Journey to the West (vol. 1)

by Wu Cheng-En

  “Three Pure Ones, Three Pure Ones, hear my prayer. We have come here from afar to wipe out evil spirits. We wish to enjoy your offerings but there was nowhere we could sit. So we've had to borrow your pedestals for a while. You have been sitting there long enough, and now you can go into the cesspit. Normally you have no end of things to eat, and you are pure Taoists. But today you'll have to taste some filth and be stinking Heavenly Honoured Ones.”

  His prayer said, he threw them in with a great splash that covered half his tunic with evil-smelling liquid. When he went hack into the hall Monkey asked him, “Did you hide them properly?”

  “I hid them well enough,” the idiot replied, “but I splashed some of that filthy water on my clothes. I hope the stench doesn't make you feel sick.”

  “Never mind,” laughed Monkey, “come and eat now. But you'll have to clean up before we go outside.” The idiot turned himself back into Lord Lao Zi and the three of them sat down to eat their fill. First they ate the steamed bread, and then they went on to the assorted cold dishes, the rice, the pastries, the buns, the biscuits, the pancakes, the doughnuts, and the steamed pies. They ate whatever they felt like, not caring whether it was hot or cold. Now Monkey was not much of a one for cooked food, so he just ate some fruit to keep the other two company. They cleaned everything up like shooting stars chasing the moon or a wind sweeping the clouds away. When there was nothing else left to eat they did not go, but stayed there chatting and entertaining themselves while they digested the meal.

  What a thing to have done! There was a young Taoist priest who had just gone to bed in his dormitory by the Eastern cloister when he suddenly got up. “I left my handbell in the hall,” he thought, “and if I lose it my master will be angry with me tomorrow.”

  “You go to sleep,” he said to other priest who shared his bed, “while I go to look for it.” He was in such a hurry that he did not put his underclothes back on but just pulled on his tunic and went straight to the main hall to look for his bell. He groped all around till he found it and was about to turn and leave when to his consternation he heard the sound of breathing. As he fled in alarm he tripped on a lichee stone and crashed to the ground, smashing his bell to pieces with a tremendous clang. Pig could not help roaring with laughter at this, which terrified the young Taoist out of his wits.

  He staggered to the abbots lodgings, knocked on the doors and said, “Masters, disaster.”

  The three senior Taoist were not yet in bed, so they opened the doors and asked, “What disaster?”

  “I'd lost my bell,” said the young Taoist, shivering and shaking, “and was looking for it in the hall when I heard a loud laugh that all but scared me to death.”

  “Fetch lanterns,” said the senior Taoists on hearing this, “and see what evil creature it is.” This order was passed on to the priests, young and old, in both cloisters, who all got up, lit lamps, and went to the main hall to look.

  If you don't know what they found, listen to the explanation in the next installment.

  Chapter 45

  In the Hall of the Three Pure Ones the Great Sage Leaves His Name

  In the Kingdom of Tarrycart the Monkey King Shows His Powers

  The story tells how the Great Sage Monkey pinched Friar Sand with his left hand and Pig with his right. The two of them realized what was happening and sat there on high, their heads bowed in silence, while the Taoists lit their lamps and shone them all around as they searched. The three of them looked just as if they really were made of clay covered with gold leaf.

  “If no evildoers have been here,” said the Great Immortal Tiger Power, “how have the offerings all been eaten?”

  “It looks as though people have eaten them,” said the Great Immortal Deer Power. “The fruit with skins has all been peeled and the stones have all been spat out of the stone fruit. But why can't we see anybody?”

  “There is no need to be so suspicious, brother,” said the Great Immortal Antelope Power. “I think that the Heavenly Honoured Ones must have been moved by our reverence and respect in reciting scriptures and making readings day and night, and by the name of His Majesty. Evidently the Three Pure Lords came down to the mortal world to enjoy these offerings. I suggest that we should worship the Heavenly Honoured Ones before they fly away on their cranes. We should beg them for some holy water and golden elixir pills that we can present to His Majesty and thereby win credit for giving him immortality.”

  “A good idea,” said Tiger Power. “Let there be music and recitation, my disciples,” he ordered, “and bring me my ceremonial robes so that I may pace out the Dipper dance and pray for immortality for His Majesty.”

  The young Taoists did as they were told and were soon neatly drawn up in two groups. At the sound of a stone chime they all began to recite in unison the True Classic of the Way and Its Power of the Yellow Court. Throwing his religious cloak over his shoulders, Tiger Power took his jade tablet in his hands, performed the ritual dance raising the dust before the statues, prostrated himself in respect, and submitted the following memorial to the Pure Ones:

  “In fear and trembling I bow my head in submission. We your subjects promote the faith and long for your pure emptiness. We are suppressing the low vulgarity of Buddhist monks and gaining respect for the brilliance of the Way. A holy temple has been built by command of His Majesty the King. Many an offering has been set out, and the dragon banners hang high; candles burn all night, and incense smokes throughout the day. We worship with complete sincerity, respect and devotion. Now that you have honoured us with your presence we beseech you before you go away in your immortal chariots to grant us tablets of golden elixir and holy water that we may present to His Majesty to bring him life as long as the Southern Hills.”

  Pig felt most uncomfortable at all this, and he murmured under his breath to Monkey, “We shouldn't have stayed to be prayed to after eating the stuff. How are we going to answer their prayers?”

  Monkey gave him another pinch, opened his mouth, and called out, “Cease your worship, young immortals. We have just come from a Peach Banquet, so we did not bring any golden elixir or holy water today. We will present you with some another day.”

  When the priests young and old heard the statue speaking they all twitched at their clothes and trembled as they said, “My lord, a living Heavenly Honoured One has come down to earth. Don't let him go. Whatever you do get him to give us a recipe for eternal life.”

  Tiger Power then stepped forward, bowed again, and said, “Raising the dust while kowtowing in the sincerity of my heart, your humble servant dutifully worships the Three Pure Ones. Since coming to this country we have promoted the Way and suppressed the Buddhist clergy. His Majesty adores the Way and respectfully wishes to prolong his years, which is why we held this great service to heaven and recited scriptures all night. We are most fortunate that you Heavenly Honoured Ones have not disdained from descending in your holy chariots and have appeared in person. We beg you in your mercy to grant us the great boon of a little holy water to lengthen the lives of your disciples.”

  “They must be desperate to get it, praying for it again,” muttered Friar Sand under his breath to Monkey, giving him a pinch.

  “Then let's give them some,” said Monkey.

  “But where will we get it?” mumbled Pig.

  “Watch me,” said Monkey. “When I get some, you'll have some too.” The Taoists had by now finished playing their music.

  “Young immortals,” said Brother Monkey, “there is no need to prostrate yourselves. I did not originally want to leave any holy water with you in case it destroyed your offspring of immortality, but there would be no difficulty at all about giving you some.”

  When the Taoists heard this they all prostrated themselves, kowtowed and said, “We beg and implore the Heavenly Honoured One to grant your disciples some in recognition of the respectful devotion. We have widely taught the Way and its power and won the respect of the king for our sect of mystery.”

  “Ver
y well then,” said Monkey, “fetch a vessel.” The Taoists all once again kowtowed in thanks: Tiger Power, who liked to show off, carried in a great earthen jar that he placed in the hall. Deer Power put an earthenware dish on the table for offerings, and Antelope Power took the flowers out of a vase and put it between the other two containers.

  “Withdraw from the hall, all of you,” ordered Monkey, “and screen us off. The secrets of Heaven must not be revealed. Then we can give you some holy water.” The priests then all prostrated themselves below the steps outside the hall and shut the doors.

  Monkey then stood up, lifted his tiger-skin kilt, and filled the vase with stinking piss, to the delight of Pig, who said, “In all the years we've been brothers we've never done this before. I've just eaten, and you ask me to do such a thing.” The idiot then lifted his clothes and noisily filled the earthenware dish. The sound was like that of a torrent pouring down a mountainside. Friar Sand half filled the earthen jar.

  Then they all straightened their clothes, sat down again, and said, “Come and receive the holy water, young immortals.”

  The Taoist elders then pushed the screens aside and kowtowed in worship and gratitude. When the jar was carried out and put together with the vase and the dish they called, “Disciples, fetch me a cup to try some.” The younger Taoists fetched a teacup and handed it to the elders. The elder filled the cup, drained it, and made a show of wiping his mouth and smacking his lips.

  “Is it good, brother?” asked Deer Power.

  Pursing his lips together, the most senior of the elders said, “Not very. Tastes a bit off.”

  “Let me have a taste,” said Antelope Power. When he had drunk a mouthful he said, “Tastes rather like pig's urine.”

  When Monkey heard this from where he was sitting up there he realized that his plans had been foiled. “I'm going to play a trick just for the hell of it for them to remember me by.” Then he shouted:

  “Oh, Way, Oh Way, what nonsense you imagine. What Three Pure Ones would ever descend to earth? Let me tell you our real names. We are Buddhist monks from the Great Tang, travelling West on imperial orders. Having nothing else to do this pleasant evening we decided to come down to your temple halls. We had eaten the offerings and were sitting here chatting when you started kowtowing to us and worshipping us. How did you expect us to reply. What you've been drinking there isn't holy water-it's our piss.”

  Hearing this the Taoist priests shut the doors and started throwing rakes, brooms, tiles and stones wildly into the hall. Splendid Brother Monkey tucked Friar Sand under his left arm and Pig under his right, rushed out through the door and rode his cloud straight back to the abbot's lodgings in the Deep Wisdom Monastery. The three of them went back to bed without disturbing their master.

  It was soon the third quarter of the fifth watch, when the king held his dawn court audience, at which the civil and military officials and the four hundred courtiers were all assembled under the crimson light of the silken lanterns and amid clouds of smoke from the incense burners.

  At just this time the Tang Priest woke up and called, “Disciples, come with me when I go to show my passport and obtain an exit permit.” Monkey, Pig and Friar Sand got out of bed and into their clothes quickly, then stood waiting in attendance on the master.

  “Master,” Monkey reported, “the king here trusts those Taoist priests. He promotes the Way and persecutes Buddhist monks. I'm afraid that if you say the wrong thing he'll refuse you an exit permit. We had better escort you to the palace.”

  The Tang Priest was delighted with this suggestion. He put on his brocade cassock, Monkey took the passport, Pig carried the begging bowl and Friar Sand the monastic staff. The luggage and the horse were entrusted to the care of the monks of the Deep Wisdom Monastery. They went straight to the Tower of Five Phoenixes at the palace gate, where they bowed to the eunuch on duty and told him their names. They said that they were monks from Great Tang in the East on their way to fetch the scriptures who had come to show their papers and obtain an exit permit, and they asked him to pass the message on.

  The officer of the gate went straight to the throne hall where he prostrated himself by the steps and reported, “There are four monks outside awaiting Your Majesty's command by the Tower of Five Phoenixes. They say they are from the Great Tang in the East and going to fetch scriptures.” To this the king replied, “Do they have to come looking for their deaths here? Can't they do it anywhere else? Why didn't the police capture them and bring them here under arrest?”

  The king's tutor slipped forward to submit this memorial: “Great Tang in the East is in the Southern Continent of Jambu. It is known as the great land of China. It is over three thousand miles from here, and the way is beset with many a demon. These monks must have some magic powers if they dared to travel West. I beg You Majesty to receive these monks who have come from the far country of China, inspect their travel papers, and let them proceed. Then you will be preserving good relations with China.” The king approved this suggestion. The Tang Priest and his disciples were summoned to the throne hall, where they stood in a row before the steps and submitted their travel document to the king.

  The king had just opened the document and started reading it when the eunuch gate officer came in to report again, “The three Teachers of the Nation are here.” This threw the king into such a fluster that he put the paper away, hurried down from the throne, told his attendants to fetch embroidered stools, and went out to meet the Taoist masters.

  Sanzang and his disciples turned round to look and saw the three Great Immortals come majestically in, followed by a pair of page boys with their hair in bunches. They walked straight in while the civil and military officers all bowed low, not daring to look up.

  As they entered the throne hall they did not deign to bow to the king, who asked them, “Teachers of the Nation, why have you honoured us with your presence although we have not yet invited you?”

  “I have something to report,” the most senior of the Taoists replied. “Where are those four Buddhist monks from?”

  “They have been sent from Great Tang in the East to fetch the scriptures from the Western Heaven,” the king replied, “and they are here to obtain an exit permit.” The three Taoists clapped their hands with delight at this news.

  “We thought they had already gone, but they are still here.”

  “What do you mean, Teachers?” the king asked in astonishment. “They have only just come to report their names. I was on the point of handing them over to you to use as you will when my tutor made a very sensible suggestion. Out of consideration for the great distance they have come and also to preserve good relations with the land of China I sent for them a moment ago and was just examining their papers when you three Teachers raised this question. Have they offended or harmed you?”

  To this the Taoist replied with a smile, “What Your Majesty does not yet know is that they arrived yesterday, killed two of our disciples outside the East Gate, released the five hundred captive Buddhist monks, smashed our cart, broke into our temple at night, destroyed the statues of the Three Pure Ones, and stole their offerings. We were so deceived by them that we though they were Heavenly Honoured Ones come down to earth and asked them for holy water and elixir pills to present to Your Majesty in the hope of securing eternal life for you. We never expected them to make fools of us by giving us urine. We each drank a mouthful to taste, but when we tried to capture them they escaped. If they are still here now it's a case of meeting your enemy on a narrow road.” All this made the king so angry that he ordered the execution of the four monks.

  The Great Sage Monkey put his hands together and began to yell at the top of his voice, “Please hold back your thunderous wrath for a moment, Your Majesty, and allow us Buddhist monks to make our submission.”

  “You have offended the Teachers of the Nation,” the king replied, “and what they say is always right.”

  “He accuses me of coming here yesterday and killing two of his discip
les,” said Monkey. “What witnesses does he have? Even if we admitted the killing you need only execute two of us monks to pay for their lives and you could release the other two to fetch the scriptures. He doesn't have any witnesses either for his accusations that I smashed their cart and freed the captive monks. Even if I had done, that wouldn't be a capital offence. To punish one more of us would be enough. When he says I destroyed the statues of the Three Pure Ones and made havoc in the Taoist temple he's deliberately trying to frame and murder me.”

  “Why?” the king asked.

  “We are all from the East,” Monkey replied, “and have only just arrived here. We don't even know our way round the streets, so how could we possibly know what happened in his temple in the middle of the night? If we had given them some piss they should have arrested us on the spot. They shouldn't make up these terrible accusations now. There are any number of people in the world who give false names. He could not possibly tell that it was me. I hope Your Majesty will turn your wrath aside and have these charges properly investigated.” The king had been wild with fury before, but now that he had heard what Monkey had to say he could not make up his mind.

  As the king was wondering what to do the eunuch gate officer came in once more to report, “Your Majesty, there is a crowd of village elders outside the gates awaiting your summons.”

  “What do they want?” the king asked, and ordered them to be sent in.

  Thirty or forty of them were brought before the throne hall, where they kowtowed to the king and said, “Your Majesty, there has been no rain this spring and we fear a drought this summer. We have come here to submit a request to Your Majesty that you invite the Teachers of the Nation to pray for timely rain that will save the common people.”

  “You may withdraw,” said the king. “There will be rain.” The elders thanked him for his mercy and withdrew. “Tang monks,” said the king, “do you know why we honour the Way and persecute Buddhist monks? When the Buddhist monks of this country prayed for rain some years ago they did not get a single drop. It was fortunate that Heaven sent down to us the Teachers of the Nation to bring help and deliverance. You have come from afar and offended the Teachers of the Nation, and you thoroughly deserve to be punished for it. If I spare you for the time being, will you enter a rainmaking competition with the Teachers of the Nation? If you can bring about a good fall of rain that saves the common people we shall pardon your crimes, return your paper, and let you go. If you fail you will all be taken to the place of execution and publicly executed.”