by Jane Harper
‘Yeah, good. Nearly ready for the season.’ Sean reached across the bed for the torch. ‘Thanks. This’ll help, at least.’
‘No, thank you for lending it. And for letting me tag along on that boat trip the other week, by the way. The photos came out really well.’
‘Which ones? The Survivors?’
‘Yeah. You want to see quickly?’ Bronte was already sitting down. The bedsprings creaked as she moved closer and she shuffled her laptop around so they could both see. The back of her hand brushed his as she reached for the keyboard. ‘Here. These ones.’
‘Yeah. Wow.’ Sean leaned in. He had seen The Survivors from the water thousands of times, but even so, the images were still striking. They were crisp and full of colour. ‘These are really good.’
‘Thanks, I was pretty happy.’ Bronte examined the picture on screen. ‘I couldn’t have got them if you hadn’t taken me along.’
She shifted a little on the bed as she clicked the keyboard and the photos moved on to the next sequence. Now Sean could see The Survivors on screen again, but different this time. Ankle-deep in water in front of a blue sky, with a thin slice of beach in the foreground of the shot. He recognised the angle immediately.
‘You’ve been down to the caves?’ he said.
‘Yeah. I wanted to get both sides.’ Bronte tapped the keyboard again and another image appeared. ‘Liam told me once that he’d gone down there with you a couple of times as a kid before the barrier went up, so I thought it couldn’t be that hard to get down. And it’s not, is it?’ She wrinkled her nose. ‘The path’s still pretty clear.’
Sean frowned. ‘You’ve got to be careful down there. The tide can come in fast.’
‘Yeah, I know.’ Her eyes were on the laptop. ‘I only go at low tide. It’s worth it, though. Look at the good stuff I got.’
The mouth of the North Cave flashed up, the screen growing progressively darker as the images took them deeper and deeper. Sean could follow the first few turns, then the route became less distinct. He could see why she was happy with the photos. She had captured the feel of being right inside.
‘Look.’ Bronte was pointing. ‘Isn’t that amazing? That’s one of my favourites.’
He looked at a close-up photo of lichen on rock. It was surprisingly beautiful.
‘Nice,’ he said. ‘Where was that?’
‘I can’t remember exactly.’ Bronte frowned. ‘Near that big central bit in the first cave. Where a few tunnels all break off at the same time. You don’t recognise it?’
Sean shook his head. ‘I know the junction but I don’t think I know that bit.’
‘You must’ve been there at some point, though.’ Her eyes were locked on the screen. ‘Your name’s on the wall. See?’
She clicked, then pointed and Sean looked. And there, in a hazy and unfocused photo of a part of a tunnel that Sean did not recognise, carved in capital letters that he knew were not his own, was the beginning of his name.
‘You don’t know this spot?’ Bronte glanced sideways with a small smile. ‘I hope it was more memorable for your girlfriend.’
The room seemed suddenly both huge and small, and Sean felt the bed listing like a boat. He closed his eyes for a count of two and when he opened them again the movement, at least, had stopped.
‘Which girl is that, then?’ he said, shocked by how normal his voice sounded. His tongue felt heavy and dry.
‘Wow, you really don’t remember?’ Bronte laughed. She didn’t sound unhappy, though. ‘Abigail or something? Anyway, it was like “Sean and whoever”, and I thought there was a date as well –’ Sean held his breath as Bronte clicked forward. Nothing but rock and lichen. She sat back. ‘Yeah, it was pretty dark. Looks like I didn’t catch that.’
‘Do you know what the date was?’ His words sounded thick to his own ears.
‘No. I think it was quite old, though. Maybe ten years or so?’ She shrugged. ‘I’ll bring a better flash next time.’
Sean was looking at the screen but all he could see was Gabby Birch. Gabby, as he left her waiting safely in the middle of the junction while he went ahead to check the route. The key dangling from the torch in her hand as she soaked up her surroundings, exploring this territory that was – for her, at least – uncharted. Gabby, happy to wait for him, feeling grateful to be there. Gabby, surrounded by tunnels of clean fresh rock, with a key in her palm and an idea forming. Gabby, finding a spot and carving her name, the way she’d been told others had done before her. Carving Sean’s name. Perhaps to mark the day they explored the cave together. Perhaps as a thank you. Perhaps because in that moment she’d believed, in some small way, they were almost friends.
It was all Sean could do not to bury his face in his hands. Instead, he sat completely still and didn’t let himself move. ‘You’re going to that spot again?’
‘Yeah, definitely.’ Bronte was nodding. ‘It’s really eerie. I’ll get an exhibition out of it, for sure.’
‘You reckon you’ll be able to find it, though?’
‘Yeah, I will. Not off the top of my head, but once I’m in there.’
She looked on through the shots. Sean sat next to her, his eyes unseeing. Finally, he spoke.
‘You probably shouldn’t go back down there. You could get fined.’
She smiled. ‘I’ll risk it. I’m trying to get into this art school in New York. It’s so competitive; they only take a few people a year. I need something really good for my exhibition topic.’
‘And this is it?’ Sean looked at her art desk with the boxes of pencils. His voice sounded odd to him but she didn’t seem to notice. ‘I thought you were mainly into drawing?’
‘I am, but this is for my advanced photo module next term. We all get some temporary space in the state gallery, plus there’s a bunch of national competitions I’ll probably enter.’ She tapped the keyboard. ‘This interior life of the caves stuff will work. It’s the kind of thing that gets attention.’
In the darkened window, Sean could see himself reflected on the bed, his shape distorted in the glass. He could hear the sea outside.
‘Please don’t go back down there, Bronte.’
‘Why?’ She turned to him, her face close to his. She was – he could hardly bear it – touched by his concern.
‘It’s dangerous.’
‘I’ll be careful.’ She smiled at him. ‘Anyway, you obviously got in and out alive.’
The ocean was calm, but when Sean spoke again he could barely hear himself over the sound of the waves.
‘That’s true.’
He looked back to the window. He couldn’t believe it when he felt himself put his feet on the floor. The bed creaked as he stood up. Sit down. The thought was hard to hear over the noise of the ocean. Please sit down. Sean remained standing. He went over to the window. Placed his torch back down on the desk, next to a little wire sculpture of a crayfish.
‘The moon’s great tonight.’ His voice wasn’t his own. His mouth was forming words that came from a place so deep inside him that he hadn’t known it existed. ‘The light was making these really beautiful patterns over the water. Did you notice?’
He couldn’t bring himself to turn around, but he saw Bronte’s reflection watching him.
‘Really?’ she said. ‘No. I didn’t see.’
‘You can’t really tell from in here.’ Sean stared out at the waves for what felt like a very long time, but he knew wasn’t. Because he really didn’t need that long to decide. Some part of him had already decided, the instant he saw the photo. ‘Do you want to go out to the beach? I’ll show you.’
Bronte looked up from the bed. He turned and could see the doona creased from where he’d been sitting next to her. She was still there, her fingertips resting lightly against the bed where he’d just been. Waiting, maybe. When he didn’t move, she shrugged and smiled.
‘Sure. Let’s go and see.’
Was that a tiny hint of disappointment in her voice? Sean still couldn’t hear properly; the sea was loud enough now to drown her out. She stood up, right in front of him, and he moved past her and walked to the door before he could stop himself.
‘Great,’ he said. ‘Bring your camera.’
Chapter 41
A thousand thoughts were crowding Kieran’s head, but the only thing he could see clearly was the way the water was circling Sean. The swell was waist-high and rising. His friend still didn’t move. Kieran took another step down the cliff path, stopping at the point where dry land disappeared.
‘Come out.’
Sean had both hands over his face and Kieran could see he was crying.
‘Come out, mate.’
No response. The water surged.
‘I can’t find Gabby’s carving,’ Sean said at last. ‘I’ve been looking, but I don’t know which tunnel she was in. The police will find it, though. Or someone else will one day.’
‘Sean, mate. That’s okay. All right?’ Kieran tried hard to keep his voice calm but he was struggling. ‘You can explain. A decent lawyer will –’
‘That doesn’t matter.’ Sean almost laughed. ‘Everyone will know, won’t they? Liam. And Olivia. And Trish. You.’ His voice dropped. ‘I know.’
‘Okay. I get that, mate. But come out of the water. Please. Now. I know you can feel the tide, Sean.’ Kieran was afraid to look too closely out to sea, scared to see how high the water was lapping against The Survivors. ‘You know what that means out here.’
Sean wiped a rough palm over his eyes. When he dropped his hands, he wasn’t looking at Kieran or the path. He was staring at the caves. ‘I knew what high tide meant back then, too.’
‘No, mate, just –’ Kieran was already punching in the emergency number on his phone. He took another step and was in the water now. He blurted his location to whoever answered and turned back to Sean, who was standing very still. Kieran’s heart lurched with every wave rolling in. ‘Sean. Come out.’
No answer.
‘Sean. Please.’ The tide felt like it was moving very fast and Kieran shouted to make sure he was heard. ‘If you go in now, you won’t come out again.’
Still no reply, only the swell of the water and the screams of the birds circling overhead. The Survivors continued to look away. Kieran made himself check. They were deep now.
‘I can’t follow you, Sean.’ Even as Kieran spoke, he took another step into the water. ‘I’m not going to come in there and try and stop you. Someone’s coming but it’s not going to be me.’ The freezing waves washed against his legs. He had to brace himself to keep his balance. ‘I can’t do it to Mia and Audrey.’
Sean didn’t react. His distress had given way to a cold calm that made Kieran feel very afraid.
‘Sean?’
His friend at last dragged his gaze away from the caves, steadying himself against the pull of the tide as he turned to look at Kieran.
‘How did you do it, mate?’ Sean’s voice was almost lost beneath the crash of the surf and the call of the birds. ‘Live with that guilt after the storm?’
‘How? I don’t know, I –’ Kieran’s thoughts were racing but even in the midst of them, he knew the answer. Of course he knew. Mia and Audrey. He looked at Sean through the spray. ‘I was lucky. I found something that mattered to me more.’
Sean seemed to accept that. He turned back to the caves, still horribly calm.
‘Listen, you can do that thing you talked about,’ Kieran tried, desperate now. ‘Can’t you? Just draw a circle around it all and pretend –’
‘Not this.’
At last, Sean moved. He drew in a breath, then took a step towards the North Cave.
‘Wait.’
Sean didn’t stop. He didn’t look back.
‘Please wait.’ Kieran was well in the water now. He wouldn’t follow, he promised himself, even as he waded deeper, the sand soft and shifting under his feet. ‘Please –’
Sean ignored him. He was moving fast now, forcing his way through the water.
‘Wait!’
He didn’t, instead driving forward, pulling himself onward as the breakers rolled alongside. He seemed to stop for a single moment, at the very mouth of the cave, then dropped his head and followed the rush of the water from daylight into the darkness.
‘Please –’
The surf swelled, almost knocking Kieran’s feet out from under him and he had to fight not to get dragged in. He heard the smash of water hitting a wall of rock inside the cave, and when he’d found his footing and the wave retreated he couldn’t see Sean at all anymore. Kieran’s eyes raced over the surface as he splashed through the water, waist-deep himself before he realised it. The freezing ocean pulled at him. The mouths of the caves yawned open and empty.
Sean – who had always been there, who had been Kieran’s friend for all of his life – was gone.
Kieran felt like he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t think what he should do. He could see the waves lapping high against The Survivors and suddenly it was twelve years ago and he was lost all over again. He scrambled in the water, his head twisting from the caves to the cliff path, trying to find his way out. He couldn’t see the bottom of the trail. It was submerged, he realised, and his world lurched until he wasn’t sure what was sky and what was sea.
‘Kieran?’
The shout bounced off the rocks. He tried to steady himself, focusing on the mouth of the cave. It remained dark and hollow. No-one was there.
‘Kieran! Up here!’
The voice wasn’t coming from the caves. Kieran blinked. He wiped the water from his face and squinted up against the bright sky.
Mia.
She was edging her way down the cliff path, Audrey strapped to her chest. She rounded the jagged rock from where she could see the vanished beach clearly for the first time. Her face collapsed at the sight of him in the waves.
‘Kieran!’ A flurry of rushed steps, her voice nearly lost over the sound of the water hitting the rock. ‘I saw your note. What are you doing? Oh my God –!’ She looked ahead. ‘Where’s the rest of the path?’
‘Wait, don’t!’ The sight of her snapped him back into himself. He held up his hand as another wave nearly knocked him off his feet. He stumbled but held firm this time. ‘It’s not safe.’
‘Jesus, yes, thank you, I can see that!’ Mia shouted back, but at least she stayed where she was. Kieran started wading towards her, pushing through the sea until he heard another smack of water on rock. He stopped, fighting against the drag of the current. The black void of the cave entrance gaped wide as Mia turned to look too.
‘Has something happened?’ she called, but her voice was quieter now.
Kieran nodded. He couldn’t find the words.
‘I’ll get help.’ She was already reaching for her phone.
He shook his head. ‘It’s on its way.’
Mia hesitated, then took another couple of steps down. The noise of the sea and the cries of the birds were deafening. She stopped clear of the edge of the water.
‘Then you’ve done everything you can do, Kieran.’ Her voice cut through, firm and clear. Her feet were dry, out of reach of the waves. He could see Audrey moving against her chest. ‘You can come out of there.’
Kieran could still hear the sea thundering in and out of the tunnels. He dragged his eyes away from the caves and back to Mia.
‘Whatever’s happened here –’ Her voice was still calm. ‘– it’s done now. It’s over.’
She stretched out her hand to him.
‘I can’t come any further,’ she said. ‘You have to come to us.’
Kieran looked at her. He had loved Finn. He still missed him and wished he were here, and he guessed he always would. But as he saw Mia standing there, som
ething he realised he’d known for a long time shone through like a beacon, small but clear and bright. Finn was gone, and he wasn’t coming back. But Kieran still had others in his life. Other people that he loved. Mia, reaching out for him, and Audrey, small but with so much ahead. Kieran thought about Verity and Brian, waiting for him at home. He thought about his friends, and couldn’t help but look one last time at the caves.
Then he turned away. He looked towards Mia and began pushing his way forward through the water to her and Audrey. He kept moving, not letting himself stop until he felt the sand give way to firm path under his feet. When he was close enough, Mia reached down and he stretched up and she helped pull him clear of the sea.
Kieran was shivering hard but she was warm as she steadied him on the path. He wasn’t sure what else to do so he put his wet arms around her and Audrey and held them both until he felt himself begin to breathe again. He wasn’t sure how long they stood there together, their heads close, Mia’s hands on his back.
Finally, he straightened. ‘Let’s go. Let’s go up.’
‘Are you sure?’ Mia looked at him. ‘Are you ready?’
‘Yeah.’ He nodded. ‘I’m ready.’
They turned towards the path, winding clear and dry ahead. Kieran didn’t look back at the lifeless caves or the angry sea or the lonely gaze of The Survivors. He reached out instead and took Mia’s hand as she held their daughter and they made their way together, up to higher ground.
Acknowledgements
This book took me to a beautiful part of Australia and my thanks go to the many people in Tasmania who were kind enough to share their stories and experiences with me.
Thank you to the staff at the Eaglehawk Dive Centre in Eaglehawk Neck for guiding me through such a fascinating experience under water, and patiently answering my many questions about diving in Tasmania.