The Book of the Wind

by Carrie Asai

  “Switzerland,” I said. I’d never been there.

  “Yeah. It’s the bomb. I was in boarding school there for about six months.” He grinned. “And we could check out Amsterdam, too.” I was just waiting for him to bring up the marriage. But for the moment he’d forgotten. Perhaps because of the attack and all the excitement about the border problems. I hoped he’d continue to forget. It was a conversation I didn’t feel like having. How was I going to tell Hiro that I’d agreed to marry Teddy?

  “Okay. So who’s getting up front with me now?” Teddy said, patting the passenger’s seat. “It’ll be a long drive to the border. I need someone to work the radio.”

  Neither of us moved. We sat in the backseat, a strange, electric current running between us. I looked at Hiro again. He was looking at me. He opened his mouth but didn’t say anything. I had so many questions about everything, but I didn’t know where to start.

  “Hello?” Teddy said in a louder voice. “I said, who’s coming up here with me?”

  “I think we’re fine for now,” I said softly. Hiro blinked. Then, ever so slightly, he smiled.

  Karen was hiding phone calls from me. I found out about it last night when I came home from work. She was sitting on the couch, reading. We’d had a calm couple of days. We were both trying to be as nice as possible to each other—to work these things out. Then the phone rang.

  I recall saying, “Funny, the phone seems like it hasn’t rung in days.” Karen leapt up to get it. She picked it up and barked into the receiver. Then she glared at me and put the phone back on the cradle.

  “Who was it?” I asked.

  “No one,” she said. “Just a hang-up.”

  But she gave away something in the way that she said it. She wanted me to ask, to pry. Karen is not a terrible person. Whatever she was doing, she was doing in order to save the relationship.

  So I asked. “But you do know who it was,” I said. I looked at the caller ID box. It was a 760 number. “Who do we know in the 760 area code?”

  “No one,” she said. Then, out of nowhere, she broke down. She didn’t cry, exactly, she just sort of let all the air escape out of her body. “Please tell me,” she said. “Please admit that you are planning on doing something with Heaven at Joshua Tree behind my back. Because I can’t stand this sneaking around anymore. I just can’t stand any of this anymore.”

  “Joshua Tree?” I asked. “What are you talking about?” I looked at the area code. Joshua Tree, I remembered, is in the 760 area code. I knew because it is near Palm Springs and I once had to go out there on a retreat with the members of the dojo. Suddenly I felt very faint. “Was that Heaven calling?” I said.

  “So you were planning something!” she said flatly.

  “What?” I said. “I’m not planning anything. I haven’t talked to Heaven in a long time. But you have, it seems….”

  Karen didn’t say anything. She looked down at her feet. “I really felt something for you,” she said eventually. “She called the other day. She said she was at Joshua Tree. She needed you to come get her. I thought…I thought…I don’t know.” Tears sprang up in the corners of her eyes.

  “Wait. What?” I sputtered. Heaven in Joshua Tree Park? Why wasn’t she in Vegas? What was going on?

  “Do you love her?” Karen sniffed.

  “How could you have kept that phone call from me? Have you been intercepting others? Why hasn’t the phone been ringing?” I felt very strange all of a sudden. Heaven had called. What kind of danger was she in?

  “You don’t even care,” Karen said, “that you’ve hurt me. This obviously isn’t working.” She turned and walked out the door.

  “Wait!” I yelled. “You don’t understand! I don’t even know….” Karen kept walking. She didn’t look back. My head spun. I tried to regain some control. Heaven was at Joshua Tree. Crying out for help. How could Karen have thought I was planning some secret tryst with her? How could Karen have lied to me?

  The next morning I got ready to leave. I borrowed a motorcycle from a neighbor and packed up a couple of things. I called Karen. I told her I was going away to get Heaven, and then I didn’t know where I’d be. I said it was something I had to do. I tried to explain my feelings. She cried a little but said she understood. She said she sensed it coming and apologized for keeping Heaven’s message from me. It wasn’t a particularly good conversation, but I felt a little better after it was done.

  I know I must have a longer, deeper conversation explaining things to Karen. I didn’t mean to hurt her. I need to make her understand. I will have to contact her later, perhaps in a letter or something. I tried to think through what I would say to Karen as I took the trip to Joshua Tree. But as I rode off on the motorcycle, I couldn’t keep my mind on her. I was thinking about something else. Something strong. Something about Heaven. I hoped I would reach Joshua Tree before it was too late.

  Hiro

  12

  We stopped for gas about an hour later. I got out and stretched my legs.

  “So are you going to sit up front with me now?” Teddy asked, putting his arms above his head.

  “Um…,” I said.

  “She should sit in the back,” Hiro said.

  During the first hour Hiro and I had been looking at each other curiously, as if we were two species of animals that had never met. Peals of adrenaline had coursed through me and I felt almost edgy.

  “Yeah? Why is that?” Teddy was counting out his bills to pay with cash. He couldn’t risk using his credit card again. He’d been very silent during the drive. I could tell he was waiting for an explanation. Perhaps that was why I felt a little edgy: the tension in the car could have been cut with a chain saw.

  Hiro paused, waiting to answer. Say because you love me. Say because you love me. I tried to send this to Hiro’s brain via ESP.

  “Because if any thugs are on the lookout for you and Heaven, they’ll probably be looking for you sitting together in the front seat. With Heaven back here, we’re not so much of a target.”

  Or…not.

  Teddy laughed. “Yeah. Whatever. That’s the stupidest reason I’ve ever heard. Listen, we’re gonna get married, so she should sit up front.” He stomped off to the booth to pay.

  Shit.

  Hiro turned to me as soon as Teddy was out of earshot. “What did he say?” he said in a low voice. “Married?” He looked extremely angry, then hurt.

  “It’s not like that!” I said. “I told Teddy I’d marry him so that we could drive somewhere else and so that I could escape! It was a way to placate him…. You don’t understand…. I ran into Teddy at a nightclub in Vegas, then Katie and I were attacked, then Teddy saved us, then we split, going to Joshua Tree, and—”

  “Shhh, he’s coming back,” Hiro whispered.

  “Seriously,” I pleaded. “It didn’t mean anything!”

  I had been wondering when Teddy would let the cat out of the bag. It had been only a matter of time, but I’d wanted to tell Hiro myself.

  But why had I told Teddy I’d marry him in the first place? I knew that it had been for a good reason—to provide an opportunity for my escape. But…now it seemed wrong.

  Had I ruined everything?

  Hiro opened the back door and got back in the car. I couldn’t tell from his blank expression how he was feeling. I followed him. Teddy looked at me questioningly, but I shot a look back at him. I wanted him to understand. But what could I say? Secretly, my promise to marry you was all a sham? I’m in love with this other guy who’s in the backseat? But I don’t know exactly what he’s feeling, and I want to find out? If I say the wrong thing, he might bolt? I wanted Teddy to understand, to accept it. But I didn’t think that was going to be very easy. Basically, Teddy was in the same position with me as I was with Hiro. A delicate balancing act. It must have been heartbreaking for him.

  Teddy gunned the engine, and I looked searchingly at Hiro. “So, you found Katie, huh?” Hiro asked quietly, picking up on the information I’d just given hi
m before Teddy came back from paying for gas.

  “I did,” I said. “It wasn’t so hard, really. But I was only with her for a day. And then I found—”

  “What are you two talking about back there?” Teddy asked loudly.

  “Vegas,” Hiro said.

  “Oh, Vegas. That town sucks,” Teddy answered. “Everyone’s so uppity up in that place. Never let a man get the job done. Never let a guy relax!”

  “Gambling debts,” I whispered to Hiro. He nodded.

  “More ninjas were there, right?” Hiro asked.

  “Two attacks,” I said. I wasn’t planning on making mention of the fact that during the first run-in with the ninjas, I’d been really drunk. I hoped Teddy wouldn’t mention it, either. “Teddy got me out of the first round.”

  Teddy found a techno station and turned the volume up. “Now we’ve got some tunes!” he said.

  “I thought you only liked gangsta rap,” I said.

  “Nah, I like this shit, too,” Teddy said. He started to wag his head to the beat.

  Then the song began to play. “Heaven’s Gone.” The garbled Japanese lyrics floated out through looped tracks. Heavy drums came in. The voice rose and fell. All the boys they ask, Where’s Heaven at?

  I winced.

  And Konishi, he not my boy, he got her locked in a tower…

  “Konishi? Heaven?” Hiro said.

  “Yo, Heaven, it’s your song,” Teddy said, tapping the steering wheel to provide a beat. Outside, the arid landscape flashed by. I wondered how long it would take to get to the border.

  “Is this really your song?” Hiro asked. “What is this?”

  “Um, I don’t know,” I said, searching for a way to change the subject.

  “When Heaven and I get married, I’m pullin’ this from the airwaves,” Teddy said. “You’d better believe it. Listen to what they’re making up.”

  “Is this played everywhere?” Hiro said. His face had gone pale. He looked downright shocked. Hiro wasn’t a big radio listener or club-goer. He obviously hadn’t heard of Funkitout yet.

  “I think it’s more of a club song,” I explained. “And usually everyone at clubs is dancing or drinking or on drugs or something, so they don’t hear the words.”

  “How many times have you heard it?” Hiro asked.

  “A couple of times. Just at clubs, though,” I said. Hiro looked extremely worried.

  “I thought you said you’d never heard it,” Teddy said. I flinched. “Well, anyway, even though I’m totally pullin’ it once we marry, this is like an underground smash!” he said. “Everyone loves you!”

  “This isn’t good,” Hiro said. He seriously looked like he was freaking out, maybe wondering what in the world he was doing in this car with us.

  “Hey, man, if you’re so worried, I can leave you off somewhere,” Teddy said. “You don’t have to take the plunge into Mexico with us.”

  “It’s not that,” Hiro said. “I just don’t like the idea of Heaven’s name being broadcast all over the airwaves, even if it is just in clubs. What if the song gets bigger?”

  “That’s why I’m pulling it when we get married,” Teddy said.

  “Teddy, will you stop saying that?” I said, annoyed.

  Teddy sniffed in the front seat. He opened his mouth to say something, then shut it. He paused for a minute, cranking the song louder.

  She looks good, she licks good, she’s tied up in a box….

  I blushed.

  “Are they just making all this up?” Hiro asked.

  “Of course,” I said. “Don’t be ridiculous. When have I ever been tied up in a box?”

  “Yo, that’d be phat!” Teddy said from the front.

  “Hey!” I said. I saw Hiro’s fists ball up.

  “I’m kidding, man,” Teddy said. “You know, a joke?” He winked at me in the rearview mirror.

  This time Hiro sniffed.

  “You can leave, you know,” Teddy repeated, seeing Hiro’s uncomfortable expression in the mirror.

  Hiro didn’t answer. Teddy drove on, obviously annoyed. Hiro looked out the window. I could see relief flood his face when the song ended and the DJ didn’t mention the name of the last track.

  We stopped for some coffee and ice cream. Teddy said he’d wait in the car. “Just get me a tall cappuccino or some shit like that,” he said.

  Walking away from the car, Hiro took my arm. He made a guttural, grumbling sort of noise. “I don’t like that we’re with him,” he said. He turned back to me. “But I am glad I found you.”

  My heart melted.

  “In that bus station…and…and you running into that burning house, God…,” he started. He opened his mouth to say something further, but nothing came out.

  We grabbed the food and headed back out. I wanted to take Hiro’s hand but was too uncertain of what he’d do. As soon as we came out through the rest stop’s double doors, Teddy laid on the horn. “Yo, peeps!” Teddy bellowed. “You comin’ or not?”

  We climbed back into the car. Teddy’s face was bright red. The car was full of smoke.

  “God, Teddy, what’s the deal?” I said, gagging on the earthy smell. “You have drugs on you? You were going to bring drugs over the border?”

  “Naw, I had like a pinch. Hardly anything. And nothin’ else,” Teddy said. “I figured I’d better use it up before we hit Mexico.” His eyes were red.

  “Are you all right to drive?” Hiro asked.

  “Yo, you think I would do anything that would endanger Heaven?”

  I looked at Hiro and shrugged. What could we do? It turned out Teddy was an okay driver. He wasn’t high. He was just supermoody. About a mile past the rest stop he angrily turned back at us and glared at Hiro. “Answer me one thing,” he said. “Why are you coming along again?”

  “Because,” I answered. I tried not to sound angry, but I was getting pretty fed up.

  Teddy angrily spun the dial and found a rap station.

  “My boy, 50 Cent!” he said, and started bobbing his head to the music.

  I sighed in relief. I was scared that Teddy was going to start a fight while he was driving. I looked at Hiro. He smiled in a clandestine sort of way. “Hey,” he said softly. My insides turned over. I had to brush against him to get settled on my side. His skin was soft, warm. I felt my cheeks flushing.

  Teddy had the radio volume turned up to almost maximum, probably out of annoyance. Maybe so he could get “all focused.” But there were no back speakers, so Hiro and I realized we could talk without Teddy hearing. We started out slow, commenting on what was happening on the ride so far. It was weird—there was no tension or awkwardness in the air. It was like old times again, before Karen. Only better. Something else was there.

  I wasn’t sure how far to go when asking about Karen. “So how did she take it when you left?” I asked.

  “Not so well, of course,” Hiro said. “I told her it was something I had to do. We ended up having a pretty rational conversation the next day after our argument….” He trailed off. I could tell he was upset over whatever had happened. “She just…she wasn’t honest with me. She wasn’t the person I thought she was. She has no strength. I don’t know if this makes any sense. She’s a wonderful person, but…she needs something else. She doesn’t need me.”

  “So…it’s over?” I asked. I needed to hear it from his mouth. His sexy, pink, kissable mouth.

  “It is,” he said. “I wouldn’t be here, giving up what I had in L.A., if it weren’t.”

  I shivered.

  “But that’s what I don’t understand,” I said, thinking about this in my head. “I’ve been turning this over and over in my mind this whole car ride. The mission you gave me was to forget you. Yet I called, and here you are. And you seem…you seem okay that I’ve failed the mission. How does that work?”

  Hiro laughed. He was so cute when he laughed—his eyes crinkled up, his hands sort of fluttered; I could see his beautiful, even white teeth when he smiled. “I wasn’t sure how
you’d interpret the mission I gave you. I knew that it was a risk. But the fact that you called me, even though I ordered you to forget me, proves your loyalty to your sensei,” he explained. “That was your mission: to test your loyalty. It wasn’t to forget me. That was the ploy.”

  “What?” I said.

  “You had to understand it for yourself, you see,” he said.

  “But…I was losing my mind not calling you,” I said. “For reasons other than…” I trailed off. I couldn’t quite admit my feelings to Hiro yet. It was still a gamble. I still couldn’t quite tell if Hiro was looking out for me in a brotherly, loving sort of way or if he actually had real feelings for me. I mean, it seemed like he was behaving differently, or was I just romanticizing the situation? I couldn’t tell.

  “Your calling me proves that you didn’t just run off and forget everything you’ve learned from me as your sensei,” Hiro said. “And…maybe other things, too.” He blushed.

  “Other things?” I said. My heart started to race. Okay, maybe I wasn’t losing my mind.

  “Other things…,” Hiro said. He put his hand over mine. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out. “Heaven, there are things…I want to tell you…. I feel…”

  I blinked. “Yes?” I said, the words coming out in barely more than a whisper.

  “I…I’m just happy you called,” he said finally. He squeezed my hand. The air around us grew hot. I knew something was different because Hiro wasn’t explaining my mission by using any sort of parable or metaphor. To prove my loyalty was something Hiro had needed me to do—not really for my training at all. But to show him how I felt.

  I shivered inside. Could that really be it?

  Even the techno song on the radio seemed romantic. My heart pounded. I took a quick glance at Teddy. He was fuming up there, glancing at us in the rearview mirror. He saw Hiro’s hand over mine.

  “I’m glad I called, too,” I whispered. We looked at each other and smiled.

  Teddy sighed loudly, glancing back at us. He lowered the volume of the radio. So ended our conversation. But we kept holding hands, off and on, the rest of the way to Mexico.