Secret Confessions: Backstage – Theo

by Zaide Bishop

  She frowned a little. “Well, they do have one thing in common,” she said.

  “What’s that?”

  “Me.”

  He opened his mouth, then closed it. There was no logical response to that. He tried another tack: “How do you know so much stuff about us?”

  “I’m attentive. But tonight isn’t about me. Mingle with the others, okay? I’m going to get some candid photos of you guys with them for the website.”

  With that, she was sauntering away from him. He felt a prickling of frustration, wanting her to come back. Just to share her secrets. Not because she was pretty. Not because of her eyes or her smile or that mountain of hair. Theo had plenty of options when it came to women. He bet a lot of guys would be completely captivated by her. Most guys, probably. However he wasn’t like that. He knew how crazy she was. Sort of manic and obsessive and thoughtful, but in the creepiest possible way. He just wanted to know how she did it. Nothing else.

  Nothing else.

  He turned his attention to Keith AKA Veganxombiesaysgrains and found himself locked in an intense discussion about the mathematics of music. He settled on one of the couches with a beer, forgetting about Andi for a moment, just enjoying the unique angle on music theory. He’d heard of it before, but Keith had actually done graphing maps of their songs and showed them to Theo on his phone.

  “Everyone gets sick of their mates sometimes,” Sawyer’s voice carried, breaking through Theo’s focus. “Not often, but when you’re all crammed in a bus, right on top of each other for weeks at a time, you’d get sick of anyone.”

  Theo glanced over and saw the look on Rei’s face—caught on the cusp, both hopeful and ready to be wounded again. Somehow they had ended up side by side on the couch and, like always, Sawyer was the centre of attention and Rei was beside him, content to be in his shadow.

  “Who’s the most annoying?” Charlene asked.

  Sawyer laughed. “Jet. He’s the coolest too, though. Theo’s just like a fucking dad. All the time. All he does is show us pictures of his nephews and nieces all day and Rei—“Theo braced himself and could see Rei doing the same—ready for Sawyer to be, well, Sawyer. “Rei needs to get a proper boyfriend and stop moping around all the time.”

  There it was. The little slump in Rei’s shoulders, the way his eyes unfocused, the hurt of being rejected again that always seemed so raw and fresh each time. Theo didn’t know how he could wake up every day, expecting something to be different. The truth was, Rei was too good for someone like Sawyer. Rei was smart and funny and keenly shrewd in a way that had kept the band going and together when the others would have completely screwed it all up. He lost all of his colour following Sawyer around, living in his shadow. It would be better for everyone if he’d just wake up and move on. It wasn’t like they didn’t have a healthy selection of gay fans and associates for Rei to hook up with. Hell, even some of the crew rolled that way.

  Instead, there was Rei, heart breaking right there in front of everyone. He stood up abruptly, walking stiffly toward the door.

  “Hey,” Sawyer said. “Rei, I’m just kidding.”

  Rei waved him off, saying nothing, Theo could see the way his throat was working as he tried to keep his expression neutral. He fled into the corridor and the door slammed too loudly. The room was silent, everyone staring at the door.

  Slowly, one by one, gazes slid back to Sawyer. He was wide-eyed, baffled, as if he had no idea what he’d done.

  Theo rolled lithely to his feet. One of his fists was clenched enough to hurt.

  “Asshole,” he said to Sawyer.

  “I didn’t do anything!”

  “Just stay here and try to keep your foot out of your mouth,” Theo snapped, trailing after Rei.

  Andi stopped him at the door, camera in hand. “Maybe I could talk to him and you can stay here with the others? They’re all really excited to meet you guys.”

  “Yeah, look, I’m sorry about that. But I need to speak to Rei myself. If he won’t come back, maybe we can reschedule for tomorrow morning and everyone can meet Jet too.”

  He didn’t like putting people out and, as scary as these guys had seemed when he’d walked in, they’d all turned out to be… nice, if a little manic and obsessive. That wasn’t always a bad thing.

  He searched the corridor, peering into the other empty boardrooms, the gym, the pool and what turned out to be a large linen closet before spotting a door to a men’s washroom. He pushed it open and found black tiles, gold fixtures, leather couches and what looked like real pot plants. And Rei, his hands resting on a sink, staring at himself in the mirror. His face and hair were wet, his eyes already red-ringed.

  Theo sighed and went to his side, putting one arm across his shoulders. “Hey, man. Sawyer is an asshole.”

  Rei wiped his eyes angrily with the back of his hand. “You say that all the time.”

  “You let him get to you all the time.”

  “I just…”

  “What?”

  “He’s slept with guys before.”

  “Not many,” Theo said gently.

  “But never me.” Rei’s fists clenched on the porcelain.

  “Because we’re in a band together,” Theo said. “Because we’re friends. Because he knows it would just hurt you a whole lot more when he hooks up with some redhead in sheer stockings the next day.”

  Rei shook his head, but Theo wasn’t sure what part he was in denial about.

  The door to the men’s room squeaked open.

  “Umm, excuse me,” Andi peered in at them.

  “Andi,” Theo said, exasperated. “This is the men’s room. For men. And we’re kind of in the middle of something.”

  “I know,” she slid in, letting the door shut behind her. She watched them a moment, then stepped up on Rei’s other side, meeting his watery gaze in the mirror. “I have something you should listen to.”

  She pulled out her phone, playing a video and holding it up for Rei. Theo could see Sawyer and Jet in the clip. Behind them was the giant, manically enthusiastic clown face Luna Park. They were joking around, jumping on each other and wrestling, pulling faces. Theo saw himself jump in front of the camera and do a silly dance—the necklace he’d lost so recently bouncing against his chest.

  “That’s Melbourne,” Rei said.

  “Easter long weekend, two years ago,” Theo recalled with surprise. “You were in Kyoto with your aunts.”

  The next shot in the video, the videographer was following Sawyer through the Saint Kilda community gardens. He stopped by the chicken pen, hand on the wire. He was grinning that impossible grin, the one that could even melt Theo’s annoyance with him.

  “The guys are the best. The best. Sometimes I just want everyone else to fuck off but them. We always have each other’s back.”

  “Who would you most want to share a room with forever?” the videographer asked. Theo recognised Tash, one of their mates back home.

  “Rei,” Sawyer said without hesitation. “He’s the cleanest.” He laughed, then added. “And the smartest. Theo will always get me home safe when I’m trashed, but Rei’s more likely to make sure I don’t get trashed in the first place. And that I pay my rent. We’d all be fucked without Rei. Jet and I would just do covers forever. We can’t write for shit. He’s the best. But don’t tell him I said that. Holy shit, look that chicken is all fluffy!”

  Andi cut the video, putting the phone back in her pocket. She and Rei studied one and other in the mirror and Theo felt like he was being left out of something important.

  “We’re good friends,” Rei said quietly.

  Andi waggled a finger at him and smiled. “You know, you can be friends with someone for years and then they do something different and suddenly you see them in a whole new light. Friendship is an awesome foundation.”

  “Don’t tell him that,” Theo said, glaring at her from over the top of Rei’s head.

  “Why not?” she arched an eyebrow. “Look, Rei, pining and being completel
y available to someone isn’t sexy. Sawyer’s always liked a challenge. Someone with a little edge.”

  “I don’t want to change who I am.”

  “You don’t have to. Just let him think of you in a different way.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t know if I know how to do that.”

  “I do,” she grinned. “But you have to be bold.”

  Rei looked uncertain. Wanting, but also afraid. “I…” he rubbed the socks she had given him, sticking out of his jeans’ pocket. “What do you have in mind?”

  “Have you heard the Lonely Island song, ‘It’s not gay, if it’s in a three-way’?”

  Theo and Rei both blinked, momentarily too stunned to react.

  “You?” Rei asked hesitantly.

  She grinned. “He’ll be surprised, don’t you think?”

  “Surprised is the wrong word…” Theo muttered.

  Andi ignored him, kissing Rei on the cheek. “Go upstairs, get ready. I’ll tell the others we’re rescheduling for tomorrow and bring Sawyer up.”

  Rei nodded and started for the door.

  “Hey!” Theo said. “You’re not really going to do this, are you?”

  Rei met Theo’s gaze, shrugged, and vanished out the door. Theo turned back to Andi.

  “Look, I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but I don’t want you messing with Rei and Sawyer like this.”

  “You don’t think they’d be happier… together?”

  “I think if they were going to be ‘together’, it would have happened by now.”

  “But do you think they would be happier together?”

  Theo paused, considering. Was Sawyer capable of settling down? In truth, he was happier in relationships. The boundaries made him less hectic. However the stress of the job and Sawyer’s flakiness tended to end things after a few months. Rei had never given up on him, though.

  “Sawyer isn’t in love with Rei.”

  “But he does love him. It’s just a matter of flipping that little switch in his hind brain.”

  “A threesome isn’t going to do that.”

  She flashed him a wicked grin. “It might, if it’s a really, really hot one. You know,” she stepped closer. “It doesn’t have to be a threesome.”

  He balked, taking a half step back. “I don’t… I mean, no. Not with you.”

  She grinned. “Not with me? I’m the problem, not Rei or Sawyer?”

  “I like women,” he clarified.

  She stepped closer. “But not me?”

  He opened his mouth, closed it. His eyes trailed up and down her body, full curves and those gold flecked eyes. That Sawyer and Rei might be in the equation was not that much of an issue. It was common sense that was stopping him. The warning bells that told him women like Andi were trouble. However, that sensible part of his brain was at war with his cock, which was getting fatter by the moment—tight against the confines of his jeans.

  “You’re not…”

  She put her hand on his chest, her fingers trailing down toward his belt. “I’m not what?”

  “My type.”

  She looked down at the bulge in the front of his jeans and arched an eyebrow. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes,” he breathed.

  Her hand trailed lower, tugging on his belt. “So do you want me to stop?”

  “No.”

  He drew a sharp breath as she tugged his belt and it unhooked, his pants loosening considerably. She unbuttoned his fly and he hissed as the zip slid down, painfully slow. She slid one slender hand into his pants and gently worked his cock free. He was aching stiff—his jeans sagging to mid-thigh now. Her fingers trailed up and down the length of him and he groaned. She chuckled.

  “Am I still not your type?”

  He caught her chin in his hand, kissing her fiercely, her wild black curls tickling his cheeks. She kissed him back, hot and urgent, tasting of passionfruit soda. Her fingers were still stroking his cock and his hips rocked involuntarily. He wanted her. He wanted her right there, against the sinks. He wanted to slide her out of her pants and taste her and fuck her until she screamed and clawed his back and her knees buckled in pure, unadulterated pleasure.

  He stepped closer to her, his shaft pressed against her belly as he cupped one breast through her shirt—the other snaking around to undo the clasp of her bra. However, before he could reach it, she disentangled herself and stepped away.

  “Now now,” she stood a scolding finger at him. “Not here and not yet.”

  He growled in frustration. “Andi…”

  “Upstairs,” she grinned at him. “I’ll be waiting for you.”

  She sauntered toward the door and he was too confounded to answer, his cock twitching and jumping, desperate for her to return. But she was gone, the door swinging in her wake and he was alone with his jeans around his ankles.

  The door opened again and he looked up hopefully, but it was an elderly man in a suit.

  “Was that a young lady I—” he stopped. Stared. Theo flushed and hurriedly pulled up his pants, stuffing himself inside and scrambling to do the belt back up. The old man said nothing as Theo slid out past him, face hot with embarrassment.

  He leaned against the wall, head spinning. He wasn’t seriously considering going up there… but he was. Andi was there and he wanted Andi. Despite all the crazy ideas and the crazy, intuitive gifts, he wanted her with a bone-deep urgency.

  But she was getting Sawyer and Rei. She was taking them up there to… actually, now that his erection was going down, he realised he had better go and put a stop to that. Before it got out of hand.

  He headed for the elevator, but was just in time to see the doors closing with Sawyer and Andi inside. He growled under his breath and jogged up to the doors, pressing the button rapidly until the doors to the second elevator opened for him. He hit the floor button, then paced back and forth as it rose, jogging down the corridor to the suites as soon as the doors opened. He paused outside. His and Rei’s or Sawyer’s and Jet’s? He pulled out the key card for his own room, opening the door and stepping inside.

  The three of them were there. Rei sitting on his bed, Sawyer standing in front of him, Andi leaning on the desk, with her legs crossed at the ankles.

  “I didn’t mean to upset you,” Sawyer said. “I was just kidding around. You didn’t have to run off like that.”

  Theo leaned beside Andi. “You didn’t tell him the plan?” he murmured.

  “If I told him the plan, it wouldn’t seem like Rei’s idea.”

  Sawyer looked genuinely contrite—as he often did. Normally Rei would just fold. This time he didn’t, folding his arms over his chest and frowning up at Sawyer.

  “I’m not forgiving you this time. Not unless you prove it.”

  Sawyer looked surprised for a moment at the unexpected resistance. But then he dropped down to his knees, clasping his hands in front of him in supplication. “Anything.”

  Rei licked his lips, Theo could see the flush of colour on his cheeks. The way his pupils dilated. Having Sawyer down on his knees in front of him was probably a new experience. For a moment, Rei was entirely captivated, then he glanced to Theo and Andi for reassurance. Theo arched an eyebrow, but Andi smiled, nodding encouragingly.

  “Are you sure about that?” Rei asked, sounding more confident than he looked. “You’ll do anything I tell you to?”

  Sawyer must have caught something in his tone, or just the tension in the room, because his blue eyes snapped up to meet Rei’s brown ones. Searching. Then widening a little in understanding. There was a long pause. Theo was waiting for him to laugh it off, to tease Rei and saunter out, leaving him humiliated and hurt. Leaving him to pick up the pieces of the mess Andi had made.

  She pushed off the desk and sauntered across the room, sitting beside Rei. Leaning on him, twirling his silky, straight black hair with one finger.

  Sawyer’s eyebrows shot up. “What do you have in mind?”

  “Andi wants to party with us,” Rei said. />
  “You don’t like girls,” Sawyer said.

  “That’s why you’re helping.”

  Sawyer glanced over his shoulder at Theo. “Theo?”

  Theo held up both hands. “I’m just watching this train-wreck from a distance.”

  Andi smiled at him. “For now.”

  Theo staunchly refused to acknowledge that her smile made his jeans a lot tighter all of a sudden.

  Sawyer didn’t seem to know how to respond, so Rei turned and cupped Andi’s cheeks, kissing her soundly. It was weird, seeing Rei kiss a girl. He’d been one of those kids who had been clearly gay since the outset and lucky enough to be completely accepted for it at home. For Theo, it had always been as much a part of Rei has his hair and eyes and passion. Not good or bad, just a simple honest truth. To see it compromised like this was not bad either, just odd. Very, very odd. Andi had a way of taking everything normal and boring and making it new and alarming. It was like cognitive dissonance was her super power.

  Sawyer clearly felt the same, watching the embrace with wide, confused eyes. But Sawyer had always been more open to sexual experimentation. Quicker to adapt. He scrambled up off his knees, sitting on the bed on Andi’s other side and sliding his hands onto her waist.

  Theo remembered his hand had been there not so long ago. However when Sawyer tugged on her shirt, she lifted her arms, pulling away from Rei for long enough to take it off and Sawyer discarded it on the floor. Theo wanted her to pull away—to say she had been just teasing them, like she had teased him. He wanted her to come back over to him.

  She didn’t, though, and Sawyer undid her bra as she kissed Rei again. The bra—black and lacy with red filigree—was dumped unceremoniously on the floor with her shirt. And then Sawyer’s shirt. Why did clothes always have to go on the floor with him?

  Unrestrained, Andi’s breasts hung full and free. Sawyer’s hands slid around her body cupping them from behind as he kissed across her shoulder. Theo’s cock was already thick and hard watching them, but he refused to move or look away. Refused to act like he was affected at all, even as he ached to at least undo his fly and belt or shift himself into a more comfortable position.

  Sawyer’s hand slid down Andi’s body, undoing her jeans. She broke the kiss with Rei, standing up so Sawyer could work her pants and underwear down over her thighs to join her shirt and bra on the floor. Theo’s eyes picked over every inch of her supple curves. She swept her hair over one shoulder, so it cascaded down across her breasts and belly, then she sat on Rei’s lap, knees apart.