by Hart, Eve R.
But I couldn’t.
Despite how my heart felt and how my body was on fire because of this man, I couldn’t say that one simple word.
There was something holding me back but with the way his breath was fanning across my lips, I couldn’t think of what that reason might be.
What the hell was wrong with me?
He either didn’t care about the answer or got tired of waiting, because the next thing I knew, his lips were on mine.
My legs, the little sluts that they were, wrapped around his torso needing him closer. So much closer. I didn’t want anything between us. I needed him like I’d never needed anything before.
He took his time kissing me and stripping my body free of its clothing.
By the time he parted my legs, I was soaking wet with need.
The first lick up my pussy had my back arching.
The second, and I was gripping the sheets so tightly that my nails hurt.
The third, well, that one was more of a full-on mouth kiss than anything else.
His tongue plunged deep inside of me and I nearly shot off the bed. Then he was pulling back, moving up, and sucking my throbbing clit into his mouth.
This is what it’s supposed to be like?
I definitely had been missing out.
I moaned, only half aware that I was actually making the noise. And my body, oh, it moved like it was trying to make waves in the ocean as it rocked against his face in need of more.
I came.
Oh, how I came.
But it still wasn’t enough.
From under my heavy lids, I watched as he backed off of the bed. Then he stripped himself bare too slow for my liking.
He smiled down at me, taking in my splayed out, sated state for a long moment. I couldn’t help but check him out too. Like every inch of his incredible body. Silas was hot, I couldn’t lie, but there was something about the way he was looking down at me that made him irresistible.
His hand wrapped around his thick shaft. The pre-cum collected at the tip as he slowly worked his hand up and down his hard cock.
I was nearly drooling and couldn’t seem to tear my eyes away from the hypnotizing movements.
He released his cock and then he was back between my legs where he belonged.
His weight was supported by one arm while the other hand caressed my face.
I stared up into his eyes. I wasn’t a fan of eye contact during sex, or at all, really. I was always worried that the other person could see into my soul. See every single crack and scar that was there. But I was open for Silas. I wanted him to see it all because I knew he would love every part of me. He wouldn’t judge me or fault me for all the things in the past that I had to do to survive.
Maybe we weren’t really that different.
Maybe killing people was his way of making it through.
Maybe I shouldn’t fault him for that.
He leaned down and kissed me, his hand still tenderly holding the side of my face. I felt warm. The kind of warmth that you couldn’t ever get from somewhere else. No fire would set me ablaze like his touch did, and I knew it.
He slowly pushed inside of me, stretching me to the point that I felt completely full. It was so amazing and I wanted more.
“Silas,” I breathed out his name and couldn’t keep my eyes from closing.
“I know,” he whispered against my neck. “I feel it too.”
And I died.
Not really, but holy shit, I couldn’t explain the things that shot through my body. I didn’t even want to try to. I just wanted it to last forever.
His thrusts were slow and controlled, but the look in his eyes was wild once I was finally able to force my lids open to see him. There was something about the eye contact that caused my skin to prickle in a good way.
I rose higher and higher, my body shaking so hard I had no control over it.
My legs wrapped around him tighter like I was trying to get him as deep as he could possibly be. I didn’t want even a breath of space between our bodies.
His ass cheeks were firm in my hands as I pulled him into me with every thrust. His lips met mine as I felt his pace start to stutter like he couldn’t control it anymore.
I couldn’t stop the shaking in my body. It vibrated every inch of me and I bit my lip in an attempt to hold off my orgasm. But it was no use, not with the way he was rocking his hips against me and brushing my clit over and over.
“Silas,” I called out, breaking our kiss. I didn’t want to, but it couldn’t be helped.
“Shit, Jessica. Fuck, you feel so amazing. Come with me.” His words were low and raw. I breathed them in desperately.
Then we crashed together, the world shattering around me as he emptied himself inside of me.
His lips were on mine and he swallowed down my moans. I clung to him, my nails digging into his back and I couldn’t seem to unlatch myself from his body.
I never knew it could feel like this.
And all I could think was that everything was working out the way it was supposed to.
Yeah, I wasn’t giving this up any time soon.
-30-
Silas
The next morning I woke up naked with Jessica in my arms. It was the perfect way to start the day, if you asked me.
Yeah, this was the life.
The one that I’d been chasing all along and hadn’t even realized it.
I had it now, but the question was….
How the hell was I going to keep it?
Jessica was still sound asleep on my chest and I figured I had a little time to work out the answer to that question.
Except, deep down, I already knew the answer.
There was a debt to be paid. One that I didn’t mind paying so much now. I might not have considered it before Jessica came back into my life. In fact, I probably would have tried to fight it. But now I was ready. And I knew it was the right thing to do for all parties involved.
“Hey,” Jessica said as she tilted her head to look at me. It was like she knew I was already awake, though I’d been laying perfectly still.
“Good morning,” I whispered with a huge smile on my face.
She hummed in the back of her throat as I kissed her. Something I realized I wanted to hear more of. Like I wanted to wake up to it every single morning.
“I’m so fucking hungry,” she said as she rolled out of bed. “I’m going to shower so we can get moving.”
“Okay,” I told her as my hungry eyes roamed over her naked body. She didn’t even try to cover anything up as she strolled to the bathroom. My eyes were glued to her perky ass and I was completely memorized by the sway of her hips.
“Are you going to join me?” she asked as she looked over her shoulder.
Fuck, she was so damn sexy.
It took me forcing all the blood to my brain to give her the right answer instead of jumping off the bed and taking her up against the wall.
“In a minute,” I told her with a lazy smile. “Get started without me.”
“Okay,” she replied with a tiny hint of concern knitting her brow.
I waited a minute after I heard the water start up before I climbed out of bed.
I pulled the new burner phone I’d set up out of my bag. I hadn’t used this one yet, but I had it ready to go. Maybe I knew this moment would be coming.
The line rang after I dialed the number.
And rang.
Finally, I heard the click letting me know that the other line had been answered.
“I’m out,” I blurted out right away before I could change my mind. Not that I really thought that was going to happen.
“You want to repeat that?” he said in a tone that almost sounded as if he hadn’t heard me right.
“I’m out. Done. Finished. Hanging up my hat. Punched my time card for the last time.”
“Yeah, yeah. Okay, I hear you,” Dalton grumbled under his breath stopping me from giving him any more ways of saying I wouldn’t be taking
jobs from here on out. “One bad experience and you’re calling it quits?”
“I thought you wanted this,” I shot back.
“I do, I just think there’s more to your story than you’re letting on.” He was silent for a moment as he waited for an answer that I didn’t have to give right now. Was there more to it? “Fine. Been nice knowing ya. I’m off to a tropical island where twenty-year-old girls are running up and down the beach in skimpy bikinis. Need to find something else to annoy me now that I won’t have you.”
I let out a low laugh.
I could just picture him sitting on a beach, annoyed as hell at everything from the sand around him to the crashing of the waves.
“You need to go somewhere cold. Somewhere that you can drink your beer outside and it won’t be piss-hot in a matter of minutes.” I got a grunt at that comment. With him, it was as good as a laugh. “I owe you, and I know you haven’t called to cash in, but I’m giving this to you.”
“You’re serious.” It was more of a statement and less of a question.
“Yep,” I told him just to make sure he got it.
“Okay, I’ll get the word out. Have a feeling some people aren’t going to be too happy but that’s their damn problem to deal with. Probably for the best, given everything that’s happened.”
“Do I need to worry about your safety?” I asked with a tiny hint of concern in my tone. I wasn’t clear on the details of how he handled the FBI thing and getting Jessica cleared from that mess, but I knew he’d more than likely given up some information that he shouldn’t have.
“No more than a normal day.”
“I owe you a huge thanks for that,” I told him.
“Debt has been paid. I hope to never hear your voice again.”
“Right back at you,” I said with a low chuckle.
“Take care,” he said to me and then he was gone.
I wondered for a half of a second if I’d ever hear from him again. Then I decided it didn’t matter. We’d each served a purpose in one another’s lives and now that was over. In the end, I believe we both got what we were looking for.
I killed the phone, taking out the SIM card then smashing it against the edge of the dresser for good measure. Then I walked into the other side of the room and dropped it in the wastebasket.
What the hell was I going to do with myself now?!
Holy fuck. I hadn’t really thought that whole thing through. I just gave up everything. Well, not really. I didn’t need the job anymore. And I didn’t want it, hadn’t since the moment I started, really.
I became a contract killer because I saw no other way. I saw that it was a lame excuse. I wasn’t in a good place back then. I still wasn’t now, but at least things were starting to feel like they were right. My life was headed on the path that it should have been all along.
I wasn’t going to waste another second thinking about it. After all, I had my woman waiting for me. My very naked and wet woman. Oh yeah, I wasn’t going to miss that opportunity.
I slipped into the bathroom, the place already filled with steam.
“Took you long enough,” she said to me with a sexy smile as I pulled back the curtain enough to step into the shower.
“I had something I had to take care of.”
“Oh yeah?” she asked with a raised brow. “Like giving up everything you’ve worked hard to earn for the last fifteen years?”
I eyed her playfully. No, I didn’t care that she might have eavesdropped on my conversation. I had plans to tell her everything anyway.
“You heard that, did you?” I asked.
“Maybe just a little of it,” she admitted looking a little sheepish. “Is that something you can really do? There won’t be, like, people after you for wanting out?”
I tried to hold my chuckle back but failed.
“This isn’t like the movies,” I told her with a smile. “I’m my own boss. I don’t owe anything to anyone. I’m out when I say I’m out. And… I’m done.”
“So, you’re leaving it just like that?” she asked and I could see that she had hope in her eyes. Maybe it wouldn’t fix all the things I’d done over the last fifteen years, but it was a starting point for something new.
“Are you okay with it?” I asked. Yeah, maybe that was something I should have talked to her about before I went and made a decision.
“Is it what you want?” she shot back, her arms going around my neck.
“Yeah,” I answered with a smile as I gazed into her eyes. “I want to see what a life with you would look like. I don’t need anything else.”
“That’s not entirely true,” she told me as she raised up on her toes and lightly kissed my lips.
She was right.
I needed my family.
Maybe as much as she did.
But that was kind of the whole thing that I’d been thinking about.
I gave up the life not only for her, but for me as well.
I wanted to start this thing out the right way.
I think I’d at least gotten that part right. I knew Jessica couldn’t have been happy with that part of my life. She hadn’t come right out and said it but I could see the look in her eyes. It was like she was fighting with herself inside her head. Going back and forth on how to justify that I was somehow different from all the other bad people that had come into her life.
And what could I say? I’d had the same thoughts. How was I any different from Ray Ramos? I mean, I’d never harm her, there was that. And sure I killed people that pretty much fucking deserved it, but I was still a killer. I had taken many lives and not even flinched. All of that had been born because I didn’t know how to handle my emotions so it wasn’t even like I had a good excuse for it all. Not that I really thought there was a good excuse for becoming a contract killer.
Giving it up had been easy. As I said those words to Dalton, things just felt right.
And I’d like to say that I was giving it up for her, but the truth was, I was giving it up for me. I was letting go of the part of me that I didn’t need anymore so I could become the person that Jessica needed. The man that she deserved to have stand by her side.
I so desperately wanted to be that man.
And there was nothing that would stop me from making her happy. From keeping her protected and safe.
I saw it now, what I couldn’t admit to before, that I was in love with Jessica.
It had come so easily that I wondered if it was truly real.
But I knew that it was because I’d never felt this way before. I hadn’t ever been hit so hard with an emotion like this that I never wanted to let it go.
The only thing left to do was wait. To stand by her and show her that I was never leaving. That I cared about every little thing. And hope that one day she would feel it too.
Until then, I was going to show her the good life. I wasn’t really sure what that was quite yet but I hoped I had time to figure it out.
One day at a time, maybe? All the while keeping an eye on the future.
Hey, it sounded right to me.
-31-
Silas
The road was our only plan for the next few days. Neither of us seemed to be in a hurry to get anywhere. At least for the moment.
For the first time in a long damn time, I was relaxing and having a good time. I was taking it minute-by-minute and loving every second that ticked by. I wasn’t restless and I wasn’t anxious to have something to do.
It was like life was finally clicking into place.
Tonight I sprung for a nice hotel room despite the fact that Jessica said she kind of liked those scary right off the side of the road motels. But watching her look around the room, I could tell I’d done the right thing. It was her wide eyes and gaping mouth that gave it away.
I might have searched at the last rest stop once I figured where we’d be bunking down for the night. I kind of wanted to give her something nice and I was glad she was letting me.
I’d learned a lot about h
er. The now her, that was. The grown-up woman that was standing in front of me was something rather amazing. She’d been through a lot, that was a given. She’d told me enough about it that I got the picture. It was pretty much what I’d always imagined. Which killed little pieces of my heart every time I thought about it. But the thing was, Jessica talked about it like it was an experience. It was almost as if she saw it as part of her journey to climb the highest mountain. And once she reached the top, she would have found her place in life.
It sounded strange but that was what I saw in my mind every time she gave me a peek into her past.
She was stronger than she realized.
All I hoped was that I was at the top of that mountain with her when she reached it.
“I shouldn’t be surprised by this place, but I am,” she said as she tossed the bag of clothes on the bed.
It had our new shirts in it. Three each. All ones that we’d picked up on our stops today. As odd as it was, I liked wearing those damn touristy shirts.
I think at this point we both needed to get some new clothes. While I did have shit I wore other than suits, we kind of took off without much. Like nothing at all. We did find a wash-and-fold place last night but one pair of pants just wasn’t going to cut it much longer. And I hated that we were both wearing underwear that came from a truck stop. Yeah, it didn’t feel the most pleasant but at least they weren’t dirty.
“I’m glad you like it,” I said with a smile as I pulled her in for a kiss. “You’ve got to let me treat you every now and then. Not to get all I’m rich on you, but I’m rich.”
“Oh, wow,” she said with a small giggle. “You’re so subtle there. I had no idea.”
“Well, you know, I like to play it cool,” I shrugged my shoulder trying to be Mr. Smooth.
“And just so you know, it’s not money I have a problem with. It’s how you use it.”
“Um, okay… I don’t think I follow.”
“You can’t just throw your money around because you can. Or because you think it is the answer to everything. I won’t be bought. But I don’t mind being shown how much I might be loved and cherished.”