Fireworks to Thailand

by J. R. Bonham

  “Well, it worked. No more ‘wee-wee’ for me!” said Jan.

  Then both Clare and Jan rocked back in their chairs and laughed and laughed as they remembered. It hadn’t come to either of their minds for a very long time indeed.

  “You soon learnt, though, didn’t you?” Clare asked.

  “I certainly did,” Jan mused. “We had a reasonable childhood, didn’t we?”

  “Well, you were a right pain in the backside!” Clare stated, but she had a wry smile on her face. “When I was about 14 and wanted to go out on my own, Mum used to force me to take you along with me. It was a right drag because I wanted to meet up with my friends and they didn’t want a nine year old tagging along.”

  “Oh, I remember that, yes,” Jan replied. “You hated me for it but really it wasn’t my fault. I don’t suppose I wanted to go with you either, it was Mum who wanted me out of the way. I wonder what she was up to!”

  “Don’t know. All water under the bridge now, isn’t it?” Clare said while thinking of days gone by. She was clearly getting upset, so Jan tried to change the subject.

  “D’you remember when Mum was having one of her episodes and she got friendly with that person in the pub when they cooked up that story? She pretended that she’d been mugged to get the insurance money for her diamond ring. The ring that you should have inherited, being the eldest!” Jan asked.

  “Oh, yes, what a hoot! Well, not funny for Dad at the time. If he hadn’t intervened when he did, Mum could have been prosecuted and even put in prison for trying to defraud the insurance company!” Clare smiled. “Oh, poor Mum, she couldn’t help it.”

  “No. It’s a shame they didn’t discover what her problem was sooner than they did. They put it down to the menopause at first, didn’t they? Oh, dear we’re all getting old, I find remembering things much more difficult these days.”

  “Well, at least you’ll get old! I know my days are numbered, so I just have to take each day as it comes.” Clare was getting maudlin so Jan tried to cheer her up by changing the subject to something much more pleasurable.

  “D’you remember when we were kids, playing tennis round at Nanny and Granddad’s tennis court?” Jan asked.

  “Oh, yes. With all our aunts, uncles and cousins. Wasn’t it a great time in our lives? Young, free and easy with our whole lives ahead of us. Everyone got on so well. I think all our aunts and uncles have died now, haven’t they? Our cousins are scattered all over the country. We seem to only see them at funerals now,” Clare reflected mournfully, knowing that she would never see any of them again. She hoped, though, that one or two might attend her funeral.

  “Yes. Shame really. Maybe we should have kept in better contact. That’s the trouble with a family that’s not very close I suppose.”

  “Are you playing tennis these days?” Clare asked.

  “No. I tried it the other day but the pain in my back is just too bad. D’you remember when we played together in New Zealand? That’s a super place you have there. Will you go back again one day?” Jan asked hopefully, but knowing the answer before it came.

  “I don’t think so.” Clare looked too sad for words, thinking of the times that she played tennis and enjoyed holidays, gone by all too quickly. “I do love it there but I think it’s just too late. I know Jamie says he’ll still go back there but he says it won’t be the same.”

  “Of course it won’t!”

  “Will you go back to New Zealand at all?” Clare enquired.

  “I expect so, yes, it was one of the best holidays we’ve had. Such fun we had, didn’t we, playing tennis and hanging out? We haven’t been so close for years.”

  “It was great, wasn’t it? Pity we’re not really a close family, I was always sad about that.”

  “Me too. Do we have our parents to thank for that?”

  “Probably!” Clare pondered as she looked down at her newly painted nails, thinking. Jan thought she might be becoming emotional, so decided to change the subject, again.

  “D’you remember when Mum and Dad used to have those jazz parties down in the cellar when we were young?” Clare nodded. “I used to love listening to the music when I was upstairs. I couldn’t wait to be old enough to join in. All those session musicians used to come and jam together. That’s the thing about jazz, they didn’t need to practise together. They just used to get to the venue and play. It all sounded a cacophony. But that’s jazz for you! When I was old enough, Dad said I could work in the bar. I remember one man who came up to me and said ‘are you the barmaid?’ and it was so noisy in there, I thought he said ‘are you barmy?’ I took exception to that, but in case I heard it wrong I asked him again – and heard properly that time! Happy days.”

  Jamie put his head around the door.

  “John and Vera have arrived and lunch is ready. I’ll help you downstairs now, shall I?” he asked Clare. “Have you two had a good catch-up?”

  “Oh, yes and we’ve had a good laugh as well, reminiscing about the good old days.”

  They both considered that it was just as if sixty-plus years had melted away in those two short hours but at least they felt, as sisters, they understood each other at last.

  Jamie helped Clare down the stairs, followed by Jan. She noticed that Clare could hardly walk, so all those stairs in their townhouse were quite a hindrance. She followed them into the kitchen where Jamie’s brother, Ian was putting the finishing touches to the lunch and John and Vera were talking to him.

  “Hi there,” said John when he saw Jan. “How are you? Haven’t seen you for ages. And Mike too, how’s he been after his treatment?” He was careful not to mention the word ‘cancer’. He went over to give her a hug and a kiss.

  “Oh yes, we’re both fine. Great, thanks. His treatment went well, thankfully.” Jan wasn’t going to say too much more. She felt it would be cruel to say that his cancer had gone away when Clare was in the room probably thinking, ‘Why couldn’t I have been treated successfully?’

  He was followed by Vera who also gave Jan a hug and a peck on the cheek. Then Ian also went over to meet Jan.

  “I’m very pleased to meet you,” he shook Jan’s hand.

  “Likewise.” Jan didn’t really know what else to say. She was ever grateful to this man for putting his own life on hold, whilst helping his brother to look after her sister.

  Lunch was very much a bohemian affair. Lots of salad, bread, ham and cheese, some soup and croutons, plus nibbles and then some wonderful home-made ice cream. The main thing was that the ambience was superb, enjoyed by everyone and over all too quickly. Jamie was urging Clare to eat something but Jan noticed that she left a lot on her plate. She just couldn’t face too much food. She hadn’t eaten a decent meal for months. It was no wonder she was so thin.

  John and Vera took their leave mid afternoon and Jan didn’t want to exhaust Clare too much.

  “I’ll come back and see you in a few weeks. Mike wants to see you too, so we’ll come together next time. He was otherwise engaged today or he would have come.” Jan was reluctant to leave but knew she must.

  “Lovely. See you next time.” Clare and Jamie both said together and then laughed.

  Jan got into her car and somehow she knew she wouldn’t see her sister again. How she knew must be something to do with a sixth sense.

  Clare passed away a week later.

  Chapter 54

  The funeral was not going to be religious. Neither Clare nor Jamie believed in God.

  The day that Jan had arranged with Mike that they would next visit was the day of the cremation. They travelled to Bristol, found the crematorium and parked the car. Jan noticed that most people were dressed very casually with ordinary colourful clothes. No one had told her that was the order of the day. Both Jan and Mike had dressed very soberly for the occasion, as they thought fit.

  John’s son Danny was there with his very pregnant
wife, Tania. Jan was delighted to see them. She gave them both a big hug whilst they waited for everyone else to arrive. It was going to be a very small private affair with only a few close family and friends. The humanist memorial and burial of the ashes was going to be two days later with all the rest of their friends and more distant family.

  “Lovely to see you. Wow, look at this,” said Jan, pointing to Tania’s extended tummy. “I didn’t know you were expecting until Clare told me about two weeks ago!”

  “Well, sorry about that. I thought Mum or Dad would have told you,” Danny explained.

  “Don’t worry. It doesn’t matter. No one tells me anything!” Jan was half joking. “I’m really pleased for you. Do you know what it is?” Jan asked, even though she knew the answer since Clare had told her it was going to be a boy.

  “It’s a baby! Ha ha!” Danny laughed as he thought he was being clever. “No, seriously, it’s a boy. We told Auntie Clare and she asked if we had a name for him. We said we did, but we weren’t letting anyone know until after he was born. She managed to persuade us to tell her just a few days before she died. She promised she wouldn’t tell anyone. Presumably she didn’t. We won’t be able to make the memorial service because Tania is going to be induced on that day.”

  Jan noticed Clare’s children, Kara and Joss, and she went over to give them a hug. Kara was inconsolable. Joss was very quiet. What could she say to them? She hardly knew them but they were family so she felt she must be there for them.

  Jamie drew up in his old Volvo shooting brake with the cardboard coffin in the back. It had a very small bouquet of flowers atop the coffin. Jan thought, ‘Cardboard – that is so apt’.The family business had been cardboard boxes, so what better than to be put in one? Why waste money on an oak coffin when it was going to be burnt in the furnace?

  The time came to go into the crematorium. Some of Clare’s friends went in first to put on some music – ‘Dancing Queen’ by Abba, one of Clare’s favourites. John, Jamie, Danny and Joss put the coffin on their shoulders and walked up to the altar. Everyone else followed and stood by the coffin rather than in the pews.

  Neither Mike nor Jan really knew what to expect. They had never been to a humanist funeral before. It was obviously what Clare had wanted and organised. There was no priest, no prayers and no hymns, just music that Clare and Jamie had chosen. The selection of music was very poignant including ‘Tie a Yellow Ribbon,’ ‘Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head’ and ‘Clare’ by Gilbert O’Sullivan from the early seventies. It was this song that brought the tears flowing. There was not a dry eye in the house.

  Vera had brought a basket full of champagne, glasses and felt tip pens. She gave everyone a glass of champagne and a pen. She asked them to draw a ring around the glass on the coffin and put their name inside the ring. After that, they could write their own messages to Clare.

  Jan and Mike were skeptical at first. They saw everyone else writing messages then they soon got into the swing of it and wrote their own personal messages. It took half an hour for the whole of the coffin to be full of wonderful and beautiful messages to Clare.

  “Don’t do my funeral like this, will you?” Mike announced quietly to Jan. She nodded her understanding but said nothing.

  Afterwards they all went to a local pub and had lunch. Jamie explained that the memorial service, two days later, would last longer. It was to be at a Woodland Burial Site near their home. The burial would take place after a eulogy given by John and a poem read by Jamie’s sister-in-law.

  Jamie, Kara and Joss went to pick up the ashes two days later in time for the memorial and took them to the woodland burial site. There was a little chapel there and an old barn where the wake would take place afterwards. The whole area had once been a farm. There was plenty of ground space, already half full with different types of trees that people had planted where their particular burial had been.

  Mike thought it better not to attend the memorial because Geoff was going to be there with Louise and Steven, in case it caused any trouble on the day. So Jan went on her own. She was looking forward to meeting Geoff and Louise and Steven again after all the time that had passed. And yet, she was dreading it at the same time. “What sort of reception will I get?’

  She was shown to her place in the front row of the chapel. As she walked in, she recognised a few faces of cousins, nephews and nieces – but mostly there were people she did not know at all. The whole place was full with standing room at the back. The late-comers had to stand outside, which included Geoff, Louise and Steven. They had had a dreadful journey which made them late.

  John gave a wonderful eulogy on the whole of Clare’s life. Then Jamie’s sister-in-law read a poem. Afterwards, everyone walked up to the site with Jamie carrying the ashes in an urn, to where the burial was going to take place.

  Jamie emptied half of the ashes while everyone looked on, with tears in their eyes. The other half of the ashes were going to go with him to New Zealand to be interred at their house there. It was then that Jan noticed Geoff with Louise and Steven standing together. Geoff smiled and gave a little wave. Jan went up to them to say hello. She noticed Louise bristle at the sight of her and Steven was non-committal.

  Jan walked back with Geoff while Louise and Steven ran off in search of their cousins. Geoff talked to Jan very informally and passed the time of day. He asked her if she was happy, to which she answered positively. She didn’t dare ask him the same question for fear of a negative answer.

  She said to him of her children, “I suppose they would rather it was my funeral than Clare’s!”

  “Don’t be so ridiculous!” Geoff was horrified she could say such a thing.

  “Well, I’ve been gone from Devon twenty years now and they haven’t wanted to know me. They’ve refused to let me meet my own grandchildren. It’s just ridiculous. What’s the matter with them?”

  “I’ve tried to speak to them but they never want to talk about it.”

  “Why?” complained Jan. “I can’t understand it. At the beginning when I first left, it wasn’t ideal I know. But you found someone else within six months. So, what is their problem?”

  “You’ll have to ask them.”

  “Don’t you think I’ve tried? I used to write them copious amounts of letters and also sent them cards for birthdays and Christmas, but got nothing back. Just a letter would have been useful to let me know what it was they had against me. They obviously hate me. Which is why I said what I said about them probably wishing it was my funeral. All this time has gone by and still they don’t want to see me, it’s so obvious.” Jan was beginning to get upset.

  They got back to the barn where drinks and food were being served and one of her cousins came over to talk to her, so Geoff made himself scarce.

  Jan spoke to everyone she knew and even met Anita again after over forty years. Jan recognised her straight away and they spoke about Clare and how she touched their lives. Anita told Jan about her life now and what it was like after she lost her son Robin to the Aids virus because of his hæmophilia.

  “I remember Robin as a little boy. He was such a sweet kid,” Jan enthused.

  “He was a little darling when he was a baby, but when he got to be a teenager he was a right rebel. He would almost hurt himself for attention, especially when I broke up with his father. He just couldn’t take it and that was the cause of his taking on the infected Factor 8. It was after a bad accident. I’m sorry I can’t go into details, it’s too upsetting.”

  “I’m so sorry. Clare did fill me in. No need to say anymore. Just as long as you know you have my sincere sympathy. We’ll change the subject. How are you getting on now? Are you happy?”

  “Oh, yes, I’m quite happy and the girls, now women of course, are both doing well. And I’m a granny three times over! No man to speak of nowadays but I’m happy with that. What about you? You’ve had a change too, haven’t you?” she ask
ed, smiling at Jan.

  “Indeed!” Jan proceeded to tell her the story of her leaving Geoff. And the kids not speaking to her and also about her not being able to meet her grandchildren. She told her that Louise and Steven were there now, without their kids, talking to their cousins – but not to her.

  “That’s terrible! Never met your own grandchildren! There’s a law against that isn’t there?”

  “Apparently if you’ve never even met them and never had a bond with them, there is no law that states that you’re entitled to meet them. So I haven’t a leg to stand on in that situation. That’s just the way it is, I’m afraid.”

  “Are you happy with your new beau?”

  “Oh, yes, absolutely. He’s called Mike. He went to the cremation but he thought it would be best not to come today because he knew that Geoff and the kids would be coming. He’s got kids he never sees too! That was with his first wife and he married again after that; so I’m number three! He’s got four grandchildren by his daughter, but he’s only ever met them once. They live up in Derbyshire. His daughter had never wanted anything much to do with him when he split with his first wife, her mother. His son lives in Australia. He doesn’t have any kids. We’ve been over there several times and met up with him occasionally.”

  “Wow, what a story! Nine grandchildren between you and you don’t see any of them. What a shame.”

  “We make up for it in other ways! Mike doesn’t really care. I suppose I care more because I’m a mother. Mother’s instinct is different to a father’s, don’t you think?”

  “Definitely!”

  Natalie came running over to Jan with news of her brother and sister-in-law.

  “Tania has had a baby boy! Dan just texted me! Born about ten minutes ago. He thought he’d tell us while we are all together. Mother and baby are doing fine.”