Palmetto Passion: A Sweet Small Town Family Romance (The Bradford Brothers Book 1)

by Christina Benjamin

  Would it be the same with Rowan?

  He was a wildcard, and I’d never been much of a gambler.

  But it was now or never. Fire crackled through my veins making me bold. I pressed my lips to Rowan’s, drawing him in. He sucked in a breath and then his hands were in my hair, clutching me to him like he couldn’t get enough. My tongue swept into his mouth and Rowan growled as the kiss deepened.

  I gasped as his mouth made me feel things I’d never imagined. Rowan broke our kiss, pressing his forehead to mine as we caught our breath.

  “Wow . . .” I whispered.

  Rowan’s eyes were still closed, his heart racing like a jackhammer. I couldn’t help but notice the pain washing his features.

  “Are you okay?” I asked.

  He nodded, pressing his trembling lips back to mine again. Again our chemistry overwhelmed me. But just as I reached up to pull him down to me, Rowan spoke against my lips. “Rachel.”

  The word was like an ice bath.

  With a whimper, I pushed Rowan back slightly only to find that he was already retreating. My hand dropped from his chest as he backed to the far bathroom wall. We stared at one another, chests heaving, pain in our eyes.

  What just happened?

  One second we were fine—more than fine. And the next he was saying another woman’s name? It was clear we were both desperate to get away from each other now. How could the mood have changed so fast? Why did things between us have to be scorching or frigid? Was there no middle ground?

  “I should go,” I muttered, throwing myself from the counter and awkwardly edging away from Rowan while holding my bandaged hand to my chest.

  “Wait, Tess,” he said, reaching for me and then changing his mind, his arms swinging back to his side. “Let me drive you. Your hand . . .”

  “I'm fine,” I murmured, fleeing the bathroom without a second look.

  This was a mistake. All of it. I didn’t know how I’d been so stupid, but the next part came easily. Running away . . . that was something I was good at.

  I dashed across the lawn. I needed to get out of here. I needed to breathe.

  How could I have thought I was ready for something like this? And how could I have thought Rowan would want me?

  We’d got caught up in the moment. That’s all it was. The adrenaline, the tiny room, all those muscles. But still, it hurt. And he’d called me another woman’s name. That hurt the most.

  Who was she?

  I could tell by Rowan’s face that he regretted even getting as close to me as he had.

  Was this the end for everything that we could’ve been?

  Cutting my losses now was definitely the safer choice for my heart. But if I left, where would I end up?

  My stomach clenched at the thought of leaving Mabel and Hal. I’d let myself get drawn in by this sweet little town, let its simple life give me false hope. But I should’ve known better. Girls like me didn’t get fairytales. And we definitely didn’t get happy endings.

  Chapter 15

  Rowan

  The next morning, I woke early after tossing and turning for hours on end. I wasn’t sure I even managed to keep my eyes closed for more than a few minutes at a time. Every time I tried to fall asleep, I just kept replaying what happened between Tess and me.

  The heat of her body so close to mine, her legs wrapped around my waist . . . it’d felt so right. I’d never wanted anything as bad as I wanted to kiss her in that moment. So then why had I pushed her away? Why had I ruined everything by saying the wrong name? And why the hell hadn’t I chased after Tess to explain?

  Maybe it was impossible for me to ever let anyone in again after losing Rachel. Maybe all I’d ever be able to do was push away the people who wanted to care for me.

  But that wasn’t the life I wanted.

  I rolled out of bed, hurling my blankets to the side and approached my window. The sun was already creeping up into the blue horizon, warming the dew on the perfectly cut grass. My mother buzzed around frantically, directing more deliveries. Men in white gloves carried gold chairs and silver chafing dishes toward the house.

  Behind her, in the middle of the grassy lot where Ivy would be getting married, the abandoned trellis still lay on its side. It was half strewn with greenery, the pruning shears right where Tess had dropped them.

  My heart sank as I pressed one of my palms against the warm glass.

  Yesterday had been a disaster.

  After Tess ran off I hadn't had the heart to go back out there and finish working on the trellis. I’d escaped up to my room in a full-blown panic as memory after memory assaulted me. The flashbacks were so bad I had trouble telling what was real and what was just the torturous tricks of my mind.

  I was too messed up to even join my family for dinner, and that killed me. My brothers and sister were only here for a short while, and I wanted to spend time with them, but not like this. I couldn’t be around people when I was struggling so badly. I didn’t know how to let them in.

  Instead, I’d sat in the dark of my room and tried to convince my heart not to be so damn messed up.

  If only I could stop my brain from endlessly reminding me of the wounded look on Tess’s face when I’d jerked away from her, or the fact that I’d called her Rachel’s name.

  I’d wanted so badly to just press my lips against Tess’s and live in the moment for the first time in an entire year. But after talking about Rachel so much the other day I just couldn’t do it.

  It felt wrong for me to be attracted to another woman when my fiancée passed only a year ago. But I couldn’t deny the way Tess captivated me with every smile. Just being near her made me want to laugh and smile and feel all the ways I hadn’t in so long. She brightened my life.

  There was nothing wrong with that, was there?

  But no matter how much I wanted to be that person, one who was moving forward, I just couldn’t. I couldn’t let go of the pain long enough to embrace the joy.

  I didn’t know what to think other than perhaps I was permanently broken.

  Tess was beautiful and special in every way, but I didn’t know if I could convince my heart to let her in when there was a chance that I might end up hurt again.

  Maybe I was too stuck in the past to ever find love again. After all, it was a big ask . . . Some people weren’t lucky enough to have even one great love in their life. What made me think I should get two?

  Tess would be better off without me. She should find someone who could love her the way she deserved, not with uncertainty.

  Sighing, I returned to my bed, letting my despair pull me back to the welcoming mattress. I tried to rub the exhaustion from my face, but it was useless. I didn’t need to look in the mirror to know I looked as drained as I felt. I didn’t know what to do.

  Avoid Tess. Confront Tess. It seemed no matter what I did there was no protecting my heart. I had to find a way to stop living in the past, but I was terrified of tumbling back into that bottomless pit of pain that came with loss.

  I didn’t want to ever suffer through that again, but I knew life didn’t work that way. It wasn’t fair, the way Rachel was taken from me. She was young, vibrant, healthy. She had so much more life to live. How could I ever put my heart on the line again knowing that a wonderful person like her could be here one day and gone the next?

  I couldn’t . . . and that was the problem.

  A faint knock at my door jolted me from my brooding thoughts. I heaved myself from my bed and trudged over to answer it. I cracked open the door to find Ivy beaming up at me. She had her purse over her shoulder, looking radiant in a white sundress. Smoothing back her blonde hair, she stuck the toe of her pearly stiletto into the doorway to prevent me from closing it on her face, which was way too cheery for this early in the morning.

  “You ready, Row?” she asked happily, one disproving eyebrow lifting as she noted my pajamas.

  “Ready?” I echoed blankly.

  Her chin dipped in a nod. “You said you’d drive Bro
oks and me to our cake tasting.”

  “I did?”

  Her hands shot to her hips. “You promised me when we were at the Porch. You didn't forget, did you? You’d been drinking a little—”

  “I’d been drinking?” I laughed, the tension of my pensive mood eased slightly. I opened the door wider and folded my arms. “You were the drunk one. Brooks had to practically carry you out of there.”

  She giggled and waved a flippant hand. “Details, details. Anyway, hurry up and get ready! You promised you’d go with us so get a move on! I don’t want to be late.”

  I rolled my eyes and closed my door again, quickly showering and pulling on a simple outfit of jeans and a polo shirt before jogging down the stairs. As the youngest, Ivy was used to getting her way and as her oldest brother, I was used to making sure that happened. If she wanted me to cart her and her future husband around to taste some cake, then so be it.

  The rest of my family was out on the lawn helping put the decorations together. Both my brothers looked distracted, lost in their own worlds while blankly being directed about by my mother.

  Thankfully, no one stopped me. I didn’t want to have to explain why Tess had made such a speedy getaway yesterday. Though I guess it would’ve been easy enough to say it was because of her injured hand. I wondered how she was. She’d been lucky. The cut could have been much worse than it was. I’d been up thinking about it all night. How an inch lower and she could’ve nicked an artery.

  The doctor in me wanted to check on her. Okay, all of me wanted to check on her. But I had a feeling I was the last person Tess wanted to see right now.

  I told myself that was for the best.

  Ivy ran over to our parents to discuss some wedding details while Brooks and I headed to the car. A few minutes later, we were all piled into my BMW, driving away from the chaos that had taken over our home. It didn’t take long for us to reach town and head toward the local bakery.

  “Hey, there’s Mabel’s!” Brook noted, pointing a finger against the backseat window where he was squished behind me.

  “Should we pop in and see how things are going?” Ivy asked, tilting her head toward me with another shining smile.

  I cleared my throat, fingers clenching on the steering wheel, as I hastily shook my head.

  “Uh, no,” I replied quickly, trying not to sound too distraught at the thought of seeing Tess again. “I'm sure they’ve got a ton of work to do. Your wedding is just around the corner.”

  “I guess . . .” Ivy mumbled glumly. “But that Tess is such a sweetie. I’m so grateful she’s still willing to do my flowers after what you did to her.”

  My heart leapt into my throat. Had Tess called Ivy yesterday? “What do you mean?”

  “Mom told me what you did to her, pretending to be Gerald when she first came to the house.” She laughed. “Honestly, Row. Are you that bored that you’re pranking innocent florists?”

  I shrugged. But I had been bored. And Tess had been beautiful.

  Ivy eyed me from the side, her head just barely tilted toward me. “You’re lucky she was willing to go on a date with you after.”

  I choked on the comment, glad when the bakery came into view so that I could park and get out of this car where I was being interrogated by my little sister. “It wasn’t a date. It was just . . .”

  “A cozy dinner alone for just the two of you?” Ivy offered, arching a pale brow. “Did you walk her home after?”

  “You obviously know I did or you wouldn’t be badgering me,” I muttered, screeching into a parking spot.

  Flinging open the car door, I climbed out and glanced around, shielding the sun off my face. I sucked in a deep breath. I was beginning to feel like I was suffocating inside my cramped sports car. Out here it was better. The scent of coffee and fresh cakes filled the air as I stared at the familiar pink bakery. It was a bit early for sweets, but maybe if I stuffed my face, I wouldn’t have to answer any more of Ivy’s questions.

  I watched Brooks climb out of my car. It warmed my heart to see him turn back to offer my sister his hand to help her out of the low vehicle. I was glad she’d found such a good guy. She might drive me crazy sometimes, but I knew it was only because she loved me so fiercely.

  I was even more grateful Brooks was so attentive when Ivy tripped on her impractical heels. Brooks caught her effortlessly, his arms tenderly wrapping around her for a moment. She gazed up at him, startled by her own clumsiness and her fiancé’s rapt attention. He grinned at her, whispering something in her ear that made her blush. I watched him tuck a strand of hair behind her ear while her fingers brushed his jaw. The tenderness between them was so palpable that I had to look away. I felt like I was invading their own private moment as her arm slid around his neck and she kissed him sweetly.

  I remembered how it felt to be with someone like that, the one person who could all but read your mind, finish your sentences. The one whose heart beat to the same rhythm as your own.

  Someday, I wanted to feel that way again. But would I ever be brave enough?

  “Row?” Ivy said, softly.

  I blinked hard to clear the heavy emotions coursing through me. When I looked up, I caught Brooks vanishing into the bakery while my sister tentatively approached me.

  Ivy closed my car door for me and frowned. “Are you okay?” she asked, but before I could answer she gave a faint huff and shook her head. “And I don’t mean are you feeling okay or did you sleep okay. I mean are you okay, Rowan? In here,” she asked, pressing her hand over my heart. “Because I can tell that you’re still torturing yourself over what happened with you and Rachel.”

  “Ivy . . .” I muttered, stepping back from her. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

  “I think that’s part of the problem,” she answered curtly, her arms folding over her chest.

  If there was one thing Ivy never did, it was sugarcoating. She always said things just how they were. Maybe that was part of the reason why I was afraid to talk to her about this in the first place. She wouldn’t let me avoid the conversation. She wouldn’t let me try to slide out of it or skirt around the pain. She would confront it all head on just like this.

  “Talk to me, Rowan,” she demanded, quietly. “I’ve tried to give you time, hoping you’d open up to me when you’re ready, but it’s been a year. You’ll never work through this if you just clam up and refuse to share what’s going through your head.”

  “Maybe I’m not meant to work through this, Ivy.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “And how do you know that, huh?”

  She moved a step closer, her voice softening. “Because everyone deserves love, Row.”

  I shook my head, stepping back again. “My problem is that my one shot at love was taken from me and there’s nothing I can do about it,” I muttered, urgently. “You get one great love story, Ivy, and mine was over before I could even really cherish it.”

  Ivy clenched her jaw so hard I was sure her molars were grinding. She strode toward me and I half thought she was about to smack some sense into me. Instead, she leaned up onto her very tiptoes and wrapped her arms around my neck. She squeezed me hard, her cheek pressing against mine. Her hug was so tight it broke down the rest of my resolve and I had to suck in a breath to keep myself from falling to pieces right there in the street.

  “Rowan, I love you. I adore you. I'm proud of you. But you have never been more wrong. There is no limit on love, big brother. There is no quota of happiness that once you reach it, it’s all downhill from there,” she said quietly.

  My arms wrapped tighter around my little sister as I hugged her back. After a moment she sighed and leaned back to look up at me with her soft blue eyes. “Just because you loved Rachel doesn’t mean you can’t love again. She would want you to be happy, Row.”

  I swallowed thickly, nodding.

  “Didn’t you take an oath to do no harm?” Ivy pressed.

  I nodded again.

  “Well that means you too. You
can’t go on causing yourself harm, Row. Rachel wouldn’t want that.”

  “I know.”

  “She would want you to carry on in her memory and keep doing good for her since she can’t. Don’t you see that? You’re purposefully protecting this wound and that’s not doing either of you any good.”

  “I don’t want to dishonor Rachel,” I choked out. “And I don’t . . . I can’t handle anymore heartbreak.”

  Ivy smiled up at me, her eyes full of wisdom beyond her years. “But that’s the beauty of life, Row. It’s putting yourself out on that line knowing it could all fall apart and charging forward anyway. It’s really all we can do. And it’s exhilarating to love that deeply. I want you to be happy, Rowan. You deserve it more than anyone I know.”

  “It’s just hard to willingly step out on that ledge again,” I murmured. “This last year has been the hardest of my life.”

  “Then don’t you think you deserve some light and hope after all this darkness you’ve trudged through?” Ivy pressed, gently. “Let yourself have that, Row. Go get your girl.”

  “My girl?” I stared quizzically at my little sister as a smirk played on her face.

  “Oh please, Rowan. It’s so obvious that you’re falling for Tess. You were lucky you even got a second chance after you pretended to be Gerald. But if you keep burying your feelings you’re going to run out of chances.”

  When I stared at her in surprise, she grabbed my hand, her eyes lingering on her own platinum engagement ring for a moment before she looked back at me. “I got my happily ever after, Rowan. Don’t you want yours?”

  I startled myself by nodding.

  Ivy grinned. “Good. Because you should know better than anyone that you never know what tomorrow will bring. Why waste time dragging your feet when you could be happy instead?”

  “You’re right,” I admitted, grabbing her up into one more hug which she returned with a squeal.

  “Now go find Tess. I'm going to my cake tasting,” Ivy announced, triumphantly. “And I expect a full report when I’m done.”