by K. A. Hobbs
“I don't know.”
“I made a promise to myself, a promise for Poppy, that I would experience life to the full.” he tells me.
“I think that is a great promise to make.”
“She didn’t have a choice, Katie. She didn’t ask to get sick, she didn’t ask for her life to end when she was so little. She should be with me, she should be living her life. I should be able to look forward to her becoming a teenager, I should be worrying about her getting her first boyfriend, about going off to uni. I should be looking forward to walking her down the aisle on her wedding day. Most of all I should be able to look forward to seeing the incredible young lady she would have become, but all those things were taken from me and even worse, they were taken from her.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“So, I am living life to the full, because I’m not just living it for me, I’m living it for Poppy too. I’m going to make sure I see as much of the world, experience as much of life as I can. And Katie, I’d really like you to experience it with me.”
“I want to experience it with you too, Daniel. So very much,"
Daniel grows quiet and a few minutes later his breathing gets heavy and I know he is asleep. I hold him, I run my hand up and down his back for what feels like hours. I run my fingers through his hair and press kisses to the top of his head. When he begins making distressed noises and I know he is dreaming, I whisper that I love him, that everything is okay and after a few minutes he calms down and is still again. As the light begins to fade Daniel stirs. His eyes meet mine and a slow sad smile spreads across his face. He reaches up with one hand and cups the side of my face. After a few seconds of just looking at me, he lowers his face to mine and kisses me softly, then more deeply. He pulls back slightly and whispers to me, his warm breath washing over my face.
“Can I make love to you, Katie?”
“You need me?” I whisper back, willing to give him anything he needs right now.
“I need to be as close as humanly possible to you. I need to know I'm alive and I feel most alive when I'm buried deep inside of you, when you're all I can feel, when you’re all I can smell, when you’re everything to me. When every single one of my senses are surrounded by you.”
“Then make love to me. Make me feel alive too.”
* * *
Work takes over and the weeks seem to fly by. With the warmer weather we’re entering wedding season and I’m rushed off my feet. Daniel has been away with work for the last three days and I’ve missed him. This morning I’m meeting him in the park near his house and we are going to spend the weekend together. I’m due to go away to Manchester next week to help one of my couples sort something big for their wedding, I’m not looking forward to the travel or the stress, but it’s work so I’ll suck it up.
I spot Daniel up ahead by the pond and walk over. He is totally lost in taking photos. I watch as he crouches down to get the angle he wants, spotting something of interest. I would love to see what he sees when he looks at the world. He told me, after Poppy died, he didn't want to take photos of anything, that life had lost its beauty and the world held no interest to him whatsoever. He told me that the colours had come back into his life again thanks to me. I didn't really know what to say to that, so I'd just smiled and squeezed his hand. As I get closer the sound of my heels on the concrete alerts him to my presence. He doesn't move the camera from in front of his face, he continues to capture whatever it is that has peeked his interest.
“Good morning, Katie.”
“How did you know it was me?” I ask surprised.
“The sound of your feet. You have a very distinctive walk.”
“I do?”
“Yes, for someone so small, your feet move incredibly quickly. I'm not even sure mine move that fast.” He smiles, bringing the camera to rest in his hands.
“Well, I guess you learn something new every day,” I grin, “What did you find?”
“A few things,” he picks his camera back up and focuses his lens on me, “Can I take your photo?”
“Erm. I guess so.” I suddenly feel very self conscious. Daniel has taken my photo before months ago, but I still don’t feel comfortable.
“Don't do that. You're beautiful.” He smiles when he picks up on the tension that being in front of the camera brings me. He steps back a little and snaps a few photos, when I feel the heat spread over my face I look away, he doesn't stop taking photos though, I can still hear the click of the shutter.
“Are you ready for a mocha?” I ask him and subtly tell him I’ve had enough.
“Nice way of avoiding the camera.” he grins, “And I don’t drink mochas, but if you make it a cappuccino, you have a deal.” he holds out his hand to me and I take it. He pulls me into him and presses a kiss to my lips, the sudden closeness of him and the heat radiating from his body has me going limp in his arms.
“I missed you.” I tell him.
“I missed you.” he tells me back.
“How was your trip?” I ask as we walk the short distance to the café in the middle of the park we like going to.
“It was really good. Everything in life is really good right now.”
“It is,” I agree squeezing his hand, “I’m always a little worried, when life is this good, something is going to come along and ruin it.” I admit honestly.
“We can’t control what the future holds, Katie. We just have to live for now.”
“How did you get to be so wise?”
“I think it comes with old age… and great height. More space for knowledge.”
“Old age? Daniel, you’re forty-four, you’re not old!” I scoff.
“I’m older than you.” he reminds me.
“By ten years, it’s not like you’re a pensioner.”
“No. You’re right. I’m not that old.”
I stop where I am and step into his body, looking up at him I crook my finger to him, letting him know I need him to come closer because I have a secret.
“Want to know something?” I whisper in his ear.
“Of course.” he grins.
“I like older men.”
“Oh, do you?”
“Yes.”
“And why is that?”
“Well…” I tell him, tugging him down the path again, “All that knowledge you have? It comes in very handy in other areas too.”
His booming laugh fills the park and people look at us. I can’t help but laugh too. Daniel’s laughter is infectious, he has one of those laughs that when you hear it, it makes you laugh too. It’s one of my favourite things about him.
“I’m very glad to hear it.” he chuckles.
“And I’m very glad to receive that knowledge.” I laugh.
We grab a coffee and a muffin and sit outside, making the most of the sunshine. When we’ve finished, Daniel reaches over and takes my hand in his, his thumb brushing back and forth repeatedly over my hand.
“Katie, do you know what Wednesday was?”
“Wednesday…” I try to remember what Wednesday’s date was. It doesn't register in my head. “No. What was it?”
“Wednesday was a year to the day since we met.” he tells me, smiling.
“Was it?” a sudden wave of excitement tinged with regret washes over me.
“Yes. One year ago on Wednesday, you walked into the ward. Look how far we’ve come in a year, Katie.”
“Wow… A whole year. I can’t believe I forgot.”
“Imagine, Katie,” he leans forward and whispers the next words against my lips, “Where we’ll be a year from now.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
I ring the doorbell and wait. It’s a cold night even though it’s the middle of June and I’m looking forward to getting inside in the warm. I see Daniel’s shadow come towards the door and seconds later he is standing before me. He’s dressed in blue, my favourite colour on him. He smiles and holds out his hand for me. I take it and he pulls me to him, wrapping me in his strong arms.
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“I’ve missed you.” he breathes into my hair.
“I’ve missed you too. How have you been?”
“I’ve been okay, how was your trip?” he steps back, taking me with him and closing the door.
“It was stressful. But we got everything sorted for work, so now I can relax and enjoy being back with you.”
Daniel holds out his arms and I walk into them, needing the comfort I will find in them so much right now. I notice then that he has music playing. I look up at his face and smile.
“You have music on.”
“I do.” he grins at me.
“Any reason?”
“I was just in the mood. Come into the lounge, dinner is almost ready and there is an obscenely expensive red wine just waiting for us to drink it.” he kisses my forehead and leads us both into the lounge.
There are candles everywhere and a lamp on in the corner, the room is aglow with golden light and it looks beautiful. I look over to the fireplace, my eyes drawn, like always, to the handprints that grace his wall. I notice something there that wasn’t there the last time I was here a few days ago. I walk a little closer and pick up the photo frame that sits under the handprints, on the other side to the framed photo of Daniel and Poppy.
“When did you get this done?” I turn and look at him.
“I did it this week while you were away. It’s time to have you here, Katie.” he tells me, wrapping his arms around me from behind.
“It’s a beautiful photo of us. Ginny really is good at taking photos.” I smile and run my finger over the glass.
“It’s easy to take a photo of a subject that is as breathtakingly beautiful as you are.”
“You’re right, you are.” I grin as he kisses my neck.
“You’re talking rubbish, Katie.”
“Did you say something about an obscenely expensive red wine waiting to be consumed?”
“I might have.”
“Well, don’t keep me waiting, Mr Lambert, I’m parched.”
“Then you really should have some water, I’ll just get you some.”
“Don’t even think about it!” I growl playfully, pushing him back onto the sofa and climbing on top of him.
“You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.” he murmurs right before he kisses me.
“I’ve missed you too.” I murmur back. When I feel his hands slip under my jumper and caress the sensitive skin of my lower back I shudder and press myself to him a little more.
“Do you want dinner? Or do you want me to carry you upstairs and show you how much I missed you?” I feel his smile against my lips and I smile too.
“I really want dinner.” I grin back.
“Really?” he pulls back and frowns at me.
“I haven’t eaten since I left Manchester, I’m wasting away here!”
He reaches under my jumper again and brushes his thumbs over my hip bones, then his hands travel over my stomach and around to my back before coming to rest on my bottom. His eyebrows shoot up and he grins naughtily at me.
“Wasting away? You feel just perfect to me.”
“I still need to eat. We’ll be really quick. Then you can show me.”
“You know, even if I wanted to argue with you, I couldn’t,” he leans in and kisses me, “You make it absolutely impossible.”
My stomach decides to growl then, as if it’s proving a point that I really do need to eat. Daniel laughs at me and lifts me off of him and onto the sofa. As he goes to get up, I pull him to me, laying back on the sofa.
“You know I love you in blue?”
“I do know you love me in blue, it’s why I wore it today.”
“It makes your eyes seem impossibly blue. And it just… suits you. I love you in blue. Always wear blue.”
“Okay. Always in blue. No other colours.”
“No… Dinner?”
“Dinner.” he nods.
I watch him walk into the kitchen and smile. I’m always trying to remind myself that happiness isn’t something I should take for granted. I’m always waiting for something to happen, something to stop this feeling of being happy. I try not to let it hold me back, but there is that little part of me that keeps whispering it could end any minute. I get up and follow Daniel into the kitchen, he has his back to me as he checks on something in the oven. The kitchen smells delicious and my hungry stomach growls in approval. I step behind him and wrap my arms around him, he relaxes into my touch and rests a hand over mine.
“The chicken is ready, the potatoes just need a little longer.” he tells me.
“Can I have that glass of wine then?” I ask cheekily.
“Absolutely.” he turns and sweeps me into his arms as another song begins to play.
Daniel moves us around the kitchen, gracefully. I bring my hands up and around his neck as his hands come to rest on my hips. Kodaline surrounds us, a band we discovered together. I feel that familiar warmth around me that comes with being in Daniel’s presence.
“Katie, I love you so much,” he whispers, “Can you feel that?” he takes my hand and presses it against his beating heart.
“Your heartbeat?”
“My heartbeat. The very heart you made beat again when you came into my life.”
“I didn’t do anything, Daniel.” I smile shyly.
“Katie you did everything. You helped me live again, I was merely existing before you. I cannot be without you, Katie. I want to be with you forever, forever and a day. And I’m not entirely sure that will be long enough.”
“I want to be with you too, Daniel.”
“I want to be by your side, I want to be the one you turn to, the one who picks you up if you fall, the one to dry your tears when you’re sad, the one you laugh with. I want to be your everything, because you are mine.”
“You are, Daniel. You are.” I bring my hand up to his face and run one finger over his eyebrows, down between his eyes and over his nose, tracing the perfect lines of his lips.
“I want to marry you, Katie. I want to be your husband and I want you to be my wife. I want to have children with you, I want to be the father of your children… I want you to be the mother of mine.”
His words take me by surprise. Tears prick my eyes and I suddenly feel cold and shivery. He doesn't say anything else, he just looks at me. Those blue eyes rooting me to the spot like always.
“Yes,” I whisper, “Yes, Daniel.”
“Oh, Katie,” he whispers, a tear in his eyes too, “I love you. I love you so much. You are my heart, soul and reason for living, you know that don’t you?”
I press my lips to his and go limp in his arms. He holds me to him and kisses me like I am the very air he needs to breathe. When he pulls back, both our faces are wet and there is a smile so bright on his face it lights the room, I’m pretty sure it can be seen from the moon.
“I love you, Mr Lambert. I’ll love you everyday like I have from the very first day I met you.”
“And you’ll be Mrs Lambert.” he smiles shyly.
“I’ll be Mrs Lambert.” I smile back.
“I have something for you.” he kisses me once more than steps back and disappears into the lounge.
My heart beat is racing, and my palms are a little sweaty. I am engaged. To Daniel. I’m going to marry my best friend, the man who has been there for me through so much, so many bad and dark days. The man who showed me I could be happy again, I could love again, and I loved him so much.
“I picked it out myself, I spent all day looking for the perfect ring while you were away,” he is holding a small box in his hand, “I’ve wanted to propose to you for weeks, I knew you were the one the first day we met. It has taken all of my self control not to rush it, to rush you. But I can’t wait any longer.”
He drops to one knee and rests his head on my stomach. Then he pulls back and looks up at me from under those impossibly long eyelashes. His blue eyes full of so much emotion and love, I start to shake.
“My life before Poppy was insign
ificant. My life after Poppy was horrifying. Then you came into my life and everything was warm and light again. You gave my life meaning, you gave me a purpose. I began to breathe again. I never want to be without you, Katie. Will you marry me?”