by K J Harlow
“We saved you a spot.” Starry swayed happily like a blade of grass in the balmy breeze.
The lake shimmered golden. Yoshi raised a hand to his eyes. There must be at least a hundred trainers here. Some were in varying stages of battles with other trainers while others were reeling up wild girlfriends onto the grassy embankment.
“I don’t have a fishing rod.”
“How are you going to catch a water-type without a fishing rod?” Soph said exasperatedly.
“He can hire one.” Starry pointed at a little shack off the side of the lake. There was a sign with “Rod Hire = 100 C” painted in big, black letters on it.
“I spent it all on coffee and cake,” Yoshi said, flushing pink. His two girlfriends fell silent. “Can’t I just… walk into the water?”
Soph sighed. “Wow, you’re stupider than you look.” This time, not even Starry came to his defence.
“I guess we’ll have to battle one of these trainers and get some winnings off them.”
Yoshi scanned the shore. Quite a few of the trainers had multiple rods, not to mention tackles. Surely there had to be a noob around here? Someone who was also here for the first time and had weaker girlfriends?
“Aargh, not another one.” A trainer growled a few yards away, throwing his rod to the ground in disgust. He was glaring at the wild girlfriend he had just reeled in. She brushed pink, tousled, wet hair out of her face and looked around. Yoshi couldn’t tear his eyes from her breasts, nipples poking through a partially see-through, oversized top.
The trainer walked up to her, disengaging the lure from around her wrist. “You can go back now.”
“Huh? But–”
“Hadouken!” He shoved her in the stomach with palms together and she fell backwards, back into the lake. He brushed himself off and caught Yoshi staring at him. “What are you looking at kid?”
“He wants to battle you, you girlfriend beater!” Soph shouted. Trainers, caught and wild girlfriends stopped what they were doing and stared at them.
“Soph!” Yoshi said frantically. “Sorry, she didn’t mean–”
“Seriously, what sort of guy beats up wild girlfriends any–?” Her figure flashed blue and compacted itself towards Yoshi’s fist.
“Don’t bother putting the ring away, ya runt.” The portly trainer faced up to Yoshi. He threaded his fingers into five rings on his belt and unlocked them. “I’m going to clean up your pretty little Starlotte over there, then I’m going to teach your birdy a lesson about respect.”
8
Fisherman Carl Wants To Battle!
A battle ring drew itself around the two trainers, the surrounding area fading around them.
Fisherman Carl wants to battle!
“Go Felicity!”
“It’s the same girlfriend that he pushed back into the water.” Yoshi pointed the GF-wiki at her and let it do its magic.
Name: Felicity
Entry No.: 24
Type: Water
Species: Babe
Rarity: *
Felicity are one of the most common water-types in Ohno. Their inability to gauge the gravity of serious situations is offset by their lovable nature, making them almost impossible to dislike.
Starlotte adopted a southpaw stance and raised her fists. “Yoshi, let me have a go at taking her on.”
“Sorry Starry, not happening.”
“No!” She turned around, furrowing her brow. “I need to get stronger.”
“And like I said, you’ll get stronger through sharing EXP with Sophie.”
“Felicity, use Water Slap!” ordered her trainer.
“K!” The water-type babe said brightly. She gamboled across the bank, hands raised in the air, as if she was preparing to land a double high-five.
“Too late, she’s coming!” Starry turned her attention back towards her foe.
“Taaaake this!” Felicity said, swiping her hands down. Starry watched her opponent closely, skipping backwards at the last moment. “Yah, yah, yah!” The momentum of the initial evasive skip carried her out of the way of her foe’s follow-up attacks.
Water Slap missed!
“Whoa, you’re fast!” the Felicity said in exaggerated but sincere awe.
“Starry, use Gaze!”
Starlotte re-centered and forced the Felicity to look into her face. Her shoulders slumped, her face going slack.
“Your eyes are puuuurty…”
Felicity’s Defense fell!
“Starry, get back!” The interstellar-type flew back into her ring.
“Get on with it, you little shit!” the fisherman trainer bitched.
Yoshi smirked. I pity the fool who has to deal with a fired-up Sophie. “Go, Soph!”
“ –way?” She blinked a few times before spinning around. “Quit withdrawing me mid-sentence!”
“Sophie use–”
“Felicity, use Water Slap!” He bellowed.
“Yooooooooooooo!” The pink-haired girlfriend ran with her arms out as if she were going to throw herself onto Sophie and kill her with a bear hug.
“Soph turn around!”
“What–?” The Felicity’s hands clapped across Sophie’s cheeks a lot harder than expected.
Critical Hit!
Her HP shrunk by just under half.
“Aaargh, you bitch!” She wiped the water off her face, her eye twitching.
“Sorry!” Felicity said in a sing-song voice.
“Soph, use Bird Run!”
“Don’t need to tell me twice.” She flapped and skipped back, landing a few yards away. Folding her feathered arms, she kicked off and collided into her foe.
Critical Hit!
The Felicity’s HP bar shrunk to 40%.
“Oooooowwwwwiiieeeeeee!” the Felicity staggered and fell to her side.
“Felicity, use Water Slap!” the trainer shouted.
“Sophie, use Sand Screen!” Yoshi commanded.
The Felicity lifted her arms up straight up towards the sky. “No, stand up first, you stupid bitch!” said her trainer.
Sophie turned her arms square to the ground and spread her feathers out. She flapped hard and flew back a couple feet. The opposing girlfriend and trainer erupted into coughing fits, the enormous dust cloud swallowing them whole.
“It’s super effective,” Yoshi grinned. “Soph, use–”
“I know what to do,” she snapped, disappearing into the dust cloud.
“Ooooow, that’s my hair!”
“Felicity, use Water Slap!” Carl shouted.
“Yah!”
“Too slow, sistah!”
A lazy gust of wind blew the dust cloud over the lake and it sunk into the water. Felicity was sprawled on her tummy. Sophie’s arms were crossed, her foot in the small of her vanquished foe’s back.
Felicity fainted!
“Grrr… get back Felicity.”
“What’s wrong, fatty? Love dishing it out but can’t take it?”
His scowl twisted into a snarl. “Oh there’s plenty more where that came from, darling. Go Felicity!” Blue light erupted from the ring on the next finger along and struck the ground.
“Helloooooooo!” the new Felicity greeted.
“Another one?” Yoshi whispered.
There was a murderous glint in Sophie’s eye. “Keep ‘em coming, tubby. Ain’t got nothing on me!”
Felicity fainted!
You have defeated Fisherman Carl!
Starlotte has gained 375 EXP!
Starlotte is now Level 9!
Starlotte is now Level 10!
Sophie has gained 375 EXP!
Sophie is now Level 12!
Sophie staggered to her feet. “Told you… you ain’t got nothing on me…” she chuckled, feathers all awry.
“Good work Soph.” Yoshi pointed his ring at his girlfriend and withdrew her. “Seriously man, five Felicities? And all like level 7 or 8?”
“Shut up you little shit.”
“Pay up.” Yoshi put his hand out.
<
br /> “I don’t have any more coins.”
Yoshi stared in belief.
“I spent the last hour battling you and you can’t give me any winnings?”
Carl stomped over to the water. For a second, Yoshi thought he was going to dive in and swim to the other side to escape. He snatched up his rod and stomped back towards Yoshi.
“I’m a girlfriend… trader, specializing in water-types. A conman sold me this dud rod, telling me that it would significantly increase my chances of catching a Shiny.”
Yoshi flicked a glance at the heavily glittered, pink rod. “What’s a Shiny?”
“Heh, noob.”
Says the guy who bought a dud rod.
“Shinies are extremely rare versions of girlfriends. Due to the Bioiridescence Mutation, they are able to give off their own light.” He shoved his sweaty, lardy face into Yoshi’s. “I know traders who would pay five, maybe six figures for a Shiny Felicity. And she’s a common girlfriend. For girlfriends that are rarer, there may only be one or two Shinies in the whole of Ohno.”
He looked out over the water. Of the hundred trainers who were there an hour ago, more than half had left. “Somewhere out there is a Shiny with my name on it.”
“Yah, that’s cool and all buddy, but that still doesn’t change the fact that you owe me winnings.” Carl shoved the glittery rod towards Yoshi. “Wait what–?”
“Like I said, I spent the money on me on this ‘special’ rod. Take it or leave it.” Carl picked up his tackle box, threw another longing glance over Onyx Lake and left.
Soph was glaring at Yoshi from the massage table. “So you’re telling me that we got 0 coins from that battle.”
“What?” Yoshi dragged his eyes towards Soph.
“Stop perving on Starry, ya perv!” Soph squawked.
Roberto – or whatever his name was – was working his magic on his interstellar girlfriend.
“Oooh, right there,” she sighed.
“I think you should do what your girlfriend says, eh?” Roberto said.
“Just do your job buddy.” Yoshi said loudly.
“Sir, I am.” Watching Yoshi carefully, he slipped his oiled-up hands along the sides of Starry’s modest breasts, fingers curling against the soft mounds and coming oh so close to her nipples.
“Stop it!” Yoshi shouted, springing up.
“Uh bossman, you might wanna sit down,” Soph warned.
“Not until this… this… salami slapper stops touching Starry inappropriately!”
The other patrons in the room were sitting up, their masseuses wary.
“Yoshi.”
“What.”
“You’ve got a fucking boner,” Soph giggled.
He looked down. A tent was sticking out parallel to the ground.
“Ooooh yeah, that’s right Bob. Dig your elbow right–ah!” Sophie’s dirty little moan made the tent point up towards the ceiling.
Yoshi spun around, hurriedly rearranging his junk and left the roomful of guffaws and high-fives behind him.
“I don’t know why I put up with her.” Yoshi mumbled. The neon-pink heart reflected off the screen of his phone as he walked further and further from the Mr. Pampers. He rubbed his stomach, but that only made it growl louder. The coffee and cake felt like a distant memory. No food, no money. He looked back over his shoulder, the pink heart throbbed in the darkness. No girlfriends. None that respect me, anyway.
“Yoshi.”
He blinked and jumped. “Starry, where did you come from?”
She looked at her trainer curiously. “From the Mr. Pampers, where you left me. Soph needs a bit more time before she’s recovered.” She had been unable to evade all of Carl’s Felicities’ attacks. As he looked her up and down, she looked very refreshed now. She cocked her head, looking at Yoshi curiously. Her face gave off a very subtle glow.
“He’s gay, you know. Ronaldo, I mean,” Starry said, a knowing smile curving on her face.
“What? Oh, yeah. Right.”
His oily, muscular hands grazing the sides of Starlotte’s breasts raged back into his mind and his throat tightened.
Starry placed her small hands onto Yoshi’s right fist. “Soph’s mean, isn’t she?”
“That would be putting it lightly.”
“I know it doesn’t seem like it, but she does like you.”
Yoshi snorted.
“Do you… find me attractive?”
He relaxed his fists. He wanted nothing more than to grab her hand and take her to the nearest hotel and show her how attractive he really found her.
He breathed through his nose and exhaled through his mouth, into the sky. “Yes, you are amazingly hot. I’ve been wanting to…”
“Wanting to…?”
“Take you out to a nice dinner, when I can afford it.” Fuck, almost let that cat out of the bag.
She smiled and Yoshi’s breath caught in his throat.
“Well hopefully you do before…” her smile faded. Yoshi looked back towards Route 21. It was pitch black but the security guards should have still been there, just like they were when he took Soph and Starry to Mr. Pampers after the ‘epic’ battle with Carl and his Felicities.
“Hm. Would you look at that.”
“Mm?”
“We’re back where we were a few hours ago.”
Starry looked around. The north gate separating Onyx and the lake was just behind them. The guard on duty was whistling a tune that lilted and weaved with the breeze. The moon was a sliver short of being full, basking her face in lunar warmth.
“You really like the moon, huh?”
“Mmhmm.”
“Why?”
“All interstellar-types like the moon and the stars.” With her eyes still closed, she crinkled her forehead. “…I think.”
“Come on.” Yoshi grabbed her hand and she opened her eyes. “Let’s go fishing.”
Minutes later, the water lapped at their shoes. The 50 trainers who were out here when Yoshi left were now down to under 10, each spaced out along the perimeter of the lake.
Yoshi swung his bag off and rustled around until he found the collapsible shiny rod. He flicked it and it shot out to full length. Starry’s eyes followed the bracelet dangling on the end of the line. Yoshi didn’t know anything about jewelry, but even he had to admit that it was pretty. A cluster of almost transparent, rough-cut, multi-colored crystals were bound by elastic string. Moonbeams struck them, refracting the shattered rainbow around the embankment.
“Do you like it? I can give it to you if–”
“No,” Starry said, shaking her head vigorously. “You can’t anyway. It’s part of the rod.”
“OK then. Well…” Yoshi took a few tentative steps into the water. As if welcoming him, the water rose, almost seeping into his shoes. “You know what?” Starlotte watched him back up and place the rod on the ground. He sat down next to it, taking his shoes and socks off and rolling up his pants to knee height. She descended gracefully into a cross-legged position before stretching her legs out and doing the same thing.
“You can’t roll skinny jeans up,” Yoshi said, watching her struggle. He scooted over to her. “Here, let me try.” He rolled the bottom of it up once but couldn’t get it to fold in on itself. The denim hugged her calves tightly. “That’s the best I can…” She was propping herself up with her hands, legs spread slightly. It only just occurred to him how intimate the position appeared.
Holy shit… down boy.
“Yoshi?”
He stood up quickly, picking up the rod at the same time and walked back into the water, feet squelching in the wet dirt. “You stay on the bank. If your jeans get wet, you can catch a cold.”
“What if a wild girlfriend comes? I can’t fight her from over here.”
“You can’t… look, just stay there OK?”
“Um…”
“OK?”
“Yoshi.”
“Did you hear what I said?”
“Yoshi.”
&nbs
p; “What is it?”
The random multi-colored array from the bracelet lure illuminated the interstellar-type’s wide open eyes.
“There’s a girlfriend behind you… and she’s shining.”
9
The Shiny
The Felicity was dripping from head to toe, staring wide-eyed at Yoshi like a deer in the headlights. The bracelet was sparkling on her wrist. He dragged his eyes away from her breasts straining through her white T-shirt and looked at her. She looked like the five Carl had sent out: bedraggled, pink hair that clung to her neck, almond-shaped face, large, innocent eyes and more curves on her body than a race track. The only difference was that she was faintly glowing warning orange from head to toe.
“Get back, Yoshi!” Starry closed the distance between them, splashing brown water onto her legs. She spread her arms, standing between her master and the wild girlfriend.
The Felicity’s glow took on a shade of between pink and red and doubled in intensity. “Don’t do that, it will only get tighter,” Yoshi said. She furrowed her eyebrows and pursed her small lips, body tense. What the fuck am I doing? He slowly bent down and laid the rod on the bank, not breaking eye contact with her all the while.
“Yoshi what–?”
He put a finger on his lips, shaking his head slightly. “I don’t know.” He took a step forward, then another, then another. Her increasing brightness made him squint. Damn it, at this rate all the other trainers will be able to see her.
“I’m not going to hurt you.” He fed the fishing line through his fist slowly, drawing closer and closer to her. Eventually, he was close enough to see the beads of water on her wet skin. “I’m not going to fight you. I’m just going to help you remove the bracelet and let you go.” The Felicity’s light subsided rapidly. Unaccustomed to the sudden change, his world was shrouded in shadow. He stood there for several seconds, the Felicity’s forearm tensely resting in his hand.
He blinked several times and her face came back into focus. Light still emanated from her pores but it was back down to the intensity of a firefly’s. The wary look had also been replaced by one of curiousity.