Torn

by Escamilla, Michelle

  I had to make sure that Courtney was still alive; she for once had nothing to say to my moment of truth. She just stood there and looked at me, she had a half smile on her face.

  “You okay?” I asked. “Yeah, just thinking. Mostly that I am proud of you for realizing this. Maybe this weekend was to test your relationship and it has just failed. You can’t stay with someone who does not treat you like you are the only woman on the planet. If you can’t be happy with your own relationship and you get jealous of someone else’s happiness, then it means that your relationship is not very healthy and you need to get out of there.” She said as she sat down on her bed. “Granted, Jason and I have had our share of fights. We have said we should take a break, but we end up talking and realize that we are very happy together. I never thought about having kids with him, I never pictured having kids at all, but now that we are he makes me feel so beautiful even when I feel like I have put on 50 pounds! Liam should be that way every day, even when you aren’t pregnant.” She threw her hands in the air.

  “I know Court. I haven’t felt that way in a long time with him. But…” I paused as I plopped down on the bed next to her.

  “But with Caleb?” She said with a big cheesy grin.

  “Court! I am not going to go into that.” I said pushing her arm.

  “Admit it! He makes you feel everything that we just talked about! He would be your Buddha belly kisser!” She laughed. “Buddha belly kisser? You’re such a dork! But yes,he would be the one to make me feel all those things. Ugh! I don’t wanna talk about this anymore, I want to get through this weekend; see how everything else goes and who knows it might get better.” I think I even just lied to myself. I didn’t even convince myself, so I know that Courtney wasn’t either.

  “You’re right, no more about Liam, Caleb or anything else! Let’s find a movie on TV and then we can get ready to go out. I am still totally in love with your haircut by the way! Let me take a picture!” Courtney said as she reached in her bag and grabbed her phone and snapped a pic.

  I leaned back on her bed and watched her flip through the channels. I could feel my eyes getting heavy, I think at that moment the amount of sun and flying had finally caught up to me. I felt my head begin to slide onto the pillow a bit more.

  “Ryleigh?” I felt a light shake. “Ryleigh, its 8:30. Do you want to get up and start getting ready?” Courtney asked.

  “Shit! I really slept didn’t I?” I said sitting up quickly.

  “Yeah, I fell asleep for a little bit watching some show about gambling but you beat me! Do you want me to go get your outfit? Jason and Liam are getting ready in your room.”

  “Umm. Sure. Do you mind if I grab one of your water bottles?” I asked signaling to the water on the table.

  “Of course! Ice is filled up in the freezer, cups over on the bar. I will be back in a couple. Oh! What outfit are you wearing?” She asked popping her head back into the room.

  “Black ankle pants, sequin top and black stilettos. Can you grab the shiny black handbag as well?”

  “You got it. Be back in a minute.”

  “Court!”

  “Yeah?” She said just catching the door.

  “Be nice. Please don’t say anything to piss him offor I’ll have to hear it. Please.” I held up my hands, begging her. “I promise.” She said and finally headed down the hallway. As I was running my finger through my hair, I couldn’t help but laugh at how short it felt. I then heard Court’s phone buzz and as I looked down I saw that it was a message from Caleb!

  She looks beautiful as usual.

  I didn’t want to pull up the whole message and her know that I looked, but I couldn’t help but wonder if she sent him a picture of me with my new cut. My heart melted a bit.

  I was glad at that moment that I didn’t pull up her message; I heard her key card enter the door. “Well, you didn’t even have to worry, I just ran into Jason and he said Liam was downstairs waiting for him, he had forgotten his wallet. I didn’t know ifyou wanted your makeup or not, but I grabbed it anyway.” Court said as she laid my outfit on the bed and placed the shoes underneath. “You are going to look hot in this!”

  “Thanks! I went shopping the other day and had some good luck! You should see the outfit that I brought for after the wedding!” I said changing outof my shorts into my new outfit.

  “Hot pink dress?” She asked with a big smile.

  “Yes! So you did see it? I asked excitedly. “I did! It looked so cute I almost brought that for you to wear tonight! We’re going to look way hot tonight! I can’t wait to get out!” She said hurrying to her closet to pick out her outfit. She went with a red halter top and pencil skirt with her black stilettos. She was going to look amazing, as usual.

  “Wow, Ryleigh! You look totally hot!” Court said excitedly as I came out of the bathroom.

  “You think so?” I asked checking myself in the mirror. “Nope. I am lying to you.” She said sarcastically. “Yes! You look very hot! Now if I could only drink, we would be getting drinks handed to us left and right! So, your liver better be ready!” She laughed and straightened her skirt.

  “Court, I don’t know how you can possibly be pregnant! You look very hot in that skirt! You are gonna be one hot mama! You about ready, I am starving!” I grabbed my belly as I acted as if I were wilting away. I laughed as I fell to the bed.

  “I can tell that I am only going to be wearing this tonight.” She said sadly. “It’s getting a little snug and I didn’t think I could zip it up. So… speaking of pregnant…” She paused. “Are you sure that you aren’t?”

  “What?!” I gasped. “Ryleigh, you sleep more than I do. You completelyscarfed your burger down at the pool. If I didn’t know any better, you were pregnant.” She said very matter of fact.

  “Courtney, I am not pregnant. God, I just got…” I stopped to think of my last period. I felt the blood rush from my head. “Shit.” I got up from the bed and quickly grabbed my water off the entertainment stand.

  “Shit? Shit what?” Courtney asked panicked.

  “I was supposed to start my period on Sunday. I…I guess, I didn’t realize it because of all the stupid shit that has been going on.” I said calmly as I looked at my calendar on my phone.

  “How are you so calm right now? I am freaking out!” She screeched sitting down on the bed.

  “Cause freaking out about it is not going to make me start! Fuck!” I screamed out.

  “Okay, you’re right. What do you want to do? Do you want me to run down to the gift shop? I’m sure they have tests down there.” Courtney was getting antsy.

  “Yeah, I mean, I guess. Damn it, I’m now freaking out!” I panicked. “Like you said, freaking out isn’t going to help. I am going to run downstairs and see if they have one. I will be right back, okay?” She grabbed my hand and squeezed. “Everything will be fine.” Courtney said as she smiled and headed out the door again.

  I sat on the bed and played the fact that I could be pregnant over and over in my mind. Could I really become a mom? Then it really hit me, who the hell was the dad?! The thought made my stomach turn; I made a mad dash for the bathroom.

  After what seemed forever, heaving up any water or burger I had in my stomach, I heard the door creak open. I kept my head on the cool toilet lid, I didn’t find it very sanitary but I welcomed the cold on my face.

  “Ry, you still in here?” Courtney hollered out.

  “Yeah, I’m in the bathroom.” I said woozily.

  “You okay?” she asked as she bent down pulling my hair from face. “Sick?”

  “Yeah, especially after I realized that I am going to be the next guest of Maury! Courtney, do you realize I have had sex with two men in this time frame!” I huffed as I pushed myself up. “Oh shit. Well, let’s take the test first and then we can worry about that.” She said as she handed me the paper bag. “I am going to finish getting ready so we can still go down for dinner, unless you want to stay?” She asked as she started to head out of the bathroo
m.

  “No, we can still go down there.” I reassured her. I opened the bag and pulled out the box of two tests. My heart began to race; I had never taken a pregnancy test before. I always had some sort of protection going on. Liam and I stopped using birth control after we got married, but we always made sure we planned ahead. My periods had always been like clockwork and never seemed to really worry about it.

  I quickly browsed over the instructions.

  “You do know you just pee on the end of the stick and wait, right?” Courtney hollered behind the bathroom door.

  “Thanks! I can see that, smart ass!” I replied smugly.

  “Just making sure.” She laughed.

  I lifted the lid and sat down to take the test. As I finished up, I placed the test on the edge of the tub and opened the door. I found Courtney laying on her side, rubbing her belly, on the bed.

  “What’s it say?” She said anxiously as she quickly sat up.

  “Not ready yet.” I said quietly. “I peed on the stick, washed my hands and left.”

  “Can I go check it?” Courtney asked excitedly.

  “It says that you need to wait five minutes, though.” I held up the instructions.

  “Ryleigh, when I took mine; it came out right away.” Courtney started for the bathroom.

  “Okay.” I said hesitantly. “I don’t think I can even look at.” I sat down on the bed and placed my head in my hands. I could tell I was shaky.

  I waited for Courtney to say something, but I didn’t hear even a peep. I lifted my head to see her standing in the bathroom doorway.

  “So?” I whispered.

  “Let’s get out your calendar.” She walked over to my phone on the table.

  “Courtney? What did it say?” I asked sternly.

  “Ryleigh.” She paused as she sat down next to me. “You’re pregnant.”

  I was so glad that I had been sitting down.

  After letting the news sink in and sitting in silence. Court draped her arm around my shoulder.

  “Ryleigh, are you going to be okay?” Courtney asked quietly, leaning her head against mine.

  “Right now, it’s easy to say no.” I let out a forced chuckle. “But I am sure I will be.” I sighed.

  I pulled up my calendar on my phone and counted back to around the time I could have conceived. I thought I was going to throw up again. I took a deep breath in.

  “Courtney…If it is accurate.” I paused.

  “I don’t think you need to tell me, but I want to hear it.” She said with a smile.

  “It would be C…Caleb’s.” I felt the tears roll down my face.

  She jumped up off the bed and leaned in to hug me.

  “Sorry, but it kind of makes me happy.” She laughed. “How do you know though?” She asked curiously. “Because Liam and I haven’t had sex since I found him at the bar. Caleb is the only one that I had sex with. Shit! Courtney, what the hell am I going to say? What the FUCK am I going to tell Caleb? And what the hell would I tell Liam for that matter.” I panicked again.

  She stopped laughing.

  “I didn’t think about that. Shit. I don’t know. Would you mind if we headed down to dinner, we can talk more about it over dinner.”

  I nodded and stood up to grab my purse. There was so much to think about now. We headed downstairs and waited, for what seemed like forever, for a table. We made the host feel bad when we pulled the ‘she is pregnant’ card and we bumped up a few spaces on the list. When we finally got seated, the food was definitely worth the wait. I was actually happy to have food back into my stomach; I was just hoping it was going to stay.

  She and I made small chit chats between bites about the big day and our plans for tomorrow night, I was trying to avoid the main subject at hand, which she could tell, but obliged by not pushing into it. We both seemed to get excited talking about how beautiful tomorrow was going to be. I couldn’t tell if it was pre-wedding day glow or from being pregnant, either way Courtney was just glowing radiantly. I was so happy for my best friend, but at the same time I couldn’t help but feel incredibly scared.

  As we finished up dinner, she gave me the look of ‘we need to talk’.

  “Does it make us old that we are sitting here actually contemplating going out?” I asked her actually yawning.

  “No, I don’t think it makes us old. We’re pregnant, we get tired easily!” She said with a wink.

  “I just feel like today has been a total rush and now it has finally caught up to me.” I still avoided the subject.

  “I agree a 110%.” Court said yawning. “Ryleigh, canwe talk about this?” She asked. “Court, I don’t even know what to say. I’m pregnant and if I track it back- it was the day that I took off work and we had sex a couple times that day.” I could feel the corner of my mouth turn up at the delightful thought of that day.

  “So what do you want to do?” She asked with a yawn. I tried to hide my yawn, but was unsuccessful.

  “Can we just go back upstairs? I really feel like this news put a damper on the night anyway. I really need to figure out what the hell I am going to do. Do I even tell Liam?” I asked worried.

  “How about, we finish this weekend and we can figure something out when we get home?” She said as we headed out of the restaurant. We headed back to her room and quickly put our lounge clothes back on. I felt so much more comfortable in my shorts and bare feet than my stilettos, but don’t get me wrong they were incredibly comfy, but I was just not in the mood to dance.

  We found Pirates of the Caribbean on and we both began to swoon all over Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom. We joked that we would run off with both of them and become total groupies for them. Court hopped off the bed and started to make me a drink,she swore and dumped it down the drain and ended up getting us both a cranberry juice.

  “Thanks Court, but the fact that I drank earlier this afternoon, yeah I already screwed that up, huh?” I asked taking the glass from her. The cold cranberry juice was absolutely delicious. “Well, you didn’t know but now you do and we are going to make sure that you don’t screw up anymore.” She said with a smile and taking a seat next to me. “Besides it looked like you only had a few sips of the margarita anyway.”

  “You’re right; I kept saying it didn’t taste right so I didn’t even have half.” I took another sip and crunched on some ice. “You know, this is great! I am actually glad that we stayed in. I love having this little slumber party that we have going on!”

  I felt a little nauseous as Jason walked in. My heart stopped thinking that I was going to face Liam.

  “Hey babe! What are you doing home so early?” Court asked as she ran to greet him.

  “What are YOU doing here? I thought you ladies were going out?” He asked as he leaned down to kiss Courtney’s head.

  “Where is Liam?” I asked. I could feel the butterflies begin to flutter in my stomach.

  Jason coughed and tried to clear his throat.

  “Jason? Where is Liam?” I asked again. “I kind of got mad at him about earlier. I told him that he was a jerk for doing that, told him that he could have made it a little less obvious, just so I didn’t have to hear it. Sorry babe. Then he got all fucking pissy and said he was just going to go sit at a table and play some blackjack, paid for dinner and then left. I tried to find him at a table, but I didn’t see him. Sorry Ryleigh. I was going to go back down after a bit so I could get him home before you girls got back.” Jason said, wincing at the sight of seeing Courtney giving him dirty eyes.

  “So he just left?” Court asked.

  “Yeah. Ryleigh, I can go back down now and try to find him and tell him you are back.” He looked at me sympathetically.

  “Jason, it’s okay. I’m going to go down and see if I can find him. I’ll leave you guys so you guys can have some pre-wedding fun.” I said as I winked. “Maybe I can win a jackpot on a slot machine anyway.”

  “Ryleigh, no, we will come with you. Let me slip some jeans on.” Court said grabbing a pair of
jeans from her bag.

  “Let me run by my room and grab some jeans as well. I wanna also check if he’s back anyway.” I said heading out of their room and down the hall. I was finally hitting that true moment of breaking point that I mentioned to Courtney earlier. We were supposed to be here with our friends on their happy day, or weekend, but not to be an ass and walk away from them. No matter how much they pissed you off.

  I opened up my room door to find that the lights from the strip were the only lights in the room. I flipped the switch to find the room in fact empty. I pushed the door open and when I thought it would close Courtney caught it and actually startled me.

  “Well, guess we are going to go gamble a little bit!” She said a little too excited. “So I wanted to let you know I had to quickly throw the test away, I don’t think Jason saw it, but I didn’t think you wanted him to know. At least right now.” She said quietly, making sure that Jason wasn’t coming into the room.

  “Thank you so much! Yeah, right now I don’t want anyone but you to know.” I paused as I looked through my bag. “Let’s head on downstairs, then.” I said a little annoyed. I grabbed a pair of jeans out of my bag and slipped them on and put on my cute wedges.

  We wandered into the casino and looked around for a bit. I thought that I was hitting more of the casino when I realized I was revisiting the same tables. I finally told Courtney and Jason I was done looking for him. We hit a few slots and just when I thought I was going to lose all my money I hit a winning slot machine!

  I won five thousand dollars!

  “Holy shit Ryleigh!” Courtney screamed. “How the fuck did you win that?” She still hadn’t lowered her voice.

  “Courtney keep it down! “ I shushed her all the while I was trying not to completely scream and jump up and down. “I don’t know how I did it! I just pushedthe button and it said I won!” I finally screamed.

  Jason had been across the room, he came walking over to us looking a little confused.

  “Babe, she totally just won five grand!” Courtney screamed at her as she ran over to him. “Are you fucking serious?” Jason said excitedly.