Sub Mission

by Ts McKinney

  Doubtful…but they would make me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside, which might possibly lead to the melting of my heart. Ha! I had a gift; I could be pissed off and happy at the same damn time!

  Once Seth and I communicated our feelings, we’d both determined that I’d keep my house in Arizona for when we wanted to visit or just escape life, but our home base needed to be in Colorado. Seth had presented a list of reasons why Colorado would be the best place for us to settle and while they were all legitimate reasons, I felt confident one of his biggest hang-ups with us staying in Arizona was that we would be spending a lot of time interacting with Sammie. Yeah, he might have a touch of a possessive streak that I find very sexy. As for me, I could have cared less which state we settled in, as long as we were together.

  Seth and I remained in Arizona for almost a month while I continued to recover from my wrist injuries and it had been nothing short of a huge slice of heaven cake. Just watching Seth putter around the house, touching my things and looking totally hot while doing it had made my heart do stupid little pitter patter symphonies. There had, of course, been a dash of negative to mix in with the positive, though. He’d taken his nursing duties very serious and babied me to the point of nearly driving me insane. I hated being helpless but, oddly enough, me hating something didn’t change the facts in the least bit. I was still pretty much helpless, no matter how frustrated it made me feel or regardless of how many temper tantrums I unleashed. When my pouting ended, my wrists were still useless, and Seth had added yet another discipline mark beside my name…for when I was completely healed. His words, not mine.

  If anyone here paused long enough to ask me, they’d know I now felt completely healed. I was more than ready to return to work and, more importantly, ready to begin receiving all my disciplinary punishment. Most of all, though, I was ready to be treated like a man instead of the helpless creature Seth believed me to be. He’d awoken all these…desires inside of me but refused to continue with my education. At this rate I was going to have to purchase a Gay Sex for Dummies book just so I’d have a fucking clue.

  Sex. Well, what there was of it, had become all gentle. Like I was suddenly a fragile butterfly that needed to be carefully caressed and then deposited into a safe place. Seth was afraid of hurting me. I was afraid of Seth not hurting me. Yes, I understood that I was injured. Yes, I understood that one wrong move could set my healing cycle back by weeks. Yes, I understood wrist restraints weren’t possible. I understood all that, but it didn’t keep me from wanting…more.

  Once we left Arizona and settled in Colorado, I’d expected things to change. Other than the fact that the doctor released me for desk-duty two weeks ago, there really hadn’t been many serious adjustments to my supposed helplessness. We’d yet to even enter the infamous playroom that I’d only gotten to enjoy one time, much less gotten naked and dirty while allowing me to thoroughly enjoy Seth dominating me in every way imaginable. I hadn’t been on my knees for him one time. Well, at least in a submission sort of way. He still waited on me, babied me, and made sure my every whim, regardless of how utterly ridiculous, was taken care of. Yes, I was ashamed to say I’d requested some ridiculousness just to test him.

  He’d passed.

  I was pretty sure I was failing.

  I stopped pacing long enough to stare out one of the windows, trying my best to focus on the beautiful snow-kissed scenery in hopes that it might magically help ease the panic that suddenly began tightening around my chest. Deep breaths. Everything would be fine. It was all going to work out.

  I’d found in the last month that my frustrations had morphed into panic attacks that were coming more often and getting stronger with each friendly visit. I knew BDSM was a huge part of Seth’s life and had been for years. Would he continue to want me around if I couldn’t give him everything he needed? Damn, it was what we both needed, but I was a hell of a lot more worried about satisfying Seth than I was about my own needs. Was he changing his mind? Realizing I wasn’t really what he wanted after all? My ‘new’ was already wearing off?

  Sex and submission were the two most important things I could give him and for the past three months, I was a fucking failure.

  The panic threatened to cut off the air trying to get to my lungs.

  “Baker!” a male voice interrupted the I-think-I’m-dying process at the same time a hand clamped down on my shoulder. “Are you okay, man? You don’t look so good.”

  Ari turned me away from the window and made me face him as he talked.

  “Look at me, Baker,” he ordered. “Take slow, deep breaths.” Ari mimicked his own words, showing and telling me what I needed to do. “Deep breaths…just focus on my voice.”

  I wasn’t sure how much time passed before my breathing returned to normal and the panic attack subsided. When my mind cleared, I found Ari staring at me with an incredibly worried expression on his face.

  Because of the streak of jealousy that had raced through me the first time Seth mentioned Arizona’s name, I’d thought I wouldn’t like the guy. I’d been wrong. He was smart, cute, friendly, and one hundred percent grateful that Seth and I were together. We’d shared many laughs over how pitiful Seth had supposedly acted when he’d thought I’d left him after our mission in Miami ended. Other than Seth, he was my only friend in Colorado.

  “Uhhhhh…what happened just then, Baker? First, I had to endure watching you stomp a good two miles in a less than one-hundred-yards of office space. That was comical at first but turned really annoying quickly. After that, I got to see you turn a deathly gray color and act like you were smothering to death.” He looked me up and down. “You’re a hottie, but death gray isn’t your best look, doll. What’s up?”

  “N-nothing,” I stammered nervously. No matter how cool I thought Ari was, I wasn’t interested in anybody knowing about my insecurities. I tried to pull off a nonchalant shrug and added, “Just ready to go home.” I looked toward Landon’s office and asked, “How much longer do you think they’ll be in there?”

  Ari glanced down at his watch and said, “Not much longer, I’m sure. Dad…I mean, Landon has an interview with someone in twenty minutes. My guess is he and Seth will be wrapping things up any minute now. At least they’d better be. I seriously doubt the asshole will be late, and I don’t intend to be around when he shows up.”

  I didn’t have time to question Ari’s odd comments because no sooner had he spoken the words, the door to Landon’s office opened and Seth walked out. His eyes didn’t search the room to look for me. No, they immediately landed on me, causing every inch of my body to grow uncomfortably warm. It was like he had a Baker GPS built into his system. He smiled, and all my worries evaporated in an instant. That damn smile was going to be the death of me!

  “You ready to go, babe?” he yelled across the room.

  “Yep!” Ari and I answered at the same time. I turned to look at Ari, silently questioning why he’d answered too.

  “Oh…yeah…I, uh, need a ride home,” Ari explained as he grabbed my arm and steered me toward Seth.

  Even though my wrists were, in my opinion, top notch healed, Ari was careful with his touch. Hell, even that annoyed me. Did the entire state of Colorado think I was helpless and weak?

  “Hands off, Arizona,” Seth growled when we were within hearing distance. “That’s mine. Find your own.”

  Ari rolled his eyes, but his hands dropped to his sides. It would have bothered me to think Seth hurt his feelings, but I seriously doubted Seth scared or intimidated Ari in the least bit.

  “Fine,” Ari snipped. “I don’t want yours anyway.” His entire body wiggled in an exaggerated display of dislike before he added, “I’m not into that kinky shit the two of you do in your playroom.” For sheer meanness, he leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. “Because of that, I won’t take him away from you. Asshole.”

  Seth pulled me into a polite hug, kissed the top of my head, and laughed at Ari. “You don’t know what you’re missing, Arizona. Not only
is there a really good chance that you would enjoy it, you seriously need a strong Dom to take you into hand and spank that ass of yours until some of your sassiness tones down a level or two.”

  Polite. Hug. Kiss on top of head.

  Fuck. That. Shit.

  I turned to face him, grabbed both of his cheeks, and yanked him down for a smoldering kiss. When our lips met, I gave him everything I had to offer…used every skill he’d taught me in our three months and twenty-seven days together. My body melted against his hardness, craving the feel of his muscles more than I craved the very beat of my own heart. Whenever we touched, it always felt like an explosion of fireworks would erupt inside of me.

  He didn’t resist my horny attack and even returned my kiss, just not with his usual level of passion. I wasn’t certain what caused his hesitation and if my heart wasn’t linked so tightly with his, I might not have even noticed. But, I noticed. There was hesitation…a nervousness that I couldn’t begin to understand. Embarrassed, I finished my kiss and stepped away from him. On a bright note, he kept me plastered to his side by linking his arm around my waist. On a much dimmer note, even that touch felt somewhat nervous or uncomfortable.

  I cleared my throat, giving myself time to squash down the feelings of panic, and asked, “How did the meeting go? Do I get to finally make myself useful again? Do something besides desk duty?”

  My heart splintered with each passing moment. He didn’t want me anymore. What other explanation could there be for his sudden lack of passion?

  “We’ll discuss it at home,” Seth answered shortly, but softened the answer with a pat to my ass. “You ready?”

  Ari’s eyes darted between the two of us, a confused expression on his face. Not one to hold anything back, he said, “Seth, either you’re really constipated or there’s a stick up your ass. You’re acting weird. Stop it.” Turning to me, he said, “And don’t think I’m letting you off the hook about what happened earlier. Tomorrow. Lunch. Honesty.” He turned and looked nervously at the elevator. “For now, let’s get the hell out of here. I’ve got things to do and places to be.” He grabbed his backpack from his desk and said, “I need a ride home. Let’s go. I don’t have all night to watch the two of you do the awkward dance.”

  Seth looked at me and I shrugged my shoulders, letting him know I didn’t have a clue. I had bigger things to worry about than Ari’s need to do things and go places. There was a damn good chance the man I loved was falling out of love with me.

  “What’s his deal?” Seth whispered as we followed Ari to the elevators.

  “Not a clue.”

  Seth frowned. “What’s your deal?”

  By this time, we were standing in front of the elevator doors. Ari paced back and forth, a lot like I’d done earlier. He was right; it turned annoying pretty quickly. Turning to Seth, I answered, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “What’s taking the elevator so long?” Ari interrupted. “Does it always take this long? It never takes this long.” He glanced at his watch and swore. “Fuck this; I’m taking the stairs.”

  Seth reached out and grabbed Ari’s arm as he tried to make his escape. “Nobody’s taking the stairs, Ari. We’re on the fifteenth floor! The elevator will be here in a few seconds. Calm down.”

  As if on cue, the elevator dinged, and the doors slid open.

  “See? Told you,” Seth said with a laugh. He let go of his hold on Ari and motioned for me to enter ahead of him.

  I took two steps and collided with a hard body compiled of muscles and tattoos. The jolt might have sent me tumbling to the ground if Seth hadn’t stepped up to put his equally hard body behind me, causing the collision to occur between me and Seth instead of me and the floor. Possessive Seth immediately maneuvered our bodies until he was between me and the new muscle man. The devil in me wondered if I could flirt with the stranger to bring Seth’s caveman out. Maybe then, he’d take me the way I wanted him to? The reasonable side reminded me that acting the flirt when I didn’t mean it would make me an asshole.

  “Watch where you’re going,” Seth growled out a warning.

  “Yeah, sorry about that,” the man answered in an equally manly growl. “Someone plowed straight into me while I didn’t move an inch. That’s all on me.” When he finished with his sarcastic remarks to Seth, he looked around at me and said, “I am sorry. You okay?”

  Smothering a grin, I answered, “I’m fine. No harm.” Cutting my eyes in Seth’s direction, I added, “I’m not as fragile as some people tend to believe.”

  The stranger laughed, and Seth scowled.

  “I bet there’s not one damn fragile thing about you.”

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Seth demanded, rudely ignoring the newcomer. “I don’t think you’re fragile. Were you implying that I did? Because that’s how it sounded.”

  “Ding. Ding. Ding. He got it in one!” I chimed sarcastically. I knew this discussion didn’t need to take place in front of anyone, much less someone we didn’t know, but my frustrations and insecurities were at a peak and, I could no longer be held responsible for not making reasonable decisions.

  Stranger took pity on me. “Hey, I’ll leave you guys to it if you could just point me in the direction of Landon Honeycutt’s office. I have an interview that I’m about to be late for.”

  My eyes narrowed as I actually paused long enough to take a good look at the man who’d nearly knocked me on my ass…the one who Ari had referred to as an asshole during our earlier conversation. In my opinion, he wasn’t nearly as handsome as Seth and didn’t make my heart or cock do funny things, but I could definitely see how the rest of the female, and male population, could be intrigued by his looks. And by intrigued, I meant “let me find the closest flat surface so I can bend over, drop my drawers, and let you fuck me” kind of intrigued. He was as tall as Seth and stacked with just as many muscles. His inky black hair was long enough to look shaggy but short enough to tame if necessary. And his eyes were a bright green, like they were stripped straight from the scenery of a fairy-tale. But then he spun off the fairy-tale world with tattoo sleeves hot enough to make one think when he wasn’t living in fairy land, he was dancing with the demons in hell.

  Who was this man to Ari and why did he dislike him so much?

  Seth pointed toward Landon’s office and said, “There’s his office; he’s expecting you. Since you’re going to be one of us, I’m sorry for this rough start. Welcome to the team.” Seth extended his hand and Ari’s Asshole shook it. “I’m Agent Seth Wilkinson and this is Agent Baker Daley.”

  When I offered my hand for a shake, Seth said, “He’s mine.” I rolled my eyes and shook my head in embarrassment. I also felt my heart do its stupid Seth dance.

  “I kinda picked up on that,” the man answered with a friendly looking smirk. “I’m Eli Wallace. Nice to meet you both.”

  Both? Did he plan on simply ignoring Arizona’s presence altogether? No wonder my friend thought the guy was an asshole!

  Not intending to allow it to happen, I said, “This is….”

  The words died in my mouth when I turned to grab Ari so I could force introductions, but there was no Ari there. He was gone. Vanished. Disappeared into thin air. I looked around the office area, and it was empty except for the three of us.

  “Never mind,” I mumbled when I turned back around to find Eli staring at me, a question dancing around in his oddly colored eyes. “Well, it was nice meeting you, Eli.” I grabbed Seth by the arm and tugged him onto the elevator. “We need to run. Things to do, and places to be,” I said, repeating Ari’s words from earlier. The sneaky bastard had to have slipped away by escaping through the door leading to the stairwell. He was running, and I intended to find out why.

  As the door slid shut, Seth asked, “What was that about and where in the hell did Arizona disappear to?”

  There were so many things I wanted to say to Seth, questions to ask where the answers could lead to calming my insecurities or sendin
g my emotions into a state of despair. Instead of having the balls to ask any of those questions, though, I said, “Am I released to go back to work yet?”

  Seth sighed. “No, Baker; you’re not. You knew the answer to that question before I went into Landon’s office. I feel confident you were present at your own doctor’s appointment this morning and heard his decision. Doctor Jacobs says one more week. Landon can’t release you until the doctor does.”

  It was stupid. I was fine. I told the doctor I was fine. Like everyone else, he ignored me. Frustration made me want to pick a fight and since Seth was the only one trapped in the elevator with me, he should be on the receiving end of my wrath…but I couldn’t. The fear that I’d do or say something that might finally push him away and send me back to Arizona kept my mouth closed with the smart-ass remark dying to escape. Instead of demanding he explain why he was suddenly Mr. Rule-Abider, I asked, “If it wasn’t to discuss my medical release, what was the meeting about?”

  “The new employee,” Seth growled bitterly.

  I wanted to laugh at the sour expression on his face but managed to hold it inside. Was this my new life? Was I always going to be tip-toeing on egg shells, living in constant fear that I’d do something wrong in front of Seth? Frowning, I paused to try and figure out when exactly things had gotten so tense between us. Sure, we’d bickered over silly things from the very beginning, but since bickering always led to make-up sex, we’d both been completely comfortable with it. All that had changed about two weeks ago. Seth had changed. He acted nervous and withdrawn. No, not exactly withdrawn, but not exactly himself, either. I’d caught him whispering on the phone to some unknown person and then there’d been several times I’d walked in and he’d been on his laptop. He would immediately log off and tuck it away.