The marquess seemed to consider her words for a moment. "Believe what you choose, my lady. Either way, I win. He will be humiliated, much as I was, and that which he cares for, namely you, will be out of his life. That is all I care about."
"And I have your word that if I do this, you will leave Nicholas alone?" Julia knew she had to have assurance that Landover would keep to his word. Then again, even with assurances, he might not. Still it was a risk she had to take.
Landover grew serious now. "On my mother's grave, Lady Julia. Despite what you think, I am not a monster. I merely want repayment for injury done to me. I don't wish to hurt your brother. After all, he was merely seduced by a pretty face. Just as many men are. He should not have to suffer for that."
"And me?" She swallowed hard, meeting Landover's gaze as directly as possible. "What have I done to you?"
He eyed her thoughtfully, and in the dim light behind the curtain, she could see his eyes glitter with malice. "Truly? Nothing. You are simply a means to an end for me, which is unfortunate. For you, anyway." He reached out to stroke her cheek, and she wanted to pull away but did not dare. "Were it not for these, you would be quite lovely, and I could see myself pursuing you, as a mistress if for nothing else since your age is against you. Your body is exquisite."
"Thank you, my lord. I think." What else could she say? Julia knew she had been backed into a corner with little chance of escape. "Is there anything else you require of me?" She wanted to leave with as much dignity as she could muster.
Landover paused for a moment. "Just this. Ask yourself, honestly and truly, why the duke will not marry you, even though, in your heart, you know that he cares for you, at least a little. Is it because he has so little regard for you, which I think we both know is untrue? Or is it because there is a deeper truth? A secret that he does not want you to know?"
Then Landover was gone, leaving Julia shaking against the wall.
She knew she could not leave immediately, not that she would have anyway, as she needed time to gather her wits. She had agreed to blackmail, an assignation that would hurt the man she loved. For even if Benjamin didn't love her, and she had no reason to think that he did, he did care for her in his own way. He had made certain she had a season, had ensured that she had the proper clothes - everything from gowns to riding habits. And he had admitted to wanting her. He'd bedded her. Many times over.
And seeing her with Landover would destroy him.
She should tell him of the confrontation, but what then? He would, of course, challenge the marquess to a duel, and she could not allow that. Or was she simply afraid of what would come next? Was she the coward Nicholas had accused her of being? If she told the duke the truth, he might insist on marrying her if for no other reason than to protect her. What then? She would be forced to live in society, rather than hidden away at Seldon Park. The very thought terrified her, but then, did it really or had she simply been in seclusion so long that she no longer knew how to move among people? Was she simply better at hiding because it was the coward's way out?
There were no easy answers and her head was throbbing. Still, Landover had been right about one thing. She had long suspected that someone still living knew the truth of her scars. Only she had assumed that it was Nicholas. Maybe he did know, but the marquess had hinted that Radcliffe was the one with the answers as well.
If that were true, why had he not told her? Why hide it? Better yet, why had her parents hidden the truth?
In that moment, Julia was sick of it all - the lies, the deception, the hiding. Much of her life had been built on a lie. From the lie of the animal attack, right down to her lie about not being in love with Benjamin. Everything that her life had been thus far was dictated by that single, long-ago event, including her preference to hide away from the rest of the world. Now, however, she'd had a small taste of freedom, of the wonders that existed beyond Sussex. Could she truly return there and be happy? Or was it time to finally let got of the past and begin again?
She was angry, hurt, and above all, sadder than she had ever been in her entire life. She was so sad that her heart literally ached with accumulated pain.
She honestly didn't know the answers to any of her questions, but she knew where she had to start. With the Duke of Radcliffe.
Chapter Eleven
Benjamin searched the crowd for Julia, but he could not find her. She was here somewhere, he knew, because the gray-clad lady still stood sentinel in the corner, but he had not seen her in the last half hour or so. That was unlike her. Even on her worst days out in society, she did not hide. At least, not like this.
Finally, he had a glimpse of her, lovely in an ice blue gown that set off her beauty exquisitely. He could tell her that, of course, but she would not believe him. All she could see, despite his and Nicholas' repeated attempts to convince her otherwise, were those damnable scars. It was not fair. If it were in his power, he would change that.
You could, a little voice in his head whispered. If you married her, she might begin to believe in herself. After all, you're a duke. You love her. Remember?
He shushed the voice. He did not want to hear it. In his mind, he'd been through all of this before. He could not have her and that was that. He refused to start a life with the woman he loved based on a lie.
Love? Woman he loved? Marry her?
He considered that for a moment, allowed the thought to roll around a bit in his mind, testing it out. Oddly, it didn't scare him as much as he had thought it might. Rather, it was more of an acknowledgement of what had been there all along.
He'd thought the words before, true, but somehow, they hadn't seemed quite real. Tonight, however, they were far more real than he'd ever imagined. He wanted her for his wife. Forever. He would tell her the truth. He was no longer afraid. He loved her.
For as long as he could remember, Julia Rosemont had been a fixture in his life. He couldn't even pinpoint the exact moment that he'd begun to love her, but it didn't really matter. Somewhere, in the tangled mess of their shared past, the first seeds of the delicate emotion had been sewn, and, even with prolonged absence, they had grown.
Love was the reason why he'd insisted that she have a season. Love was the reason he had helped Nicholas all of those years, helped him set the Candlewood dukedom back to rights. It wasn't guilt. Well, part of it had been, perhaps, but not all of it. No the greater, overriding reason was love.
It was also the reason he had agreed to the seduction, why he had taken Julia to his bed, even when he'd known it was a very bad idea. His head had thought it a bad idea, anyway. His heart, apparently, felt differently. But now, both were in harmony, and he was left feeling strangely happy.
"Are you well, my lord?" He looked down to see Lady Amy Cheltenham looking up at him quizzically. "You are, well, smiling. You do not usually do so."
"So I am," he replied with a bit of wonder. "So I am."
Lady Amy studied him them, as if trying to ascertain whether or not he'd lost his mind. She apparently decided that he hadn't and offered her own smile in return. "It looks good on you, Lord Radcliffe. A welcome change." She paused, as if deciding how far to press the issue. "Might I think that a certain Lady Julia has put that smile there?
"Indeed you might." There was no reason to deny it now, especially since Benjamin had just made up his mind to propose properly to Julia. He would tell her the truth, and pray that his love would be enough to overcome any anger she might feel towards him. After all, she loved him, or he hoped she did, anyway.
Nodding, Lady Amy scanned the crowd as well. "That is wonderful news. Though we have not spoken much, I have always admired you. You do not much care what others think, and are forthright and honest, even when it might be easier to lie. That is quite commendable."
"I see no reason to be otherwise," he replied, a lightness in his heart that he hadn't felt in quite a long time. Perhaps it was time for all of them to begin again. "I understand that you have befriended Lady Julia. Is that true?"
Lady Amy dipped her head in acknowledgement. "To an extent. Most here have been unkind to her, so it is often difficult for her to sort out those with true intentions from those who would be unkind simply for sport. Still, if given the chance, I would like to know her better in time, and I do hope that she returns to London for the Little Season."
"As do I." Benjamin truly meant that. He wanted to see Julia shine brightly, the way she always should have. "Perhaps I can help with that in some small way."
Lady Amy's lips twitched. "I believe you can, my lord." Then she clearly spied someone across the room who wanted her attention. "Forgive me, but my mother has requested that I join her. I should like to speak with you again another time, Lord Radcliffe. Until then." She gave a small curtsey and was gone, sailing across the room to where her mother, Lady Evanston waited.
He assumed that Lady Amy's dragon of a mother would be breathing fire because her innocent daughter had been caught conversing with a notorious man like him. However, she merely offered him a small smile and inclined her head in greeting. It was a welcome gesture, yet another in a night full of surprises.
"I believe we need to speak, my lord."
Benjamin was surprised to see Julia at his elbow for he hadn't heard her approach. His heart jumped a bit at the sight of her, and once more, he knew that this curious feeling in his heart was love. Or something near to it.
"As you wish, my lady," he replied, certain that a stupid expression was still on his face. He led her around the perimeter of the ballroom, stopping here and there to chat, trying to make their disappearance seem casual. For he knew that once he had her alone, he would not be able to let her go. Not without kissing her, at least. And far more if he had his way.
When he was finally able to guide her out onto the terrace, he was fairly itching to place his hands on her once more. He hadn't had her since yesterday, which was, in his opinion, entirely too long. Yet when he moved to pull her into his arms, he stopped, the expression on her face one of pure fury.
"You lied to me, Ben."
As opening lines went, it wasn't precisely what he wanted to hear. Especially when he was about to propose marriage to her.
"I'm sorry, Jules, but I don't understand. What have I lied to you about?" There was honestly nothing that he could recall. Other than the obvious. Which she didn't know about.
Oh, God, he thought. No. Then another thought followed the first. Landover.
Tears sparkled in her eyes as she looked at him. "All this time, Ben, and you never told me. How could you? How could you let me believe those lies? Why didn't you tell me? Why did you leave it up to Landover?"
There was no question now what she was referring to. "How much do you know?" He had no idea where to begin. There had been no classes at Eaton on situations such as this.
"All I know is that you lied," she sniffed dejectedly, but still with a hint of anger about her. "About the scars. About how they came to be there. How did they, Ben? All of it. I need to know." She snorted, so much like the child he had known for years, when he didn't immediately reply. "He was right. Damn him. Landover was right. You do know."
Pulling her deeper into the darkness, he made certain that they were alone, for this was a tale that was not meant for ears other than hers. "Before your parents married, your mother was the darling of the ton, even in her very first season. She was an Incomparable. A diamond of the first water and every man was in love with her, even those that were already married. That was what my mother always told me." He leaned back against the balustrade and crossed his arms. "My father was one of those men."
"But she did not choose him," Julia supplied, her anger at bay for the moment, willing to listen to whatever he had to say. For the first time, she was certain that she would hear the truth of that night. Now was not the time to fight. Some battles were better left for later.
"No, she chose your father, and that was something that my father could not accept." Benjamin sighed and looked off into the distance. "Some of my earliest memories were of my father comparing my mother to yours. And never kindly. Still, it was not something I paid much attention to. At least until you were born."
"Me?" Julia frowned, not certain how her birth had further complicated already messy matters. "What did my birth have to do with anything? I was a baby."
The duke looked at his boots before looking back up at her. "For my father, you were everything. You represented everything that he would never possess. He truly believed that once Nicholas, the heir, was born, that your mother would leave your father and turn to him. My father had pursued her relentlessly during her season, even though he knew she did not favor him. Even after she married, he could not accept that he had lost her."
He gave her a sad look and her heart ached for what he must have witnessed as a child. "Your birth was definitive proof that she preferred her husband to him. She gave him a second child. Until then, my father had convinced himself that she was only doing her duty and then, once she had borne the required heir, would turn back to the man she truly loved."
"Your father." A sick feeling had begun to twist in Julia's stomach, even worse than the one Landover had caused. "But she didn't. She was happy where she was. She and my father were in love. Everyone knew it."
Benjamin shook his head and closed his eyes as if attempting to shut out the memories. "And that was something my father could not accept. He tolerated it for a time, I suppose you could say. Or he was simply biding his time. Five years to be precise."
When he opened his eyes, Julia could see fresh pain there and felt a bit of her feelings of anger and betray melt away. What must it have been like for a little boy to see his father chasing after a woman who did not love him, the mother of his best friend? To have to witness his father turning on his mother, chastising her for not being another woman? She knew it could not have been easy, and she felt herself soften even more towards the man she still loved.
"Tell me the rest. Please." They had come this far in the tale, and Julia knew she needed to see it through to conclusion.
Benjamin reached out to stroke her cheek and sighed softly before continuing. "He did so much during those years. Tempting, offering himself to her year after year with promises of diamonds and jewels, and trips to the Continent. Anything she wanted. All she had to do was leave her family. But she refused. The last time she refused was on his birthday, the same day he announced his intention to divorce my mother. So he did the only thing that seemed reasonable to him. He kidnapped you with the intent to kill you."
Julia squeaked and grasped the duke's hand. Why had no one ever told her this? A part of her mind knew why, however. No one could bear it. But he was telling her now, so that was something. "But how? Why? I was a child."
The duke grasped her hand tightly in his, as if afraid she might run. "In his mind, which I now believe was sick and twisted at this point, probably by the French pox since he was never particularly careful with his women, you were an obstacle. One that he needed to remove. Remember, Nicholas was older and getting ready to leave for school, another obstacle out of the way. There was only you."
A vague memory came to her then. There had been a wet, rainy forest filled with trees and a flash of metal. "He did this." Her fingers stroked the top most scar that ran the length of her cheekbone. "He scarred me. With... With..." She searched her mind, grasping for the answers that she now believed to be hidden there. "A fencing foil," she said slowly. "He used a fencing foil."
Benjamin nodded, confirming her memory. "Your parents followed his trail into the trees that bordered our lands, just as he'd intended. However, he hadn't counted on your father coming as well. He assumed it would just be your mother."
"And he was going to kill me in front of her. So that they could be together." Julia felt cold now, even colder than when she'd confronted Landover. "Why didn't he?"
"I was there. I would not allow it." Benjamin said the words so softly that he wasn't certain she'd heard him. "Nicholas and I
followed your parents as well. We were both at Seldon Park that day, readying to depart for school. Too far from the nearest town for a magistrate to help, and with no one but your father to rescue you. Your brother and I thought he needed our help. We were right, as it turned out." He traced the line of a vein on her hand with his thumb, stroking it softly, as if willing her to be calm. "We took swords from the medieval weaponry cabinet your father kept in the front hall and set off only minutes behind them. To us, your rescue was serious business, but also a little bit of a grand adventure as well. We were boys, after all. I did not think..." He stopped there, unable to continue.
By now, the two of them had moved deeper into the shadows, far from the sights and sounds of the ball, and Benjamin pulled her close to him, needing to feel her heartbeat against his chest. Needing to know that she was still alive and well before he continued. "By the time we got there, he had already scarred you. You were nearly naked, the blood dripping from your body. But you didn't cry. Even then, you were strong."
"And my parents?" She didn't know how they could have stood by and done nothing. She was still coming to terms with the rest of what he had just told her.
"They were pleading for your life, begging him to let you go. But they did not move to try to take you from him." Benjamin rested his chin on the top of her head. "I think that even then, they imagined they could reason with him. But I had seen his rage, knew the true depth of his obsession, where as they never had. There was no reasoning with him. He was too far gone in his madness."
Julia did not really want to hear the rest, but knew she had to. She knew she would be unable to move forward without the full truth of things. "And then? Because I get the feeling they did not save me."
He shook his head and pulled her closer, so close that he nearly crushed her to him. "No. He had already cut your right side and had started on the left. I knew by the way that he moved that he meant that cut to be the last. Then he would kill you in front of everyone." She felt Benjamin swallow hard and tighten his grip on her, even though she did not think it possible. "You were a little girl. Nicholas' sister. I couldn't let him." He kissed the top of her head again. "So I did what I had to do. I ran him through with your father's sword."
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