Forgiving Patience

by Jennifer Simpkins

  “About time you woke up.”

  Jake! Thank God. Jake was who she was pressed up against in her bed. He was the one who had held her the entire night like she had asked…and he was the one rubbing his callused hand up and down her bare thigh. For a few seconds he’d taken her back to a place in her mind she didn’t want to ever think about in his presence. She would not taint what they had with those memories.

  “Why are you touching me?” she asked, not being able to hide the fact he had scared her.

  “I was just trying to wake you up. I didn’t mean to startle you. Sorry, babe.”

  She rolled over to face him, sleep still in her eyes. “It’s still early, slugger,” she said with surprising ease. Letting something that had seemed so terrifying just seconds ago roll off her back was a major accomplishment.

  “Slugger, huh?” he teased, “I’ve never been too keen on nicknames, but I have to say that one has grown on me.”

  “Well, slugger, what time is it?” She was only in a slightly foul mood with it being morning.

  “Eight,” Jake replied. “What’s up with you and mornings anyway?”

  “Just can’t seem to like them. After a couple cups of coffee, I usually am fine…but not ‘til then.”

  A wicked, confident smile spread across his face, showing his perfect white teeth. “I think I can find a substitute for your coffee addiction.” He pulled her closer to him and kissed her with everything he had. Parting her lips for him, she gave him all of her to explore and take as his own. And he did. He prodded, taking over her mouth and mind.

  “I think I can get used to that,” she admitted when he finally pulled back. She didn’t regret her wording because she was past the point of worrying about every one of her actions. But she hoped he took it lightheartedly and not as an indication that she thought they were going to be waking up like this forever.

  “I could get used to giving it to you, sweetness.”

  “Jake?”

  “Let me guess, you still need your coffee?”

  “Yes. Sorry, but I can’t function without it. I know I sound like some junky, but I need it.”

  “And here I thought I was the one who could satisfy every one of your cravings.”

  “Believe me, you did last night.”

  “Oh…yeah, I still got it,” he said, with a dorky fist pump.

  What does that mean? Had he been without sex for a long time? Surely not. She saw the way Carly looked at him. And she imagined all women looked at him with that same lust. No…don’t you go there. It doesn’t matter how many women Jake has been with…nor does it matter how long he has been going without holding a woman like he did you last night.

  He left the bed, and she instantly missed his closeness and warmth. She could see his backside clear as day. And it was a perfect butt, not that she had seen any man’s bare butt before, but nothing could be any better than Jake’s body. Her cheeks flushed as he found his boxers and pulled them up his long, athletic legs.

  “Where are you going?” She wanted him back in the bed with her.

  “I worked up an appetite last night. A man’s got to eat, and you need coffee.” He was making her coffee? Had she ever had a man make her coffee before? Duh…no, she had never even had a man sleep over before last night.

  “You don’t have to do that. I can make it.” She sat upright, searching for her shirt.

  “No…you keep your cute little ass right there, because I will be next to you as soon as I find something to fill my belly and get you your cup of Joe.” Jake searched through her almost bare cabinets until he found a box of cherry Pop-Tarts and her can of coffee. He did as he promised. After finding his breakfast and making them both a cup of coffee, hers with creamer, he handed her a cup while he planted a kiss on her lips.

  “Be right back.” He went into the bathroom and shut the door.

  She took her first sip of coffee and allowed herself to enjoy her memories of the night before. Had she really had sex with Jake last night? Yes, she had, and it was amazing. More than amazing…amazing didn’t even cut it when it came to sex and the pleasure he brought her body.

  “What are these, Anna?” Jake came out of the bathroom, holding up a medicine bottle.

  It took her a minute to process the question being directed at her because of her brief daze about last night. Jake was holding a bottle of her anti-depression medicine. How had he found those? Why did he have them?

  Still holding the bottle he asked, “Anna?”

  “Where did you find those?” she demanded. She didn’t want her voice to sound panicked, but she was. He wasn’t supposed to know about her problems. It was hard enough that Em and Liza knew.

  “They were sitting on the bathroom counter. I saw them when I was washing my hands. Why do you have them?” he asked again, shaking the bottle in his hand.

  She got up off the bed fast, forgetting the fact she was naked. When Jake’s gaze fell to her breasts, she searched around the bed until she found her shirt. She pulled it on, not caring that it was inside out. “What were you doing going through my things?”

  “First of all, I wasn’t going through your things. I was washing my hands and saw them on the counter. I picked the bottle up. Why do you sound so upset about this?”

  “I’m upset because you were snooping through my bathroom. You had no right to pick the bottle up. Did you—”

  “Did I read the label? Yes, I did. Why didn’t you tell me you take anti-depression medicine?”

  Oh God. Her stomach dropped. Jake knew about her issues. There was no way or reason to deny it. Her name was written in bold letters on the bottle. He knew they were hers and what was worse was that he knew what the pills were used for.

  Walking over to him, she snatched the bottle from his hands. “They’re nothing.”

  “I’m not stupid, Anna. They are something. They are anti-depression pills. Please, baby, tell me what’s going on with you.”

  “Don’t give me that pity talk, Jake Lawrence. I don’t want to hear how sorry you feel for me. Can we just drop it? I want to go take a shower.”

  “No. You are not walking away from me. I do not pity or feel sorry for you. How could you think that? I just would like to know you better, and apparently there is a lot I don’t know. I want to be there for you.” If she wasn’t so mad, she would have been touched by his need to be supportive. But he was a little too late for that—a decade late.

  “You’re a little late on the being there part, Jake. You really want to know what’s wrong with me…well, be prepared, because my life is not pretty. I take medicine for depression. It’s not that big of a deal. A lot of people have to…doctors and lawyers, even.”

  “I never said it was a big deal. I know people suffer from depression and have to be treated. I just didn’t know you did, that’s all. I’m not judging you or anything. I wasn’t snooping. I just saw the bottle sitting there, and not thinking, I picked it up. You never mentioned anything about it, so I was just curious. I’m sorry if I did something wrong. The last thing I want is for you to be mad at me over it.”

  Anna stood there a minute to check her emotions. She didn’t want to say something she would regret, and the way her temper was ready to boil over, she knew that was a very real possibility. They had just shared an amazing night together. She didn’t want to tarnish the memory with her past issues. Even though she didn’t want him to be, Jake was now a part of the ugliness in her life. At least in some way. He didn’t seem weirded out by it. In all reality, he actually seemed like it wasn’t that big of a deal.

  When she continued her silence, he asked, “Can I ask you how long you have been taking them?” His voice was soft and sounded so caring.

  She gave up. It was a part of her life, and now he knew. Who cared? If he had a problem with it and thought she was some crazy person, he could just walk out the door.

  “I started taking them about a year after I left Patience. I was feeling really down more days than not. I became
uninterested in my own life and didn’t seem to find joy in anything. I knew I needed help, but was too ashamed to admit it. I guess I felt like a failure. Anyway, I finally went to the doctor and I was diagnosed with depression. I only take a small dose, and it helps. I won’t feel bad about it.”

  “Oh, honey, you shouldn’t feel bad about it. You have no control over it. I hate that you had to go through those dark times before you figured out what was going on with you. I’m glad you went to the doctor and allowed them to help you. You are so brave.” He tried to touch her, but she held up a hand to hold him back.

  “I mean what I said—I will not feel bad about my problem. It is a part of my life that I have to deal with, and some days it’s not easy. I used to care what people thought, and I guess in some way I still do because I didn’t want you or anyone else in Patience to know, but I’m trying to not be that person. I can’t change my life for anybody, so if you have a problem with this, I need you to tell me now.”

  He had moved closer to her, but he didn’t touch her. “Anna, I mean what I say too, and I want you to hear me when I say this—I could give a flying fuck about some medicine that you have to take. And I say fuck those who do have a problem with it, but I have a feeling it’s more you feeling ashamed by it. Others probably couldn’t care less. This is just a part of who you are, and I wouldn’t change you for anything.”

  Jake welcomed her into his arms. He reacted nothing like she expected. Who was this man? Wrapping her arms around him, she buried her face into his chest. Breathing him in, she never wanted to forget what the feeling felt like to have someone accept her.

  She pulled back enough so she could see his face. “How are you okay with this?”

  “Why wouldn’t I be? You are still you. You are still the sexy woman who blows me away every time she enters a room. You are still the same Anna Kelly.”

  “I know, but I just didn’t expect you to just look at it as no big deal. You are only one of three people who actually know.”

  “You are not the only person who has had to take depression medicine. I had a teammate when I was in Triple-A who suffered from depression, and had to take medication. He too, hid it from most people, but we became really close…I mean it was hard not to, we saw each other every day. I don’t know how we even got onto the subject, but he told me that he had to take some medication. I began to understand a lot about it through him. He was a great friend to me, and I never thought anything less of him because of it. We all have our problems.” He shrugged his shoulders, and Anna knew that he was truly all right with it. And she realized she didn’t even care that he knew.

  “Jake?”

  “Yeah, sweetness?” He kissed her on the forehead, making her feel almost childlike.

  “I also have to taking a sleeping pill at night. Otherwise, I will never fall asleep.”

  “Did you take one last night?”

  She shook her head. “Surprisingly, I was able to fall asleep in your arms. It was the best night’s sleep I think I’ve ever had.”

  “Like I said, Anna, it doesn’t matter to me. But…maybe I just found a way to stay in your bed.”

  She laughed. “You think we can crawl back in bed for a bit longer right now?”

  “Only if you lose that shirt.” Before he finished saying it, he was already pulling her shirt over her head. Any other time she would have been self-conscious about standing there completely nude in front of a man. But now, with Jake, she felt so free and vulnerable—and it was exhilarating.

  They both curled up into each other and drifted back to sleep. Both of them were right where they wanted to be.

  * * * *

  “Where have you been? I’ve been sitting here waiting for almost thirty minutes,” Em yelled when Anna entered C.C’s Diner. Her friend was seated at a booth and was spitting-nails-mad that Anna was running a little late for lunch.

  “Sorry. I overslept.”

  “It’s one in the afternoon. Who sleeps that long? Seriously, Anna, you need to go see a sleep doctor.”

  A couple of years ago she had considered the same thing, but decided there was no doctor who could cure what she was experiencing. She had to put her past behind her, which was her only way of overcoming her demon, the one that visited late at night in her dreams. One way to put her past firmly in the past was to stop thinking so much and actually be a person who lived…a person who could have sex the night before and act perfectly normal about it the next day.

  “This time was a little different.” Anna could feel a revelation coming, and she relented, not really wanting to hold back about her night with Jake. She needed to talk about it. And although she was concerned about Em’s ability to keep a secret, she had no one else she would share such private information with.

  “I slept with Jake last night,” Anna blurted out.

  Em’s eyes shot up behind the glass of Coke she’d just raised to take a sip of. “You did what? I know I have to being going deaf, because there is no way in hell I heard you say what I thought you said.”

  Okay, that was a mouthful, even for Em.

  “You heard right. It happened last night after the bachelor auction.”

  “I can’t believe this. I need details. Don’t leave anything out.” Em was probably going to be the only one who would be happy about this development, because Liza was going to kill her. Anna didn’t see Liza forgiving Jake anytime in the near future.

  Liza was one of the friendliest people Anna knew—unless that person happened to be Jake. It didn’t matter that her friend had never met Jake. It also didn’t matter that what happened between Anna and Jake was eleven years ago. Time did not heal all wounds, according to Liza. She played hardball when it came to men. One of her favorite activities was making a man grovel. Anna didn’t know how in the hell her friend was one of the best therapists in Linden. Or how she had kept a boyfriend.

  “I don’t know,” she said, scanning the hometown diner. “This isn’t the safest place to talk about things like this.”

  “Oh, come on. The only two people in here can’t hear without the help of a hearing aid. Mr. Johnson and old man Mannard could care less about your sex life. Get to it,” Em demanded, shaking the laminated menu in Anna’s face.

  No getting out of this. She’d actually been the one to bring it up. What was wrong with her? Could she be a woman she had never been—one who had a sex life? One who was wild? Yes, she could, she decided.

  “Okay…but you’d better keep your mouth shut, no letting tidbits slip while you’re coloring some teenaged girl’s hair.”

  The two friends did their promise handshake.

  “After the auction I was bummed. I didn’t know I wanted to win Jake until I risked money I barely had. After you and I separated in the parking lot of the school I went to Ollie’s to—”

  “Sorry, but you did what?” Em asked, clearly not sorry for her interruption. “Why did you go to a bar…alone?”

  “What’s wrong with that?” Anna was shocked that going to Ollie’s would be the more stunning news at the moment. “I wanted to have a drink and accomplish something on my own for a change.”

  “You should have told me. I would have gone with you.”

  “I needed to do it by myself. I know it seems stupid and petty, but I had something I needed to prove to myself.” And she’d proven it. She went to a bar—alone—showed cleavage and all. She’d even gotten kissed by one of Patience’s handsomest men. It had been a good night for her.

  Anna went on about her night. “So, at the bar Ollie changed the television to the Yankees game.”

  “He did what?” Em asked, shocked again.

  “Em, do you want to know what happened or what?”

  “Yes. Sorry. Go ahead.” Em pretended she was zipping her lips closed, which they both knew was impossible to do.

  “So, I watched the game with Tex and don’t even say anything,” Anna added before Em could interrupt again about the idea of her and Tex being together. According t
o Jake, Tex was a still the same kind of ladies’ man he had been back in high school, and she needed to stay clear. “After the game, Tex left…” No need adding the peck on the mouth part. “and, Jake walked up to me. He apparently had been watching me from his seat at the bar. We started talking about how I root for a pansy team…just the usual, and one thing just led to him driving us back to my place.”

  “So how was it…I mean the sex. How was the sex?”

  “Really good,” Anna admitted with a shy grin on her face. She couldn’t lie, nor did she want to. The sex was more than good—it was terrific. When she had been eager to rush through it, he slowed down the pace, forcing her to experience every mind-blowing kiss and touch. And on top of that he had made sure she came first, that she was once again taken care of before his needs were met.

  She loved that he took special care with her body, something she knew was not in shape like an athlete’s. If anything, he seemed to love her curves. When he suckled her breasts, weighing them in his hands, she could have gone over the edge without him touching any other part of her body. She’d never had a man look at her like he was about to feast on her—and she wouldn’t have minded that a bit. And even though she was the one who’d asked him to stay, he had said he was intending to do that very same thing. It was perfect…the whole night, him included, was just perfect. Even when he’d found out about her depression secret he was okay with it, and it didn’t seem to change anything. Damn…she was giddy again.

  “So was this a onetime thing, or are you two starting up a fling?”

  Funny how Anna hadn’t really thought that far—something she was prone to do with all aspects of her life. Thinking and planning were what kept her in line and sane. Apparently not this time, because she hadn’t thought about much more than the great sex. It had never entered into her mind to wonder whether they would do it again.

  Em must have been reading Anna’s face and knew the wheels were turning, because she cautioned, “You know I am a J-Ann fan…I really am, but I just don’t want to see you hurt and feel the need to stay away again. I’ve liked having you around, and I sure as hell will not let Jake keep you away from me again. I know it was my idea for you to mess with Jake a little bit, but maybe that wasn’t the safest thing.”