Vampire Charming

by Cassandra Gannon

  “Work together?” Slade repeated dubiously. “I don’t think so.”

  “We’d be an awesome team! Why not?”

  “I can think of many reasons, the primary one being that you just tried to murder me.”

  “That was before I found out we were brothers.” Roland retorted. “Now, I’m totally on your team.”

  Slade snorted at that idea. “You will flee at the first sight of danger.”

  “Probably. But, I might come back at the end, just when you desperately need help and you’ve nearly forgotten about me.” Roland nodded in encouragement. “I think that might be kinda my thing. I’m the comedic, plucky, anti-hero guy. What do you say? Can we team up?”

  Slade stared at him for a beat, once again thinking of what Jane would want. “I’ll consider it.” He decided reluctantly. “In the meantime, give me the Silver Sword, so I can kill Fang.”

  “I can’t. The Silver Sword is back at my blacksmith shop.”

  “You don’t have it with you?” Gods, but the boy was hopeless.

  “Why would I have it with me? I don’t have my blue diamond blade here, either. I told you, I didn’t come here to kill you.” Roland rolled his eyes. “Honestly, I was kinda still working out the details of my plan, but I sure didn’t need that stupid Silver Sword. It’s kind of embarrassing to carry around something about this small.” He held up his thumb and index finger to show an inch of space. “Seriously, if you’re planning to slay the Werewolf, you’re going to need a bigger boat. …I mean knife.”

  “There is no other weapon that can kill Fang. We’ll have to go back to your shop and get the damn thing.”

  Roland cast a doubtful look towards the sky. “It’s quite a hike to town and it’s almost dawn. I think you’ll fry by the time we get there.”

  “We’re not walking.” Slade scooped Jane into his arms and got to his feet. “The magma pits provide vast amounts of heat.”

  “So?”

  “So, if there’s heat… I can teleport.”

  Roland blinked. “Wow. You are so damn cool.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  INT.- ROLAND’S BLACKSMITH SHOP- DAY

  When SLADE teleports them to the blacksmith shop, FANG is already there. It’s not a plot hole; it’s an exciting twist!

  Trust me, no filmgoers will question it when the Werewolf is somehow lying in wait for SLADE, JANE, and ROLAND. Seriously, have you seen Eragon? Audiences will accept anything in a fantasy movie. And if anybody does start whining about “logic,” we can use the Blu-ray commentary to explain all the problems away. Maybe Fang used the Dark Fairy’s magicks to zap himself back to town. Maybe he flew the Pegasus there super quickly. Maybe there was a time traveling DeLorean. We can tell them all kinds of shit, because the excuses are built right into the genre!

  Anyhow, ROLAND takes off running as the Goblins swarm SLADE. The kid skedaddles out of the shop, dashing through the streets of the village. No one bothers to chase him. All their attention is on the Vampire. SLADE kills twenty-six Goblins, but it’s hopeless. They number in the thousands. (Well, at least a hundred. A bunch of Fang’s men died at the hands of the robots and Shadowmen. Besides, we don’t want to pay too many extras and, logistically speaking, how big can a blacksmith shop really be?)

  SLADE fights bravely, protecting JANE’S unconscious form. The scene is very heroic and doomed. Those are the buzz words the cinematographer needs to keep in mind: Heroic and doomed. Lots of close-ups of SLADE’S heroic and doomed face. FANG chortles, sensing that victory is at last within his grasp. The Goblins subdue SLADE, binding him in enchanted golden rope. Within the unbreakable coils, no magicks can be used. Slade is captured!!!!!

  And everyone watching in the theater begins to wonder if this film is becoming one of those award show darlings, where the lens are all soft focus and hero dies at the end.

  Redrafted Film Script- “From Here to Infinia”

  Jane heard the shouting before she even opened her eyes. Had she been knocked out, again? Seriously, again? What was this --like-- three times in one movie? Jesus, maybe she really was the heroine. Only heroines fainted so much. Such a fucking cliché. She really should start a letter writing campaign to improve female roles in sword-and-sorcery movies. This was getting ridiculously sexist and repetitive and painful.

  The argument grew louder, drawing her attention from her aching head. The sentences were fragmented, but she recognized Slade’s voice and that had her growing more alert. Was he okay? He didn’t sound okay. Her fuzzy brain tried to piece together the meaning of the words, wondering why he was so upset.

  “…can’t be here.” He was insisting at a bellow. “…impossible… you were just at the Corpse Road. This is the movie’s doing and I will not be cheated…”

  Another man was talking, too. Sounding dazed and unconcerned with Slade’s anger. “…more beautiful… thought she’d be… Imaging that hair wrapped around me…”

  “…one curl and I will tear your fucking…”

  The second man laughed. It was a self-assured mockery of true amusement. “You are defeated, Vampire! …tried to take my woman and now she’s…”

  Fang.

  Jane’s heartbeat sped up as she realized that the Werewolf had found them. Everything came flooding back, including the fact that she was probably now a Vampire. Great. It was better than the “being dead” option, but not by much. An eternity of drinking blood and not getting a tan. She was definitely going to kick Roland’s Justin Bieber-y ass, just as soon as they survived this mess.

  Meanwhile, Slade and Fang continued their pissing contest. The love of her suddenly-endless-life was doing his very best to get staked. “My Eternal-One… psychotic bastard will never…”

  “…train her to submit to everything I desire or…” Fang’s voice changed, issuing orders, now. “Drag him into the sun to burn and bring the woman to…”

  “Don’t touch her!”

  Jane forced her eyes open. She might be concussed and aggravated over her species-change, but she couldn’t allow Slade to get himself killed. She had about thirty seconds to redirect this whole scene. Given the time crunch, there was only one plan she could think of and it was kind of stupid plot twist. But, what the hell? This was Infinia, so stupid would fit right in.

  Three deep breaths and…

  Action.

  Jane groaned, sitting up and resting a weary hand against her head. “What happened?” She pretended to look around in confusion, but mostly she was just taking stock of the situation.

  She was in some Frontierland version of a blacksmith shop, wearing a poofy dress that looked a hell of a lot like Cinderella’s. God only knew why, but it really didn’t matter. She had bigger problems than fashion don’ts.

  Slade was being restrained by Goblins. Given the number of headless bodies lying on the floor, he’d already slaughtered about twenty of their friends. Damn, but she was sorry she’d missed that part. Meanwhile, Fang was gazing down at her like she was a naked supermodel dropped into his hot tub. The rest of his creepy army stood around, just waiting to axe someone to death. No sign of Roland. Hopefully, Slade had killed the little rat.

  Well, maybe not kill him, but at least maim his severely.

  “Jane!” Slade tried to get closer and the Goblins held him back. Five of them hit the ground as he plowed towards her, unable to match his determination. Several others clung to his back, barely slowing him down. “My One, are you alright?”

  Jane looked right at him and made her face go blank. Slade would keep fighting --heroes never knew when to quit-- but there was no way he could win against these odds. Not without some help.

  Time for Dracula, Ph.D to start.

  “Who are you?” She asked in a voice that would’ve made any acting coach proud. It was perfectly in character: baffled, scared, and just a teeny bit accusatory. Her gaze cut around like she seeing everything for the first time. Which she kind of was. “Where am I?”

  Really, she could take a guess. This
had to be Roland’s place, since he was the only blacksmith in the movie. Her eyes grazed over the tools and horseshoes covering the walls, lingering on the hooks for a long moment. Huh. That was interesting.

  Slade gaped at her. “What? Wait, you don’t know who I am?”

  “No. Am I supposed to?”

  Under different circumstances, his utter astonishment would’ve been cute. Right now, Jane just felt bad about tricking him. She had to pull this off, though, which meant she couldn’t break character. She was about to prove all those TV critics and internet bloggers wrong, and give Clarissa the final scene she deserved.

  More importantly, she was going to save Slade’s life.

  “Yes, you are supposed to know me! You must know me.”

  “I don’t remember you.” Jane gasped, her fingers pressing into her temples. “Oh no. I think I might have… amnesia.” Damn, that wasn’t her best read. She could do better. Jane squeezed her eyes shut like she was trying hard to access the forgotten details of her life. “I can’t recall anything. Not even my own name.”

  Slade looked horrified.

  Fang seemed confused. “What do you mean you cannot remember your name?” He crouched down beside her, his golden eyes traveling all over her face. “You are Jane Squire.” He ran a hand over her hair, his fingers too rough as he fondled the strands. “I would know your scent anywhere. I will soon be bathing it in.” He lifted her curls to his face and inhaled deeply.

  Yeah… that wasn’t creepy, at all.

  Slade went for Fang, managing to slam a massive fist into the Werewolf’s jaw. “Do not touch her!” He bellowed again.

  Fang stumbled away from Jane, as the Goblins dragged Slade back. “Vampire bastard.” Fang swiped a hand under his bleeding nose. “You’re the one who defiled her, not me.” The Goblins held Slade still, while Fang started ruthlessly beating him. “You think I don’t smell you all over her?! You think I don’t know you turned her into one of your pathetic kind?! You think I can’t picture all the things you did to her body? The body that belongs to me?! She is mine and you will never…”

  Jane covered her ears and started screaming.

  She had a really great scream. It got her a lot of voiceover work during Halloween. Everyone turned to gape at her as she let loose with the shrillest, most terrified cry she could muster. It went on and on and on.

  Fang and Slade were so surprised they stopped fighting.

  “Jane!” Slade tried to rush to her side, but the Goblins held him back. “My One, please stay calm. You will be alright. I swear it.”

  Fang forgot about torturing Slade and headed back over to her. “Why are you screaming, woman? Is it because you remember the Vampire? Does seeing him hurt upset you?” He grabbed hold of her. “Do you care that he’s about to die?

  Up close the Werewolf was dazzlingly handsome and icy cold. Jane couldn’t have hated him more. Just being near him turned her stomach. Jane wanted to cringe away from his touch and rush over to Slade.

  …But, she didn’t.

  Saving Slade meant she had to keep going.

  “Of course I don’t care about him! You just said he made me a Vampire!” She threw her arms around Fang. “It’s like I’m trapped in a nightmare. Please don’t let him hurt me, anymore. I’ll do anything you say, if you’ll only keep me safe.”

  Slade’s jaw dropped.

  Fang liked the pleading. She could feel his arousal pressed against her. His growing desire made her flinch, but hopefully he’d just chalk it up to fear over the memory loss.

  “Take your fucking hands off of her.” Slade snarled at Fang. “Jane,” he began to look desperate, “this man is dangerous. Do not trust him. You must try and remember the truth.”

  “I can’t. It’s all a blank.” She swallowed, her eyes filling with tears. Clarissa was always a crier. She moved away from Fang to lay a prostrate wrist against her forehead. Kind of overdone, but all the best actors pushed the limits. “Oh God! Please tell me what’s going on.”

  Fang looked over at Slade for a diagnosis. “What’s wrong with her?” He demanded. “What have you done, Vampire?”

  “It must be the transition.” Slade sounded appalled. “Grandma Dawn said she wasn’t sure how it would affect you, Jane, but I never imagined this.”

  His grandmother? Had From Here to Infinia really called in Cat Woman as a deus ex machina? Grateful as Jane was for the assist, that twist was even dumber than even this amnesia crap.

  “The transition causes amnesia?” Fang threw his hands up. “It just keeps getting worse!” He restlessly paced around. “What else does it do?”

  “I don’t know! Hardly any humans survive it.” Slade ignored Fang’s frustrated cursing and focused on Jane. She could see his mind racing for a solution. “Jane, you will be alright. I swear it.”

  Jane responded with more tears. “Why can’t I remember?”

  “I don’t know, but I will find a way to get your memory back.”

  “You will do nothing except die in the sun, Vampire.” Fang spat out. “I will care for my woman. It is obvious that you have done nothing but harm her. I am not surprised. Your whole species is thoughtless and stupid.”

  Slade disregarded that, too. He somehow managed to slam two Goblins together, so their skull collided with a sickening crack. Momentarily escaping the others, he knelt in front of Jane. “My One, try and recognize me.” His palms cupped her face. “I am Slade. I am,” he paused, trying to settle on words she would accept in her current state, “your husband.”

  Yes, he certainly was.

  Jane stared into his eyes and saw her whole future staring back. A future that no one was going to steal. Without meaning to, she reached up to put her hand over his.

  Triumph briefly lit his features. Then, more Goblins rushed forward to pull him back from her. This time it took twelve. The whole time Slade struggled against the onslaught, his attention stayed on Jane. “Jane, I love you! You said you loved me, too. Try and remember!”

  She somehow managed to look away from him and blink up at Fang. “Is the Vampire telling the truth? Is he my husband?”

  That line prompt was all the Werewolf needed to get on board with Jane’s new script direction. “No.” Fang gave an eager smile. “I am your husband, Jane Squire.”

  “No.” Four Goblins hit the floor as Slade fought. “Jane, do not listen to him!”

  Fang disregarded the commentary and helped her to her feet. “I am Fang, King of Infinia and you are my mate.” He ran his hands over her body and Jane couldn’t even look at Slade. If she did, he was going to see that she was terrified. “My beautiful, obedient mate.”

  Clarissa wouldn’t call him an asshole, so Jane didn’t either. “If you’re my mate, what was I doing with him?” She pointed at Slade. “That’s what you’re saying, right? That I was at the mercy of this Vampire, for God knows how long?”

  “He kidnapped you and I have spared no expense in getting you back. You have caused me much worry.”

  Slade got free again and stalked forward. The guy just would not quit. It was the hero thing again. Thank heaven he had unheroic Jane Squire to save him, because he was totally not helping this situation. “Fang is lying, Jane. Look into your heart. I know you sense our connection. You must.”

  She did sense it.

  Even if the amnesia had been real, Jane would still know this man was hers. The Eternal-Bond thing had sewn them together in ways that she couldn’t explain, but it went even deeper than that. The love Jane felt for him went straight down to the core of her.

  …So it was nearly impossible to back away from Slade when he approached.

  Luckily, she was one hell of an actress and she was giving the performance of a lifetime. Jane made her body moved closer to Fang, her hand coming up to rest on his arm. “He’s crazy.” She whispered in her most traumatized voice. “Please, Fang, don’t let him hurt me.”

  Slade’s eyes nearly bugged out.

  Fang smirked, his arms coming aroun
d Jane and pulling her closer. “Do not worry. The Vampire won’t ever touch you again. He won’t be alive long enough.”

  Being held against Fang nearly made her gag. He smelled wrong. He felt wrong. He was wrong. Jane had no idea how she could keep this up. Just to give herself some room, she shoved him back. The Werewolf might say he wanted an obedient mate, but she was betting the script was right and he wanted to force compliance. Her resistance was just turning him on more.

  “The Vampire had better not be alive for long.” She snapped. “I expect you to make him pay for this, husband.”

  “This is just not possible.” Slade sounded like he was about to lose it completely. A mass of Goblins was wrapping him in some kind of glowing rope and he barely seemed to notice. “Jane, you cannot believe him! You are the smartest person I’ve ever met. Think!”

  She wanted to give him some kind of sign to reassure him, but she was afraid that Fang would see it. Besides, Slade would try and stop her if he understood her plan. The guy wasn’t so great at subterfuge and he would battle an army before he let her put herself at risk.

  Jane turned back to frown at Fang. “How could you let me get kidnapped by a Vampire, anyway? What kind of mate are you?”

  Fang blinked at her biting tone. “Well, I did not…”

  Jane kept going. Clarissa had always been an unreasonable bitch. It was the main reason Jane liked her. “And now you say you’re going to kill him, --which you should-- but how are you going to make him suffer?”

  “I am going to stake him in the sun. Aside from blue diamond blades, that is the most effective weapon against Vampires.” He paused. “Blue diamond blades can cut through all magicks, you know. They are rare in this land, but they can break through many enchanted…”

  “That’s it?!” She interrupted the random exposition, with an aggrieved scowl. “You’re just going to leave Slade here in the middle of wherever-the-hell-we-are with no one to see? What kind of message does that send to our enemies? That they can just kidnap me and you’ll give them all a quick death?” She arched a brow. “Or do you like the idea having other men abducting me? Is that it? Do you get off on imagining me helplessly submitting to some depraved Vampire’s twisted fantasies?”