City Lives

by Patricia Scanlan

  She’d be home tomorrow. Time enough until then. He’d warned the estate agent not to let it go until he’d offered for it. His stomach rumbled. He was peckish. He turned right and headed for the harbour. There was a nice seafood restaurant there that he liked. He could have dinner and save himself cooking.

  Devlin rang him just as he had ordered his coffee. He moved out to the reception area to talk to her.

  ‘Luke we’re having an absolute ball,’ she enthused. ‘We all had full-body aromatherapy massages today and we’re so laid back the thought of putting clothes on over all those lovely oils is just not on, so we’re staying in our robes and having dinner sent to the room.’ He smiled at the evident pleasure in her voice.

  ‘I’ve just had a feast of monkfish, but I’m fully dressed.’ He laughed.

  ‘Where did you go? Howth?’

  ‘Yeah. I was out and about so I decided to eat out. What’s the weather like down in Wicklow?’

  ‘Oh, it’s lousy,’ Devlin assured him. ‘But it’s perfect for us, all wrapped up in our robes looking out at it. Winter is a much better time to come to a health farm than summer. We’ll have to come down for a weekend before the baby’s born. It would be the most divine place for you to relax.’

  ‘Yes, dear.’ Luke humoured her. Health farms weren’t exactly his cup of tea.

  ‘Oh, here’s our dinner. The girls all said hello. I love you. Talk to you tomorrow,’ Devlin said hastily.

  ‘Enjoy it. I love you too. Bye.’

  Luke put his phone back on his belt. He was delighted Devlin was enjoying herself so much. She sounded rested and relaxed. She was a gas woman, telling him he needed to relax. She was far more driven than he was.

  He finished his coffee and ordered another one before paying his bill and setting off for home. The traffic was quite heavy on the Dublin Road, with people going into the city for Saturday-night entertainment.

  Ten minutes later he swung right into the apartment complex and saw in surprise that the security gates were open. An ambulance, fire engine, and squad car, all with lights flashing, were clustered in front of one of the garages. What was going on? Luke wondered. Had there been a fire? As he drove nearer he saw with some concern that it was the Yates’s garage. He slowed to a halt and got out of the car. A man’s body was being placed on a gurney. It was Richard. He was unconscious.

  ‘Move on please, sir. There’s nothing you can do here,’ a policeman ordered politely.

  ‘This man’s a friend of the family. I should contact his wife,’ Luke said. ‘Is he all right? What is it? A heart attack?’ He sniffed the air. There was an awful smell of carbon monoxide. It suddenly hit Luke like a sledgehammer. Richard had tried to top himself. The gurney was lifted into the ambulance, the doors closed as Luke looked on in shock. Then it was gone, speeding away into the night.

  ‘It would be helpful, sir, if you could contact the lady straight away. And perhaps you would confirm the name and address for me,’ the guard said, opening his notebook.

  ‘Yes of course,’ Luke responded, dazed, giving the details required. ‘What hospital has the ambulance taken him to?’

  ‘The Mater’s on call today, sir.’

  ‘OK. I better go and contact Caroline.’ Luke felt sick for her. Yet another ordeal for her to endure. Richard could be brain-damaged. How could she leave him after this? She’d always live in fear that he’d try it again.

  ‘Why, God?’ He raised his eyes to heaven as he got into the car and drove over to his own block. ‘She’s such a good, decent person. Why don’t you pick on someone your own size for a change?’ he demanded angrily.

  What was the best way to deal with this? he wondered. It would take too long for him to go down and collect her. Time was of the essence. But he didn’t want her driving up to Dublin in turmoil. Devlin had her phone off. She’d only switched it on to call him. There was nothing for it but to ring reception and get Devlin to phone him back.

  The receptionist was most helpful when he told her that he needed Devlin to phone him urgently, without Caroline knowing. ‘Her husband’s had a bit of a turn,’ he explained. ‘But I don’t want her to be upset.’

  ‘Don’t worry, I’ll get your wife to come to reception on some pretext and she can phone you from the office,’ the woman assured him.

  It seemed to take for ever, but it was only five minutes before the phone rang and it was Devlin, frantic.

  ‘What’s wrong, Luke?’

  ‘Devlin, you’ve got to get Caroline to the Mater as soon as you can. Richard’s been taken there by ambulance. I’ll meet you there. Ring me when you get to Cornelscourt and I’ll leave home then.’

  ‘What’s wrong with him?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ Luke was evasive.

  ‘I’d better get Caroline to phone the hospital immediately,’ Devlin said.

  ‘No, no, don’t do that. They won’t tell her much over the phone anyway,’ Luke said hastily.

  ‘Is he dead, Luke?’ Devlin asked, horrified. ‘Luke, please tell me what happened.’

  There was silence for a minute as Luke struggled to formulate a reply that wasn’t a lie.

  ‘I don’t know if he’s dead. I saw him being taken off in the ambulance. He didn’t look good.’

  ‘But did he collapse or what?’ Devlin persisted. ‘What will I tell Caroline?’

  ‘Tell her that he’s taken a turn and been brought to hospital. And if she asks if it’s serious, say serious enough. It would be cruel to lead her up the garden path and give her false hope.’

  ‘Oh Luke, he is dead, isn’t he? Poor Caroline.’ Devlin started to cry. ‘You’re hiding something from me.’

  ‘Devlin, please don’t cry,’ Luke said desperately. ‘Honest to God, I don’t know if he’s dead or not.’ He took a deep breath. There was no point in hiding the truth from Devlin. It might be better if she knew now, so that she wouldn’t get such a shock at the hospital. ‘Devlin, he tried to commit suicide. He was taken from the car in his garage suffering from carbon-monoxide poisoning.’

  ‘Oh Jesus, Mary and Joseph,’ Devlin whispered. Her knees shook and she had to sit down.

  ‘Poor Richard! Poor Caroline. Oh Luke, this is terrible. This is unbelievable.’ She was distraught.

  ‘I know, love. Just get back to Dublin as soon as you can. I want to be with you and Caroline.’

  ‘OK, Luke. We’ll get there as quick as we can.’

  ‘Drive carefully. Maybe you or Maggie should drive,’ Luke suggested.

  ‘OK. Bye.’ Devlin hung up.

  Luke pitied her having to tell Caroline such news. He wished from the bottom of his heart that he was with them.

  Thirty-seven

  Devlin sat, numb, as she tried to digest what Luke had just told her. Richard had attempted suicide! How could he do such a thing? Apart from what he was feeling himself, he must have known what it would do to Caroline.

  You don’t have time to sit here. Get up. You’ve to tell Caroline. Time for whys later, the reasoning part of her brain said. Devlin took several deep breaths and stood up. Her heart was galloping. Her mouth was dry. She swallowed.

  The girl on reception looked up from her work. Her face fell when she saw Devlin’s expression.

  ‘Not good news?’

  ‘No, I’m sorry. We have to get back to Dublin right now. Could you prepare our bill? Put it all on my credit card. We can work it out between us later,’ Devlin said hurriedly.

  The walk to the room seemed like forever and when she reached the door, she stood uncertainly for a moment. What words would she use? How did you tell your best friend that she was going to get yet another slap in the face from life? And a very vicious slap at that.

  She took a deep breath and opened the door.

  Maggie and Caroline were laughing together. Both of them looked at her in anticipation. They thought she had gone to reception to change her timetable of treatments for the following day. When she saw the look on Devlin’s face Maggie jumped off th
e bed.

  ‘What’s wrong, Dev?’ She was at her side in an instant.

  ‘Caroline, we have to go back to Dublin. Luke phoned me—’

  ‘Oh hell! Did Mrs Yates die?’ Caroline groaned. ‘Did Richard tell him?’ She frowned. ‘God, you’d think he would have phoned to let me know. Maybe there’s a message on my phone. I’ll check it.’ She got up from the bed and rooted in her bag, looking for the mobile.

  Devlin went over and put her arms around her. ‘It’s not Mrs Yates, Caroline. It’s Richard,’ she explained gently. ‘He’s had some sort of a turn. Luke saw him being taken into an ambulance on a stretcher. He’s gone to the Mater. Luke’s going to meet us there.’

  ‘Is it a heart attack?’ Caroline was white-faced and stunned. ‘This is terrible. He wouldn’t speak to me when I left. He wouldn’t make up. I walked out and told him to forget it.’ She burst into tears.

  ‘Come on, Caro. Get dressed quick. We’ll know more when we get to the hospital.’ Maggie took over. She knew by the expression on Devlin’s face that worse was to come.

  ‘But did Luke say how he was? Was he conscious?’ Caroline asked frantically as she pulled her robe off and began to dress.

  ‘He was unconscious, Luke said.’

  ‘Maybe I should ring the hospital?’ Caroline looked questioningly at Maggie.

  ‘No!’ Devlin said more sharply than she had intended. ‘I mean we can do it in the car. We should just get a move on now and get going. I’ll help you pack.’

  ‘Caroline, go into the bathroom and wash your face, you can’t go into the hospital covered in oils and creams,’ Maggie ordered kindly.

  ‘Oh! Oh! Right.’ Caroline rubbed her oily face.

  ‘What the fuck is wrong?’ Maggie whispered when the en suite door closed behind their friend.

  ‘Richard tried to commit suicide in his car. In his garage,’ Devlin whispered back.

  ‘I don’t believe it!’ Maggie’s jaw dropped. ‘Oh the bastard! The selfish fucker! If he’s not dead already he will be by the time I get my hands on him,’ she raged.

  ‘Maggie! That’s horrible. Poor Richard. Imagine how desperate you’d be to want to do a thing like that!’ Devlin protested heatedly.

  ‘Poor Richard my arse! How could he do a thing like that to Caroline? Imagine the guilt trip she’s going to go on. She’ll never leave him now. He knew exactly what he was doing. The bollix,’ Maggie hissed furiously as she threw her clothes into her bag. ‘This is just another way of manipulating her, the way he’s always done. This is just a play for sympathy. He wouldn’t have the guts to do it properly.’

  ‘Luke said that he looked very bad,’ Devlin argued, still whispering as she pulled her jeans on.

  ‘Look if he’d wanted to commit suicide he’d have gone somewhere isolated. Not a garage in the middle of an apartment complex where anyone could find him,’ Maggie snorted.

  This hadn’t occurred to Devlin. Her heart lifted. ‘Maybe they got him in time, then,’ she said hopefully.

  Caroline emerged, red-eyed, from the bathroom before Maggie could answer. Devlin’s heart went out to her. She put her arms around her.

  ‘Come on,’ she said comfortingly. ‘Everything will be all right. Do your thing with the Light. Put the Light around him.’

  ‘I’ve tried,’ Caroline gulped. ‘Devlin, I’m scared. If anything happens to Richard I don’t know how I’ll live with myself. He told me that I was self-centred and a typical alcoholic. He said it was always about me, me, me. Maybe he was right. Maybe I didn’t support him enough with what was going on with his mother.’

  Maggie looked as if she was going to burst when she heard this. Devlin flashed her a warning glance to stay silent.

  ‘We’re practically ready to go. I’ll drive,’ she offered, taking Caroline’s bag.

  ‘No I’d prefer to drive myself. It will keep my mind off things,’ Caroline said.

  ‘OK. I’ll pay the bill. We can sort it later.’ Devlin held open the door.

  ‘I’m really sorry to have ruined the weekend,’ Caroline apologized tearfully.

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous, Caroline. It’s not your fault. Come on, let’s go,’ Maggie said briskly, leading the way.

  It took just a couple of minutes for Devlin to settle up and pay by her credit card. Maggie and Caroline had the bags loaded and the engine running when she emerged into the cold damp night.

  They left their luxurious haven, lost in their own thoughts as Caroline drove through the murky mists along the winding country roads. At last they joined the N11 near the Avoca Handweavers, where they had had such a jolly lunch the day before.

  Once they got onto the dual carriageway, Caroline put the boot down and sped towards Dublin at ninety miles an hour, while Devlin and Maggie sat silently hoping that she wouldn’t crash the car on the greasy roads.

  Caroline had never felt so apprehensive in her life. Or so lonely. Please let him be all right. I’ll make it up to him. I won’t leave him. I’ll do what he wants, she bargained silently as she sliced through massive puddles enveloping the car in spray. Her mind was a whirl. Was this happening because she had tried to walk away from her marriage? But all her spiritual books had led her to believe that it was wrong to stay where there was no love and growth and positivity. Had she just been applying these beliefs to suit herself?

  No! These self-doubts were just fear and ego. It was wrong of her to start blaming herself, she assured herself. She knew in the core of her that she had been taking the right step. There was a reason for everything. There was a reason for all of this. She just couldn’t see it yet.

  Please give me courage, she prayed silently as the dual carriageway turned into a motorway and she increased the pressure on the accelerator.

  Devlin rang Luke at Cornelscourt as arranged. She could see Caroline biting her lip, trying to keep her composure. The nearer they got to the hospital the paler she looked. Devlin felt her stomach tighten and lurch as she wondered what they would be told. She prayed that Luke would be there before them.

  He was. Standing in his heavy dark overcoat, the rain plastering his hair to his head, he was waiting for them outside Accident and Emergency.

  ‘Luke, Luke. How’s Richard? Is he all right?’ Caroline jammed to a halt and jumped out of the car.

  ‘They wouldn’t tell me anything, love. Because I’m not related. I’ll come in with you now.’ Luke put his arms around her.

  Devlin and Maggie got out of the car. Luke kissed them both and led them into the antiseptic hall of the A and E. He spoke to a nurse, who looked at Caroline with sympathy and asked them to follow her. Maggie’s face fell as they were led into a small side room. Her stomach tightened with dread. She knew what was coming. She’d led people into small side rooms when she was a nurse. And always to prepare them for or tell them the worst. If Richard had been in the ICU, or a ward, they would have been informed.

  ‘He’s dead, Maggie, isn’t he? That’s what they’re going to tell us here.’ Caroline turned to her friend, uncertainty written all over her face.

  ‘I think so,’ she answered quietly. There was no point in lying. Maggie put her arms around her as a chaplain and a staff nurse came into the room.

  ‘I’m very sorry, Mrs Yates,’ the chaplain said.

  Caroline let out a loud wail. ‘Oh no. Oh God, please. Not like this. Don’t do this to me.’

  ‘Shush, Caroline. Shush.’ Maggie held her tightly. Devlin started to cry. Luke put his arms around his wife.

  ‘What happened to him? He was young. Too young to have a heart attack.’ Caroline shook her head in disbelief. ‘Maggie, he can’t be dead.’ She couldn’t take it in. Richard wasn’t even forty. His mother should be dead. Not him.

  The chaplain looked at Luke. ‘Mrs Yates . . . Ah—’

  Luke shook his head. He walked over to Caroline and took her hand. He eased her down on the small sofa and sat beside her. ‘Caroline,’ he said gently but firmly. ‘Caroline, look at me. Richard didn’t have
a heart attack. He committed suicide.’

  Caroline looked at him uncomprehendingly. ‘Committed suicide,’ she echoed.

  ‘Yes, love, he inhaled the fumes from his car exhaust.’

  ‘Richard committed suicide?’ She stared into Luke’s kind amber eyes. He nodded gently, stroking her hand.

  Caroline felt smothered in darkness. Richard had committed suicide. He’d been driven to take his own life because she had been so selfish as to not help him carry his burdens. She had been so busy standing up for herself and her rights she hadn’t seen the despair and emptiness that had lurked behind his coldness and anger. Charles, the one person in the world whom he had truly loved, had died and he’d had to endure the grief of that, silently and alone. She had been a selfish bloody bitch these past few weeks. Caroline flayed herself mercilessly. Now Richard was dead and it was all her fault.

  Devlin covered her face and wept. She couldn’t bear to watch the pain, and horror and hurt and bewilderment in Caroline’s eyes.

  Maggie bit her lip, regretting the words she had uttered in anger to Devlin less than two hours ago.

  ‘Luke, Luke. What will I do? It’s all my fault.’ Caroline’s face crumpled and she collapsed in his arms, sobbing and muttering incoherently. It was all her fault for seeking to let him go. God had taken her at her word.

  ‘It’s not your fault. It’s no-one’s fault,’ Luke comforted her, stroking her back as you would a child. He held her close and she clung to him desperately. This couldn’t be happening. It was all some terrible nightmare. Richard couldn’t be dead. He was in the middle of a family-law case. It was highly intricate.

  He wouldn’t commit suicide in the middle of a case. It wasn’t his way. It was too untidy.

  ‘There must be a mistake. Richard wouldn’t leave a case unfinished.’ She lifted her tear-stained face from Luke’s shoulder.

  ‘Love, there’s no mistake and when you’re ready you’ll have to identify him. You’re his next of kin. Then they have to do a post-mortem because of the circumstances of his death,’ Luke said quietly.