The Survivors

by Jane Harper

  He didn’t get that far. The entrance wasn’t even in sight when something flapping in the wind caught his eye. He stopped, recognising the colours straight away.

  With one hand on Audrey’s back, Kieran stepped off the gravel and picked his way through the neatly mown grass until he found himself standing in front of a grave. A footy scarf in Evelyn Bay’s team stripes had been carefully knotted around the headstone. It wasn’t new, but had the worn clean look of something that had been machine-washed regularly over the years. Kieran reached out and moved the scarf to read the name on the headstone.

  Toby Gilroy.

  A memory Kieran had forgotten he even possessed shot to the surface, full colour and crystal clear. Liam Gilroy in his box-fresh funeral clothes, draping a football scarf across his dad’s coffin. Kieran wondered now if this was that same scarf, retrieved, washed and returned by Liam for the past twelve years. He involuntarily snatched his hand away, and Audrey whined in protest at the sudden move.

  ‘Oh. Good. It’s only you.’

  Kieran spun around at the sound of the voice, his fingers still tingling from the feel of the wool. It took him a second to find the speaker among the headstones.

  Olivia. Her hair was tangled from the breeze and she was wearing jeans and a rust-coloured jumper that Kieran suspected had been borrowed from her mum’s wardrobe.

  ‘I was looking for Ash and I heard someone.’ She was a little on edge and Kieran remembered the near-empty streets last night, and the waitresses refusing their shifts.

  ‘Only us,’ he said as Olivia came closer and leaned in to look into the baby carrier.

  ‘So this is Audrey. Wow.’ Olivia’s hair brushed against his shoulder and she straightened and took a small step back. ‘She’s beautiful.’

  ‘Thank you.’ He looked out across the quiet cemetery. ‘Is Ash around?’

  ‘I thought he said he would be. He’s not answering his phone, though.’ A shadow crossed her face. ‘He must be with a client or something. What are you doing here?’

  ‘I’m not sure.’

  ‘Not visiting Finn?’

  ‘I actually don’t know where his grave is.’

  ‘Oh.’ She frowned. ‘I’m not sure either. Ash could probably tell you. When he resurfaces.’

  Ash probably would know, Kieran thought, and not only because he worked there. Ash and Finn had always got along well, especially after Ash had left school and was hanging around town a lot more during the days. At weekends, Finn would sometimes wander up and he and Ash would chat about stuff that had been going on while Kieran was stuck in class. Anything from small business tax breaks to tourist girl arrivals. Kieran would sit and watch and try to join in when he could.

  ‘Maybe I’ll have a look around.’ Kieran ran his gaze over the rows of headstones. ‘I feel a bit bad not knowing which one’s his.’

  ‘Don’t feel too bad,’ Olivia said as they started to walk. ‘Visiting somewhere like this doesn’t help everyone. Look at my mum. She’s never let anyone put up anything for Gabby.’

  ‘Really? Nothing at all?’

  ‘Nope. No headstone, no plaque –’ Olivia nodded as they passed a memorial bench. ‘Not one of those. We never talk about Gabby anymore.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘I don’t know exactly. I thought we should, but then I’ve also read that rehashing the past can do more harm than good for some people. Breaks down their protective defences or something. Depends on the person, I guess.’

  ‘Right.’ Kieran hadn’t heard that specifically, but unexpectedly he thought of Verity. The way she was always doing something with her therapy books and online support groups and self-improvement homework. The brittle face of her constant, unceasing, grinding strive for inner serenity.

  ‘So now I just let Mum lead the way,’ Olivia was saying. ‘It’s not great, though. She still really struggles to accept what happened.’

  ‘Even now?’

  ‘I think mainly because Gabby was never found.’

  ‘Yeah.’ Kieran hesitated. ‘But –’

  ‘No, I know,’ Olivia said as they took a left turn, past some of the newer headstones. ‘It’s ridiculous. I’m not saying she thinks Gabby is in her twenties and walking around some city on the mainland or anything –’ There was the tiniest pause in which Kieran wondered if deep down that was exactly what Trish Birch occasionally let herself think. ‘But Mum used to worry about Gabby even before the storm. Because she always looked older, you know, so she’d get a bit of attention. People would forget she was only fourteen.’

  They turned into the next row, reading the names as they went.

  ‘It probably doesn’t help that they weren’t on great terms at the end either,’ Olivia said, fiddling with the sleeve of her borrowed jumper. ‘That whole thing with Mum confiscating Gabby’s phone. Gabby was really upset. And then Mum’s stuck knowing that her daughter didn’t have a phone with her when she went missing. It’s the kind of thing that haunts you, I suppose. Oh, hey –’ Olivia pointed at a simple grey headstone near the end of the line. ‘Is that it?’

  Yep, Kieran thought as he stepped closer to read the engraving. That was it. Finn Elliott, twenty-six years old, beloved son and brother. Gone too soon.

  There were no flowers or footy scarves on this plot, but it did look like someone – Ash, probably, or perhaps Verity – kept it weeded and trimmed. Kieran stood there, looking down at the earth where his brother lay buried. He had loved Finn. He still missed him. He looked up at Finn’s headstone and waited to feel something. Something more, at least, than what he felt every day.

  ‘Don’t worry about it. My mum would agree,’ Olivia said, when it felt like they’d been waiting a while. She was sitting on a nearby memorial bench, watching him. ‘Visiting a grave doesn’t do it for everyone.’

  He stepped away and sat down next to her, their clothes flapping in the wind. Kieran reached into his bag and mixed up a bottle of formula for Audrey.

  ‘She tried to kill herself, actually.’ Olivia’s voice was quiet.

  ‘Your mum did?’ Kieran looked over. ‘Shit, Liv. I’m sorry. That’s hard.’

  ‘Yeah. That’s why I had to move back. Don’t spread it around.’ She sighed as Kieran shook his head. ‘I think a few people suspect anyway, though. Mum reckons it was a mistake. She said she messed up her dose, but she’s been on sleeping pills for twelve years and always managed to keep track before.’

  ‘When was this?’

  ‘A few months after the ten-year anniversary. I think it was too much of a reminder – the date coming and going and nothing having changed.’

  Kieran had found the ten-year mark difficult himself, and he suspected Verity had also struggled, although she hadn’t admitted it. He hadn’t been able to bring himself to come back to Evelyn Bay that year, or at all since, in fact.

  ‘Bronte’s parents are due to arrive today,’ Olivia said suddenly. She’d been staring at the headstones. ‘They were stuck on a cruise so have had to fly back.’

  ‘Have you met them before?’

  ‘Once, when she first moved in. They’re both civil servants in Canberra. Quite high up, I think. Her mum was involved in that committee that tightened all the restrictions around seafood export, do you remember that? It caused a backlog and a lot of the fishermen couldn’t get rid of their catches for a while?’

  Kieran shook his head. ‘Not really.’

  ‘Well, anyway. I told Bronte not to mention that too loudly around here,’ Olivia said. ‘Her parents seemed nice, though. Very … efficient. God knows how they must be feeling now.’

  ‘Any more from the cops?’

  ‘No.’ Olivia shifted uneasily. ‘But they were back at the house early this morning.’

  ‘Did they tell you why?’

  She shook her head. ‘I heard they were checking the neighbours’ gard
ens. Going through their bins.’

  ‘Looking for something?’

  ‘Must be, but I don’t know what. I asked Renn straight out when he called last night to check how many sets of keys we had. He wouldn’t tell me. Just danced around it. Said it was procedure.’

  ‘Maybe it is.’

  ‘Maybe.’ Olivia picked at her thumbnail. ‘Ash says I should be careful. He reckons they think I know something I’m not telling them.’ She looked over. ‘I don’t. For the record.’

  ‘I didn’t think any differently.’

  In the silence, Kieran could hear the seagulls calling.

  ‘If I did,’ Olivia said, ‘I would tell them. Bronte reminded me of Gabby a bit.’

  ‘Did she really?’ Kieran was surprised.

  ‘Yeah. Not physically, obviously, and not even in her mannerisms so much. More –’ Olivia thought for a minute. ‘They were both the kind of girl who felt they had to please people. It’s like this whole thing with Liam.’

  ‘What about it?’

  ‘I mean, Sean’s right –’ Olivia shrugged. ‘Liam and Bronte did get along okay. She never complained about him or anything. But she was quite sensitive to people’s feelings, and Liam can be … intense. Other girls might have told him to get lost, but Bronte would have worried about embarrassing him. She would’ve let him know she wasn’t interested, but it might have been pretty subtle.’ Olivia looked down. ‘And some guys don’t understand anything but a loud, firm “no”. Some don’t even understand that.’

  ‘Do you think Liam’s one of those guys?’

  ‘Yeah. I guess I do, a bit.’ Olivia’s mouth was a hard line as she considered. ‘Him giving Bronte a ride home bothers me. We live so close it was unnecessary, which kind of makes me suspect he insisted, which never feels great –’

  Olivia broke off as her phone beeped with a text message. ‘Shit. It’s Julian again.’

  ‘What does he want?’

  ‘I don’t know. He says to call him.’ Olivia stood up. ‘I’d better get back anyway. Ash obviously isn’t here.’

  Kieran wiped Audrey’s mouth and clipped her into the sling. ‘I’ll get going too.’

  ‘Are you heading down?’

  ‘No.’ He patted Audrey. ‘I’ll go on a bit further. Give her a chance to settle.’

  ‘When are you and Mia going back to Sydney?’

  ‘Next week.’

  ‘Lucky.’

  They started to walk. ‘You thinking you’re going to have to settle in here for the long term?’

  ‘I don’t think I’ve got much choice. Not after what’s happened to Bronte. I can’t see that speeding up Mum’s recovery.’

  ‘At least you’ve got Ash.’

  ‘Yeah.’

  When she didn’t say any more, Kieran looked over and Olivia gave a small laugh at his expression.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Nothing.’ He shrugged. ‘You guys are good, though, aren’t you?’

  ‘Yeah. We are. It’s just, if I stay here, it feels like –’ Olivia stopped at the cemetery gates and sighed. ‘I don’t know. Game over, or something. There’s no point finishing my Master’s. Or having worked so hard in Melbourne. Not if I’m going to settle down with Ash and bang out a few kids and send them off to Nippers training with Julian every Saturday while I go waitressing. I could have done that straight out of school if I was going to.’ A hint of a smile. ‘Not that I would’ve had anything to do with Ash back then.’

  ‘No.’ Kieran could hear the rapid rise and fall of his daughter’s breath. She felt warm and solid against him. ‘But everyone can change.’

  ‘Yeah, that’s true. And Ash is –’ Kieran waited as Olivia considered, genuinely interested what it was about Ash that had caught her eye twelve years on.

  ‘He can be a lot of fun,’ she said. ‘More than I remember. And he’s really good about Mum. I don’t have to explain things to him because he already knows –’ She waved her hand loosely. ‘– about everything.’

  The words were vague enough to be meaningless but Kieran could read them perfectly. He knows about us.

  She was looking at him now. He nodded. Got it.

  ‘Anyway –’ Olivia’s phone beeped again and she frowned. ‘Oh, for God’s sake. Julian again. I’d better go. It was good seeing you.’

  ‘You too, Liv.’

  With a wave, Olivia turned and walked down the path. Kieran watched until she was out of sight, twelve years ago suddenly feeling both very distant and very near.

  Chapter 16

  Kieran stopped when he reached the lookout, catching his breath. Audrey squirmed against his chest, irritated. She liked the comforting rhythm of a brisk pace and Kieran had obliged, all the way uphill from the cemetery to the peak of the path. Beyond the cliffs, the tide lay calm under the weak morning sun. Out on the water, the Nautilus Blue was anchored but Kieran could see no movement on board.

  So Ash knew about him and Olivia. That was interesting, if only for the fact that he’d never mentioned it. That alone was proof of change as far as Kieran was concerned. The old Ash wouldn’t have had the self-discipline to keep quiet.

  Mia knew.

  Kieran had told her six months after they’d met, on the night of what would have been Finn’s thirty-first birthday. He’d battled through a frustrating phone call with Verity, where they had spoken for thirty minutes without really saying anything. At least his mum had come to the phone, though, which was more than could be said for Brian. Verity had said he was out. Kieran doubted it. That didn’t sound like Brian. Not on his dead son’s birthday.

  Kieran and Mia had been lying in bed and he’d started talking and the whole story had come out.

  ‘You and Liv,’ she’d said, when he’d finished speaking.

  He’d lain there, listening to her breathing and feeling the warmth across the bedsheets.

  ‘Is it a problem?’ He rolled over and looked at her, already a little afraid of the answer.

  ‘No.’ He’d gone slack with relief. She was still quiet, though.

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Yeah. But –’ Mia turned her face towards him on the pillow. ‘Gabby had guessed.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘I think so. She told me she thought there was something going on between you two. I told her I thought she was wrong.’

  ‘Does it matter, though?’ Kieran had asked again. ‘It was so long ago. It doesn’t matter, does it?’

  ‘Not now. Not to me. It’s just – ’ Mia put a hand under her head and stared at the ceiling. ‘I didn’t believe her. So that might have mattered to Gabby.’

  Kieran looked back out to sea now, and ran a hand over the wooden safety barrier. It had been put up within a month of the drownings and it was surprising what a difference it had made to the lookout.

  The place was as isolated as it had ever been, but the sturdy bench and waist-high railing and the printed plastic information panels made the whole thing feel monitored. It wasn’t, Kieran knew. Sergeant Mallott and Constable Renn had enforced the trespassing fine for just long enough to break the local habit and send teenagers seeking a quiet spot away from the caves and towards the forested hinterland instead. Psychologically, the barrier was a good deterrent. Nothing to see beyond here, it said. Stay on the right side of the line.

  It was a complete illusion, though. The trail down to the beach and the caves might be overgrown, but it was still visible. Kieran looked at it, then took a step out. He didn’t even need to climb over the barrier, he simply moved around the edge of the railing, brushed aside an overgrown bush and there he was, at the top of the path.

  Audrey began to whine in her sling, twisting her head back and forth and urging him to get moving again. Kieran could hear the surf below and see a thin strip of sand. The caves were hidden from sight.

  He had b
een up to the lookout dozens of times since Finn died, but didn’t often go beyond the boundary. Never when Mia was with him. But every once in a while on his own. When he found himself thinking about that day years earlier when he’d stepped out onto this same track, with The Survivors already deeper than they should have been and storm clouds already gathering on the horizon.

  Kieran steadied Audrey with one hand and began to make his way down the path now. He started slowly, but muscle memory quickly took over. As he walked he tried – the way he had a lot over the years – to think about that day differently. There were factors in his defence. He knew that. He could recite them as he walked down this trail he also knew by heart.

  He had only been eighteen years old.

  The tight bend at the jagged rock.

  He hadn’t realised how bad the storm was going to be.

  The smooth rock followed by a dip.

  No-one had realised how bad the storm was going to be.

  The first view of the caves.

  He had really liked Olivia and had only wanted to see her.

  The final narrow steps as the trail came to an end.

  Finn and Toby were experienced enough to make their own decisions on the water.

  The sand.

  It had been an accident.

  None of that mattered, though.

  Kieran stood now on that familiar strip of beach. Out on the water, The Survivors were knee-deep. The caves were yawning black holes behind him. Maybe that was why he hadn’t felt anything much at Finn’s grave. Because whatever he told himself, or however many times he said it would be the last time, he always somehow ended up down here. Back in the same place. Where Finn was still dead, and it was still Kieran’s fault.