by Nicole Heck
*
Two hours had gone by, and we weren't any closer to finishing it than we were when we got here. I tried to focus all of my attention on this, but I couldn't stop thinking about Gabe. Shockingly, Christian hardly even crossed my mind. On top of it all, I thought my stomach was going to eat itself from the inside out.
“I am so hungry I can't remember the last thing I ate.”
“Zoe! You need to eat. Why haven't you been eating?” Emily scolded me.
“I don't know; with everything that happened today I just forgot. I haven't really had an appetite up until now.”
“Alright, that's it. I'm going to go get us food. You stay here and finish this section. Do you want your usual?”
“I guess so.” I leaned my head against my arm. I was starting to get a headache from lack of food.
“I'm getting you double. You need to eat!”
Emily took off, and I found myself putting aside my project again. I watched the rain hit the windows and the sky turn from gray to black. It was honestly miserable outside, and the weather made it even harder to get work done.
It didn't feel like winter. It felt more like a gloomy fall day. Cold, rainy, and dark. On days like today, all I wanted to do was wrap myself up in my bed, cry, and sleep. I never allowed myself to do so because I had to be so strong for everyone else around me. If I cried like that, I may never be able to stop.
Looking at my phone, I noticed that Emily's been gone for an awfully long time, longer than usual for a Sunday evening. But just then, she came around the corner. Her hood was up over her head protecting her hair from getting wet. Setting the wet plastic containers down on the table, she stood there as if she saw a ghost.
“What's the matter with you?”
Emily sat down and put her hand over her mouth.
“I don't know how to tell you this. I need to tell you something.” She couldn’t look me in the eye. She tilted her head down, looked back up at me, and proceeded to stare out the window.
“What happened Emily? You're scaring me. Just say it.”
“I don't know. It sounds really bad. Really, really bad. It may not even be anything. I don’t know.”
I finally got her to spit it out. She continued to tell me what happened, and the thoughts in my head overpowered her voice. I turned to face the window, watching the rain hit harder against the glass. Closing my notebook, I threw it into my bag and put my hood up. Quickly getting up from the table, I ran out of the library, almost knocking someone’s books off of their table. I barely missed running into someone.
“Zoe, wait!” Emily yelled. I heard her coming from behind me as I ran off.
I began to mindlessly run so fast that my hood couldn't stay up over my head. I had to see for myself. Loud claps of thunder roared, and lightning lit up the sky. I stared through the window, and when I thought my life couldn't get any worse, it had.
I didn’t want to believe it. I thought I was seeing things, but I watched as he sat there laughing and smiling. I thought he only looked at me that way, but seeing the way he smiled and stared into her eyes as she talked, I was wrong. I was very, very wrong. I felt so deceived and cheated. Standing up from the table, they gave each other a hug, and I realized I had been there a moment too long.
Running and not turning back, I heard the door fly open, slamming loudly against the brick walls on the building.
“Zoe, hold up!” he yelled from behind me.
Sharp pains became present in my side, and I had to stop and catch my breath. I couldn’t run any longer. The pain had become too much to handle.
“Zoe, I can explain!”
Turning around, I didn’t care that the mascara had run all down my face and that my hair was soaking wet. I looked him in the eye and I wanted him to see how much more pain he had just put me in.
“Explain what, exactly? You lied to me. You lied to me, Christian. You told me you were going to be with your team today. You can’t explain what I just saw. You were with Lacey, Lacey who happens to be your ex-girlfriend. I know what I was seeing. You lied to me. Of all days, I don’t need this today.”
“No, you don’t, Zo. It’s not what it looks like. It’s really not.” Christian's voice became weak as he reached for my hand, but I pushed it away and stepped back slightly.
“Then what were you doing with her? I needed you today. That’s why I asked what you were up to. I needed you!”
The rain fell down from the sky harder. At this point I was completely soaked.
“I can’t tell you what I was doing with her. Is everything okay?” He sighed.
“Oh, that just makes it so much better! Don’t lie to me anymore, Christian. Just don’t. I should have known. You didn’t have to tell me you would be there for me if you didn’t want to be just because you thought it would make me feel better. Lacey has it all. I get it. She has no baggage like I do. I can’t deal with this anymore. I can’t be put in any more pain.”
“But Zoe…” Christian started to cry. But I couldn’t stand here and hear any more of the lies or the bullshit.
“Just leave us alone. I don’t need this. Not now. Bye, Christian.”
I ran again until I got to my car, where I couldn’t hold any more of it in. After everything, he had me convinced that he was different. But watching him sit there with Lacey, I’ve seen that look on his face before. He was happy. Seeing him sit there talking to her with that wide smile across his face hurt. It felt like my entire world came crashing down today.
{27}
Christian
“Are you coming?” Matt held the door open to the locker room.
“Give me a minute. I’ll be right out.” I wanted to take my jersey off. For the first time in my life, I didn’t want to step out onto the court.
“You better hurry. Coach is gonna be pissed.”
The door shut behind him. I reached into my bag and grabbed my phone. I was hoping to see a text from Zoe, wishing me good luck in today’s game. There was nothing.
“Agh!” I angrily threw my phone across the room. It bounced off the wall onto the floor.
“God damn it!” I picked up my phone to find the entire screen shattered.
Pacing back and forth, I tried to calm down. I was irritated at myself. All I wanted to do right now was to go to the hospital and make things right with Zoe, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t tell her the truth, and that made this even worse.
I stood out on the court and tried to erase her from my memory so I could concentrate on the game. I tried, but it didn’t work. The whistle blew, and I missed the ball as it was passed to me. Five seconds into the game and I already had the ball stolen.
I could hear her voice inside my head saying “You lied to me, Christian. You lied to me.” The voice continued to speak louder than all of the noise in the arena. The pain in her eyes and the sadness in her voice will never leave me.
*
I threw my sneakers across the locker room when I sat down. Losing today’s game just made things even worse. The guys walked in slowly, and no one said a word until Matthew walked in and sat next to me.
“Michaels, what the fuck is your problem today, man? Where the hell were you out there? Way to blow the game for us.”
“Leave me alone.”
“Just saying. We needed you out there today, and you played like shit.” He untied his sneakers.
“I said leave me alone, Matt.”
“Don’t tell me Zoe broke up with you. Aw, guys, I think Chris has a broken heart. Maybe we should all sit here and cry with him next time instead of picking up his slack on the court.”
I tried to contain myself. I tried not to look at him. He was just pissed we lost. Don’t do anything stupid, Christian. Don’t do it. I put my hands on my knees and repeated to myself.
I could see out of the corner of my eye that a few of the guys were staring at me. Matt turned to the guy next to him and whispered something.
“What did you just say?” I spoke softly.
<
br /> Matt didn’t answer but the other guys continued to laugh.
“I said what did you say?” I picked my head up and stared at him waiting for a reply.
“He said—” One of the freshmen started to respond.
“I want to hear it from Matt.”
“I said I bet Zoe wasn’t satisfied but that I could show her a good time.”
The blood rushed through my body faster than it ever had before. I couldn’t stop myself. My fist left my lap as I stood up and flew across his face. Then on the ground, I found myself on top of him, hitting him so hard that blood flowed out of his nose. Our teammates came running and grabbed me off of him.
“Whoa, Chris, easy. Calm down.” A few of my teammates held me back. I stared Matt in the eyes until I broke down. It wasn’t just Zoe that was bothering me. It was everything that had been piling up over the course of the last few days. All of it was just too much for me to handle. I’ve never gotten physical with anyone before, especially one of my best friends. I stood up and punched the wall.
“You two with me now!” Coach Higgins walked in and pointed at Matt and I.
The team watched as we awkwardly made our exit out of the locker room.
“We are adults. We respect each other. We are a team. Now what happened?”
Neither Matt nor I spoke up.
“If neither of you are going to talk, you leave me no choice. You’re both suspended from the next game.”
“You can’t do that!”
“I’m the coach. I can do what I want.” Coach Higgins walked away.
“Don’t suspend Matt. I started it. I hit him first,” I admitted.
“Okay. Michaels, I want to see you in my office tomorrow.”
I felt too guilty to let my anger be the cause of Matt getting in trouble. I was furious with Matt, but he was still my friend.
*
The bus home was even longer than the way there. I sat in the back by myself. Hardly anyone on the team was speaking to me. Not only did I blow the game for us today, but now I was suspended during our next game.
When we walked off of the bus, and no one said a word. Matt got a ride back to the townhouses with someone else. The house tonight was going to be awkward.
I got out of my car and walked through the path to my house. Someone was standing outside of my door, but it was too dark to see who it was. I could only make out a female figure
Maybe it’s Zoe?
As I approached, I soon realized who it was.
“You need to leave. Now,” I demanded and signaled for her to start walking.
“What’s your problem?”
“You shouldn’t be here.” I snuck by her to open the door to my townhouse.
“I wanted to see if you were okay, after yesterday and all.”
“Lacey, not now. Please leave.”
“Are you going to tell her?”
“If she ever speaks to me again. Every minute that goes by, knowing how angry she is at me, feeling so deceived, it’s painful.”
“If you tell her it’ll ruin it, Chris.”
“Are we doing the right thing?” I questioned myself.
“Yes. Zoe will understand when the time comes.”
“I can’t wait that long for her to find out. I can’t wait that long to talk to her.” I was really missing talking to Zoe. I loved the sound of her voice and the way she made me laugh.
“Yes, you can. I know you can. Just focus on school and basketball.” Lacey tried to console me. “Have you told your parents yet?”
“I’m going to call them tomorrow.”
“I’m glad we can be friends, Chris. You know, after everything. I’m happy you asked me to help you.”
“Me too. Thank you, but seriously, you need to go. I can’t have you here.”
“Understandable. Have a good night.”
I said goodbye to Lacey and shut the door behind me. Matt was sitting in the kitchen with ice on his eye.
“Did I really hit you that hard?” I tried to laugh it off, but he just ignored me and walked upstairs.
First Zoe won’t speak to me, and now my best friend. I feel like a terrible human being.
{28}
Gabe
“What are you doing here?” I asked as Christian walked in my room.
“I came to see how you were doing! It’s been a while!” he replied.
“I’m confused.” I tried to remember what Zoe told me her reason was for Christian not coming to visit me anymore. I’ve been in the hospital for three weeks now and he hasn’t come once.
“What are you confused about? Wow, you really made it feel like home in here.” He looked around at all of the decorations that my nurse and Zoe put up.
“Yeah, my nurse Danielle and Zoe put up a lot of the things from my room at home. But Zoe said something about you not coming to see me anymore.”
“Oh, she did?” He looked sad as he sat down.
“Yeah, and she didn’t tell me you were coming.”
“She doesn’t know I’m here. Can you keep that a secret?”
I thought about it for a minute. Something was going on with my sister and him, and Zoe wouldn’t tell me the truth.
“Why? Why can’t she know you’re here?”
“Well, because she might get mad that I ditched our plans to come see you.” I could tell that Christian was lying now too. I don’t know why neither of them will tell me why. I’m old enough to know.
“Okay, I’ll keep your secret. But on one condition.” If he really didn’t want me to tell Zoe I might be able to get something out of it.
“Oh, really? What’s that?” Christian laughed.
“I want to go to your last game.” I stared at him waiting for his reply.
“That’s not really up to me.”
“I know. It was worth a try. I really, really, really do want to go.”
“I know you do. I’ll tell you what. I’ll see what I can do, but no promises.”
“That works for me.”
“Good,” Christian replied.
I scratched my head, and a clump of hair came out. It started happening the other day and freaked me out. Dr. Sheehan said this was going to happen after I began my new treatment. Christian saw this and looked sad.
“The doctor said this was normal.” I tried to cheer him up.
“How are you feeling?”
“I get really sick from this new treatment. I actually feel a lot worse. But Zoe says it’s going to make me feel better, so I believe her.”
“I know you’ll get better too.”
“Me too. Zoe hates seeing my hair come out, though. I think that makes her even more sad.”
“She’s been upset?” He looked concerned.
I took a sip of the water that was next to my bed.
“Yeah, and I really hate seeing her sad. I noticed that the only time she’s happy is when you are around.”
“Is that so?” Christian smiled.
“Yeah, but me too. I mean, it really makes me happy when you come and hang out with me too.”
“Don’t tell Zoe, but I enjoy hanging out with you more than her.” He winked at me and we both laughed.
“Oh no.” Tears poured out of my eyes and my hand covered my mouth. Christian grabbed the basket next to my bed and held it under my head as I sat up and leaned forward.
He helped walk me to the bathroom and sat on the floor with me while I got sick.
“I’m scared.” I leaned against the toilet and held my hand to my stomach.
“I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”
{29}
Christian
“Please don’t go,” Gabe pleaded.
“I won’t.”
“Promise?” he whispered.
“I promise.”
“Are you going to come back to visit again soon?”
“I will try to!” I was excited. After how slow the last few weeks have gone by, finally, the night I’ve been waiting for is approaching.
Gabe was going to get one big surprise.
“Can you come in two days?”
“What’s in two days?” I bit my lip out of nervousness. Two days was the day I had a surprise planned for him, the day I’ve been planning for the last few weeks. I couldn’t slip up.
“My birthday!” He exclaimed.
“Is it really?” I was shocked. I had no idea it was also his birthday. This was going to make the night even better. This was perfect.
“Yeah! I know it’s your last home game, though, but if you could try…”
“I’ll try my best!”
“Even though Zoe will be here?”
“Yes, even though Zoe will be here.”
“Okay, good. Do you think you’re going to win the game?”
“I think we have a good shot! Then we’re onto the MAAC tournament!”
“I really hope you guys win that. That would be awesome!”
“Especially since it’s my last year.” It was really sinking in that there were only a few games left before my basketball career was over.
“I’m really going to miss seeing you play. Siena basketball won’t be the same.”
“I’m going to miss it too.”
Gabe looked exhausted. He could hardly keep his eyes open. Getting sick seemed to take a lot out of him. You could see in his face that he’s lost a few pounds since I’ve seen him last.
A loud vibration interrupted the silence of the room. Gabe’s phone lit up on the table next to him. He lifted his arm to try and reach it, but seemed to be too weak to move. The look of struggle on his face broke my heart.
Getting up out of the chair, I walked around his bed to grab his phone for him. Looking down at the screen, I didn’t know how to react.
“It’s your sister.” I handed him the phone, but it dropped out of his hand onto his bed.
“Can you put it on speaker? I can’t hold it.”