She moaned as we kissed, her hand pressed against my chest while I held her in place— my free hand flowed through those gorgeous locks of hers before I steadied her head, wanting to ravage her lips and taste her.
Her tongue brushed along my lower lip, making me sigh. I let her tongue slip into my mouth— my groin lifting slightly to press firmly against her sex.
I could feel the change my little movement had made— the growth in lust was making it hard for me to think straight. I noticed her sudden exhaustion as we exchanged kisses, but I knew she didn't want me to stop. I rolled us over, hoping the change in position and allowing her to rest against the sheets would ease her and prevent her from getting dizzy, especially with the lack of air.
Neither of us wanted to stop, but I had to put my desires on the back burner and think of her health. I placed a firm kiss on her lips before lowering my head to her neck and taking my time to leave a fresh hickey for everyone to see.
“Mako, I’m only stopping because you need rest, not because I don’t want this. I’ve craved this body since that night I woke up to you in my arms. So, don’t you dare think you’re not worth my love. You are everything to me. I just need you to heal and become stronger. Then, I’ll ravish you. Understood?” I insisted, lifting my head to stare into her eyes as I made my conviction.
“Okay. Thank you, Ryder...for loving me...all of me,” she whispered, allowing her arms to wrap around my neck, bringing me down for one more kiss.
No, my sweet Makoto, thank you.
I opened the door, leaving just enough space to poke my head through. I peered at the bed where Makoto was sitting and reading her e-reader. This was among the ten times I'd come to check on her, wanting to make sure she was okay and comfortable.
She glanced up to meet my eyes— raising an eyebrow.
"Ryder. I'm fine for the tenth time. You don't need to come check on me every five minutes," she huffed.
I grinned, entering the room and closing the door behind me.
Nightmare sat on the edge of the bed, staring intently at me as her tails waved back and forth- going from their normal grey to a light pink.
I smirked, petting her soft white fur which made her purr in delight. I noticed Mako's smile as she watched— a wave of compassion surrounded her. It was times like these I loved feeling her emotions, knowing I was doing something right.
She might not have realized, but she was a first for most of us. I didn't know about Kai, but the others hadn't dated anyone. It just seemed odd to us and even with our hormones, it didn't feel right to have sex with the random female shifters who flung themselves at us, every chance they got.
I walked over to sit next to her; Mako shuffled over to give me enough space. We shared a slow passionate kiss; her hand slid into mine.
"You can't keep interrupting me," she whispered, her lips inches away from mine.
"I know. I...can't help it," I confessed, kissing her neck.
She let out a soft moan, the reaction I always got when I kissed the sensitive spot on her neck.
I finished kissing her, relaxing my head against the headboard. She shuffled, turning slightly before resting her head on my shoulder. I let my hand slide on her shoulder, my fingers already beginning to play with her hair.
"I'm not going anywhere, you know," she whispered.
"I know."
"Something's bothering you."
"..."
"Ryder."
"I'm scared you'll disappear. We almost lost you...we did at one point. Every time I sit quietly when you’re not near, the image of Kai and Daniel trying to get you to breathe flickers in my mind. Over and over, I keep thinking that if I don't keep an eye on you...you'll fade away. I know it's silly and I'm trying to work on it..." I trailed off.
I didn't know how to explain how I felt, unsure if anyone could grasp the fear that plagued my mind when I sat in silence. The others were all doing stuff, leaving me alone in the living room. I really did want to give her space, but my anxiety would add to my fears.
She was quiet for a moment, her hand squeezing mine tightly.
"I understand. You have every right to feel worried and it isn't silly or wrong to do so. To be honest, it warms my heart for all of you to be so concerned. I've...died before. I know how it feels to face death and I'm not afraid of it. Well...I wasn't before I met you guys. I think the biggest fear I had before I blacked out was if I died, I'd be leaving my loved ones behind. I didn't know what that would feel like back at the facility, but now that I pondered on it...I would have regretted accepting death so easily. I would feel bad for leaving all of you behind," she disclosed.
A minute passed before she continued.
"Regardless of what happened these last two weeks, I'm not going anywhere. I won't accept death easily either. I doubt we’ll have to deal with a situation like the exam again, especially now that we'll be heading to Heila soon, but if it reassures you even a little, I won't give up," she finished.
"But...how about your loyalty mark? Or if one of us isn't with you," I countered.
"Are any of you planning to give me time alone aside from bathing which I know Kai stays out in the hall.” I point out.
I blushed glancing away. I could feel her eyes on me.
"I...ya, I told him to keep an eye on you when you’re bathing. What if an enemy tries to attack you?" I argued.
She laughed, the hearty sound calmed my nerves. "In the washroom? I'm sorry, but that's not happening. I can at least save myself from drowning in the tub, for your information." She giggled.
"We just want to keep you safe, Makoto," I revealed, looking down at her.
She smiled, her hand brushing lightly against my rough cheek— another reminder I needed to shave.
"I know. If it makes you all more comfortable, then you can continue checking in every five minutes. Just don't interrupt my reading time. And as for the loyalty mark, the moment we reach Heila we can get it fixed. I guess my father wouldn't mind," she reassured me, pressing a kiss on my cheek.
I smiled, giving her a kiss on her lips.
"King Arthur is just as kind hearted as you. He would be eager to get that loyalty mark replaced with your home marking. It would also calm our anxiety" I admitted.
She snuggled against me, resting her head on my chest while I relaxed. We laid in a comfortable silence for a while— my hand aimlessly playing with her hair while I rested my eyes.
"Mako."
"Yes, Ryder."
"There's something else I want to tell you."
I knew Elias or EliaseAnne would have wanted to tell her first, but I didn't want to keep any other secrets and I knew this would need to be addressed sooner rather than later.
"You're a mass murderer," she hummed.
I blinked looking down to see her wide grin. "No, I'm not. Well...does the exam or our original rescue mission count?" I questioned, remembering the shifters we had to slay to get to Mako.
"No. They were too far gone to be saved. Ending their misery would have been a blessing rather than something to be looked down upon. It sounds wrong, but those shifters were forced to do anything that the Owner...I mean King Aspen, wanted them to do. That included killing innocent shifters," she reassured me, giving me a small smile.
"Then, no. I'm not a mass murderer." I returned her smile with my own.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
"Do you recall Professor Sepherant?" I asked.
She looked confused for a moment, attempting to think about the man in question. "The name sounds familiar, but I can’t pin the name to an image in my mind. Kinda fuzzy. Maybe it's because of everything that happened," she suggested.
I frowned, shaking my head in disapproval. "No. He was a substitute Professor at Knightwood. You and EliaseAnne bumped into him after your first day of classes," I explained.
She looked puzzled. "The day I got sick? With the fever and all?"
"Yes. That day," I confirmed.
"What about it or this Pro
fessor?" she asked.
"Professor Sepherant was actually Jeffrey in disguise. We didn't know at the time, but when you and Eli were heading to Matthew's office, he purposely bumped into you. Eli explained that you froze up and she had to pull you out of the situation. She took you to into a classroom to calm you down, but you went into a full panic mode. She was afraid you'd hurt yourself or cause the school to crumble so she placed a spell on you," I explained.
"A spell to do what?" Mako asked.
Her voice had no emotion, making it difficult for anyone else to understand how she felt about it. But with my gift, I could sense confusion, concern and a hint of anger.
"Don't be mad. It erased your memories of your confrontation with Professor Sepherant and if by chance you two saw each other in the halls, you wouldn't freak out like you did before. Eli was concerned he'd be your weakness and didn't want you having a panic attack in the packed halls of Knightwood during peak hours.”
She was silent for a few minutes, taking everything in. It was difficult to keep track of her up and down emotions, but I knew she didn't like the fact her memories were wiped by the way her anger stayed leveled compared to her other emotions that moved in a type of wavelength.
"Anything else?" she asked.
"No. That's all. Elias and Eli wanted to inform you, but we were going to wait till we reached Heila, just in case you crossed paths with him during or after the exams," I finished.
She nodded, sitting up. She moved to sit crossed legged on the other side of the bed, resting her back against the wall. Nighty scurried to sit in the space between her crossed legs, her tails alternating between blue and red.
"Are you mad?" I whispered, sitting up and repositioning myself so we sat parallel to one another— both of us crossed legged.
"I...don't know yet," she admitted. Her hands went through her hair; she bit her lip as she watched Nighty whimper. She frowned, looking upset which only made Nightmare’s distress grow.
"I don't like that you didn't tell me," she pointed out, lifting her eyes to glare at me.
"I know. I'm sorry." I wasn't going to make excuses. It wouldn't make her feel any better.
She sighed, lifting Nightmare into her arms. Her tails began to glow red as she nuzzled her head against Mako's cheek.
"I'm not going to lie and say I'm not upset about it. But...I get why EliaseAnne did it and why you all had to hold back from telling me. But I don't like secrets. I hate being left out of the loop, especially when I'm supposed to be your Princess. I want to be a part of the team, not shoved to the side and only told when one of you believe I deserve to know. Understand?" she stressed, giving me a stern look.
I nodded. "I understand," I whispered. I wasn't used to seeing Makoto mad, making me uneasy as my fingers fidgeted— my right hand beginning to tremble.
She noticed, her eyes lowering to my right hand. She sighed again. "I'm not mad at you, Ryder. Don't be anxious. I forgive you for agreeing to it and I'm thankful you had the courage to tell me." She gave me a weak smile.
"I'm sorry we didn't tell you earlier. On behalf of the others, I'll ensure we don't keep secrets from you. Even if you may not like to hear the truth," I revealed.
She nodded. "Okay. Thank you," she whispered.
"You’re welcome, Princess," I replied.
Nightmare wiggled out of her embrace, dropping down and bouncing between the two of us — her tails a bright yellow.
Mako giggled. "You’re just happy because I'm not mad at him or the others," she huffed.
I crawled toward her— resting my hand on the wall next to her while my other rested on her right knee, leaning to press my lips firmly on hers. She didn't hesitate to kiss me back, her shoulders relaxing as the tension left them.
I didn't want her stressed over this— Karen already told us to make sure Mako's emotions were balanced and to keep her relaxed till she recovered.
"I'm sorry, baby. Don't stress about it okay?" I whispered.
"I won't. It's fine...can we kiss one more time?" she asked, her eyes barely open.
I gave her another kiss, my hand leaving her knee to caress her cheek— using the wall to hold my weight off my knees.
One kiss turned into five minutes of kissing before we were both satisfied, pulling away to catch our breaths.
"Mew, mew, mew."
We both glanced at Nightmare who was rolling around the bed, keeping herself entertained during our make out session.
"I'll let you be. I know you have a bunch of new books to read." I gestured to her e-reader that lay a few inches away from her.
"Yes. Marcus' friend's girlfriend put a bunch of books in there. There are loads, so I want to read them all." She grinned; excitement flashed in her eyes.
"Okay." I gave her a kiss on the forehead before I retreated off the bed.
She smiled, shuffling back to her position and pulling the blanket over her legs, grabbing the e-reader. Nighty walked onto her lap, curling into a ball and began purring.
"Ryder."
I stopped at the door, my hand on the knob.
"Yes, Mako?"
"You can check on me as many times as you want. Just remember, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I may be fragile for now, but I'm stronger than before. I won't fade away and if there's a small chance I lose my motivation to fight and live in this glorious world filled with many unknowns, be there to remind me. Okay?" she whispered.
I nodded. "Okay."
She was right. What doesn't kill you, does make you stronger.
SOLACE ROTATION, VIII CYCLE 5032
"As we gather here today, we remember a magnificent woman. A shifter who since she could understand our laws and ways made every effort to help her parents to make peace. Every cycle that passes is a difficult one, but we remember the good memories of our Princess, Anya Carter. Anya and her demon spirit, AnneMaria Carter, strived to make a change in the few cycles they had graced this world. Though there are going to be days where we will question if she's with the stars, the Starlight gods have a reason for all and, I believe, wherever our Anya might be, she'd strive to make a change and bring peace on either side of the spectrum. Today let us put aside our differences and celebrate the love we have for a leader, a daughter, and our loyal princess. May the gods heal our hearts and let us not forget. In stars we trust."
"In stars we trust," I repeated, swallowing the lump in my throat. In each cycle that passed, this day was always the hardest for me.
The day of Anya's Celebration of Life had arrived. My parents and I always had a private service to mourn Anya. This cycle was slightly different. I looked down to Makoto whose arm was hooked around mine, her delicate hand held tightly in my grasp.
She noticed my gaze, giving me a reassuring squeeze before turning her attention back to the priest who in moments would let go of the thirteen white doves, a symbol of how many cycles Anya had lived in this lifespan.
In previous cycles, the guys weren't allowed to attend the private ceremony, even though they were my dearest friends. This cycle, however, I'd brought Makoto. After introducing her despite Brittany's attempt at disgracing both of us last night, Stryker had taken over as I had lingered back to watch the chaos waiting to explode. Yet, Rose took control, handling the situation far better than I'd ever imagined. The downside was having to replace all the flooring of that section of the castle due to Brittany’s "accident." It was a shame, I’d loved the color of the tiles.
I'd woken up to an empty bed, noticing Makoto wasn't in our room. Before I could panic I noticed the small note on the nightstand.
Don't panic, I'm making breakfast. Shower and dress. Breakfast will be ready by then. I love you. —Mako H.
The note was a first for me and I made sure to keep it safe in one of my drawers before I had gotten ready for breakfast. I didn't think she'd confront my father:
"What’s your opinion on emotions then, Makoto?” Father asked, his serious tone would make anyone quiver in fear, but Makoto stood her g
round.
“I think emotions make individuals stronger. I don’t see it as a weakness. Sure, there are different levels of emotion and depending upon the situation, they could be seen as a weakness. But, I don’t think that is enough for them to be considered a weakness altogether. It’s our emotions that drive us. It’s our emotions that motivate us to do good or battle evil. Or even to become evil. But, it’s those same emotions in some that give them the strength to get up and put on a crown and lead their people, who love them. It’s those same emotions that help a father teach a son how to become the best man he could possibly be. How to become a great ruler and follow in his footsteps, even if he has some really big shoes to fill. The Starlight gods gave us such feelings and emotions to help us grow as individuals. I don’t think it should be frowned upon. To say that one man’s emotions shaped him to become evil and that is why emotions should be seen as a weakness, isn’t a valid reason. Or to say that one man’s emotions are what caused him to lose his life or the lives of others and that is why emotions should be seen as a weakness, isn’t a valid reason. Because then it would be the reason that someone could look at you and say that the love you feel for your wife, for your son, and for your people makes you a weak man. And that’s not what I see when I look at you. And it’s definitely not what I see when I look at your son. So, I disagree with your teachings and think your son would be a glorious king one day using the gift the Starlight gods have bestowed on him,” she lectured.
They stood there in silence as her last words lingered in the air, and I couldn't help but need to feel her in my arms.
I silently approached; my mother noticed my entrance, followed by my father.
Before Makoto could realize, I wrapped my arms around her, pressing my chest firmly against her back while I took a second to inhale her vanilla scent.
She looked up, her bright turquoise eyes laced with shock at my presence, causing a devilish grin to form on my lips.
“I agree. Emotions can either push you to succeed or lead you to your downfall. It’s up to the individual to decide, the gods as their witnesses. I won’t think of such blessings as a hindrance anymore,” I whispered, lowering my lips to hers.
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