Redemption (Iris Series)

by Lynn, Rebecca

  “Jonathan?” she said.

  Everyone seemed to play ping pong with their eyes looking back and forth, from the curvy brunette to Jon, then back again.

  “Dylan,” Jon nodded. His face looked as if he was completely uninterested in her and anything she might have to say.

  Oh, boy. This didn’t look good.

  “You two know each other?” Drew asked.

  “Yes, actually,” the brown eyed brunette beauty said. “Very well,” she purred. Dylan looked at Emily next.

  “Emily,” Dylan nodded to her, without a smile to be seen.

  Emily pressed her lips into a semblance of one and nodded back.

  It was obvious this was an awkward reunion. And the fact that both Jon and Emily knew this woman led Ayanna to believe one of two things: that she was either from their neck of the woods up in Boston, or she was an ex-girlfriend of Jonathan’s.

  She was guessing the latter.

  And she was wondering if this was the ex he had told her about when he was working on Wall Street. Imagining Jon with his hands all over this woman made the green monster rear its ugly head.

  Sensing the unease in the situation, she squeezed his hand under the table and reached through his arm with her other to hug him to her, offering support. Pointedly making eye contact with the woman letting her know Jonathan was now very happily taken, Ayanna then shifted her gaze to Drew and said, “What brings you here, doc?”

  “Well,” he started, “the staff here voluntarily makes and serves meals for the patients at the Jacob Perlow Hospice Center at the hospital, so we try to support the restaurant as much as we can. They’re a good group of folks here.

  “Dylan and I met at a charity function for the hospital a couple of weeks back and she mentioned she’d love to dine here, so we figured we’d grab some dinner.”

  Ayanna nodded politely. “Have you ever eaten here before, Dylan? If not, you’re in for a treat.” Ayanna was proud of herself. She really had turned over a new leaf. Not a note of snarkiness to be heard anywhere.

  “Oh, I’m very familiar with the restaurant,” Dylan purred. “This used to be one of our favorite haunts, didn’t it Jonathan?” Then she looked right at Ayanna and with a syrupy sweet smile said, “This is actually where he proposed to me.”

  The room seemed to shrink in on itself as the words from this woman sank into Ayanna’s brain.

  Jonathan squeezed Ayanna’s arm and said, “Now, Dylan,” he tsked in his best teacher voice, “there’s no reason to be catty. As everyone can obviously see that relationship didn’t work out, much to everyone’s happiness.” He turned to Drew. “Sorry for any awkwardness, Drew. You two have a good dinner.”

  Drew looked annoyed, but not with Jon. Rather he gave Dylan a glare, then turned back to the table and said, “No need to apologize at all, Jon. We’re sorry to have interrupted. Have a good dinner, guys.”

  He nodded and turned to go when Tiffany arrived back at the table from the restroom. Ayanna could hear talking around her, but couldn’t concentrate on what was happening. She was still in a state of shock over the fact that Jon had been engaged.

  She looked at Jon who was already looking at her with concern. “Obviously that’s not how I had intended for you to find out that nugget of information,” he whispered. “Come on. Let’s walk for a second.”

  They excused themselves from the table. As they got up, Ayanna could see Ryann looking angrily at Dylan’s retreating form then she looked sympathetically at Ayanna.

  “Everything’s fine, Ry. We’ll be back in a sec,” Ayanna said. However, in Ayanna’s book it wasn’t fine. She needed to talk to Jon.

  When she passed Emily, Emily grabbed at her hand and squeezed it, giving her a smile and murmuring, “Ain’t nothin’ but a thang, hon. She’s nothing to him.”

  “I know,” Ayanna said quietly, then walked out with Jon who was pulling her to the entrance.

  They walked out and went to the front wall of the facade and didn’t stop until they reached an alcove of privacy along the restaurant front.

  Without preamble, Ayanna began.

  “So was this the girl you were in a serious relationship with when you were working on Wall Street, or is there another ex-fiancé we might bump into?” She had no right to be snarky, but she was a little pissed that he hadn’t told her he’d been engaged.

  He held her face and said calmly, “Yes, it’s the same woman and I was engaged to her for like five seconds in the spring before I left. I should’ve told you. I don’t know why I didn’t. I think I just, I don’t know, wished she was never that important to me.”

  He waited.

  She nodded, still a little taken aback by the information. She certainly wasn’t going to hold it against him. After all it had been five years ago. However, she had to admit it didn’t sit well with her to know that he’d been in love enough with a woman to ask her to marry him.

  She leaned forward and pressed her forehead on his chin while he massaged at her scalp, sifting his fingers through her hair.

  “I’m sorry,” he said.

  “I’m sorry. You don’t owe me any explanations. I mean, shit, we haven’t even slept together yet.”

  “Yes, we have. Or don’t you remember?” His voice lowered intimately as he directed her gaze back to him. He rubbed his thumb over her bottom lip and whispered, “I remember waking up on top of you, wanting to bury myself so deep inside you, lose myself in you, feel you around me,” he murmured. “Yan, this last week with you, shit, these last couple of months knowing you, even arguing with you have been more intimate than the year I spent with her. That should tell you something, baby. And I hope you’re hearing it loud and clear.”

  She wanted to cry. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him senseless. He moaned and returned the favor, devouring her. He held her head at just the right angle and licked into her mouth, nibbling at her lips.

  His phone beeped but he ignored it, gripping her hair and pulling her head back, kissing at her neck.

  “I can’t wait,” he growled. “I fucking can’t wait to have you. All of you, baby. Every fucking inch of you.”

  She laughed against his mouth and could feel the tears gathering in her eyes.

  “I love you,” she blurted out.

  A moment of silence passed then she swallowed, not believing what had just popped out of her mouth. Then she figured go big or go home.

  So she held his face between her hands, looked him straight in the eye and said quietly, “I love you, Jonathan White.”

  He looked stunned then smiled brilliantly at her. She put her finger over his lips.

  “Don’t say anything. I just couldn’t hold it in anymore.”

  The ramifications of her first confession of love to a man were sinking in while Jon’s phone pinged again.

  “Check your messages. I’ll wait for you inside,” she whispered and turned to walk away.

  “Wait. Where are you going? Don’t go.” He grabbed her arm.

  “No, just check your messages. It’s okay,” she smiled sweetly with a tinge of sadness.

  Had she ruined the best thing that had ever happened to her?

  Shit and double shit on a shingle.

  “I just need a sec, that’s all,” she said. “I’ll see you inside, okay?” She turned and practically ran into the restaurant.

  Ayanna made her way back to the table in a fog, but then decided to head to the restroom instead. The only thing that stopped her was Emily barreling toward her.

  “Where’s Jon?” she asked in a slight panic.

  “He’s outside checking his messages. What’s wrong?” Ayanna asked with concern.

  Emily looked past her as if she wanted to keep walking, but then turned back to Ayanna.

  “I just got a text from my dad. My aunt, Jon’s mom, had a heart attack about a half hour ago.”

  Chapter 13

  The next several minutes passed with a frenzy of activity.

  Ayanna and Emily b
oth hurried outside to see Jonathan talking on the phone with his dad. When he got off, he looked at Emily who grabbed his hand then he looked at Ayanna.

  “My mom. I need to get home.” He hesitated only slightly and Ayanna jumped in.

  “Baby, just go. I’m sure Manny can take you to the airport. I’ll go ask Jeremy—”

  At that moment both Jeremy and Ryann appeared outside, having heard from Emily at the table what was going on. They immediately offered Manny’s services, not only to take Jon home to get a bag, but to take him to the airport as well.

  “It’s no problem at all, Jon. Just get going,” Ryann said while Jeremy called Manny to make him aware of the change in plans.

  After Jeremy disconnected, he said. “Manny will take you wherever you need to go,” he said putting his hand on Jon’s shoulder. “Your family will be in our thoughts and prayers, man.”

  Manny arrived only seconds later and Jon thanked them then went to the car still looking like he was in a state of shock. Ayanna walked over with him and they hugged at the door.

  “If there’s anything you need me to do,” she said quietly, “I’ll do it. Just let me know.” She stroked his face and he hugged her fiercely again.

  “My dad said it’s still touch and go.” He looked a little lost. “That my mom just dropped at the kitchen table.”

  “You just go to her, okay?” she said quietly.

  Jon looked at her, his eyes shimmering from unshed tears. Ayanna’s started welling up, too.

  “I’ll call when I can,” he swallowed.

  He turned and was gone.

  ……

  The rest of the time at the restaurant was subdued, to say the least. Everyone at the table was feeling for Jon and his family, and Emily was remaining strong but was understandably quiet.

  Even Michael was being nice to her, trying to cheer her up. Thinking she may want to talk about her aunt, Michael asked her to tell them about her.

  “She’s great,” Emily said with a quiet smile. “Awesome sense of humor. Very down to earth. She’s a middle school math teacher.” She looked off into space at that moment then shook her head as if to stop herself from starting to cry.

  Ayanna reached over and grabbed her hand. “It’s okay to cry, Em.”

  She noticed that Michael was watching Emily closely.

  “I left a message for one of the partners at work,” Emily said. “I’m hoping I can get away so I can head up.” She paused. “Our families are really close. She’s like another mom to me,” Emily whispered.

  “I can’t imagine they wouldn’t let you go. She’s family,” Ayanna said.

  Still fighting off tears, she said, “I’m working on something important right now and I’ll need permission before going.”

  They all looked at her, and then abruptly she got up and excused herself to leave. She apologized for the end to the evening, and as she grabbed her purse Michael got up as well and offered to get a cab for her.

  “I’m fine, Detective.” Her jaw was clenched. She looked like if she didn’t get out of there in the next few moments, she was going to lose it.

  “Come on. I’ll take you outside and we’ll find you a cab.” He went to gently take her arm.

  “I’m capable of finding a cab, Mike,” she snapped out. She took a breath, then softened her face and looked at him blinking furiously. “I’m sorry.” She took another calming breath. “I’m sorry. Thank you, really. But I’m fine. I’ll see you guys soon, okay?” She turned and walked out of the restaurant. Mike looked like he was about to follow her, but then changed his mind.

  By the end of the dinner they were all ready to head home. Ryann and Jeremy went to say goodnight to Drew, but everyone else headed out. Ayanna was worrying about Jonathan, hoping he’d gotten off okay.

  When she got to her building and was walking to her apartment door, she finally received a text from him.

  JW: Hey babe. At the airport, leaving in a few mins. I miss u already.

  Ayanna nearly burst into tears and quickly opened her door to go inside. Once she was on the sofa, she texted back.

  AS: I’m so sorry abt ur mom, sweetie. Stay positive, ok? Doctors can do amazing things.

  Then she hesitated. She wished she could have her dad call him. He was a heart surgeon. Maybe he could answer questions for him.

  She wanted to tell Jon she loved him. And just like that she thought, Screw it. If there was ever anyone in need of some love at the moment, it was him.

  She went back to the text and ended it with, Sending u all my love, Jon.

  She hit send then went to her room to flop onto the bed. She knew she was showing her vulnerability, but he was a friend first and she wouldn’t have hesitated to send her love to a friend in this kind of situation, so she tried not to second guess herself.

  JW: Thanks, baby. I can feel it. I’ll call when I can.

  Well, the good news was that apparently saying the ‘L’ word didn’t have him running and screaming. She knew Jon well enough to know that if he returned the feelings, he would never say the words for the first time in a text message.

  So, she said a little prayer and hoped he, his mom and family would be okay.

  ……

  As horrible as the circumstances were, the days seemed to fly by due to all of the distractions in Ayanna’s schedule.

  She hadn’t heard from Jonathan either Tuesday or Wednesday that week. It wasn’t until Thursday that she finally received a call from him.

  When the phone rang and she saw that it was him, she nearly jumped for joy, answering it on the second ring.

  “Jon?” she asked breathlessly in the phone.

  “Hi, babe,” he said, sounding exhausted.

  “Oh sweetie,” she said in a sympathetic voice. “What’s going on? How is she?”

  He took a deep breath and began.

  “She had to go in for a triple bypass Monday night. She got out of surgery early Tuesday, and it’s kinda been a whirlwind ever since. My brother was here with my aunt and uncle when I got in, and Emily came up yesterday. My dad’s been making sure all of the paperwork is in order,” he said, stopping, his voice hitching.

  “What are the doctors saying?” Ayanna asked quietly.

  “The next few days are critical,” he said, equally as quiet.

  “Okay,” she said trying to remain positive. “Then our thoughts and prayers are that the doctors can figure it all out and help her, and that your mom will stay strong during the process. Is she conscious?”

  “No.”

  Ayanna’s heart broke for him.

  “Keep talking to her. Let her know you’re there.”

  “Yeah,” he said. He took a deep breath. “She’s got so many tubes coming out of her. Watching her, it’s like an out of body experience. You never expect to see your parents like that.”

  “What do you need, Jon? Do you need me to do anything for you?” Ayanna felt helpless.

  “Keep sending me hugs and kisses, babe. That’s what I need,” he said with a tired chuckle.

  “Oh, honey. I am. I’m sending you tons.” She hesitated, the ‘I love you’ on the tip of her tongue, but she kept silent.

  “Thanks, babe. I’m not sure how much I’ll be able to call. They won’t let me use the phone in intensive care and that’s where I’m camped out. My dad looks so tired, I’m just trying to give him breaks so he can go home and get some rest.”

  “That’s okay. This is your priority. If I don’t hear from you, I know why, so don’t worry about that, okay? Just know that we’re all thinking about you guys and praying for you all. You do what you need to do, and keep us posted when you can.”

  There was a pause.

  “Yan?”

  “Yeah, sweetie?”

  “You said something to me before I left.”

  The butterflies let loose. “Yeah?” She swallowed, and assumed he was talking about the ‘I love you’ she threw at him out of left field at the restaurant. Anticipation hummed around her
.

  “It’s not a conversation I want to have over the phone, but when I get back, I want to talk. What you said was really important and I’m looking forward to our conversation about it.”

  He sounded happy. Hopeful.

  “Okay,” she said with a teary smile.

  “I’ll call when I can, alright?”

  “You got it, champ,” she said quietly.

  There was another pause.

  “Bye, babe.”

  “Bye.”

  As tears leaked from her eyes, she not only prayed for his mom, but for the conversation they would have when he would return.

  When Ayanna got off the phone with Jon, she made a decision. It was something she’d been thinking about ever since Jon had left and even though she was nervous, she was determined.

  She was going to call her mother.

  It was beginning to hit Ayanna that her ‘self-reflection’ journey wasn’t just about developing a deeper appreciation for pizza, or taking a meaningful look at her sex life and her choices in men. It was also forcing her to evaluate her relationship with her parents.

  After the last month of thinking about her own motivations and reasons behind her bad choices as a reaction to her parents, she’d started to wonder if her own parents had made choices in their parenting due to the relationships they’d had with their parents.

  It wasn’t an easy realization to come to. She didn’t like to think of them as humans with feelings, strangely enough. But she wasn’t a teenager anymore. And although the thought of forgiving them made her cringe, she knew she couldn’t stay angry forever.

  As she’d thought more about it, she reflected on the fact that both of her paternal grandparents had died when her father was a young man in Sri Lanka, and her maternal grandfather had died while her mom was still young. That had to have affected them in some way.

  Ammie, her mother’s mother, was the only grandparent Ayanna’d known until her death a few years back. She was kind and compassionate. A simple woman.

  And she had been a great cook.

  Ayanna had wonderful memories of visiting her with her parents and brother, and Ammie would cook fabulous but simple meals for them. She had been a huge influence in Ayanna’s desire to pursue cooking. To watch her create the different foods and mix them with the flavors of her culture was something Ayanna had loved to watch.