KillerBlonde

by Hart, Eve R.

  I met everyone. Like everyone. Phil, the husband. Peter and Jonas, the kids. Neighbors. Co-workers. Ted, the guy who made the cake— who I could tell had eyes for Elaine right away.

  So many people.

  Though I felt a little overwhelmed and flooded with emotions, I found myself relaxing. The next few hours flew by with laughter and a few tears but it didn’t get too heavy. Which was what I needed. It was actually kind of perfect.

  And just like he’d promised, Silas never left my side.

  -33-

  Silas

  “What’s wrong with your shoulder?” Mom asked me the moment she got me somewhat alone. I still had eyes on Jessica and it wouldn’t take me but a couple of long strides to get to her if she needed me.

  “Nothing, I’m fine,” I told her trying to brush the whole thing off.

  “Don’t lie to me, Silas James Newman.”

  Jesus, thirty-six and the full name thing still sent a shiver down my spine.

  Not to mention the fact that she said the word lie.

  If only she knew that I’d been doing it to her for the better part of fifteen years.

  “I was shot,” I said blindly, my eyes still on Jessica.

  My mother’s gasp was sharp and I knew there was no going back now.

  Like she could sense that something wasn’t right, Jessica shifted her gaze to meet mine.

  Then she was excusing herself from whatever conversation she was wrapped up in to come to my side.

  “You were shot? How does that happen? What were you doing?” The questions just seemed to keep coming out of my mother.

  I opened my mouth to answer her but Jessica spoke before I could.

  “He was saving me,” she said without hesitation. “When he found me, I might not have been in the best situation. Silas was shot while trying to protect me.”

  “Oh, sweet dear,” my mom cooed at Jessica.

  “Yeah, it was a little crazy but we’re all okay. Right, Silas?”

  “Yeah.” I pushed out the word over a dry throat.

  “Is everything really okay now?” Mom asked as she laid her hand on Jessica’s arm. There was that mom tone that let me know she wasn’t quite buying it and she was also worried at the same time.

  “It is,” Jessica assured her. “Everything is good now. I promise.” She meant that, the honesty rang through in her tone.

  My mom breathed out a very noticeable breath. A little too dramatic but I knew she truly cared.

  “I quit my job,” I blurted out. It wasn’t exactly a confession but maybe this was the point where I could put an end to the lies. I knew I’d never be able to tell them the truth, but if I could start a new beginning here, now, then I was going to do it. Maybe it was really the best thing to do in this type of situation. “Yeah, I, uh, quit.”

  “Well, good,” my mom simply said. “Maybe now we will see more of you. And Jessica, since it’s pretty obvious there is something between you two.”

  Jessica hid her face in my shoulder but I was pretty sure she was smiling. I knew I was. And so was my mom. That was good.

  “No pressure or anything, huh, Mom?”

  “I’m sorry, I’m just very excited.”

  “I know,” I told her softly as I pulled her into my free side.

  “You’ll stay with me for however long you’re sticking around this time.”

  I loved my mom, I did. But there was no way in hell we were staying with her. She’d drive us both nuts. And yeah, I was being a little selfish too. I wasn’t ready to give up all of my Jessica time, not just yet, and I wasn’t even ashamed to say that.

  “I think this had been a bit much for all of us. Might be best if we found a hotel,” I told Mom trying my best to let her down smoothly. “But we’ll stay a few days.”

  “I’m not happy but I understand. We’ll have family dinner at my house tomorrow night.”

  “Are you making plans for tomorrow night?” Irenna said as she came over to join the conversation with a little three-year-old in her arms.

  “Family dinner at Mom’s,” I told her as I reached for Peter. “Happy birthday, buddy.”

  He hugged me tight then wiggled like he wanted to get down. And the moment his feet were on the floor he took off like a rocket.

  “Good, we can all catch up then,” Irenna said as she hugged Jessica.

  I hadn’t really thought of that part when I decided to bring her here. I forgot how crazy birthday parties were now with the kids and all. Not that I was complaining. Then again, maybe it was better this way. Jessica wasn’t bombarded with question after question about all the things they’d missed out on. I was sure she wasn’t quite ready to tell them what she’d been through over the years. I could only hope that my mom was wise enough to know that sometimes the past was best left where it laid.

  “Well, we’re going to head out now. Let you get that little one to bed.” I tilted my head to the side. Peter was running around clearly still enjoying his sugar high. “Good luck with that.”

  I hugged my sister and Mom. Then waited while they gave Jessica extra-long goodbye hugs.

  Then I swiftly guided a drained looking Jessica out of the front of the house.

  “That was a lot,” she said after I’d pulled away from the curb. “And with no warning. What is wrong with you?!”

  She slapped my arm playfully.

  “I thought it might be better if I sprung it on you. Then you wouldn’t have to think about it too much. Bad idea?”

  “No,” she said with a happy sigh as her head rested against the window. “It was perfect.”

  I held her hand as I drove us a few blocks to a nearby hotel that wasn’t too crazy. It did have a beautiful view from the top floors. I knew because it was where I usually stayed when I came to visit.

  I could have stayed with my mom when I was in town, she had the room. And my sister even had space for me too. But even though I wanted to see them and spend time with them, I couldn’t let myself get too close. Part of my self-punishment I suppose. I hadn’t really realized that until now.

  “Today was a good day,” she said softly and I wasn’t really sure she’d meant to say it out loud.

  “It was. I’m glad I could be a part of it.”

  “I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. I wouldn’t be anywhere, actually.”

  “Don’t,” I told her calmly. “Don’t go there. Because if we’re going to do that whole if things had been different thing, then I’d have to tell you how much I’ve hated myself for not going to get you that night. For letting you have the chance to run away. And I’d have to admit to you that I blame myself for you even being with that asshole in the first place.”

  I swallowed hard. The pain in my chest was real. I’d thought those things before and I’d even wallowed in the failure for a long damn time. But to say them to her, well, I couldn’t understand how she would ever forgive me.

  “You were a kid yourself back then, Silas,” she said but her eyes remained forward, staring out of the windshield. “I never expected you or anyone else to save me. I always believed I wasn’t worth saving.”

  Hearing her say that broke my heart.

  “I never thought that,” I told her softly.

  “I know. I mean, I never thought you did. But it’s hard to see things differently when you’ve grown up your entire life thinking you were unwanted. And I was unwanted. I can’t even try to deny it.” I caught her headshake out of the corner of my eye. “My parents were shit. I won’t even pretend that they weren’t. But they were what I had, the only thing I knew. I never knew that I could be loved until I met you guys. By then, it was pretty much already in my head that I had no kind of value. I was nothing.”

  “And now?” I asked hoping that somehow she’d been able to shake off those horrible visions of herself and really see how amazing she was.

  “Now… well, I don’t know.” She sat up in the seat as her head turned to look at me. “But I think I’d like to become the person
you always thought I could be. That came out wrong. I just mean that I’d like to become the best version of me. The one that makes me happy.”

  “Do you have any idea what that might be?”

  “God, no,” she said with a sharp laugh. “I think I’m still trying to land on my feet from everything that’s happened recently.”

  “I’m here to help,” I said with a smile. “Tell me what you need.”

  Her body leaned into mine and her head came down to rest on my shoulder.

  “You,” she whispered. “I just need you.”

  Well, that I most certainly could do.

  Because she had me.

  Now.

  Tomorrow.

  Forever.

  Not a single fucking doubt in my mind about that.

  Epilogue

  Jessica

  I finally had the family that I’d always wished I had.

  I was loved and I found out that I had so much love in me to return. I think that was really the best thing.

  To know that I could show love.

  Maybe I had before but I never really knew what it was. I was sure that made no sense at all but I couldn’t really explain it any better than that.

  I belonged somewhere.

  I’d found my place and what an amazing place it was.

  After much traveling around, Silas and I decided that we didn’t want to settle down in one particular place for now. That wasn’t to say that we avoided his mom and sister. No, definitely not. In fact, he decided to finally buy a house near them. I understood why he hadn’t before. He easily could have and I was sure he wanted to, but the lies kept that wall up for him. It was easier to visit than to stay. So yeah, we now had a place to be near them for as long as we wanted at one time.

  But I couldn’t lie, we were very much happy to take a break from it all. As much as I loved being smothered by love from his family, I also loved having him all to myself. He very much thought the same thing. I knew this because he told me often. And let me just say, I never got tired of hearing it.

  “Why do we do these weekly whine nights again?” Irenna asked right next to my ear. She kept her voice low enough so no one else would hear.

  Yes, she meant it that way.

  It was wine night for the girls.

  But it usually turned into whine night with most of them bitching about their husbands for half the time.

  I chuckled lowly at her.

  You see, Irenna and I never really had anything to add to this half of the night. We usually ended up sitting there and smiling that almost fake kind of smile that clearly said we didn’t understand.

  “Because, it gets us out of the house and a chance to be social,” I said out of the side of my mouth in her direction. “And these women would be there for us in a heartbeat if we needed.”

  “Fine. You’re right,” she said back.

  Despite the complaining, I liked these nights. I had friends. I had a group of women that had normal lives and supported each other no matter what. I had come to realize that sometimes you just needed to bitch. It didn’t mean they were unhappy or hated their lives. It didn’t even mean that they wished they weren’t married to their husbands. It just meant that they were frustrated and needed a place to get it out. And so this was that place. It was a safe outlet, that was all. When I finally realized that, I didn’t hate it as much.

  And besides, I got a break from it when Silas and I decided it was time to travel again.

  “Has Silas proposed yet?” Samantha asked causing me to choke on the sip of wine I’d just taken.

  “Um, no,” I said with a panicked shake of my head. “We aren’t there yet.”

  I didn’t think we were and I was honestly happy with what we had. I wasn’t in any rush to put a ring on it because I didn’t feel the need to. Silas and I were solid. Life was good. And I wasn’t worried about getting to the next step because I knew it would come when the time was right.

  Irenna snorted beside me which caused my head to whip in her direction.

  She knew something I didn’t know. Yeah, it was one of those kind of snorts.

  “What?” Irenna asked as she took a sip of her wine and looked away.

  “Maybe we are there,” I said with a smile as I turned my attention back to Samantha.

  “I sure hope so because shopping for that ring was stressful. Nothing was perfect enough for his woman. Let me just tell you…” Irenna said not even caring that she was ruining her brother’s surprise.

  And I knew it was going to be a surprise because I had no clue about it. Silas hated keeping things from the people he loved and while he hadn’t confessed what he’d really been doing all those years, he vowed never to hide anything ever again from his family. I knew he’d thought about telling them the truth a few times but he talked it through with me and saw that it would only make things worse. We started a new life together and I think I finally got him to realize that some things were best left in the past.

  I laughed, my head falling back. I couldn’t even be mad at Irenna.

  “And I hope you like flowers…” She shook her head as her eyes went wide.

  “Stop!” I practically screeched. “Oh my God! What did he do? No, wait, don’t tell me. Just, shhhhh. I want something to be a surprise.”

  The rest of the room joined in on our laughter.

  And then they were telling me what to wear and how to do my hair and everything I didn’t realize I needed. You know, for when that special night came, even though I didn’t have a clue about it. Like, was he going to take me out? Was all of this really necessary? Then I realized that it wasn’t about helping me be prepared, it was about letting them share this moment with me because they wanted to show their support and excitement.

  So yeah, it turned into a total girl’s night, for sure. Oh, I didn’t hate it, not even a little bit. And though I was a little overwhelmed and exhausted by the time I left, I still had a smile on my face. A real one.

  “How was your night?” Silas asked as I walked into the bedroom.

  I paused to take off my heels and pull down my hair.

  Then I just stood there for a long moment taking him in.

  He looked so relaxed and sexy sitting there in the bed leaning up against the headboard. He was wearing one of our many adventure shirts and a pair of black trunks.

  Yeah, that was my man.

  While the suits still remained in his clothing rotation, he was all casual once he was home. Most of the time he wore those comfortable tees that we’d gotten on that first trip we’d taken together. We might have picked up a few more since then too. I loved them for many reasons, but the biggest one was that I saw the part of Silas that I’d known back when I was a girl. The one that didn’t have money coming out of his ears and knew how to have fun on a dime.

  “Good,” I finally said as I began to crawl up the bed.

  I knew I couldn’t hide the knowing smirk that was plastered to my face.

  “Dammit,” he muttered. “She told you didn’t she? God, she can’t ever keep a secret!”

  “Well, to be fair, it was brought up by the group.” I straddled his lap and ran my hands up his chest. “But I can pretend like I don’t know anything if you want me to.”

  “How much did she tell you?” he asked with a raised brow. I could tell he wasn’t really mad. He loved his sister too much to let it get to him.

  “Something about a big ring and flowers. That’s all I know, I swear.”

  “I’m taking the ring back,” he said flatly.

  I laughed and then pulled him in for a kiss.

  “No, you’re not,” I mumbled against his lips.

  “No, I’m not,” he agreed with me with a sigh.

  And then I was being flipped onto my back.

  His body settled over mine and his lips were instantly attacking my neck with hungry kisses.

  “Just out of curiosity,” he said in between kisses. “What would your answer be?”

  I could te
ll he was nervous. Which was so stupid.

  Because of course, I would say…

  “Maybe,” I panted out and just barely remembered to shrug my shoulders nonchalantly.

  The kissing was very distracting. I wasn’t sure how much longer I’d be able to keep it up.

  “Oh, okay. Sure,” he said as his lips brushed against my chest. “Makes sense.”

  “What? Wasn’t the answer you were hoping for?” I playfully asked as I cupped his jaw with my hands and brought his face up so I could see him.

  “I mean…”

  “Maybe you should just ask and find out what happens?”

  He jumped off the bed so fast my head was spinning. I heard a drawer slide open then slam closed. Before I could even sit up, he was on me again, this time he had something in his hand.

  The velvet box popped open and he ripped the ring out before tossing the box to the side.

  He held it up, pinched between his fingers.

  Even in the dim light of the bedside table, I could see that it was fucking huge.

  “Jessica,” he said and his tone was soft and serious. “I love you. I never knew that something like this could exist and I certainly didn’t think it was something I could ever have.”

  My breath caught in my lungs and tears filled my eyes.

  “I wanted to protect you, to make sure that you were safe. I tried for so long to find you…” he went on. “But I never even imagined in my wildest dreams that you would end up saving me.”

  “Silas,” I breathed out in a choppy, choked-up breath.

  “Will you give me the honor of saying I’m worthy enough to stand beside you for the rest of this life?”

  And now I was crying.

  “Yes. God, Yes! I love you so much, Silas,” I said through happy sobs. “Put the damn thing on my finger already.”

  I held my waiting, but shaky, hand out for him.

  He calmly slid the ring onto my finger then kissed it.

  “I love you,” he whispered right before he brought his lips to mine.

  My fingers threaded through his hair with a heavier kind of feeling.