Forgiving Patience

by Jennifer Simpkins

  “You’re drunk.” Em had her arms crossed, looking like she was searching for words. “You have fun?” she asked, pointing over toward Carly, who was still attached to Jake’s side.

  “Actually, I did. Learned a lot about the carburetors…or something like that,” he answered, shaking his head.

  Anna felt sorry for the guy in a way. It looked to her like Em kept him on a short leash. She’d gotten to know Tommy in high school because of his friendship with Jake and knew he’d loved Em from afar through most of high school. His love was evident to everyone. Not until a few years after Anna left town did Em reciprocate those feelings for him. Em didn’t seem like a woman who would be insanely jealous, but what a woman felt underneath all that armor sometimes went unnoticed by others. Anna could relate.

  Anna could see Em’s eyes turn that shade that indicated a storm brewing.

  “So…” Em began, “…what did you and Ms. Slut of the U.S. of A talk about?”

  “Now why would you want to say something like that? Carly actually is a very nice person.” She could see the sweat pouring off Tommy’s forehead. Poor guy. He was already sweating out the alcohol he’d apparently drunk a lot of.

  “Nice? You sure you want to go there?” Em asked.

  Tommy grabbed a seat, turning it around so he could straddle it.

  Grabbing her purse, Em said, “Don’t get comfortable. I think it’s time for you and me to leave.”

  “Now?”

  “Yes, now. Get up.”

  Tommy slowly got to his feet. He patted Anna on the head, meaning it as a friendly gesture, but he made Anna feel like some well-behaved animal.

  “Can you get home okay, Anna?”

  “Yes, Em. You go. Have fun making up.” She gave them a wink and watched as they left the bar.

  Thankfully, she had driven her own car. Otherwise, she would have to be stuck in the car with them all the way to the other side of town. Even though her two crazy friends fought hard, she knew they made up just as hard as well. It was actually sweet. They did love each other, and that was all that mattered. Hopefully, for their sake, love did conquer all.

  Suddenly, she felt lost, looking around at the group of people she didn’t know, taking in the clinking of bottles, the couples shooting pool, and loud guys laughing and hollering over the ballgame. It was amusing to see how everyone felt at home and knew how to have fun. She couldn’t stay there. What woman went to a bar by herself? Maybe a woman trying to pick up a guy, but she wasn’t that kind of woman. She didn’t need a guy, nor want one. Her life was complicated enough. She took another sip of her Coke and was starting to stand up when a tall man loomed above.

  “You leaving already?” he drawled.

  Swinging her gaze, she glared at the man interfering with her exit plan. She could feel her heart jump in response to him being so near. Eric Church’s song, Sinners Like Me playing on the jukebox was appropriate for her heart’s betrayer. Oh my.

  “I don’t have much reason to stay.”

  “Ouch. You sure know how to put it to a guy.” Jake cupped a hand over his heart.

  “Didn’t mean it as a put down. I was only here for Em, and she just left with Tommy”

  “Wanna dance?” A slow smile spread across his face.

  “No.”

  “Why not?”

  “I think we’ve already tried that, and it didn’t work out too well for us.”

  “True, but we can always have a do-over. Make a new memory of our past.”

  How insightful. If only they could have do-overs in life. She knew her life would be different and didn’t doubt his would too. But that wasn’t the way life played out. Their only option was to learn how to deal.

  Without asking, he took the seat Tommy had so recently occupied. It was the one closest to her. She needed to stay focused on the way-too-attractive male taking up residence at her table.

  Running his gaze down to her chest, he said, “You sure can fill out a shirt.”

  “I’m nothing compared to your lady friend.”

  “What lady friend?”

  “The one over there not taking it kindly that you’re talking to another woman.” Crap—she hadn’t meant to say that aloud.

  “Who? Carly? I never took notice of her chest.”

  “I find that hard to believe since they’re out to here.” Anna cupped her hands out in front of her chest. “Just drop it, it’s nothing, forget it. You want to lose your date to someone else, so be it.”

  “Jealous?” he asked.

  A little too quickly, she responded, “Of course not.”

  “Good, because let me make it clear to you, if I wanted Carly I would have her. She would be more than willing. Overall, she would be an easy lay, but I don’t want her.”

  What did he mean by that? He said it like there was another her he wanted. Was it possible he had another woman lined up…or worse, waiting for him back at home? Surely not. Anna knew he could be a jerk, but he wasn’t capable of just being cruel to her on purpose, and he had to know that would be downright wrong.

  She took a sip of her watered-down Coke to give herself a minute. His intense stare brought her attention back up.

  His mood seemed lighter than it was when she’d seen him earlier. During the game he was too serious for a for fun ballgame. Now, he seemed back to his charming and cocky ways. She didn’t know which she liked better. The charming Jake caused her to be off balance.

  She found most men easily forgotten, but Jake…she could never forget this man.

  She was nervous with the way the conversation was headed. “Was Tommy okay? Em was pretty upset.”

  “Why are you changing the subject?”

  “I have no say in who you bed, or anything else for that matter.” It was always best to stick with the easy and straight-to-the-point answer.

  “I want you.”

  Shock and anger bubbled in her gut, shock winning out. Her heart was pounding, and her palms were sweating. “I don’t want to hear anymore.”

  “What’s wrong with talking about sex with me?” he asked then tilted his head to one side.

  “I just think we need to leave the past in the past. I agreed to the three dates. Can we just leave it at that for now?”

  “Fine, but sometimes the past comes back to a head, and you can’t do anything about it, Anna.”

  Chapter Nine

  Knowing this was just an arrangement for her to get back what was hers already didn’t prevent Anna from wearing her sexiest jeans. Before leaving, she made a stop in the apartment bathroom for the second or third time to get a look at her backside in the hotel-sized mirror. Could be better, but not bad, she decided. Most objects did look terrible in those mirrors. She opted to keep it casual, so instead of wearing a too-hot tank top, she dressed in a three-quarter length sleeve, teal-blue top with some simple beading around the collar. After all, she didn’t want Jake to think she was anticipating their evening together—because she was not. She kept telling herself she was only doing what needed to be done.

  She decided to not let the top down on her car. No need to mess up the hair she’d spent a good thirty minutes styling.

  The drive over to her house was similar to the last time, except last time she hadn’t been expecting to find her ex-boyfriend standing on the front porch. The road still curved left first, then right, dipped in all the familiar spots, and ended at the same destination she had been all too eager to once leave. Funny how now she was willing to make a deal with the guy she swore she would never have anything to do with, just to get back to this house on the curvy stretch of road.

  Since it was summer and the days were longer, Anna was able to see more of the outside of the house, parts she had been a little too preoccupied to give attention to before. The yard that had once shown abandonment, now reflected hard work and pride. The fresh coat of paint that matched the rest of the painted house covered the chipped front porch columns. With the addition of the black barnyard shutters that matched th
e new black shingled roof, the windows stood out. Shrubs that had once grown up over the porch had been trimmed back and daylilies lined the front of the bed, adding enough color to make the entire bed stand up and take notice, but not enough to take away from the house.

  She walked up the steps to two welcoming rocking chairs framing the big picture window that looked into the living room. She tried to peer in, but the curtains were drawn shut. That didn’t stop her from remembering the smoke-stained walls, puke-green carpet that matched the appliances, and the blue furniture in her mind. A chill ran down her spine at the memory. The outside of the house was easy, but the inside was going to be harder for her to deal with. A lot of hurt and pain had been experienced there, and it was nothing a fresh coat of paint could fix.

  But she had to continue with her plan to live in the house if she ever planned to put all that pain behind her once and for all. It was probably going to be the hardest thing she ever tried to do, but she needed to relive what went on in the house so that she could start to have a normal life—a life where she wasn’t tormented by nightmares. It was time for her to come to terms with all she’d been through.

  Sitting in one of the chairs, she stared out, proud of the scenery. Her mother would have been proud too. She would have gone in, but she heard music and soft singing from the side of the house. She took a minute to take a breath before standing up and going to face Jake.

  A new small porch had been added to the house. She’d always thought one should be there. It only made sense, since the kitchen door that led outside was there. She hadn’t seen it last Saturday. Apparently, Jake had been very busy. It made her feel like she was taking advantage of Jake and all the money he was sinking into her house, but as soon as the thought entered her mind, she felt ridiculous. It wasn’t like she was making him do this, so she shouldn’t feel bad for what he did with his own money.

  A rock ballad streamed through the new screen door. Jake had his back to her at first, but as if sensing she was around, he said, “Hey, sweetness.”

  At first the newfound nickname had irritated her, but now, not so much. It seemed natural to her, and she liked the way it rolled off Jake’s tongue every time he said it.

  “Back at ya, slugger.” Was she flirting? It sure did sound like it. It had been so long since she’d been around an eligible man; she didn’t even know what she was doing anymore. Even though she wasn’t interested in Jake in that way, it didn’t mean she couldn’t enjoy herself a little, and if that involved flirting…then so be it. She could flirt with a man and leave it at that—she was sure of it.

  “You keep calling me that and we won’t even make it to dinner.” He still had his back to her, so she couldn’t see his face.

  When she didn’t say anything in return, he turned to peer at her over his shoulder. “Don’t worry, that was a joke. But I do like the nickname.”

  Her heart slowed back to normal rhythm, and she hoped it was from relief and nothing else. This degree of flirting was beginning to be acceptable, but it stopped right there.

  “The house looks great,” she said.

  “It’s coming along. I’ve still got some work to do on the inside, but hopefully I can have a lot of that done before our three dates are over.”

  If he only knew how much work the inside needed. There were things he didn’t know existed and would never be able to change. The inside required more work than just what stood out to the naked eye. She didn’t know exactly what the rooms needed to cleanse them, but she was sure it was more than Jake had bargained for. He could never know the evil she had endured.

  “My mother would have loved the daylilies out front. She had always wanted to plant more than just the bushes. She wanted it to be pretty.”

  “Do you like them?”

  “Yes, of course. Why wouldn’t I?”

  “Just making sure. You ready to eat?”

  Walking onto the new porch, she tackled the house and everything that came with it. All the memories and emotions came flooding back. It was like a slideshow being played over and over in her mind.

  She hadn’t noticed he was waiting on the other side of the screen door. “You all right?”

  Anna put one foot in front of the other and opened the door, letting it slam behind her. The panic and anxiety she was waiting to wash over her never did. Her chest didn’t constrict, causing her lungs to close off her breath. She didn’t feel light-headed, and she didn’t faint. It was strange to be back there again, but that was expected for anyone who had been away as long as she had, but that was all she felt. At least in the kitchen, that’s all she felt.

  The same ancient green stove and refrigerator stood at opposite walls, connected by stained white counter tops and cabinets. Over the sink was the window, looking out onto the backyard. A two-seat kitchen table was in the middle of the room with a couple of plates, napkins, silverware, and one single burning candle sitting on it.

  “You okay, baby? You lost a little color there for a minute.”

  “I’m fine. I just haven’t been in the house in a long time. It looks the same.”

  “Shit. I’m sorry. I forgot that you haven’t even been inside the house. You want to look around before we eat? Not much has changed in here, except maybe bits and pieces of the master bedroom. I’ve been working on it off and on, depending on the weather. I don’t like to stay inside on a sunny day.”

  “No,” she blurted out. “That’s all right. I’m starved. Let’s go ahead and eat while it’s hot.”

  “Whatever you say. Tonight’s about you.”

  That took her aback. “Me? Why me?”

  “Because you’re the one who agreed to these dates.” He sported a wicked grin.

  She was thankful for the lightness of the mood. “Real funny.” She smiled back, and it felt good. Really, really good.

  “So tell me why you stayed in Linden…I mean what do you like about it?” Jake asked as they both sat at the rectangular table for dinner.

  “My aunt lives there, for one. I also grew to like the people and town. It’s simple.”

  Jake cut into his steak and took a bite. “It’s not much bigger than Patience.” He said it like he knew it, so matter-of-fact.

  “It’s about the size of Patience…but different.”

  “How so?”

  “I guess it’s just the people are different. They don’t know every part of my past. What they know is what I’ve told them, and that’s peace of mind for me.”

  “What’s wrong with your past? Why do you care what others think and know, for that matter?”

  Her baked potato and steak smelled terrific. She took time dressing her baked potato, giving herself time to think about how to answer. She loaded hers with ranch dressing, butter, and shredded cheese. The cheese melted on contact. After taking a hefty bite, she decided to answer his question. “I don’t know…I guess parts of my past are painful.”

  Jake set down his fork and wiped his mouth with a napkin. “Anna, I think we need to talk about a few things. I—”

  “No. Not tonight. There’s more to my past than just you, Jake. I don’t want to talk about it. Not right now, at least.”

  “Okay, but when you’re ready, there are a few things I need to say to you,” he said and then added, “What do you do for work?”

  If only Jake knew all of her past. Indeed, there was much more to it than him breaking her heart. There was a dark part. What would he think about that part of her life? Would he feel sorry for her?—which was something she hated, and the main reason she kept it to herself. Would he think she was dirty in some way? There was no way of knowing what his reaction would be, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to find out.

  “I work at a small car insurance company. It’s mostly data entry, but it’s work, and I like the people I work with.”

  “You’re not happy.”

  “What—with my job?”

  “Yeah. When you talk, you sound unhappy.”

  “It’s not what I want
to be doing forever. I have other dreams, but for right now it’s what I have to do.”

  “And what do you really want to be doing?”

  “I have plans of opening up my own coffee shop and bookstore. Nothing fancy, just a place people can go to escape their lives for a little bit.”

  “I can see you doing that.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. When you talk about it, your eyes light up, and you almost sound giddy. It’s cute.”

  While finishing up dinner, they talked about Jake’s work with the house and how he had enjoyed the distraction. Just like he could tell with her, Anna could see that he took pride in his work.

  * * * *

  She was stuffed. She couldn’t believe she had eaten that much in front of Jake, but the steak and baked potato were excellent. Or maybe they weren’t, but she had been living off frozen dinners, so shoe leather would have tasted good. When he handed her a glass of wine, she decided to take a seat on the gently used couch. She was sinking into it when he walked over to her, holding a beer, and took a seat at her feet.

  The intensity in the room went up a notch…or two, and she was sure he too could feel it. They stayed silent for a while, but that was fine with her. It gave her time to think and mind her breathing, to slow it before she had an anxiety attack. She took a sip of wine, fluffed out her shirt to cover her poochy stomach, sipped from her glass again, wiped her sweaty palms one at a time over her jeans, and decided on one more sip…letting it linger on her tongue.

  “I make you nervous,” Jake acknowledged.

  “What…no. You don’t.”

  “Then, what’s up with all the twitching?”

  Damn, you need to get it together here, Anna.

  When he turned around, her body started to betray her. His eyes took on a serious and dangerous look. She could have sworn she heard his heart beat just as rapidly as hers at that specific moment. “I’ve had a problem for the last four or five days.”