer ravenous promise. The thrill of that look was still crashing through me when he closed the door behind himself. I closed my eyes and took two deep breaths, trying to calm the blood flow that had me yearning for things I couldn’t have right then.

  Damn him.

  I was worthless the rest of my shift, still marveling at this change of events, the shiny newness of it, imagining what it would be like to be with Rylen in all ways. In other words, I was turned on at work for hours.