‘I had to know what—or who—I was agreeing to support. And I’m glad I did it. I now understand why you need me.’ She paused, sensing the tone of the conversation would change if she continued talking about the things she’d learnt the night before. Unwilling to lose the easiness between them, she said, ‘Besides, now I’m prepared if some woman tries to gouge my eyes out.’
* * *
‘It’s not that bad,’ Jacques said, hoping his blasé attitude would mask his embarrassment.
‘Yeah, you’re right. I mean, the articles didn’t make it sound bad at all,’ she teased. ‘Only about ninety per cent of them used the name “Bad-Boy Brookes” when referring to your personal life—the other times they used it to refer to your willingness to do whatever it took to win a match. And it was also only used if you were seen partying with more than one woman over a single weekend. So you’re right,’ she said again. ‘It really wasn’t that bad.’
She stood, and Jacques’s eyes moved over her. The jeans she wore highlighted the curves of her hips, and he stood quickly so that his eyes wouldn’t be drawn to them any more. Not that it made him uncomfortable. He had always been the type of man who appreciated the female body, and he wasn’t afraid to show it. Except that Lily... Well, she wasn’t the kind of girl who inspired the lust he was used to.
His eyes travelled over her body one more time, and he felt the result of it in his chest, his gut, and then his body. No, he thought again, not the type of lust he was used to at all...
‘But then, of course, there was that photo shoot.’
Her eyes widened, her cheeks glowing with that wonderful colour he’d grown to like so much the night before, and he grinned.
‘Which one? My agent at the time had me do quite a few.’
‘The underwear one,’ she said in a high-pitched voice , and avoided his eyes.
His smile grew broader. She hadn’t intended telling him she knew about that, he thought. So why had she?
‘Yeah, that was at the peak of my career. One of my favourites. Body didn’t croak then like it does now.’
‘Are you fishing for compliments?’
She still wasn’t looking at him, and he took a step closer.
‘Only if you have them.’
‘Somehow I think your ego can handle it if I don’t offer them to you.’
‘Maybe my ego, but not my heart. I need to hear my girlfriend compliment me. Just once.’
Her lips twitched, and she brought her eyes back to his. ‘You know you look just as good now as you did then. Even though I haven’t seen you in your underwear recently.’
‘We could change that.’
The joking air between them immediately turned into a sizzle. He hadn’t intended to say the words, but he hadn’t been able to stop them when she’d spoken. And damned if he didn’t mean them. He could see it as clearly now as he had during their kiss last night. The chemistry, the attraction... He wanted it more than he could say. It was almost as if he...needed it.
The thought jolted him, and he took a step back. Forced himself to take control again.
‘Is it going to be a problem for you?’ he finally said, to change the subject.
‘What?’
Her voice was a little breathy—just as it had been after their kiss—and he had to steel himself against the desire.
‘My dating history?’
She shook her head quickly, causing the curls she had tied up at the base of her skull to bounce.
‘Of course not. It’s not like we’re really dating. I have no emotional investment in this whatsoever.’
Her face had gone blank with the words, and for the first time since he’d seen her that morning he wondered why she was there. Was she paying back a debt?
He searched her face for a clue that there was more, but saw nothing.
And that had his instincts screaming.
There was something else—something more—but he wouldn’t know what until he asked her.
Before he could, they were interrupted.
‘Mr Brookes, they want to go through your questions one last time.’
Earl had come back, and with one last look in Lily’s direction, Jacques walked out through the door.He forced himself to focus on what he was there to do, and went through the questions he’d previously been emailed with the producers one last time.
He knew his PR firm had given the studio those questions, which was why he’d agreed to this appearance in the first place. It was also why neither Jade nor Riley was there yet. He was confident enough about his answers—answers they had coached him through—to have them there only for the interview itself.
He knew the questions off by heart by now: how was his business going? Particularly his international expansion? Did he have any news about his personal life?
He hadn’t had much of an answer for that when they’d first spoken about it, but now he would casually mention his relationship with the lovely Lily Newman, and send her a loving look on camera, after which the host would go on to talk about his past rugby career.
Did he miss it? Did he regret the way it had ended?
Since he did, he would say so, and the sincerity of his words—according to his PR firm—would be a great segue into his plans for buying his old club. Hopefully seeing him in a stable new relationship, doing a popular family show would boost his image enough that the club’s sponsors wouldn’t pull out if he bought it.
But he didn’t want to spend any more time thinking about the hoops he had to jump through to get people’s approval. When he was finished with the producers he walked out of the room—and paused when he saw Lily.
Her arms were folded over a loose red top, a patterned white and red scarf perfectly accessorising the effortless look. She looked a little out of place, he thought, and watched her brush one of her tight curls from her face. It didn’t seem to matter that the curls were tied at the nape of her neck. They found a way to frame her face regardless.
She turned to him, smiled , and his heart slowed, nearly, nearly stopping. His lungs constricted and he felt as if he’d been kicked in the stomach.
It took a moment for him to recover. The smile on her face disappeared and she took a step forward, but he raised a hand and waved her away, not sure he could have spoken to her if she had come to face him.
What just happened? an inner voice asked, but he shook his head, unable—unwilling—to answer that question. He couldn’t afford to. Not minutes before his interview.
And yet when he was called on to the set he had to actively force himself to focus on what he was about to do.
He dismissed the insecurity that threatened, reminding himself that he was good at playing games. He’d made an entire career of it, hadn’t he?
He could pretend to have a girlfriend, and he could pretend to be someone the public wanted him to be. The way he played only mattered if he didn’t score the try, he reminded himself, and no matter what happened he would be scoring this try. He would be the one to buy his club.
It had saved him from the anger he’d felt at home—had given him an outlet for the frustration he’d felt with his family. But when he’d realised his family wasn’t worth it he’d let that anger control him. He’d let it ruin the thing that had always given him meaning. Purpose. But he would make up for it—for the mistakes he’d made before he’d known any better.
‘Welcome back to Latte Mornings!’ David, the host of the television show’s sports segment, spoke the moment the producer gave the signal. ‘Today’s guest needs no introduction. He is one of our biggest rugby legends, who earned respect during his rugby career because of his phenomenal talent. Mr Jacques Brookes. Thanks for being here, Jacques.’
Game on.
‘Thanks for having me.’
David went through the qu
estions Jacques had prepared for, only going off-script to make a joke or to comment about something Jacques had said. He didn’t once mention Jacques’s suspension, which was a relief, since Jacques had worried about that before the interview. Now, though, Jacques was more concerned about the questions regarding his personal life. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know why that was the case...
‘So, Jacques, tell us about what’s going on in your personal life? Are you still breaking hearts?’
David laughed, and for a moment Jacques wanted to wipe the smile off David’s face. Why would the man remind people of one of the things Jacques wanted them to forget?
‘Well, actually, I’ve been dating someone I think may be the one.’ He looked over at Lily, smiled, and watched as a pretty flush covered her cheeks.
He was still astounded at the fact that something that simple—that natural—could wind his insides with attraction.
David raised his eyebrows. ‘That wasn’t the answer I was expecting, but that’s great. How long have you two been together?’
His mind blanked for a moment, and his accelerated heart-rate suddenly had very little to do with his attraction to Lily.
‘Er...six months?’ He glanced at Lily, and she nodded and smiled.
He felt steadier. He’d remembered that six months was how long she’d told Kyle they had been together, so the timing would be consistent in their world of pretence.
He realised that his answer had sounded unsure, so he laughed and looked back at David. ‘I was just making sure I got it right.’
‘Of course. We wouldn’t want you to get into trouble.’
David smiled at the camera, and Jacques resisted the temptation to roll his eyes. He didn’t care much for David’s sometimes over-the-top media personality, but he knew it got the ratings, so he ignored it.
‘Tell us a little more about your girlfriend...?’
David’s eyebrows rose again, and Jacques answered, ‘Lily.’
‘Lily. What a beautiful name.’
David smiled over at Lily, and when Jacques’s eyes followed he saw her return it with a shy smile of her own.
‘Tell us more about her. What does she do for a living? How did you two meet?’
Jacques wasn’t sure how long he sat there, his brain telling him that he should have anticipated this line of questioning before he’d mentioned her. Suddenly he realised he knew nothing about her except the little she’d offered—and that wasn’t nearly enough to maintain the pretence.
Gears shifted in his head, and he forced steel into his gut as he tried to resist the decision his mind had already made. He had to do this, he thought. It was the only way he wouldn’t destroy his plan with his faux pas.
‘I’d love to tell you more about her, but actually I think this would be a great opportunity to introduce her to the public. Lily, could you come over here, please?’
CHAPTER SEVEN
PLEASE TELL ME I’m dreaming, Lily thought when Jacques called her over. It certainly seemed like one of those horrible dreams—going on a live television show that almost the entire South African population watched, unprepared. Especially with everyone on set looking at her expectantly.
She felt someone touch her back, and then the coat that had been in her hands was replaced with a microphone and her feet were moving, one at a time, until she was under bright lights and next to Jacques.
Up close, she could see something in his eyes that she couldn’t place her finger on, but it didn’t matter when she was pretty much living her worst nightmare.
‘It’s lovely to have you with us, Lily.’
David broke the silence, and his eyes told her he was as surprised—possibly even as annoyed—as she was at her being on camera.
‘Thank you,’ she said softly, and it took Jacques moving the hand that held the mike for her to realise she hadn’t spoken into it. Feeling the heat in her face, she cleared her throat and repeated the words into the mike.
You have to stay calm, Lily, she told herself. Be confident. This is your chance to do exactly what you came here for.
‘Am I in trouble?’ Jacques asked, breaking the tension her little fumble had caused, and he casually put his arm around her waist, pulling her closer.
She couldn’t deny that it calmed her—which she might have appreciated if he hadn’t been the one to put her in this position in the first place.
‘Definitely!’ she answered through numb lips, and resisted looking around when she heard a chuckle go through the studio.
‘Is this the first time he’s done something like this, Lily?’ David asked her, and she idly thought that he must have recovered from his shock.
‘Yes. And the last time, too, if I have anything to say about it.’
Another chuckle went through the studio, and she felt herself relax slightly. She would survive this, she thought, and then she would take her time and enjoy killing her pretend boyfriend.
‘We’ve been pretty private for the most part.’
Jacques spoke up, and she looked down at his smiling face. Noted that the smile was more apology than amusement.
‘Which is why there hasn’t been anything on social media? Or in the gossip columns, for that matter?’ David asked, and drew Lily’s attention to the fact that in the world that they currently lived in, relationships were all over social media. And, since Jacques was a public figure, there should have been some sign of their relationship somewhere.
Jacques’s hand around her waist tightened, and she wondered whether he could tell that she was beginning to panic.
‘I think when you have something this special you don’t really want it to be in the public eye.’
It would have been a sufficient answer, but Lily found herself saying, ‘And since I knew that Jacques was a public figure, and I’d heard about his...his past, I wanted to take it slow and keep it between us for as long as possible. I guess that will end after today.’
David smiled at her, and then sobered. ‘And his past doesn’t bother you?’
‘We all have pasts, David. They make you the person you are. But they aren’t the entirety of what defines you. Jacques is one of the best people I know. He works harder than anyone. His business ethic is impeccable. He does so much for the people he cares about, and his charity work—’ which she’d read about only a few hours ago ‘—clearly shows that he doesn’t need to know those people personally. If I had let whatever had happened in his past affect my answer the day he first asked me out I wouldn’t ever have got to know the other sides of him.’
There was a long pause after she spoke, and she looked down at Jacques to see warmth in his eyes. Her cheeks grew hot again.
‘Well,’ David said eventually, ‘it really does seem like you know a different Jacques to the man we’re used to. But that might not be a bad thing.’ David winked, and then continued, ‘We have to go to an advertisement break now, but when we come back we’ll talk to Jacques a little bit more about that past we’ve just touched on.’
When they were off the air Lily’s legs began to shake. A delayed reaction, she thought, and was incredibly grateful that it hadn’t happened while they were still live. Before she knew it Jacques’s arms were around her, drawing her into a hug while keeping her steady, and she wondered if he had sensed her instability.
‘Thank you,’ he said.
His sincerity sent a shiver through her, and she folded her arms around him so that their display of affection didn’t look strange.
But she didn’t respond, unsure of whether the mike he still had pinned to his top was on and if anyone would hear her say what she really wanted to. She drew back after a moment, her body prickling with awareness even though she wanted to kill him.
‘All this attention has made me a little shaky. I think I’ll wait in the make-up room, so
you can’t call me back on air again.’
Lily made sure that there was a lightness to the tone she used as she spoke, making it sound teasing and not like the warning it really was. But when she looked at Jacques she saw acknowledgement of her real intentions.
She took a deep breath and walked to the make-up room, aware that people were now watching her. She pretended not to notice, and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw that no one was in the room. She closed the door behind her, locked it, and then sank onto the nearest couch.
Her hands were shaking, she realised, and curled her fingers into her palms to stop them from making her seem like she wasn’t calm. Even though no one was there, and even though no one would see her panic, she still felt the compulsion to pretend not to be vulnerable.
It was a defence mechanism she had developed to survive the bullying at school. And it was one that had kept her from seeing the person Kyle had really been. From seeing what their relationship had really been. Because if she could pretend everything was okay, even to herself, then surely it would be. It had to be.
But that had never been the case. For her younger self being overweight had meant bullying from her peers. And being an introvert who didn’t know what she wanted for the longest time had meant her parents had never understood her. How could they when they were extroverted, successful professionals who’d always known exactly what they wanted?
Her solution had been to pull back, to be someone no one would notice. That was why Kyle’s attention had been so flattering. But then he’d tried to make her believe that who she was wasn’t enough. And because it had been so easy to believe him, it had taken seeing him with another woman to realise that she was enough.
No, she thought, that wasn’t true. It had taken seeing him with another woman to make her realise that she should be enough, and that she needed to believe it.
She’d been doing a pretty good job of it, she thought, until she’d gone on live TV unprepared and all the insecurities had come rushing back. Now everyone would be watching her, judging her. She looked down at the clothes she was wearing and started to shake again. They made her look even frumpier than she usually did, and the confidence she’d had when she’d chosen them washed away.
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