She studied her gloved hands, clearly trying to avoid looking at him. "I hear a great many things I should not, my lord." He stiffened at the use of that phrase. She only did that when she was afraid she was in trouble. "The women of the ton gossip like harpies, particularly about scandals where there are none to be had, but some people wish there were. You have not married, Ben, and neither has Lord Landover. While he is not considered a prime catch, you are." She paused, as if considering her next words carefully. "There are some mamas who hope to discover more salacious details about you and Lady Catherine, if there happen to be any, so that they might, um, convince you to marry their daughters in exchange for silence."
Benjamin had heard many outrageous tales and propositions over time, but that one was beyond anything he'd ever encountered. He couldn't help it. He laughed. Loudly and boldly. "Eavesdrop often, Lady Julia?" he teased, finding the entire situation humorous almost beyond words. "Because certainly no woman is bold enough or stupid enough to speak that preposterous tale aloud! There is nothing more to tell! Truly!" Well, there was the part about Catherine naked in his bed, but he thought it best not to mention that, lest Julia begin to believe everything she heard whispered about him.
"Last night was not my first time hiding behind the columns and potted palms," she replied with a twinkle in her eyes, finding herself enjoying his wit and forgetting about Lord Landover, which she was certain had been the duke's goal. "I have great skill at it and, occasionally, I learn a thing or two." She wasn't about to mention that the conversation had also included a fairly lively discussion about how big Benjamin's cock was, and whether or not he would be able to sire a child on the first go with a virgin.
Still chuckling, he clucked at the horses and set them on a path for Candlewood House so that he could return Julia before any more gossip started. "While I am not certain what you heard, I will give you the truth of it. Lady Catherine desired me as a husband, but I did not desire her. Landover, on the other hand, salivated over her at every turn, even though she did not return his affections. When I made my final refusal of her so absolute that she could no longer deny the truth of my disinterest, she removed herself to a convent in France where she has remained to this day."
"Really, my lord?" she questioned as another carriage breezed past, though she no longer paid much attention to the occupants as they stared at her and Benjamin openly. "There was no seducing of virgins or eating of small children? You disappoint me." She clucked. "After so many, many stories, I am saddened to find that there is no truth in them."
Had another woman said that, Benjamin would have been hurt, or as much as he allowed himself to hurt. He knew how he was viewed by the rest of society. He had grace, manners, charm, devastating good looks and a fortune unparallel in all of England. However, there were also rumors of his voracious sexual appetite, started mainly by the women he had politely discouraged. Few females liked to be told they were not desired, especially by the man they hoped to trap into marriage. He was also rumored to be vicious and cruel, though those that truly knew him, again, knew it to be nothing more than lies, those started by men who had lost to him at cards or whose own estates failed while Benjamin's prospered.
The eating of small children? Well, he wasn't certain where that had come from, but it did persist.
Despite all of that, women still flocked to him, eager to tempt him into their beds - or find their way into his, preferably - and men continued to seek his counsel and company at White's or other clubs when he was about. Just about everyone, however, knew he wasn't to be trifled with, especially when someone he cared about was at risk. He also knew that since he'd been seen with Julia today and danced with her the previous evening, tongues would begin wagging and gossip would spread. It could not be avoided. For once, however, he found that he did not mind in the least.
"You know I am not so bad as all of that. I may be somewhat of a rake, and those that do not know me well, might mistake my protective instincts for anger. You, however, have seen the truth of me all these years, and yet you do not flee." Then he turned serious for a moment. "But, Julia, you must also know what being seen with me will mean for you. For there are repercussions or could be. We might be friends, but here in town, that matters little. Others will, in all probability, view you as simply another virgin I am attempting to seduce. The people here care little for truth. What matters is my reputation. I know that Nicholas told me last evening that you would not care, but I find that I do."
More than anything, Benjamin did not want to see Julia hurt any more than she already had been. She had suffered so much in her life, and she did not need any more pain. Being seen in his company, having to deal with Landover, for he was certain that the man would not simply leave things be, could potentially bring her a great deal more aggravation and misery. He did not want that.
So he was surprised when she reached out and laid her gloved hand over his. "Benjamin, do not think that I am unaware of what people will say if I am seen with you. I have lived those tales all of my life. I understand perfectly. However, you must also understand what it will mean to your reputation to be seen with a woman like me."
She paused for a moment, wondering if she should couch the truth in pretty words, but ultimately decided that brutal honesty was her best option. He had done no less for her. "I am no beauty and no one will think you are truly courting me. A man like you would never pick me as a wife, and all of the ton knows that. Long-standing friendship or not, they will question why you are with me, wonder if you have gone soft in the head or if you are playing a cruel game. As you have said, they will assume that you are simply attempting to bed me. I know you are not, but they will wonder."
"Let them." He didn't hesitate, not when it was so obvious that Julia not only understood the risks, but accepted them. "I do not care what they say. I have heard all that and worse." He pulled the carriage over to a secluded area so that they could speak freely. "It is you I worry about. If they wonder about my intentions, if they think I have deflowered you, that might harm your chances of ever making a match."
Julia glared at him, and he could see he'd said the wrong thing. "We discussed this last night, Benjamin. I will not marry. We both know why. Do not insult me by pretending otherwise, or spinning pretty lies. After all we have shared, please, do not do that. In that way, you shall hurt me. Not other."
Stunned, Benjamin didn't know what to say. Yes, he'd heard her last night, but he hadn't really listened. Well, perhaps some part of him had, because he'd come up with the plan to escort her, and the idea of her with a man did make him more than a little ill, but marriage? He had assumed she was simply being flighty, even thought that was the singular thing Julia was not. Of course she would marry one day. Wouldn't she? Given the look of sadness and utter despair in her eyes at the moment, he was no longer as certain as he had been only moments before.
"You say now that you will not marry, but surely you do not mean that?" For some reason, Benjamin felt as if he had to know if she truly meant what she said. He hadn't been listening before, but he was now. "Julia, you cannot be serious."
She gave him a pitying look, one that spoke louder than any words she could utter. "You know that I am. Who would have me?" She held up a finger when he opened his mouth to speak. "And before you say 'any number of men,' I would ask you to give me a name. A specific name. Someone who would marry me, bed me, and give me a family. Someone who would not be after what little fortune I have or the opportunity to have a piece of the Candlewood dukedom if Nicholas never marries or sires an heir. You know there is none."
He could not respond to her, for he did not know what to say.
Julia, however, did.
She pulled off first her glove and then his, which didn't surprise him, though it should have. This was the Julia he'd known before, not the meek, mild creature that had appeared in London to take her place. Gently, she placed his hand on her face. Beneath his fingertips, he could feel the fine, delicate lines of her scar
s.
Unable to help himself, he traced the bottom one to the point where it dipped under her jaw. Even for friends, this was far too intimate, but he could not help himself. He simply wanted to feel her skin beneath his. "Julia. Don't."
"You know me better than anyone, Benjamin." Her voice was so low that it was barely a whisper. "You have seen these scars for yourself, all of them, and have seen the way people react to me. You may not fear these marks, for to you, they are merely a small part of who I am, but others do. They see only that which is ugly. And I have no truth to tell them otherwise."
"You are not ugly." He believed that with all of his heart. Why would she not believe him? "You are beautiful, Julia." His fingers continued down the side of her neck until he stopped at the hollow of her throat. He was unwilling to go farther, yet, strangely, he found that he wanted to. He wanted to follow the line down beneath the bodice of her gown to where it ended just above her nipple. He wanted to caress her there, kiss her there.
But he could not. This was Julia, and it was wrong. So wrong. He had just been without a woman for too long. That was all. Still, she was here beside him, looking at him with a soft light of longing in her eyes, and he found that he could not look away. Instead, a soft voice whispered inside of him that it might not be such a terrible thing to stay here with her forever.
"I am not beautiful." Her lips were moist and pink, he noted, and they looked very kissable. "But I could be pretty. To the right man, anyway. I could also be a good wife. But I will never get that chance. And I have come to accept that as my fate." A soft smile touched those lush, desirable lips. "And despite your belief that you can mold the ton to your will with enough force and fear, you cannot make a man love me. No one can. So no, I will not marry. But I can enjoy what I have been given at this moment. And that, Benjamin, I shall do. With you by my side."
"Julia, I..." For the first time, the notorious Duke of Radcliffe was at a loss for words. What he wanted, he could not have. What he longed to do - namely kiss her - he knew he could not. Instead, he simply allowed himself to be in the moment and wondered what came next.
Chapter Four
That night at the Clauson's ball, Julia was beginning to doubt the wisdom of her actions that afternoon. She'd practically dared Benjamin to find her a husband, even though she'd never precisely said the words. However she knew he was thinking about it. Quite a bit from the look of things. He was back to brooding, something she hadn't seen him do since the summer before at Seldon Park when he'd been trying to figure out a way to maximize the harvest while not overtaxing his tenants.
Then there was the matter of their "almost kiss." They hadn't kissed in the carriage, of course. She'd come back to her senses before she'd allowed it and pulled away from his touch, no matter how much she'd longed to remain in that moment with him. The touch, she reminded herself now, rather crossly, that she'd initiated by placing his hand on her face, practically begging him to caress her. Still, when they'd been together in the carriage, something had passed between them. An awareness that hadn't been there before. The knowledge, however tentative, that she was a woman and he was man.
Julia had, of course, always been aware of Benjamin as a man. Or at least she had been ever since she'd outgrown the notion that boys had cooties and were good for something other than climbing trees with. But for his part? She doubted that until this afternoon, he'd truly considered that she was a woman well out of the schoolroom and firmly on the shelf. Except that now, she'd done the very thing she'd vowed not to do so many years before. Somehow, a little piece of hope had escaped the confines of her heart and sprung free. It was there, deep inside of her, and, whether he was aware of it or not, some part of Benjamin could see it.
She had unwittingly changed the rules of their friendship. This would not end well. For either of them, but mostly for her.
"Is something wrong, Lady Julia? Why do you frown so? A beautiful lady like you should be smiling on an evening such as this." The voice that interrupted her musings was now familiar and still completely unwelcome.
She glanced up to see Lord Landover striding towards her, his deep purple waistcoat almost garish in color, so unlike the sedate hunter green Benjamin had chosen for the evening. Knowing she should walk away, but also knowing that it would be rude, she offered a curtsey and then looked for the quickest escape route but found none.
"My lord, what a surprise. I did not know you would be here tonight." That much was true. If she had, she would not have come. Though he'd not said more than a handful of words to her in the park, she did not like or trust him.
"I always know where the most beautiful of ladies will be each night and make it a point to be in their vicinity." His gaze strayed to her scars, she noticed, which included following them down to where they disappeared beneath the bodice of her pale silver gown. "How could I not seek you out?"
Clenching her hands and wishing that Benjamin would appear before she did something stupid like hit the man over the head with her fan, she attempted a bland smile. "You flatter me, sir. I do not deserve such compliments."
"It's only flattery if it is not true." That was as blatant a lie as Julia had ever heard, but the man didn't seem to bat an eye at the falsehood. It was as if he told them every day. He probably did. "I was hoping that you might grant me the honor of the next dance, my dear."
Julia wanted to shriek at the endearment. He did not have permission to use that term with her. If Nicholas found out, he would personally draw and quarter the man. She was about to say something, something she would probably come to regret, when she felt heat behind her. Benjamin. It could be no one else.
"This dance is taken, Landover," the duke growled, a fierce expression on his face. "And I would like to remind you that the lady is under my protection as well as that of Lady Berkshire. Do not pester her."
Landover sniffed in distain. "I was merely asking her to dance."
"And I do not grant permission." Benjamin was snarling now, the fierce temper he was known for now on full display. "Now go away and annoy someone else."
Instead of departing immediately as any sane person would have done, Landover offered Julia a stiff bow. "My lady. Some other time. I will not rest until you have seen what I have to offer and you are allowed to make your own choice." Then he turned and stalked away, throwing an evil look at Radcliffe as he did so.
When she was certain he was gone, Julia relaxed a bit, her heart still beating rapidly. Other than his obvious dislike of Benjamin, she could not say why she didn't like him, only that he left her feeling as if she'd encountered something distasteful. It was the same feeling she had when potentially deadly creatures were about back at Seldon Park, and she did not care for the sensation any better now than she did then.
"Thank you," she said as she turned around to face Benjamin. "I do not know what I would have done had you not arrived when you did."
"I'm certain you would have thought of something." She could see he was still upset but didn't press him further. He needed another moment or two to calm down. "Would you like to dance? We have not yet done so this evening." His words were polite, but she could still see his passion and anger bubbling beneath the surface. That would not do.
She nodded in agreement, and he led her to the floor just as the next set was beginning. It was a country dance so they did not touch as they had the night before during the waltz, but Julia didn't much care. She was dancing with Benjamin. At a ball. And it felt good. Not to mention that it would do wonders to help ease his temper. Dancing always did.
Although this was only her first night out with him as her escort, she was well aware that if she were not careful, the time would slip away and all too soon, it would end. However, she did not want to think of that now. Instead, she wanted to simply live in the moment.
Out of the corner of her eye, she could see a plainly dressed woman watching them intently, a dour look on her face and her hair scraped back into a severe bun. That must be the chaperone Lady B
erkshire had provided, Julia decided. The stern-looking woman didn't seem to disapprove of the dance, however, which eased Julia's mind a bit. She knew that her arrangement was highly unusual, at least for a woman of her advanced age, and only by the sheer grace of Lady Berkshire was she even at this ball with Benjamin. Then again, considering who she was, it was unlikely that anyone would care.
Still, she knew she had to be more careful. This afternoon she had risked quite a bit talking to Benjamin the way she had, pushing him to touch her, placing his hand on her face. He might begin to think that she had ideas. Which she did. But they were nothing more than silly dreams, desires to be put away for another time. He could never know the truth of how he made her feel. That would not do.
The last thing Julia wanted was to guilt the duke into staying with her. She might want him, but not that way. She did have some shreds of pride left, after all.
When the dance brought them back together, she found that he was watching her closely. "Do not worry so, Lady Julia. Things will be well now."
"If you say so, my lord." Then she was moving away from him again, his violet eyes following her as she departed.
When the dance finally ended, he escorted her off the floor and over to the refreshment table. Neither of them spoke until they both had glasses of punch and an assortment of sweets on a plate.
"I do not know if I can avoid Lord Landover forever. Nor do I know what his fascination is with me." It wasn't the topic Julia really wanted to address, but it had to be settled. There was no time like the present, she decided, even if it did make the duke frown again.
"He wants you because you are with me." Benjamin knew that to be true and worked to keep his temper in check. "If another man was by your side, you would not be of interest to him. He seeks to hurt me and intends to use you to accomplish his goals."
Before she had a chance to reply, a whirl of pale gold silk and the cloying scent of roses brushed past them, stopping as if on an afterthought. Once Julia saw who the person was however, she knew the meeting was no chance accident. Lady Henrietta Cartwright stood before them in a shower of jewels, completely inappropriate for a young debutante, but making her sparkle like the diamond she believed she was, all the same.
To Catch A Duke Page 5