"You killed your father? For me?" Julia was in shock. There was no other word for it. That was also not at all what she had expected Benjamin to say, even though she knew in her heart that he told the truth.
"I had to." There was no emotion in his tone now, just emptiness. A vast void that had likely been there all along. "He would have killed you otherwise. I couldn't allow that. No one was going to hurt you. Not then. Not now."
Julia raised her hand to her side where the jagged scar was. "That's why the others are smooth and this one ragged." The story fit perfectly. And she knew that no one else could ever know the truth.
"Precisely." He pulled back to look at her, tears glistening in his eyes, though it would not be manly to allow them to fall. "I didn't want to, but he left me no choice. Your parents came back to themselves then, and whisked you back to Seldon Park, taking me with you."
"You killed your father to save my life." The hurt in Julia's heart towards the duke for his deception lessened to almost nothing as the truth sunk in. For as angry as she'd been only moments ago, now that very emotion was slipping away only to be replaced by something far deeper and more meaningful.
"I had to." For Benjamin, there had never been a choice. "My father was ill. I knew it, even if others did not. Had he been denied that time, he would have tried again. And again after that until he had obtained what he desired. Nothing was ever going to keep him from your mother. He was too far gone in his delusions to believe otherwise." Around them, the night insects began to sing, and in that moment, Benjamin knew a lightness that he had never felt before. The secret was out and there was no taking it back.
He rubbed his hands along her upper arms as if to warm her, though he suspected that she was not cold. But he was. "When you were recovering, I talked with the doctors. They probably shouldn't have given information about your health to a child, but I was the duke at that point, and I don't think they knew how to deny me. They told me you would be scarred for life, and I felt so guilty. So damnably guilty. If only I had said something earlier. I knew my father's obsession was out of control, but I did not know how far gone he truly was."
"You were little more than a child yourself, Ben," she reminded him softly, content for the moment to rest in his arms. "It was not your responsibility."
"It felt as if it was," he replied, snuggling her more firmly against him, thankful she had not run from him when she'd learned the truth. "That day, I vowed that I would protect you for as long as I lived. I would make sure no one ever hurt you again. I even made certain no one would ever learn the truth about my father's death. With the help of your family and some local officials, we concocted a story about my father being killed by highwaymen a few days later. No one was to ever know. Until now, no one did."
Julia pulled back slightly so that she could look at Benjamin. "Someone did, because Landover knows. Or, at least I think he does." Quickly she filled him in on Landover's attempt to blackmail her. Until that moment, she had been undecided about whether or not to tell him. Now she knew she could not hide the truth. There had been too many secrets and lies already. She did, however, omit the part where the marquess insisted that Benjamin loved her. There had been enough pain for one night.
"He probably learned the truth from Meggy's mother," Benjamin finally said, after giving it some consideration. "She was in your parents employ at the time of the kidnapping, but she left shortly after to become nanny to Landover. And, I suspect, that Meggy learned the truth from her mother as well. A secret like that would be far too valuable to take to the grave."
"So what shall we do?" Julia knew she should still be furious with Benjamin, but found that she could not be, no matter how much she tried. Yes, he had lied to her, but there had been a reason. One that directly involved her. And him. It would have been a scandal for the ages had the truth become public. A son killing his own father to save the life of a little girl. Both of the families would have been ruined, and she knew that neither of them would have ever recovered.
She also understood now that Nicholas had been right in what he'd said earlier. She did use her scars as a shield, not allowing anyone to get close to her. What her parents had started by exiling her to Sussex, she had continued and possibly made worse, even though she had been given the power to change her situation. Benjamin had given it to her by forcing her to have a season. And she had wasted it. Or nearly so.
Still, the fact remained that the secret needed to stay buried in the past. After all these years, it could still do significant social damage to all of them.
With a sigh, Benjamin pulled back from her and looked towards the mansion where he was certain Landover still waited. "We do nothing. You allow me to deal with Landover."
"I will not allow him to hurt you," she said fiercely. He had done quite enough on his own. Now it was her turn to help him. "I will do whatever is necessary to keep all of us safe."
"And I shall not allow you to go to his bed." There was no possible way Benjamin would give on that point.
"Then we are at an impasse." Julia's heart ached. This was not how she had dreamed of her season ending. She'd dreamed of romance and had received blackmail instead. "For I do not think that either of us will relent."
For a moment, she thought he would not answer her, but then he turned back to face her, his eyes alight. "No, I do not think either of us will." Then he reached out and stroked her cheek, much as the marquess had done earlier. Only this time, she leaned into the touch, hungry for more. "But we do not need to decide tonight. Tomorrow we can plan."
"And until then?" Julia could almost see the unspoken question in his eyes. A scant hour earlier, she would have called anyone who might have suggested that she would end up back in his arms, all forgiven, insane. But this was Benjamin. Her Ben. The man she loved. The man who had saved her life. She could not deny him. Nor did she want to.
"Let me make love to you, Jules." An array of emotions flickered across his face, but she only saw one. Love. He might not be able to say the words, and he might never allow himself to feel it, but he did love her. And that was enough for now.
"Yes, Ben." It was the only answer she could give. "Whatever you wish."
They never returned to the ball. Instead, they snuck out the back through the gardens and into the mews until they reached the duke's home in Mayfair. Julia knew she risked being ruined, but she no longer cared. So much that she'd once believed important no longer mattered. All that mattered was Ben. He was right. Tomorrow, and all of its consequences, would come soon enough. Tonight, they simply needed each other.
Finally, when they were in his bed and she was spread beneath him, Julia allowed a few tears to slip from her eyes. In her heart, she knew this was the end of their time together. Things had changed. The truth was out, and, were there no Landover, they might be able to forge a new path. But he was there, always lurking in the darkness, ready to destroy both of them. As long as that was the case, there would be no happy ending for any of them.
Then Benjamin slid inside of her, and she forgot to breathe for a moment, everything else falling away. As he began to thrust, Julia's thoughts flew only to him and the incredible sensations he was causing in her body. There was only Benjamin, the Duke of Radcliffe. The man she loved. And no one else.
Chapter Twelve
When Julia awoke just before dawn the next morning, she was certain of two things. One, that Benjamin was gone, and two, that she was likely in very big trouble with her brother. She hadn't gone home the night before, though she'd meant to, certainly. However, time had escaped both of them, and at some point after what seemed like endless lovemaking, she'd drifted off to sleep, content in her lover's arms.
Rolling over, she spied a note with her name on it propped up on a small table next to the bed. Thinking that it was a love note, she pulled it to her and took her time savoring the feel of it in her hands. He did care for her; she knew it in her deepest of hearts. Then, she opened the note and her entire world fell away. The ve
ry thing she'd wished to avoid - a duel - was happening anyway. Only it wasn't her brother's life at stake. It was Benjamin's.
Grasping the bell pull, she rang for a servant, not caring that the sight of her in the duke's bedroom would be beyond scandalous. She was tired of living by other people's dictates. She hadn't done so back at Seldon Park, so why should she change? It was time for that woman, the old Julia, to reemerge from the place she'd been hidden, tucked away so deep inside of herself that she'd never been meant to come out again. Well, things changed.
When a servant, a maid thankfully, arrived, Julia instructed the woman to help her dress. She hated the thought of putting her ballgown back on, but there was little help for it. She did, however, request a coat be found somewhere, for she didn't want to shock the entire ton into heart palpitations. Not to mention that it would be easier to move in the scant bit of pre-dawn that was left if she did not look so much like a lady.
Julia also asked that a horse be readied for her, the gentlest of what was available in the duke's stables, and was rather surprised when no one, not even the butler, objected. It was as if they knew who she was and why she was there. Perhaps they did.
When she was dressed, she marched downstairs and out to the stables as if she was mistress of the house. She wasn't, of course, but none of his servants questioned her, accepting her presence as if it was a given. Vowing again to think on that later, she mounted astride, as there was no side saddle available, and set out for the far side of Hyde Park. Benjamin's note had not indicated where the duel was to take place, but she knew from rumor that there was only one suitable location in London for such an activity.
Knowing that she was already ruined, both in truth and in reputation, she spurred the horse on faster as the sun began to rise over the horizon. For a moment, she felt as if she was back home at Seldon Park. There, she had honed her riding skills, better than most men she knew, and she found that now she was glad of it. Had she not, there was little chance she would make it to the dueling field on time. She had to stop this. If that meant stripping naked for the marquess right there on the field so that he could win the stupid bet at White's, then she would. She would do whatever was necessary to save Benjamin's life.
Drat the stubborn man! He was going to be the death of her, and she would kill him. Unless, of course, Landover beat her to it. She did not much like that idea.
The first golden rays of dawn began to creep over the horizon and Benjamin turned to look at his best friend and second, Nicholas Rosemont. He knew he should consider himself lucky that Nicholas was still talking to him. After all, he'd roused the man from bed at an ungodly early - or late, depending on one's preference - hour and, among other things, had confessed to deflowering the man's sister. Strangely, Nicholas had acted as if he'd already known.
The Duke of Candlewood hadn't known about Landover, however, or his threats, including those against Nicholas himself. That had, of course, roused the other man to anger, an emotion he rarely showed, but it had cooled quickly when Benjamin outlined his plan. Of course Nicholas had objected, but then, he had no viable alternative to offer, either. The marquess needed to be stopped, once and for all. Benjamin had killed once to protect Julia, as well as the rest of the Rosemont family. He would do so again without qualm, as long as she was safe.
He did think that perhaps he should have told her that he loved her, just in case things went wrong, but he hadn't thought that far ahead. All he had been able to think about was Landover and the man's threats. He would have Julia over Benjamin's dead body. Which, of course, it might come to, though he sincerely hoped not.
"You don't have to do this." Nicholas' words broke into Benjamin's thoughts. "We'll find another way."
Shaking his head, Benjamin looked across the field to where Landover waited. "We won't. The only thing this man understands is force. You know that as well as I. For God's sake, he tried to coerce your sister into his bed!"
"Still, Ben, a duel is dangerous. For everyone." Radcliffe knew what Candlewood was implying. Besides being illegal, it was common knowledge that the marquess, like his friend Berkshire, didn't play fair. Both of them could end up dead.
"What would you have me do? Simply ask him to cease his plan for revenge?" Benjamin wasn't really expecting an answer. "This is about more than you and Julia, and you well know it. This is about Catherine, and Landover will not rest until he's satisfied that I have suffered for my supposed sins."
Nick could only nod in agreement, knowing the truth of those words. The marquess wasn't about to let things rest, at least not as long as he still believed Radcliffe had wronged him. "Then I suppose I had best check the weapons then, hadn't I?"
It didn't need saying that Nick would owe Benjamin a great deal after this, because Nick already owed his friend for a great many other things. One more to add to the total would not change the fact that Nick could never repay the debt. Not that Benjamin would ever ask him to. That was part of the reason why Nick couldn't muster up much anger over Radcliffe's affair with Julia. If all the man wanted was Nick's sister, both of whom were in love with each other, that was little to ask in return for all that had been given.
As if reading his mind, Benjamin put his hand on Nick's shoulder. "I would do this anyway, you know. Even if she wasn't directly involved."
"Because you love her." The answer was so simple, and always had been. Nick was just happy his friend was finally admitting the truth. In some way, Benjamin had always loved Julia even when they were children. Back then, it was merely a matter of friendship, but over the years, it had deepened. Now? Well, Nick wasn't precisely sure how deep that commitment went at the moment, but if he had to guess, he suspected that it was deep enough to last a lifetime.
"How long have you known?" Benjamin saw no use in denying his feelings any longer. If it were someone else, certainly, but not to Julia's brother. Though perhaps he should have told the lady in question first. There was that.
Nick busied himself with examining the pistol. "A while." He had no exact time, no precise moment when he'd come to the realization, but rather a gradual knowledge that had built in his mind. "For what it's worth, I approve. You two suit, and you would be good for her, I think."
Benjamin was about to thank his friend and then ask, if they both survived the next ten minutes, if he could marry Julia, but he was interrupted by the pounding of hoofbeats coming hard and fast through the park. In the dim morning light, it was difficult to make out the features of the rider that approached. Then, despite the fact that the person was riding astride, he saw the hem of a gown. Julia.
"No." Benjamin's single word was barely a whisper, but it was enough that Nick turned in time to see his sister flying over the hill towards them, her hair streaming behind her as if she were an avenging angel.
They watched stunned as she pulled up beside them, breathing hard and clearly out of breath. "What are you two lackwits about?" she ground out through her teeth and then glared at Benjamin. "I expected this from you." Then she swung her furious gaze to her brother. "But not from you. Did you encourage this foolishness?"
"He will ruin you, Jules." Nick had to make his sister understand. "He knows everything about that day."
"As do you," she reminded him sharply, "yet you never saw fit to tell me the truth."
Nick raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. She was the last person he wanted to argue with. "I was only trying to protect you. We all were."
She sniffed in distain, clearly not liking his response. "A lot of good it did me. To not know the truth? How could you?" She had accepted Benjamin's explanation last night, but in the light of day, the entire situation seemed a little less clear to her. Especially now that both of them were being mutton-brained idiots about this stupid, foolish duel.
"If we had, Benjamin might have been arrested." Nick reached up and took the reins from Julia's shaking hands. "If the truth comes out, he still might. He killed his father, Julia. We simply couldn't. Besides, he loved..."
But before Nick could finish, a shot rang out, and Benjamin turned to see Landover standing by a clump of trees, a smoking weapon in his hand. Clearly, he'd been aiming for his nemesis, but while they'd been talking, Julia's horse, one that was obviously uneasy around so many people, had been stamping the ground and moving about.
"No." Benjamin was there before Julia could fall to the ground, the force of the bullet knocking her from her horse, which bolted, riderless, across the field and out of sight. Another shot exploded next to him, and he looked up just in time to see the ground beside him torn apart. They were under fire and had nowhere to run.
He leaned down and shielded Julia's body with his own, thankful that he could still feel her heart beat, even as blood from somewhere around her torso coated his hands. He prayed that the wound wasn't deep. He could not lose her. Not now. He wanted to run, to get her to the nearest physician, just as he had so long ago. Those memories assailed him now, leaving him frozen in place, unable to do so much as call for help. Reality quickly set in. They were all dead unless something changed.
Then, in the next moment, Nicholas, as cool and collected as Benjamin had ever seen him, expertly placed a shot that hit directly at the marquess' feet using the dueling pistol he was still holding. "The next time, Landover, I will not miss." Then he stood and produced a second pistol from beneath his jacket. "This ends now. Whatever revenge you think you wanted, it is done. Finished. Leave my family and friends in peace." There was a hard edge to his friend that Benjamin had never seen, and he wondered why he had never known Candlewood was capable of such violence."
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