Disclosure of the Heart (The Heart Series)

by Whitney, Mary

“Well, yes.” He muted the television entirely. I must’ve gotten his attention. “It’s a tragedy few would forget.”

  “Right. It was awful.”

  “I remember when your dad and I worked at the firm together and, in the usual water-cooler conversations, he would mention you. Often someone would ask if you were his only child, and he’d always say, ‘Actually, I have another daughter, Lauren, but she died a few years ago.’ He wasn’t trying to make the person feel bad. I think he just liked the opportunity to talk about her in the present tense.”

  That made me smile and gave me a shot of courage. “So I’m going to tell you a story that starts the year she died.”

  “Go on,” he said in his fatherly way. “I’m all ears.”

  After a deep breath, my life spilled out of me. I tried to be as forthcoming as possible, and Logan prodded me along, asking questions all the way. His face was placid and his questions as objective as if I were relaying a policy issue to him. There were none of the curse words or bulging neck veins that came out when he was angry. His detached demeanor was actually helpful to me as I finally confessed my feelings for Adam to someone else.

  When I finished, I said, “So that’s it. Full disclosure. You know everything. As I said, I did inform Matt that Adam and I had a relationship in high school, but I didn’t give any details.” I gulped because it was like I was letting down my boss and my dad at the same time. “I’m sorry for that.”

  Logan was quiet for a moment, pressing his fingertips together in thought. It was a pose most commonly used when he chose policy positions or dealt with political problems. And now that was me. One big political liability that had to be addressed.

  When he finally spoke, his tone was flat, and his expression continued to be void of emotion. “As your boss, I must say you made a mistake—a serious one. I’m disappointed in you for that. But as a friend, I can see why you made the decisions you did, though I respect and like Juan Carlos. It’s a shame you did this to him. Does your father know?”

  “Almost nothing.”

  He shook his head. “My kids wouldn’t have told me either.”

  That small show of humanity made me grovel. “I’m so, so sorry, Mr. President. You know this isn’t like me. If Adam and I didn’t have this history, I would never do something like this.”

  “You and Adam must have a powerful connection.”

  “We do.”

  He took a swig of beer and pursed his lips. “I’m going to think about this. Please go get Matt. We’ll come up with a plan.”

  That was it? I was motionless, expecting something more, but he went back to watching the game, which signaled I was to immediately follow his orders. As I left the room, the whole experience reminded me that you didn’t get to be president of the United States being a hot head. They were always looking down the road at every implication—like master chess players, plotting ten moves ahead, while you were still debating your next one. When it came to his job, Logan was emotionless. That could work for me or against me.

  Not knowing where I stood with Logan terrified me as I searched for Matt. When I found him, he was asleep in an empty row of seats. I had to rouse him, which made me even more apprehensive.

  “What?” he said grumpily.

  “The president,” I answered, getting to the point.

  He blinked a few times and shot up from his seat. “I’m on my way.”

  As I followed him, he asked, “You, too?”

  “Oh yes.” I was grim. I’d screwed up big time.

  After we settled in the president’s quarters, I had no idea what Logan was going to say, but I knew I no longer could talk. He was the president, and it was his moment. His words carried that same impassive tone as he started off the conversation. “We have a problem to manage. It can be done if everyone acts quickly once we’re on the ground.”

  Leaning forward in his seat, Matt was ready to get down to business. “What’s the issue?”

  Logan nodded to me. “Nicole will tell you.”

  I couldn’t tell Matt what I’d relayed to Logan. It was too personal. So Matt received the version of the story I’d originally intended. I disclosed everything from the time Adam and I had first talked in the White House briefing room, but I didn’t tell him anything earlier. I loved Matt as my friend and colleague, but that time of my life was private.

  “I’m sorry that I led you astray when I initially told you about Adam and me,” I said at the end of it. “It wasn’t right.”

  “No, it wasn’t.” Matt adjusted in his seat, then chuckled. “Though I should’ve known when you said you hadn’t told Juan Carlos.”

  “Yeah,” I said, not finding it quite as funny. “That was a sign.”

  No one said a word for a few seconds, and Logan turned to me and gave a puzzled look. He then reached across the sofa and placed his hand on my leg. I hadn’t noticed that I’d been nervously bouncing it up and down so hard.

  “I’m sorry,” I said again, but that didn’t seem like enough. I sputtered out another plea. “I’m sorry for everything.”

  “I know, and I accept your apology,” he said kindly as he withdrew his hand.

  Twelve hours later, I was with Juan Carlos, telling him the same story, only with less detail. Personal experience had taught me that when you’re cheated on, you don’t want too much information. You need enough to sort out the why of it all, but any more than that and you create unnecessary pain.

  We sat on very uncomfortable sofas in his friend’s apartment in Eastern Market. I’d wanted to have the meeting somewhere Juan Carlos could throw me out if he wanted. He deserved that opportunity. Fortunately, his buddy was away on business, so we were alone.

  As I relayed the events, Juan Carlos vacillated between icy and annoyed—from making offensive jokes about me being a slut or Adam having a small British dick, to being passionately angry and close to tears as he paced and yelled in Spanish, throwing things across the room.

  At the end, I said, “I loved you, still do in a way. I’m very sorry I just didn’t love you enough.”

  “Uch.” He held his hand up as if he were the guy on the Heisman Trophy. “Don’t. You disgust me. I can’t believe I bought you an engagement ring.”

  “Honestly, I don’t know why you did either. It’s not like we were ready for it.”

  That misstep just pissed him off more. He practically snarled, “Well, I was.”

  “I’m really, really sorry, Juan Carlos. Lo siento de corazón.”

  “Adam Kincaid. Typical English effeminate asshole. I bet that Felicity chick was just a lie.”

  “She’s not. She may even be a problem.”

  “Good. You deserve it,” he said with a pout.

  Seeing the conversation degenerate, I said, “Well, you’ve now heard how Logan wants this to play out. Please just go along with the plan.”

  “Logan might have a plan here, but you realize you could be the downfall of a presidency.”

  I scowled. “I think that’s a little overdramatic.”

  “Maybe, but there could be a congressional investigation.”

  “Get real. This is a political/PR scandal. No laws were broken.”

  “I’m glad you can be so flip about it.”

  “I’m not being flippant. I know it’s a big deal. I informed Matt and have now disclosed everything to the president. He thinks he’ll be okay.”

  “Regardless, you’ve given the Republicans and late-night shows material for weeks.” He glared at me. “You’ve made yourself the butt of jokes and dragged me into it.”

  “I know. I really can’t apologize enough.”

  “Hmpf.” He quieted for a moment before he shook his head and grabbed the remote control on the side table. Throwing it across the room, he yelled, “You deceived me!”

  “I did, and I’m incredibly sorry for that.” I fiddled with the button on my coat, which I hadn’t even bothered to take off. “I don’t care what you say about me in the press.”

 
; “Oh, come on…” He waved me off. “Like I’m saying a word? A single word? I don’t want to hurt Logan, and I don’t want to draw attention to the fact I’ve been a chump. Me humillaste.”

  That was a verbal slap across my face. I had humiliated him, and I knew what that embarrassment was like. Yet though I felt for him, I couldn’t comfort him. My touch and encouragement were the last things he wanted.

  Standing up to leave, I said, “Still. You can have surrogates, your friends, talk off the record. Say what you want. Accuse me of whatever. I’ve probably done it, and for that, I’m truly sorry.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  IT WASN’T UNTIL LATE that night that I was able to ring Adam’s doorbell. When he opened the door, he was just as surprised as when I’d shown up at his hotel room the night before. I’d ignored him all day and hadn’t told him I was coming by. I knew I looked like shit, but it wasn’t like I’d had any time to myself that day. I smiled and sighed. “Hi.”

  Leaning against the doorjamb, he cocked a head to the side. “So have you come to shag me senseless, tell me you love me, and then abandon me again? That seems to be your M.O.”

  “Very, very funny.” I placed my hand on his chest and pushed my way inside.

  After closing the door behind us, he pulled me into his arms and laughed. “Well, that is what you did last night—especially the shagging.”

  “So I was a little forward.”

  “A little?”

  “Okay. Maybe I jumped you.” I grinned. “I’d say we both crossed a line.”

  “We crossed it a few times.”

  “We did, which is why I had to leave. I—”

  His kiss stopped me from saying more, and my body melted into his. After a good minute of earnest snogging, as Adam called it, he mumbled, “So you admit you wantonly seduced me, but you claim you were forced to abandon me?”

  “Pardon me,” I said and pulled away, “if I had to go tell my boss, the leader of the free world, that I’m fooling around with a member of the press.”

  “We more than fooled around last night, but let’s sit down, and you can tell me what happened.” He kissed my forehead. “Can I get you a drink?”

  “Considering how much I drank last night, I should say no, but after a day like today, I’ve got to say yes. I’ll have some wine.”

  “I’ll be right back. Please sit down. You look awfully tired.”

  “I am.”

  While he poured me a glass of wine and got himself a beer, I went over to the sofa and started going through the messages on my phone. When he returned, he handed me the glass and sat down. “So, you’re still working. You didn’t get sacked.”

  “No, believe it or not. They didn’t fire me.” I laughed.

  “Start at the beginning. What did you do this morning?”

  “Well, I woke up—hung over. That sucked.” I kissed him on the cheek. “But I was with you, so that was nice.”

  “But you left…”

  “I didn’t wake you because it was really early, and I had to get back to my hotel room without being seen in the same clothes I wore out the night before. Luckily, I don’t think anyone saw me.”

  “Ah…the Walk of Shame. I forgot about that.”

  “Yes. Something to be avoided in our situation.”

  “Indeed.” He found my hand and gave it a squeeze. “I should tell you that I got more than one look from my colleagues and also a nasty comment from Dan about our dancing.”

  “Yeah, I figured as much. I got a lot of comments, too. Oh well. We can’t do much about that now.”

  “No, we can’t, so tell me more about this morning.”

  “After I left you, I got cleaned up, packed, and did some work before I went to talk to Melba to get on Logan’s schedule.”

  “You didn’t want to talk to Matthew first?” He gave me a skeptical look. “Or Juan Carlos?”

  “I thought about it, but after last night, I decided I needed to just go straight to Logan. He’s been like a dad to me for so long. He deserved to hear things first.”

  “So when did you talk?”

  “Not until we were on the plane. Logan thought I was going to resign so I could get married, so I first had to tell him I wasn’t marrying Juan Carlos.”

  “What did he say to that?”

  “He was surprised, and then when I hemmed and hawed, he asked that I just tell him everything.” I sipped some wine and said sheepishly, “So I told him our story, starting at the very beginning after Lauren died.”

  “You started back in high school? Really?”

  “It seemed easier to tell him that way, and frankly, I think it was more compelling. I said after over fifteen years, we’d found each other again, and over the last few months, we’ve fallen back in love.”

  I guessed he liked how I’d portrayed things. Smiling, he mussed my hair and asked, “Well, what did he say?”

  “Professionally, he’s disappointed in me. I’ve caused a headache for him. But he’s still very fatherly and happy that you and I reconnected. Matthew, on the other hand, was a little pissed and taken aback when he did find out, but not totally surprised.”

  He grimaced. “I have to say I’m feeling a bit guilty you’re taking all this heat.”

  “Don’t feel guilty,” I said with a cringe. “But I do have to ask something huge of you. I understand if you don’t want to do it. There are other ways out.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Logan, Matt, and I talked through our options. Of course, you and I can’t be in our current roles together anymore. The fairest option is that you and I both quit our jobs. The problem with that one—and the reason Matt doesn’t like it—is that it looks like there was some wrongdoing on our part.”

  “I can see that.” He kissed my hand. “If we’re both going to lose our jobs in shame, I’d like to have been shagging at least more than one night.”

  “Amen to that.” I laughed. “But actually, that’s why Logan doesn’t like the idea either. We really haven’t done anything grossly unethical yet.”

  “So what does he want?”

  “Well, honestly, Adam, it looks the best for Logan and makes the most sense if you resign and I stay working at the White House.” I hung my head, ashamed I was forcing the end of his career at the BBC. “I’m sorry…”

  “Don’t be. I already told you I’d resign. I meant it.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Of course. And their political calculus is correct—I wish I’d thought to argue from that angle before. You keep doing what you’re doing, and I move on. When it comes out that we’ve been dating, people will question the timing, but because you’re still in your position, it shows the president has faith that nothing untoward happened between us. No state secrets were released, and I didn’t go easy on the administration over something. And if I resign now, our relationship is never an issue in the future. It all makes sense.”

  “But your career…” I felt like such a shit. Sure, Adam had offered me this sacrifice before, but it would have been on his terms then. Now, his future was being decided for him by the president even though he wasn’t a US citizen; regardless of nationality, Adam was like a pawn in a totalitarian state.

  “My career? I don’t give a fuck. With Dad so ill and…well, when he’s gone…” He drank his beer as if to steady himself. “I’m going to need some time off. I’d take compassionate leave regardless.”

  Placing my hand around the back of his neck, I moved in close to him. “I’m so sorry, Adam. This really isn’t good timing, is it?”

  “I don’t think there’s ever good timing for something like this.” He pulled me into his arms and kissed my cheek. “But considering that I’ve got you back, I’d say the timing is as good as it gets.”

  “I love you,” I said with some relief.

  “I love you, too.” He pulled away and smiled. “So if you talked to them on the plane, why did it take you so long to get here?”

  “I figured I owed
it to Juan Carlos to let him know immediately. I went to see him.”

  “You did? What did he say? What did you say?”

  “I was honest about everything, and he was angry…really angry.” I frowned, not wanting to relive the bad scene. “I deserve it—even if he and I were on the outs. I deceived him.”

  “He must despise me.”

  “Pretty much.” I didn’t think I should recount all the insults. “He said something about Felicity being a ruse.”

  “I assure you, she was not a ruse. She may even be a bloody pain in the arse later, but we’ll worry about that when we have to.”

  “Will she say something?”

  He was thoughtful for a moment and took a swig of beer. “Even though we’ve seen relatively little of each other in the last six months, the break-up didn’t go very well. She immediately brought up your name.”

  “What did you say to that?” I asked in fear.

  “I said, ‘Nicki and I are close enough friends that I’ve realized what’s missing in our relationship.’ That’s it.”

  “Oh, that must not have gone over well.”

  “No, it didn’t. Felicity has never thought herself lacking in any way. To hear otherwise was quite an insult to her.”

  “Will she talk publicly about you?”

  “I don’t know. I hope not. Will Juan Carlos?”

  “Never. He’s too loyal to Logan. If he gossips about me, Logan looks bad. But I also think he’d be too embarrassed by it.”

  “I’m sorry about that, but overall, what a stroke of luck.”

  “Yeah, finally.”

  “I realize things can still go sideways pretty quickly, but right now I think we’re doing okay.”

  “Right now, yes.”

  “I’m very happy,” he said, leaning down for a kiss.

  “I’m happy, too,” I answered before my lips met his.

  As we kissed, I felt some relief come over me and loosened up for the first time all day. Our hands roamed around each other’s bodies, and when I felt his erection, he murmured, “Let’s go to bed.”

  “I want to, but I shouldn’t.” My to-do list reemerged in my mind, causing me to sit up straight. “Shit. I’m not done. I need to tell Lisa…and my dad. Before they hear it anywhere else.” I smiled. “But I’ll call my mom while I’m on the road this week. For any reservations she may have had at the beginning, I know this news will make her very happy, so I don’t have to talk to her immediately.”