She considered his words, mulling them over silently. Nicholas was not telling her the entire truth, but she supposed it did not matter. This was her chance, her last chance, really, to truly experience the season as she should have from the beginning. Whatever benefits the Duke of Radcliffe saw in this arrangement, she could not fathom, but she did not need to. He did. The rest was none of her concern.
"Very well," she agreed, trying to tamp down the small flare of hope that shot through her at the idea that the duke would be escorting her about. "And please, thank Lady Berkshire for me when you see her next. I do appreciate the gesture. I shall thank Benjamin myself when I see him next."
"I shall," Nicholas promised, and Julia couldn't help but note the sadness in his eyes when she mentioned the countess' name. At one time, Julia had thought there was something between her brother and lovely earl's daughter, but then she had married the Marquess of Berkshire, a man nearly five and forty years her senior. If Nicholas had been heartbroken by the event, he had never shown any outward sign of it. Then again, she'd been at Seldon Park for much of that time, so there was likely a great deal she had missed.
Now, however, was not the time for such thoughts. Now she had to simply be thankful for what she'd been given. "Shall I expect the duke tomorrow then?"
"He said he would sent a note." Nicholas gave her a lop-sided grin, though it did not reach his eyes as it normally would have. "I am sorry, Jules. For all of it. But Benjamin will take care of things. He will make you happy. He always does." Then her brother was gone, leaving her alone again.
Sitting back down at her dressing table, Julia picked up her brush and started to work out the knots in her hair. The idea of Benjamin escorting her places wasn't bothersome, precisely. She knew she was perfectly safe. Hadn't she just told Meggy that much? Still, this new arrangement would require spending time with him at balls and routs and the theater. Assuming he took her to those places of course.
That might not be such a good thing.
When she kept her distance, she was able to pretend that Benjamin was little more than a brother to her. If he was her near constant companion? She wasn't quite so certain that she could keep up the lie. Either to herself or to him.
Chapter Three
Julia was still worrying over the situation the next morning when she went downstairs for breakfast. For once, she was thankful that Nicholas had gone riding in the early hours of the day. That would give her time to collect herself, for she'd dreamt of Benjamin the night before. That wasn't unusual, really.
What was unusual was what they were doing in her dream. They were riding through the fields of Seldon Park, the summer sun high overhead, laughing and carrying on as they had as children. But then they'd stopped, and, in her dream anyway, Benjamin had lifted her down from her horse with practiced ease, and pulled her into his embrace, kissing her deeply. Even now, her heart speeded up just thinking about it.
As Julia had never been kissed, the meeting of their lips was pure imagination on her part, or rather on the part of her mind that conjured up such heated fantasies. Still, she had awoken in a sweat, her breasts tingling and with a slight ache between her legs. Those were real, physical reactions to her dream, and she knew precisely what they meant - keeping her attraction to Benjamin hidden wasn't going to be as easy as she'd hoped.
Though she'd yet to complete a full season, Julia had become something of a silent observer in the drawing rooms of London. Since she often hid in the shadows because of her scars, she was also often in the unique position of being able to overhear conversations that she knew were not always fit for a young lady's ears. She also knew a great deal more about the physical attributes about the many men of the ton than was strictly proper, but then, gossipy women rarely noticed their surroundings when they had a juicy tidbit to share, especially if it involved the size of a man's cock.
Julia knew that the tinglings were the beginnings of sexual arousal, and, though she was still a virgin, she had spent almost her entire life in the country. What happened between creatures of the opposite sex, especially when the need to mate overtook them, was not precisely a mystery. Benjamin stirred those same feelings in her, and she knew she would do well to tamp them down, bury them where no one would see them. However, she found that she could not. Nor did she want to.
There was, of course, no hope, that she made Benjamin feel the same way. After all, he was a man in his prime, full of sexual prowess and vitality. She also knew that, at least until recently, he'd had a string of mistresses, though he never kept one for long, tiring of them easily. Still, she was also well aware that sometimes, when a man's needs went unfulfilled, any woman, even a scarred woman like her, would stir some feelings within him. If she were able to do that? Well, then it would be a pleasant memory she could keep with her once she returned to the isolation of Seldon Park.
It had also occurred to Julia that morning that when she returned to the country, there would not be another chance to make memories, at least not memories like the ones she'd made the last several months. There would be no more balls or musicales, and, though she'd known that all along, that morning, the truth had been driven home in a way it hadn't before. For her, there would never be another opportunity to live in society. Those memories that she had now would have to suffice until the day she died.
So she'd done the only rational thing possible and made a list in her mind of the things she'd like to do and see before the season ended. Riding in Hyde Park in the early morning, just as the dawn was breaking was one the first things on her list and probably the easiest to accomplish. She would also like to take a carriage ride with a man, presumably Benjamin, along Rotten Row at the fashionable hour, but that might be hoping for too much. Still, if things went well, she might be able ask him for the favor and see if he responded favorably.
She also wanted to attend the theater, something that she hadn't done thus far. And dance two dances at a ball. That was also a must. There were other things as well, but for the moment, she would be content with those four. She would also like to be kissed but that would, of course, be going too far and hoping for too much. She could never ask that of Benjamin, no matter how much she might desire to do so.
She was so lost in thought that she didn't hear the butler, Cosgrove, approach. When he cleared his throat, she looked up to find him holding a silver tray that contained a letter. "For you, my lady."
Julia reached up to pluck the letter from the tray, unable to contain her excitement. No one sent her letters. Ever. Breaking the seal, she quickly scanned the note. It was from Benjamin, asking her to accompany him on a drive that afternoon. Excellent. That was one of the items on her list. Hastily, she scribbled a reply and gave Cosgrove instructions to have the note delivered.
The previous night, she had sworn to herself that she would make these last few weeks of the season count. There was no time like the present to get started.
"You seem to be enjoying yourself." It was such an obvious comment, but one that Benjamin couldn't help but make. He'd arrived at Julia's Mayfair townhouse fully expecting her to make him wait, as most young ladies of his acquaintance would have. Or perhaps simply refuse to accompany him at all, despite her note of acceptance earlier in the day. Instead, he'd found her ready to depart, dressed in a lovely carriage gown of light green and bedecked with pale yellow ribbons. It was an eye-catching frock, and he'd been more than a little surprised at her choice.
He'd assumed that, given what had transpired the night before, Julia would eventually decide against the drive through the park and along Rotten Row. He'd been observing her quietly off and on throughout the season and, thus far, he'd noticed her preference to sink into the shadows in an attempt to hide. She had made it abundantly clear that she really did not wish to be seen. Yet today, there was no way to avoid seeing her. She glowed so brightly and seemed so full of life that, had he not known better, he would have thought his long time friend had been replaced by an identical twin.
"I am," she said simply, and then sighed in what he could only describe as contentedness, if not sheer bliss. "This is lovely. I had not quite anticipated how much I would enjoy myself. Or how lovely the fresh air would be." She seemed completely unaware that the sun shone down on her skin, making it fairly glow, and, though she wore a hat, it was rather small and not at all the proper thing to wear for a day out in the elements. Oddly, she did not seem to care, even though that meant that her scars were in full view for anyone who looked at them.
And people were looking. Some, in fact, were downright staring.
Benjamin wanted to scream at them to stop that nonsense. Or behead them. That would have been the preferable, but undoubtedly a bit extreme, choice. On the other hand, Julia was happy and if she was enjoying herself, then he was as well. In the end, it really was that simple.
"I would have suggested this before had I known you would enjoy it so," he finally replied feeling more than a little off balance. This new Julia both surprised him and delighted him at the same time. She was more like the girl he had once known, and at the same time, an altogether different, and potentially dangerous, creature. "All I want is for you to be happy, Jules. That's all I've ever wanted."
Nodding, she gazed at the sights as they passed, not shying away. The difference was truly remarkable. "I know. Thank you. You're a good friend to me, my lord. Better than I deserve, really. It cannot be easy being seen with me."
Ah, there was a hint of the shy, retiring maiden he'd seen the ballrooms of London all season. She hadn't disappeared, after all. Merely hidden her insecurities a bit better. "I don't give a damn what anyone thinks," he growled, his temper showing a bit, though he pushed it aside. His father would have showed his anger. Benjamin would not. "You know that. I never have."
"Still, it cannot be easy. But I do thank you. I'm not sure why you agreed to Nicholas's outrageous plan, but I'm thankful you did. I want a few happy memories to take home with me once this has all ended." She gave his arm a quick pat, careful not to touch him for too long, lest it seem improper. "Life at Seldon Park will seem dull in comparison to London, but I cannot regret my time here."
Benjamin's heart, the one few people thought he possessed, warmed a bit at her words. He was happy she was enjoying herself so thoroughly. He was also extremely glad that she had no idea that escorting her through her last few weeks of the season had been entirely his idea. It had come to him as he'd watched her depart the ball with her companion as if by divine inspiration. He'd been so excited that he'd sought out Nicholas immediately to ask his approval.
Julia's brother had been hesitant at first, of course. After all, Benjamin wasn't truly related to Julia. However, Nicholas had appeared to give the proposal some thought and, after an hour or so had returned to find Benjamin in the ball's card room, ready to give his approval. For some reason, Benjamin's pulse had quickened at the idea of bestowing such a gift on the girl he'd known since childhood.
He'd understood the potential problems, of course. He was nothing if not logical, something that was often mistaken for ruthlessness. Even though Julia was a long-standing friend, her presence at his side would be certain to spur talk, but Nicholas was certain his sister could endure it with her usual grace and dignity. It would also help deter the many matchmaking mamas and their equally as grasping daughters. There was that benefit, at least, for Benjamin, even if not for Julia. They would gossip and speculate, certainly, but, given that Julia now had the protection of Lady Berkshire - and he did not want to know how Nicholas had managed that feat - no one would give her the cut direct. Not like they had done so many times before.
Benjamin knew he owed her that much, if not more. He owed her so much, so many things. He would spend a lifetime repaying his debt to her, even if she didn't know it. This gesture was simply another small way of doing so.
"I am glad of that," he said as another carriage passed them, the occupants extremely interested in Benjamin and Julia, at least if the way they craned their necks was any indication. "This time was meant for you to enjoy yourself, Jules, not be in misery."
"I was miserable," she confessed softly, so softly that he almost did hear her. "But then last night, even before Nicholas came to me with this proposal, I decided that I could not allow those awful chits to win. They may not care for me, nor I for them, but that does not matter. If I am miserable, then they have exactly what they want. They win. I will not allow it."
"That's my girl," he chuckled, and then immediately wished he could take the words back. She was not his girl, at least not really, and he didn't want her to fill her head with fanciful ideas about the two of them. However, she was still looking about in wonder, and if she'd picked up on his words, she'd not reacted to them. That was a relief. "Do you wish to continue?"
Nodding, she secured her hat more firmly on her head and gave him a winsome smile. "Another turn, if you please. Then we can go back." Her gloved hand stroked her face absently. "My scars will discolor if I am not careful, just as they do at home."
Benjamin had just turned the horses, trying to think of something appropriate to say when a beautiful stallion the color of warm honey pulled up beside them. The man tipped his hat, and Benjamin recognized him immediately. It was none other than Charles Strathwaite, the Marquess of Landover, and Benjamin's only true enemy.
For all that he was rumored to be a ruthless, uncaring man and a great seducer of women, only Landover truly believed those rumors, mostly because the woman the marquess had intended to marry, Lady Catherine Huffton, had pursued Benjamin with a single-minded purpose over the years. Much to Benjamin's annoyance, not to mention Landover's
Three years previous, Benjamin had come home to find Catherine naked in his bed, ready to offer herself to him, but he had sent her home, telling her with great finality that he would never tie himself to a woman like her. Mortified, Lady Catherine had run off to a French convent rather than marry someone else - especially someone like Landover who did not have the fortune, nor the looks, of the Duke of Radcliffe.
For that debacle, as well as the embarrassment that followed, Landover laid the blame squarely at the duke's feet, even if the only thing Benjamin was guilty of was sending Catherine from his house, unwilling to bed her. In the marquess' mind, that did not matter. He only saw Benjamin as the man who had spurned Catherine and driven her away from England, and any attempt Landover might have made to seduce her into his arms. Ever since, Benjamin had avoided Landover at all costs. That the man was here now while he and Julia were about was not a good sign.
"Radcliffe," the other man inclined his head, his mouth an unflattering attempt at a smile. "And who is your lovely companion?"
Beside him, Benjamin felt Julia stiffen, and prayed that she would not either attempt to flee or let loose the tongue she had once been known for when they were younger. She was full of surprises today, so he was fully prepared for either outcome. When she did neither, he breathed a small side of relief. "Landover, I would like you to meet Lady Julia Rosemont, sister to the Duke of Candlewood." He risked a quick glance at Julia who had, thus far, kept strangely silent. "Lady Julia, my I present Charles Strathwaite, the Marquess of Landover."
"My lord." Julia dipped her head, her eyes never leaving Landover's. She did not like this man, nor did she trust him. She'd seen him at various events throughout the season, but he'd never approached her. Why now, when she was with Radcliffe, would he request an introduction? There had to be a reason. If she hadn't been suspicious before, his comment about her beauty would have put her on alert anyway. No man, not even her brother, thought she was beautiful. She was not that stupid. "It is a pleasure to meet you."
"The pleasure is mine, my lady." Landover smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. In fact, there was a vaguely empty air about him, as if the horse he rode - which really was a magnificent animal - was more intelligent than he. "I have not seen you about before." Which, of course, was a blatant lie, but she wasn't willing to call him on it.
&nbs
p; Instead, she offered him an enigmatic smile in return. "I have my reasons, my lord. The season is such a crush, is it not? Each event a true squeeze. I dare say that I have not met many of the people I should have just yet. There simply hasn't been the time." It was a diplomatic answer and one that pleased Benjamin, given the way his expression went from extremely displeased to only moderately annoyed.
"Hopefully we shall remedy that soon, Miss Rosemont." Landover was oozing so much charm that he was practically oily with it, and Julia had to keep herself from shuddering with disgust. "I will request a dance with you as soon as the opportunity avails itself."
Inclining her head, Julia had to fight to keep the smile pasted on her face. The last thing she wanted to do was dance with such an odious man, but there was no way to politely refuse. "I would much enjoy that, my lord. Until then."
From Benjamin's perspective, it seemed as if Landover wanted to take Julia's hand and kiss it, but clearly thought better of it, especially with so many people about on such a fine weather day. Instead the marquess managed a proper goodbye and then rode off towards the Serpentine.
"I find that I do not much care over much for that man," Julia whispered as Landover disappeared over a small rise in the ground. "He makes my skin crawl. And he clearly does not like you one bit." The poisonous looks he'd been directing at the duke had been all too obvious, even to her.
Benjamin saw no reason to lie to Julia about Landover. He never had before. "No, I dare say he does not. He blames me because a woman refused him."
"Catherine Huffton." Julia said the name quietly, not wanting others to overhear, not that it was likely given the distance and the chatter around them.
"I was not aware you were acquainted with her. She is a year or so older than you, and you were still in Sussex at the time." His association with the woman, limited as it had been, was a secret he'd prefer to keep to himself, but then, this was Julia. There was very little he could hide from her.
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