Dead Girls Don't Keep Secrets

by Ames B Winterbourne

  “You let her come here? What were you thinking?” the sheriff rages. No one notices me in the doorway, which I guess is good, since his fury makes his whole body shake. Ryder is in the corner, hovering over a woman’s small form on the floor. She’s curled up into a ball, rocking back and forth. Ryder kneels down and takes her hand in his. It has a large gash across her palm, dripping with blood.

  “Mom—” Ryder coos softly, but his mother shrieks as she snatches her hand back from him.

  “Let me see your hand,” Ryder says, his tone calm and gentle.

  She closes her eyes, muttering to herself as she rocks back and forth. Her hair is dark brown like Ryder’s, and her gray eyes full of tears. She’s dressed in navy blue flannel pajamas that are damp from her blood. Ryder reaches out to take her hand again, but she cries out and he steps away.

  “You should be ashamed of yourself. Doing this to your mother,” his father seethes.

  “Calm down, Dad. You’re upsetting Mom.” Ryder doesn’t yell at his father, but there’s malice laced in his tone.

  “This …” the sheriff points to his wife “… is not my fault. This is your fault. What were you thinking, bringing that girl here? And your mother walking in on you both sleeping practically naked. I swear, I would hit you—”

  “Then hit me!” Ryder snaps. “But you can’t, can you? No, too many principles, right?”

  His mother’s sobs escalate. Ryder and his dad stand there watching her, looking utterly helpless. I don’t know exactly what’s going on, but I feel for her. After two minutes, she attempts to catch her breath. “I … I loved her,” she mumbles. Her eyes are wide and brimming with tears.

  “Mom.” Ryder doesn’t sound surprised. Instead, he sounds more like he’s pleading with her. “It’s okay, Mom.”

  Her voice shakes as her eyes widen with terror. “She looks just like her. Like May. Poor May.”

  My body tenses at my mom’s name.

  “Mom, it’s okay. You don’t have to—”

  “Lori. Don’t say another word.” The sheriff’s fists are closed so tightly his knuckles are white.

  I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut. I can barely breathe, realizing the name he just said. Lori. The rape case.

  I don’t have a clue what’s going on, but what makes my brain go on high alert is how understanding and calm Ryder is.

  “She was my friend. She was my only friend. She was …” His mother’s eyes widen and become unfocused. She’s rocking back and forth again. “She was like my sister. My sister.”

  “I know, Mom. You don’t have to say anything.” The rigidness in his back relaxes, like he’s becoming vulnerable.

  “You need to get that girl out of this house right now! You hear me, boy!” Though I can’t see Ryder’s face, I see the sheriff’s profile. His cheeks grow ruddier with every moment that passes. “This isn’t healthy for your mother. She needs her pills. She needs to rest.”

  “You want to drug her up more? Make her incapable of doing anything but staying in this damn house and doing chores all day? She can barely speak and move. Jeez, Dad. This … this needs to stop. The truth needs to come out.”

  “It has nothing to do with you, Ryder.” The edge in the sheriff’s tone is palpable. “I’m protecting her.”

  “Protecting her? Like you give a damn about her!” Though Ryder was calmer seconds ago, his father’s claim sets him off.

  All I can do is watch and wait for more. I want to know what his mom has to say about my mom. How they were like sisters. I don’t even know this woman, and the thought that they were once close makes no sense. My mom had friends, mostly with the PTA, but really, she didn’t go out much. She didn’t have any relatives, other than my grandparents and her own sister. She mostly spent time with her family. How could she have a friend so close, someone so torn up by her death, that years later she’s still struggling with it?

  “Ryder,” his mom murmurs. There’s more lucidity in her voice. “D-don’t say things like that to your father.”

  “He’s not my father,” he hisses, and his mother flinches. “He’s an ass. He’s been holding you up in this house and drugging you until you can barely function.”

  “I-I can function.”

  “You broke down the second you saw Lake’s face. I know it had nothing to do with the fact that she’s my girlfriend. I know why, and I think … I think it’s time you both come clean.” When he glances toward his father, I finally catch a glimpse of Ryder’s face. He’s paler, and seems older than his eighteen years.

  The sheriff rubs his face with his hand. When he pulls it away, his tan face is as red as a raspberry. He looks angry and sick at the same time. “Please stop this. You know we can’t. Your mother … if you love her, you need to stop. Think about it. What’s more important to you? Are you going to pick that girl over your own family?” I never thought I’d ever hear this man, who treated me like shit, sound sorrowful.

  “I loved her,” his mother repeats. “She was my best friend. She was my only friend. She was everything.”

  Ryder turns his attention back to her. I can no longer decipher the look on his face as he says, “I know, Mom. Just calm down, okay? It’s going to be all right. I … I need to know more about what happened. And you … you need help. Real help. Not from those doctors you see once a year who just prescribe a year’s supply of sedatives.”

  “She was the only person who understood me. She saved me …” His mother gives him a small, devastated smile.

  “Say her name, Mom.”

  “May,” she whispers. “She betrayed me.” She sobs, then curls into herself as she pulls on her hair. “She looks just like her. I can’t bear it. She betrayed me. She’ll betray you, too. I know it.”

  My heart plummets. Realization washes over me like a tidal wave.

  “I saw her. I saw him touch her. I saw him hurt her. I couldn’t. I couldn’t watch anymore. I couldn’t let him do the same thing to her. But she didn’t stop it. S-she let him t-touch her. She b-betrayed me. S-she betrayed me.” She stumbles over her words.

  “Mom, you’re not making any sense,” Ryder says.

  “She said she knew about him, that she was going to expose the truth about all of us.” She visibly shivers. “To-to stop him.” Her eyes grow wide as she gazes at her bloody hand. “He hurt her like he hurt me. I had to stop the pain. She was screaming in pain.” Tears stream down her face. “He cut her. She cried. She bled. She tried to fight. He grabbed her hair, he grabbed her and threw the rope around her neck. She fought. She fought hard, but he was stronger.” Ryder’s mom places her head in her hands, letting the redness soak her face. When she pulls her hands back, she hiccups and begins shaking her head frantically. “He hung her from the ceiling, and I watched. All I did was watch. I didn’t do anything. I couldn’t move.” A loud, cruel sob erupts from her. “Her eyes were open. I closed them … then I … I left. I couldn’t stay. I couldn’t. I failed her,” she cries.

  “And what happened then?” Ryder asks.

  “Ryder—” his father hisses, but his mom just looks at Ryder.

  “Your father said everything would be all right.”

  “Everything will be all right?” Ryder repeats. He turns his head to look at his father, his gaze fierce. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  I can’t breathe. I forget how to. What she just said, it’s like a bullet straight to my heart. Ryder’s mom. She watched my mom get killed. She saw it, and she did nothing. She let a killer go. She could have stopped it, but she didn’t. And Ryder’s known all along. His mother let my mother die.

  My body convulses with rage. I’ve never been so mad in my life. I bite my lip, trying to calm myself, but all I do is pierce it with my teeth, and coppery blood swells in my mouth. I’ve never contemplated killing someone before, but I’m not stupid. I wouldn’t survive in jail. All I see
is red. All I am is consumed with hate. I hate this woman. I hate the sheriff. And I absolutely loathe Ryder.

  I throw the door open, letting it crash into the wall and possibly denting it with the doorknob. It causes a loud booming sound, drawing my three enemies’ attention to me. Ryder’s mom wails in fear and Ryder’s eyes shoot to me. His irises are almost translucent. He doesn’t move, and just stares at me in awe.

  “What is that supposed to mean?” I snarl. “Was it you? Did you kill my mom?” I glare at the sheriff. “Or did you just clean up the mess? Cover for your goddamn crazy wife?”

  “Lake,” the sheriff warns, his hand going to the gun at his waist. “Don’t do anything crazy.”

  “Crazy!” I sneer. “That bitch right there is crazy.” I flash my gaze to Ryder and curl my lip at him. “You knew. All along? You knew your parents were involved in my mom’s death.”

  Ryder holds up his hands, as though thinking this will shield him. “I wasn’t one hundred percent sure, but now I am. I’m so sorry, Lake.”

  “You fucking bastard. So, what? What is it, Sheriff? What did you do? Was it you who killed her? Did you do it? Or did your wife? What did you do to make it all right?”

  “Lake—” Ryder’s voice is pleading.

  “I did what I had to,” the sheriff says.

  “Let me guess, to protect your wife? What did you do? What the fuck did you do?”

  “He ruled it as a suicide,” Ryder says. “That’s all.”

  “That’s all? For years I’ve thought my mother killed herself, and I never knew why. For years, my father has been thought of as crazy for thinking his wife was murdered. We’ve suffered so much, and now I know the truth. And you best believe I’m going to expose you all.”

  My menacing gaze goes from Ryder to his shriveled-up mother on the floor. She looks so small, so delicate. I don’t care. I don’t care about any of them. Her eyes, brimming with tears, meet mine.

  “M-May,” she whimpers. “I … I …” She pushes herself off the floor, the blood from her hand paints the stone tiles. She holds her injured hand to her mouth.

  I storm toward her. It surprises the sheriff and Ryder enough that they can’t stop me in time. I slap her across the face. “You bitch!”

  “Lake!” Ryder goes into action and grabs my arms, restraining them behind my back.

  “And you.” I struggle to free myself. “You lied to me. You lied to me and tricked me this whole damn time. You knew and what? What do you get out of this? What is it? Tell me.” I continue to fight him, but I’m growing tired and weak. “Tell me!” I scream.

  “Just let me talk. Okay. Just calm down.”

  I watch the sheriff go to his sobbing wife and lift her into his arms. He kisses her forehead and carries her out of the room before I can get at either of them.

  Once they’re gone, Ryder lets go of me, but before I can get away from him, he backs me up against the counter, caging me in so I have nowhere to go.

  “You had your suspicions!” I snap.

  He’s so close, I can smell the fresh scent of soap on him. He’s not only had time to shower before confronting his parents, but he probably calmly approached them about all of this. I slam my fists against his chest. “Why? Why are you doing this? What do you get out of this? You knew all along, and what? Just wanted confirmation that your parents lied about it? That they covered up my mom’s murder? And then Felicia’s, too? I fucking trusted you!” I snap. “I trusted you, I let you touch me. I let you console me. And you betrayed me. All this time you’ve been lying.”

  “I … let me explain. Please.”

  “What’s there to explain? You lied.”

  “Lake.” His voice is pleading, but I don’t care. His cheeks are pale and his eyes are filled with tears.

  “You used me! You said you cared about me, and it was all a bunch of fucking lies. What? Was bringing me here part of the plan? Get your mother to see me and upset her enough into revealing the truth? None of it was real. All of it was just fake. Your feelings for me. Your investigation. What were you going to do with all of this knowledge? Nothing?”

  “My feelings for you aren’t fake, Lake.”

  “But everything else is. Just tell me, Ryder. The truth this time. Did you kill Felicia?”

  “What?” He gives me an incredulous look. “No! Why would I?”

  “To protect your parents? She probably would have exposed everything.”

  “Of course I didn’t kill Felicia.”

  “Did your dad? Did he do it to protect himself or your mom?”

  “I love my mother,” he says. “She’s been in this unstable state for years. I needed to know why. Your mother was her best friend in high school. She’d been with her through everything, though she didn’t know about the rape. She didn’t know who it was. When my dad married my mom to protect her, our moms cut off contact. But they reconnected years later when your mom found out about my mom’s rapist.”

  “So, your mom was raped, and what? My mom knew and was going to expose it?”

  “Your mom knew and was going to extort the guy for it!” he snaps.

  “My mother would never—”

  “Your mother did a lot of things you never thought she’d do, Lake.” There’s so much hatred in his words that I don’t know if it’s aimed at me, or my mom.

  “So, being with me was payback?”

  The lines of his face relax a little. “No. Of course not. I didn’t lie when I said I’ve liked you for a long time.”

  “I made a mistake to believe you.”

  He slams his fist down onto the counter next to me, and his mouth purses from the pain. I feel better knowing he’s in pain.

  “I love you!” His voice cracks. “That much is true. Just like Felicia did.”

  “Really? Or were you just using me? And Felicia, you bring up her feelings for me all the time like you knew her so well. But you barely knew her. When she found out what your parents did, she wanted to reveal it, didn’t she? Did you kill her to protect your mom? Did your dad?”

  “I would never kill Felicia.”

  “Bullshit!”

  “I could never kill her!”

  “You sound like a devastated lover. Let me guess now, you really were sleeping with her.” I push down the ache in my chest.

  “I would never,” he hisses through clenched teeth.

  “Why?”

  “I …” I can tell there’s something he wants to say. Something more to confess, but I won’t listen. I don’t want to.

  “I’m out of here.” I push at his chest. He doesn’t budge. “Let me by, Ryder.”

  “No,” he snaps, his face inches from my own. Fear consumes me. “You really want to know?”

  “Yes!”

  “Felicia was my sister!” he says.

  I freeze in place. “What did you just say?”

  “I said, Felicia and I, we’re siblings.”

  “That doesn’t make sense. Your dad is—Felicia’s mom—”

  “My father … he’s not the sheriff.”

  I think back to how I compared Ryder and his dad. They look nothing alike. In fact, Ryder looks more like his mom than anything else. “And why should I believe that?”

  “My mother was raped. She was raped by the mayor and conceived me. The sheriff was the officer on duty. Dad married my mom to protect her from the goddamn bastard. When my parents married, your mom was pissed and cut off all contact with mine. She felt betrayed that my mom married her ex-boyfriend. But she didn’t know about the rape. She didn’t know I wasn’t the sheriff’s son. No one did. Felicia and I are half-siblings.”

  I try to think about Felicia and Ryder, if they look anything alike. I try to picture them side by side, imagining their nose, the shape of the tip, the thin curved bridge. Their cheekbones, too, both high and narrow. Then
, I think of the mayor. No, this can’t be. It just doesn’t make sense.

  “Do I look anything like the sheriff, Lake?” Ryder asks. “Think about it. Originally, Felicia wanted to blackmail the sheriff, and I was all for it since she said he was screwing hookers and showed me a photo of him getting into a car with one of them. We came across your mom’s file tucked away in my dad’s desk. At some other point in time, she snuck back into my dad’s office, probably while she was hooking up with Mike, and took another file. She’d been snooping around my house for a while, and one time I caught her talking to my mom. I flipped and told her to stay away from us. She told me my mom had something to do with your mom’s death. I didn’t believe her. I couldn’t. Not until Felicia confronted me the day before she died. I didn’t expect to find out that the man I thought was my father wasn’t my real dad. Felicia told me she knew my mom and dad were involved with your mom somehow. Though she told me we were siblings, she refused to even implicate her dad as the killer. She left before I could ask her anything more. I only started to piece things together the morning her body was found.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Felicia’s dad is my dad, Lake. He raped my mom, and you heard what my mom just said. She watched yours get killed by the man who hurt her.”

  “Are you saying the mayor killed his own daughter? You knew who did it all this time, and just went along for the ride while I went on a wild goose chase?”

  “I didn’t know it was him. I thought maybe it really was my dad—I mean, the sheriff. Maybe he found out what Felicia was up to and did it to protect my mom and his back. But after what she just said … I know now, it was Felicia’s dad.”

  “Your parents broke the law, Ryder. They made everyone believe for years that my mom killed herself. My dad—” I think about my dad and what he’ll feel when he finds out. Vindicated? No, probably utterly devastated.

  “Felicia’s dad killed your mother, Lake. Think about that. That’s the true thing to focus on. Not my parents.”

  I flinch. I don’t want to hear any more. “I don’t believe you. I don’t know what to believe anymore. I’m tired of being lied to. You’re just covering for them.”