“I think your mother probably tried…”
“She did. It’s funny, I think if we would have had less money, and my father would have actually been around more and not working, things would have or could have been better.”
“My dad worked a lot but he still was a great father. I think it’s all balance.”
“Not all men are meant to be fathers, I guess.”
“That’s true too,” she agreed.
I was still touching her hand as she looked out onto the pond. The tree was rustling in the wind and the sound of it was relaxing. I fought the urge to lay back and look up at it. The wind felt amazing against my hot skin.
“I was thinking the other night… I think of you every night, Emma.” I waited for a response or for a return in what I said but nothing came.
“I was thinking about how I wished we could have met now, instead of before. So you would have never known who I was before, and you would have met the Cash I am now. All the promises I broke, or false hope I gave you, without any intention of following through.”
“We can’t go backward, can we?” She said cautiously at what I was getting at.
“It sure would be nice… then I wouldn't have hurt you and made you cry. Or broke your heart just from me being an asshat. I would have appreciated you for who you are and what…”
Saying that, I looked over at Emma and she had lain back on the grass with her hands on her stomach. Her manicured nails, with the polish that was well-maintained, rested still. She was listening to me, but was staring at the sky.
I turned to her and leaned in. “I am sorry for all the pain I caused you.”
I looked at her eyes and saw a tear falling out. I leaned on my side to sweep it up, and stayed there lying with my head being held up by my arm. I couldn't get enough of her brown eyes that spoke her feelings without her muttering a word.
“What can I do to make you forget what I have done to hurt you in the past? Is there anything?” I asked, seizing the opportunity.
I tilted her chin up and lightly kissed her, watching her for every second I got closer to her lips.
She didn't pull back and when I went in for another one after lifting briefly, she let me. I kissed her again and again and then stopped, waiting for her to say something.
“What can I do? There is no other woman on this earth I want more than I want you.” I lightly moved her hair off the side of her cheek that had moved in the result of the wind. It lay down her shoulder now with loose curls.
“I wish I knew. I really do.” She closed her eyes and I did the same, lying back beside her, reaching for her hand, hoping I wasn't going to have to let it go anytime soon.
EMMA
On the ride back home, I made conversation with Breigh and Wyatt trying to keep my mind busy. I had kept replaying what had happened with Cash at the pond.
“Your childhood home was really beautiful. I couldn’t imagine growing up being able to go out and ride horses.”
“I loved to ride, but didn’t appreciate it when I was growing up, not like I should have,” Wyatt said, smiling over at Breigh.
“I don’t know that I could get used to have to go through a gate to get to my front door though. But I guess with a house that is basically a mansion you would have to have one.”
“It was just home to us, I don't think we ever thought of it that way,” Wyatt said.
“I didn’t expect it to be so large, so white…museum like…”
Breigh laughed and I apologized, “I’m just being honest.”
“I felt the same way,” Breigh agreed.
“I had a pretty nice home growing up, but this is…”
“I get it, Emma. I get it.” Wyatt shut me up.
I was in the back seat with Olivia and she was sound to sleep. I wished I could fall asleep in the car like her. She was dead to the world.
“What did you think of ‘Cash’s spot’?” Breigh asked, putting her fingers up in the air mimicking quote marks.
“I love everything about the house, and the property. But that tree, man it was enormous. I could have spent all my summers there and enjoyed every second of it.”
“Yeah…” Breigh agreed.
“Did y'all get to talk any?”
“Yeah, we did. He apologized like he always does, and I listened.”
“Cash has just learned how to take responsibility for his actions… like most of us who learned that far earlier in life, he didn’t. To say you’re sorry and mean it,” Wyatt informed me, while keeping his eyes on the road only turning to look at me once.
“And do you think he means it?” I asked.
“I think he thinks he means it. Time will tell. It always does.”
Breigh chimes in, “Time nor the truth have been on Cash’s side.”
“I have never seen Cash passionate about anything in his life… and with you, Emma, he is. So that has to mean something, right?” Wyatt said.
“Thanks for that, Wyatt.”
“You bet.”
“When I rode with him in the U-Haul to your mom’s new place, he reached for my hand and I let him hold it. It was so sweet... He kept looking over at me like he was trying to take the moment in.”
“It’s the little things that matter, Emma,” Breigh said sweetly while reaching for Wyatt’s hand.
“I know… but I guess I never expected Cash to do the ‘little things.’”
I leaned back in the seat and looked out the windows, thinking about how Cash looked today. The way he looked earlier when he was sweaty, the way he looked talking to me under that tree. He cares for me; there is not a question in my mind. But did he care enough to really treat me the way I deserved?
I had hoped before, and that got me nowhere. I didn’t want to go down that road again.
Too bumpy for my liking.
I had heard a million times in my life that forgiveness is the most important part. To love someone is to forgive them… but what happened when your heart was so head over heels in love and your brain was alerting you like a weather warning across the bottom of your TV screen. I could almost hear the beeps. Do you forgive and move on or do you not?
12
CASH
When I got the news, there were two people I wanted to tell. Wyatt and of course, Emma, but I wasn't quite sure where we were yet so I waited on that one…in time, I told myself.
I pulled up to Wyatt’s station; excited to see him and tell him I was accepted. I couldn't help but think he had played a part in it, but I knew more than likely he would never admit it. That was just how he was. He liked to do for others and not expect a thing in return.
I was able to secure a parking spot in the front and walked in. The thought was not lost on me that I would be working in a station similar to this soon. Not the state police by any means, but a police station nevertheless.
Wyatt was standing at the large, tall desk, talking to another officer who was behind it. I stood behind him, waiting for him to conclude what he was talking about not to interrupt him.
“Thanks, Sarge,” Wyatt said. He turned and recognized me.
“Cash.”
“Wyatt.” I handed him the piece of paper I had just received. He unfolded it and smiled ear to ear.
He gave me a handshake then a hug, bringing me into him.
“I am really proud of you, Cash. This is awesome. I hope you know not everyone gets accepted on their first application. They must see something in you.”
I knew what they saw in me, my brother pulling strings, but I pretended as if that wasn't the case.
“If I were you, I would workout nonstop until you go in. You need to be in great shape, and be ready for anything. If you can’t pass the physical part, they will throw you to the curb, just like how you used to treat your g…”
“Seriously?” I smirked. Although we had been this way with each other as adults, I was hoping he wouldn't throw my past in my face. Trust me, I saw it when I looked in the mirror.
�
�My bad. That wasn't appropriate.”
“Thank you.”
“Maybe you can start going to the shooting range some and practicing. I have my backup revolver you can practice with.”
“I might take you up on that offer. I’m not used to firearms.”
“You will get that way. You just have to respect them and know what you can and can’t do with them.”
“I’m sure I’ll get there.”
“The fitness test will kick your ass so make sure you are prepared for it, plus the school part of it. There is a lot more than you think that you have to learn.”
“I’m all-in. I’m excited and committed. Anyway, I wanted to tell you first. Thank you for supporting me in this.”
“You bet. I really hope it all works out for you, Cash. If you would have asked me five years ago if you would be joining the academy I would have bet my life against it, but look at you now.”
“I hope I don't screw it up. There is only one other thing I have wanted in my life… hopefully they will both come true.”
“Keep your head on straight and that it will happen.”
“You sure about that?” I ask him, and from the look on his face he is connecting the dots.
“Academy, yes, Emma… possibly. You just have to earn it. You have to work for it…”
“If I only would have realized what I had before I screwed everything up…”
“Doesn’t matter now, does it?”
“I guess not.”
“I’ve gotta get back to work, but I’ll let you know when I am going to the shooting range, probably next weekend. I will text you.”
“Okay sounds good.”
I turned to walk toward the door with a smile on my face. It was ironic how I wanted his approval. I spent the majority of my life fighting him, angry with him, jealous of him, even when I didn't recognize it myself, and now I wanted to make him proud. That in itself was a huge undertaking.
Maybe losing everything was the best thing that happened to me.
13
EMMA
“I only agreed to this to get you to stop bugging me,” I said to my best friend, who was quickly getting annoyed with me.
“You can’t just sit around and mope. I know how you feel about Ca—”
“I am going to stop you right there. We are not doing this right now. I told you I would go on this date and that is what I am doing.”
She rolled her eyes at me.
“For God’s sake, Breigh.”
“Just go out on the date, and get your mind off Cash.”
I didn't tell her I didn't want my mind off Cash. That is where I wanted it, with him.
We had already excused ourselves to the ladies’ room, minutes after being at Payton’s Steakhouse. Wyatt was waiting for our table; our reservations secured our spot in this swanky restaurant. Breigh and I had gotten ready tonight together, just like we used to when we were younger. Olivia helped us too, making it extra special. I had worn a blue body-fitting dress, that fit my body like a glove. I usually felt great in it, but tonight, no.
Breigh, on the other hand, looked breathtaking. She had on a black dress that Wyatt happened to love. Paired with some of my jewelry, she was the star tonight.
If I could have, I would have slipped out the back door and no one would have noticed.
Truthfully, I didn't need to use the restroom, I just didn't want to be standing there waiting for Caleb to walk in. Something about tonight felt desperate to me, and I certainly didn’t want that to be my MO.
I put another layer of lipstick on, blotting it, and then one last glance in the mirror before making my way out the door back to this date. Breigh was on my heels, nervous as all get out. I had assured her I would act like a perfect lady, but she still seemed cautious. We both knew I hadn't been myself.
Wyatt raised his arm to show us where the table was as he and Caleb stood up to greet us. Payton’s Steakhouse was the very definition of a steakhouse decorated with cattle memorabilia, large mounts of various animals, and a beautiful stone fireplace that was burning during the winter months.
Caleb leaned in to give me a kiss on my cheek, holding the chair out for me. “Good to see you again.” He looked me up and down then smiled. He seemed pleased with what he was seeing, unlike myself. Don’t get me wrong; he was a great looking man, but nothing in comparison for what my heart wanted.
“Likewise,” I said, giving him a smile. He looked handsome, wearing a pair of tan starched jeans, boots, and his straw cowboy hat. His pressed shirt was white. I could see his gun on the side of his hip, similar to Wyatt’s. He was rougher around the edges, unlike Cash. He had more of a classic look, a chiseled jaw. I could have sworn he was wearing a cologne similar to Old Spice. I knew that scent well from my father. Not exactly what I would assume a guy my age would be donning.
We ordered drinks and talked small talk about Wyatt and Caleb’s work and then mine, finishing with Breigh feeling lost to the conversation.
“I bet Breigh feels like her job never ends,” I said in her defense. I knew she had missed her work, and working with the elderly, but she wanted to put everything she had into being a mother. I could only hope to be as good as she was.
“You can say that again. All worth it though.” She took a sip of her wine.
Wyatt and Breigh leaned in to talk to each other in a hushed tone they had down to an art. I leaned into Caleb, thanking him for meeting me tonight.
“I wasn't sure you were going to come. You didn't act like you wanted to, that is… at the little girl’s party.”
“I was just distracted. And shocked. I didn't know you were going to be there.”
“I could see how that would be shocking, thinking you were just going to a little girl’s party.”
“It was.”
“You seeing anyone else?” he asked.
I swallowed hard, shocked at his forwardness. “Not really.” I felt like a cat had my tongue and I wasn't sure how I was going to respond but certainly wanted to.
I looked toward Breigh, shocked with the questions already being asked so early in the night.
“I apologize if I took you off guard. I’ve always been pretty direct. I’m not saying I want to get married, but I just didn't want to date someone who has no interest in a future…” He smiled.
He was sexy, the way he was carrying himself, the confidence he radiated, and the way he spoke what he thought. I had been blessed, or cursed, with that same gift. Too bad I wasn’t interested or even open to the possibility at this point.
“To be honest, I am sick of dating. I have a great career, and am at the point that it is tiresome. But then again, what I’m looking for seems unrealistic.”
“How so?” he asked, intrigued. I looked up to see if Breigh and Wyatt were still talking or watching our back and forth conversation. They weren't, but rather caught up within each other. I guess some people just had it.
“I have certain expectations and wants and I can’t seem to find a man who can fit the bill,” I said, taking another sip of my wine.
“Caleb, what was that the lieutenant you were talking about at the station, who was going to be transferred to your old station?” Thankfully, Wyatt broke our conversation.
Caleb’s attention is drawn toward Wyatt and I glared at Breigh. I wasn't sure what to think about my date, but I was sure that at the very least I had gotten out some of my cards tonight. That is better than a lot of dates start out. So I have that. I guess.
“You might want to tell your little brother about him and to watch his back if he requests to work at your old station. You probably wouldn't want him there though,” Caleb said nicely.
“Nah, I wouldn't care. As long as we aren't at the same station, I think we’ll be good.”
“Wait, what?” I asked, completely confused. “Why would Cash need to know about the police station?”
“He is entering the academy and then will get to pick out of a handful of police stations. Doesn't mean he
will get the one he wants, but he gets to try,” Wyatt said.
“Breigh, did you know this?” I asked her frustrated.
“Yes, but I didn't think it really…”
“Concerned me? Not my business or what?”
“I just didn't bring it up,” she said, trying to end the conversation, sensing my frustration. She looked at me and then back to Wyatt, seemingly feeling bad about not telling me.
Caleb leaned in and put his arm around my chair, stroking my shoulder lightly.
And I didn't like it one bit. In a lot of cases, I would have loved a sweet move like this, but not tonight.
“Speaking of the devil…” Wyatt pointed toward his brother, who was standing at the hostess stand.
Caleb dropped his hand off my chair when I turned to get a look at Cash.
How did that man have radar for finding me?
Shit.
CASH
When I was driving by Payton’s Steakhouse, I spotted Wyatt’s truck and Emma’s Mercedes. I assumed they were having dinner together and thought I would stop by. No harm in that, right?
But when I walked in I wasn’t prepared to see her sitting beside another man.
My initial emotion was to be mad that Wyatt and Breigh would try to set her up, but then I realized they had always done that. They wanted Emma to be happy and for that I couldn't blame them.
Then I recognized the same guy from Olivia’s party, Caleb, aka douchebag, and that irked me a bit.
Wyatt saw me immediately as I was eyeing Emma, watching the man who had his arm around her. I wanted to go break it off. I had never been a violent man, but someone touching Emma made me feel that way.
“What are you doing here, Cash?” Wyatt asked, irritated as I stood at the table.
“I saw your truck and Emma’s car so I thought I would stop by and say hi.”
“We actually have a guest with us. Right now really isn't a good time,” he said to me, hoping I wasn't going to cause a scene.
Our Season (Lifetime Love Series) Page 7