by J. R. Bonham
Christmas went by in a complete blur. Jan missed not being able to talk to Mike on the telephone – and he felt the same, 170 miles away. February was getting ever closer, and plans were duly on course.
It was just a week before the time Jan was going to leave. She went to play badminton and she planned to tell the girls at the club that she wouldn’t be around the following week and the reason why. She just told them that she had met someone but she wasn’t going to give too many details unless they asked, as she was afraid of their reaction. They circled around her to get more of the juicy gossip.
“Really? I can hardly believe it. So where did you meet this new man of yours? And what’s he like?” asked Margaret, curious.
“Well, you remember that Geoff and I went away on holiday to America last year? It was the first time without the kids.” Jan started to explain to Margaret whilst all her friends had by now surrounded her to hear more. “Anyway, yes, I met Mike there and he’s literally swept me off my feet. What’s he like? Well, let me see. He’s completely different to Geoff, of course! He’s quite nice looking with a great sense of humour. He isn’t a control freak like Geoff! Nor is he jealous or possessive. Or moody! He’s not very tall, about the same height as me. He’s an insurance broker and works in Kingston, although there’s a chance he might have to work up in London again. This is why I’m going up there rather than him move here. Not that I’d want him to move here. I shall be glad to get away, actually. I’m going to Surrey to live with him… next week!”
“What! Really? So soon?” Was all Margaret could think of to say.
“Yes. I hasten to add that I didn’t mean that I shall be glad to get away from you!” Jan explained quickly when she realised that what she had said might have sounded rude to her friends. “I shall miss you all terribly.”
“We’ll miss you too,” interjected Karen.
“Oh heavens, that’s a bit quick isn’t it?” said Margaret. “I’m gobsmacked! And, yes of course we’ll miss you.” she concluded.
“Oh my God! That’s amazing! You’re a dark horse!” Karen added. “You lucky thing! I wish I had the guts to do something like that. How exciting!”
“Yes, but are you sure you’re actually going to go through with it?” It was Sally this time, ever the pessimist. When Jan nodded she finished with, “I can’t believe it. We’ll all miss you, you know,” Sally reiterated the thoughts of them all.
“Will you come back and see us occasionally?” said Karen. “You’ll be so far away.”
“Thank you. I’m taking a huge gamble, I know. Probably the biggest gamble of my life. But if I don’t do something now I might never get another chance. Life isn’t a dress rehearsal, it’s the real thing. I’m 44 now so I must grasp the nettle otherwise I might regret it if I don’t,” Jan explained.
“I don’t think I could be so brave,” Margaret admitted.
“Well, wouldn’t you do something like that?” Jan asked her.
“I really don’t think I would have the nerve,” said Margaret. “But having said that, if I were married to Geoff then yes, I actually think I probably would!” They had all met him before, but not one of them had ever let on to Jan they didn’t like him. She really thought they would be on his side and was surprised and pleased by their comments.
“Hear, hear,” Jan heard from the rest of the ‘gang.’
“Of course,” said Sally again. “We mustn’t forget that if there hadn’t been a problem with the marriage in the first place, then you wouldn’t have gone looking. Isn’t that a good point to remember, girls?”
“Not that I actually went looking exactly,” Jan replied. “It’s just that he was there and he made the running. I couldn’t believe that anyone would think me attractive, but he obviously did.”
Margaret went over to give Jan a hug. “We will miss you, but me more than most. Please do come back and see us, won’t you?”
“Of course I shall come back, but probably not to play tennis or badminton – although you never know… never say never. It would be a fleeting visit to see the kids. I don’t know how they’ll take it. I would never have done anything like this if they were still young and dependent on me. OK, they’re still at home. I suppose you could say I left home before the kids! But for heaven’s sake, they’re grown up now and will probably get married soon and then they wouldn’t give a stuff about me.”
“Well, I want to be the first to wish you the very best of luck. I hope it all works out for you. Look after yourself,” said Margaret again.
“Oh, thank you so much. That means a lot,” Jan concluded. “One thing, though, please don’t breathe a word to anyone. If Geoff gets wind of this, he’ll stop me going. He would probably lock me up and throw away the key! Maybe not as extreme as that, but you get my gist?”
They all agreed to ‘keep mum’.
The day before D-day, Jan went around in a daze. With Paula’s last words to her ringing in her ears. She wasn’t even sure if she was going to be able to go through with it. Her stress levels were sky-high. She cooked a cottage pie for her last supper with the family. But when she brought it to the table, Geoff took great delight in saying, “What’s this cack? What have you done with it? It looks disgusting!” Jan just ate her meal in silence. Head down. Thinking about what it was going to be like from tomorrow onwards. She smiled inwardly but said nothing.
She had planned to pack her clothes into her suitcase which would then double up for her holiday to Thailand the following week. The rest would have to go into bin-bags. She would put it all in her car and leave the house as soon as her family had gone off to work. She couldn’t pack beforehand or it would be noticed.
D-day arrived and Jan started to feel very nervous. She waved Geoff and the children off to work as normal. Then she went back inside to pack. Just some essentials and all of her clothes. Plus her tennis and badminton racquets. And some photo albums. She reckoned it was important to take with her some family photos, especially ones of the children when they were small.
She remembered to phone her work to tell them she wouldn’t be back. She was very sorry she couldn’t tell them before. It wasn’t in her nature to let people down, but she explained the reasons.
It was a Friday. Arranged deliberately in order that her family would have the weekend in which they could come to terms with the situation. But equally important, to give Jan and Mike some time to themselves before he had to go back to work on Monday. Then at the end of the week, it was their planned holiday to Thailand. Before the fireworks caught up with them, not only from Jan’s family but also Mike’s wife, Rosemary.
She had already written separate letters for Geoff, Louise and Steven. All quite different, with apologies to all saying how sorry she was in upsetting the family equilibrium. She left all three letters on the bottom stair so they would find them as soon as they came home. She hoped that they would understand. She told them she would be in contact again soon.
She packed everything into her car and then went back into the house for one last time. She looked around the house and wondered if she was doing the right thing.
‘Doubts, so many doubts.’ She looked at each room in turn. The children’s bedrooms, and then her own bedroom which she had shared with Geoff all those years. Just taking in the vista. ‘All this is going to change – for the better, I hope.’ She remembered how she had toiled with all the decorating and DIY. Then downstairs she went into each room and ended in the kitchen. ‘Nope, I shan’t miss cooking or cleaning here. Or looking after my ungrateful husband. I have better fish to fry. I shall miss the kids, yes, but they will come around, I’m sure of it. Yes, my life is definitely going to change for the better. I just know it.’
She lived in hope. She had to.
She left the worst job until last. She had to say goodbye to Hamish. Of course, he wouldn’t understand; she didn’t expect him to. She would miss him te
rribly, but she couldn’t take him with her because he belonged to Steven. She gave him one last walk. Then she shut him in the kitchen where he would sleep in his bed for the rest of the day. She gave him a couple of doggy treats, kissed him and then walked away.
“Goodbye, Hamish. Be a good boy.” She was close to tears as she closed the kitchen door for the last time.
She walked out of the house slowly, mulling everything over. ‘Have I remembered everything I’ll need? Probably. Mike will be waiting for me so I must go to him now. Goodbye house.’
She shut the front door but kept the keys. She wondered whether to put the keys through the letterbox but decided against it. She climbed into her car, switched on the engine and was off. ‘Goodbye road.’
She met Mike at a pre-arranged place, half-way to where they were going to live. Then she followed him, as she had no idea where she was going. Literally.
They drew up to a building site and he pointed to where she could park. She parked her car and he parked his. They got out, embraced and kissed for a long while.
“I’ve been so looking forward to this day,” he told her. “I can’t actually believe we’ve made it.”
“Nor can I!” she told him, but thinking all the while that she very nearly didn’t.
“I’ve got the keys to number 49, that cottage over there.” He pointed to a row of brand new terraced cottages. “Shall we go in and have a look around inside? See if you like what I’ve chosen for us?”
They went straight indoors and looked all around.
“This is great,” mused Jan. “Aren’t you clever to find somewhere so perfect.”
She went outside to her car and started to bring some of her stuff in. Mike helped her with the heavy suitcase and some of the bin bags. When they had finished she went over to his car in order to help him bring his things indoors. She looked in the car but saw it was empty. No bags. Nothing.
“Where are all your things?” she asked him.
“I’ve left them at home,” he admitted. “I shall collect them tomorrow.”
“What did Rosemary say to you when you told her?”
“Nothing! I haven’t told her as yet,” he confessed.
Jan looked so disappointed. ‘He hasn’t told her yet! Interesting he still called it home. Am I missing something here? He’s going to go back and fetch his things and also tell his wife. I should have thought he would have done it by now.’
They looked all around the cottage to see that they had everything they needed.
“It all seems to be here. The agents have done well. They were in charge of buying all the furniture. Most of it has come from Selfridges so it’s good quality stuff,” he said rather sheepishly, trying to change the subject of him not having told his wife yet. Jan couldn’t believe what he was saying, calmly examining everything but not here totally. With her.
“So does that mean you’re not going to be here with me tonight?”
“I have to go back to Rosemary and explain it to her. I don’t suppose she’ll be best pleased.”
“Why couldn’t you have done it before I came? Were you hedging your bets in case I didn’t make it?”
‘Oh dear, our first row?’ Jan’s thoughts went into overdrive. ‘I suppose he had to make sure I was going to come before he told her! If I hadn’t gone through with it, he would have stayed with her! Nothing I can do now, apart from just wait for him.’
“It’s not quite like that. Well, I suppose it does look like that doesn’t it?” he admitted. “But don’t worry, you’re here now and that’s all that matters. Now I have to do my bit. I will be back tomorrow with all my things. Promise!” He tried to reassure her as he put his arms around her and kissed her.
She took all her things upstairs and he helped her. He was hoping to be back in her good books very soon.
“I can’t even make a cup of tea! We’ll have to go and do some shopping. Will you be able to come with me and choose what you’d like? We’ll need quite a few things, what with starting afresh. I’ll make a list.” Jan was feeling quite deflated. She had been hoping they were going to start their new life together from the moment she arrived.
They went shopping for basics, but it all seemed so surreal to her. She picked up a loaf of brown bread, her normal purchase, but he told her he preferred white. She realised then that they were only at the start of discovering such a lot about each other.
They brought the shopping home and she made a cup of tea for them both.
“I’d better go now. It might take all evening to placate Rosemary. She might well throw me out tonight. In which case I shall be back later.”
“I do hope so.”
Mike left then and Jan looked around the cottage. ‘This is the first time I’ve been on my own. Not sure if I like it. Must keep busy. I’ll unpack everything and put it all away in the wardrobes and drawers. Leave enough space for his things, of course. Tidy up. Hopefully, he will be back tonight, with all his stuff.’
Jan noticed there was no phone so she couldn’t ring anyone, and no one could ring her. She was totally alone. Uncertain. Lonely. She could do nothing but just wait for him.
After the fraught day she had had, she felt utterly exhausted mentally and physically.
She had hoped to be cuddling up to her new love tonight. But instead, she went to bed alone.
Not quite the start of her new life that she was expecting.
Chapter 35
Jan had a sleepless night. She wasn’t the worrying kind, but in this case, she was quite worried in case something happened to Mike unexpectedly. Then where would she be?
She made a more comprehensive shopping list and went to the shops early in case Mike arrived. She didn’t want to miss a minute of his time. She had only bought the basics the day before, so there was a lot more needed. She came back and waited. And waited. And waited.
Eventually, he came back, mid-afternoon.
“Well, that wasn’t easy!” he told her, sounding quite exhausted.
“Did you expect it to be? Did you think she was just going to roll over and let you go?”
“No, I suppose not. In fact, she made it extremely difficult for me. She was throwing my clothes all over the house, just as I was trying to pack them. She’s even hidden my passport! If I don’t get it back, that means we can’t go away next Friday. I was thinking as I was driving back just now, I shall wait till she’s gone to work on Monday and I shall go and look for it. Of course, she might well take it to work with her. She’s devious like that.”
“That’s what I would have done if I was her! Why d’you think I had to leave the way I did? Geoff would have made it impossible for me if I’d sat down and talked to him and told him I was leaving.”
“Well, let’s just enjoy the rest of weekend and worry about other things on Monday. Shall we go out for a meal tonight to celebrate? Save you cooking.”
“Oh, and I thought you were going to do the cooking in this relationship!” she said, laughing. “I’ve come here for a rest! Only kidding. Don’t forget this has got to be fun like I might have mentioned before. Yes, a meal out tonight would be really good. And champagne?”
“If you like,” he smiled. He gathered her up in his arms. “I’m so happy.”
“Me too.”
It was their first night together and expectations were running high. They had a lovely meal out and they came back into their cosy love nest.
They both felt a little embarrassed undressing in the same bedroom but Mike suddenly took her in his arms and kissed her.
“I’ve been waiting all this time for this moment,” he told her as he rolled her onto the bed to make love to her for the first time.
“Me too, it’s been a long wait,” she agreed.
Their expectations were more than fulfilled. They knew the love they felt for each other was right. They both slep
t for a solid eight hours, totally exhausted from the last day or two.
“Shall I make you breakfast?” he asked her the next morning. “Breakfast in bed if you like!”
“That would be nice, thank you. No one has ever made me breakfast before. Apart from my mother when I was a child! I guess that doesn’t count, does it?”
He trotted off downstairs to make their breakfast while she dozed. She had dropped off to sleep again by the time he came in with two mugs.
“There’s no tray, so I shall have to go back again. I’ve made us some toast. Yours is brown bread and mine made with white. Do you like jam or marmalade?”
“Oh, I only bought jam yesterday. Do you like marmalade? I can get some more shopping today. I’m afraid my wits weren’t quite about me yesterday. I was in such a daze after trying to remember what to pack without missing anything and then having to say goodbye to Hamish. That was most traumatic. And then the drive up here and everything.”
There was no phone installed at the cottage, something Mike had on his ‘to do’ list. Jan was starting to get pangs of guilt and thought she had better ring her family. They both walked to the telephone kiosk together for moral support.
“Hello,” Jan heard Louise say.
“Hello, it’s Mum,” Jan said tentatively.
The other end went very quiet suddenly as the thought processes were happening.
“What have you done?” Louise shouted. “Are you with that man? Dad is in an awful state, he won’t stop crying and playing a ghastly song all the time. He says it reminds him of you. It means something to you both. He just plays it over and over and cries all the time.”
“I’m really sorry.”
“No, you’re not! Or you wouldn’t have done it.” She was cross. Jan could sense that as being an understatement.
“I just had to get away. After twenty-four years of marriage, I’ve had enough. I’m sure he’ll understand, eventually. And forgive me in time, hopefully. And you too.”