Grease Stains, Kismet, and Maternal Wisdom

by KUBOA

The house was an old, white, two-story colonial with a slate roof and lots of windows. Inside, it was pleasantly musty and cool. I followed Samantha through the foyer. My shaking had increased so dramatically that I had turned to stone, albeit moveable stone. My eyes were wide brown and darting and any second I expected someone to jump out and club me over the head.

  “Ouch!”

  “You don’t belong here!”

  “Why did you hit me with that club?”

  “I didn’t hit you with any club. This is just your imagination.”

  “Well, good.”

  I tried not to stare at Samantha. This was the first time I’d seen her with sober eyes. The same was true for her. Our chance meeting three months earlier in Washington had been oddly powerful, and enough to keep our 3000 mile string drawn tight. Her arms were long and slender. She moved gracefully.

  “This is my uncle’s house,” she said. “When my mother asked if I wanted to come here to visit for a week, I knew I had to.”

  Samantha was young and poor like me. When a friend of mine had offered to buy me a roundtrip ticket to visit him in Washington, I took it. Samantha was his neighbor then. A week after I had gone, she moved back to California to live with her mother. That’s when the letters began.

  The house was huge and tall and wide, filled with creaking stairs and corners. Samantha explained that throw rugs were placed strategically over the hardwood to hide stains. The kitchen was floored with dull white tile. I moved toward the windows by the sink and looked outside. My truck was at the bottom of the driveway.

  “I like this place,” I said. It reminds me of my house.

  “I like it too. It’s so old, so big.”

  We looked at each other and laughed.

  “Yeah.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Do you want some tea?” she asked.

  “I would love some tea.”

  “Let me put the kettle on, dear.”

  “I’m so in love with you. Isn’t that retarded?”

  Samantha put a finger to her lips, her face thoughtful. Her nails were long and glossy, pretty, pink. Then she said, “No…it’s not that retarded. I can think of more retarded things.”

  “I suppose you’re right.”

  “You know how it goes.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  I leaned against the counter, unsure of what to do with my hands. I wanted to eat them. I noticed then that the kitchen was dressed in unique wallpaper in which acts of bestiality were depicted between men and goats. Very Greek, I thought to myself. Samantha poured the steaming brew into two small cups that had little handles for little fingers.

  “Thank you.”

  I love you. Stop thinking that. I can’t help it.

  We sipped our tea quietly. Then a car moved up the driveway.

  “My mother’s back.”

  Samantha’s mother was a short round woman with a big smile. We shook hands.

  “Hello, David.”

  “Hello.”

  “Do you like the wallpaper?”

  My eyes moved over the prints again, men on goats.

  “I do. I like it very much. Very…colloquial.”

  “Yes,” she said. “My brother is a very colloquial man. He’s 87, you know?”

  “Amazing…This house is so big.”

  I was growing stupider by the second.

  “Yes…Have you seen the studio? I think you and my daughter are going to have clumsy, drunken, unprotected sex in there sometime this week.”

  Samantha winked at me. I stiffened.

  “Yes, the studio is quiet lovely,” I said. “Much like you.”

  Her mother blushed, waving off my comment.

  “Oh, you Massachusetts boys.”

  I looked to Samantha and returned the wink. We were partners in crime. She slapped the teacup from my hand. It landed upright in the sink without breaking.

  “What did you do that for?” I asked.

  “We have to get this story rolling, fuckshow. Can we get to Cambridge already? Get to the good stuff.”

  “But this is the good stuff,” I pointed out. “Men on goats.”

  “I know…but get to the part where I spill pizza grease on my shirt, or better, when I ask you if you’ve ever jerked off thinking about me.”

  “But that’s like part four, or something. That’s a long ways away. I still have to do Harvard Square and the tea place and when we rub heads in line.”

  “You’re too sappy. Get on with it already.”

  Her mother was looking at us, quizzically. Deep creases flexed across her forehead. She didn’t know that we were visitors from a parallel universe.

  “Why don’t I let you two kids get going? There’s only so much daylight left and I know you’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”

  “You’re right, Mom. David, let’s go. Wait, I have to change out of this sexy skirt and put on some jeans.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  “Oh yeah.”

  Samantha slipped out of the room and up a flight or two of stairs. I smiled at her mother and she smiled back. Then she moved close to me. She took my hand and slowly massaged my thumb. Her hands were affectionate, soft.

  “You’re a dirty boy, aren’t you?” she asked.

  “I don’t know.”

  She moved closer. I could smell chocolate milk on her breath. She closed her eyes and I closed mine and we kissed.

  “I always hit on my daughter’s boyfriends,” she explained.

  “I see.”

  Then she put on her innocent, doe eyed face.

  “You’re not going to tell on me?” she pouted.

  “No, of course not.”

  “Good.”

  She sighed and patted my hand. Then she let go. She moved to the studio.

  “And don’t forget,” she called through the doorway. “Friday night, leaves and twigs.”

  What does that mean? I wondered. Are all mothers psychics?

  “Yes we are.”

  I jumped.

  Where is Samantha? I wondered. This was all getting very strange.

  “Ready?”

  I turned, and Samantha was standing in front of me. She had put on jeans.

  “I’m ready.”

  I moved close to her ear.

  “Can I tell you something?”

  “What?”

  “Your mother—”

  Then, from the other room, “What the fuck did I just tell you, David?”

  I shook my head.

  “Let’s just go.”

  “Good.”

  We said our goodbyes to her mother, went outside into the early afternoon sun, and drove toward the center of Hudson. Samantha smiled next to me. My cell phone rang. It was my old friend Gus from Washington.

  “It’s Gus,” I said. “Do you want to talk to Gus?”

  “Okay…Hello?”

  “Hello? Who’s this?”

  “This is Samantha, your old neighbor.”

  There was a long pause and then I heard him say, “Ohhh! Right! Samantha! You must be with David.”

  “Yes, I’m sitting next to him. We’re going to Boston.”

  “That’s fantastic. How do you like Massachusetts?”

  “It’s great. My uncle broke his leg.”

  “M&Ms?”

  “Isn’t that joke getting a little old?”

  “Right. Anyway, can I talk to David for a minute?”

  “Sure. It was nice to talk to you, Gus. Tell Darlene that I said ‘Hello.’”

  “I sure will. You have a good time, and don’t ever do shots with that bearded fuck sitting next to you.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Oh, you’ll find out. But you were jacked up on coke and he was a liter deep in whiskey when you guys met, so I’m sure it can’t be any crazier than that. But you never know.”

  “Okay…Here’s David.”

  Samantha handed me the phone then stuck her head out the window. The breeze rippled her hair like black sat
in. I pressed the phone tightly to my ear and navigated through the hustle and bustle of Hudson central.

  “What? What do you want?”

  I was Mark now. I imagined myself on a waterbed.

  “Hey, buddy. Got a little friend with you today?”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “Are you gonna eat her pussy?”

  “I thought we’d go to Harvard Square this afternoon.”

  “Why don’t you answer my question? Are you gonna eat her pussy?”

  “Thanks, Gus. I gotta go. I hate being that guy.”

  “What guy? The guy who doesn’t answer my questions?”

  “Alright, then. You have a good afternoon.”

  “Fuck you, you bastard. Answer my fucking ques—”

  I hung up on Gus and then put the phone in the cup holder between the seats. I tapped Samantha on the leg and she pulled her head back into the truck.

  “Gus is such a goofball,” I said.

  “He’s nice.”

  “Yes, he’s nice.”

  “Darlene’s nice too.”

  “Yes, she is.”

  And she has huge fake tits, I thought to myself, grinning.

  We chatted and sputtered and rid ourselves of some nervous energy as we searched out Cambridge and Central Square. I parked behind Mark’s old apartment building, four stories of red brick that stood in front of a baseball field with basketball courts to the right. I’d brought two balls: a man’s and a woman’s.

  “Do you want to play a quick game of egg?” I asked.

  “What’s egg?”

  “It’s like horse only it’s egg.”

  “Oh…Yeah, let’s play.”

  We walked over to the courts. A heavily bearded black man was sitting on the bleachers. He rapped his cane on the metal as we moved by.

  “White people!” he yelped.

  We stopped.

  “Yes?” I asked.

  He wore mirrored sunglasses. His beard was gray and gnarled. Smiling broadly, wisely, he said, “You can’t play basketball right now.”

  “Why not?” asked Samantha.

  “You have so many other important things to get to, this could take forever.”

  “But this is important too,” I said. “We’re testing out our chemistry.”

  He leaned back and looked to the sky. Then he roared, “Bullshit! Get on with it! Like the young woman said before, get to the fucking pizza place, or better, the sushi bar!”

  “But what about The Re-poo-blick?” I asked. “Or the Cantab Lounge?”

  He rapped his cane again and we both jumped. I dropped the basketball and it rolled out of sight.

  “Fuck that shit!” he said. “All foreplay! Stop teasing me with this crap! Get to the center of this thing and stop tap dancing around the edges! You bunch of cowards!”

  I looked at Samantha, frowning.

  “What do you think?” I asked.

  “We could go to the pizza place.”

  “But I’m not sure anything big happens there.”

  “Something must happen there.”

  “Yeah, you spill grease on your shirt and I love you.”

  “Well…where do you want to go? You’re the one telling this story.”

  I stuck my fingers into my ears and thought for a moment.

  Fuck. How to swing this? I could write it really fast without punctuation like a free write. That way it’ll still be significant and nothing, nothing big anyway, will be omitted. This I can do.

  “Free write?” I asked, tentatively.

  Samantha rolled her eyes, two hazel marbles. The fictitious bearded black man applauded and whistled.

  “Whatever,” she said. “Your story. What the fuck do I know? I’m only in it.”

  “Shut up. Are you ready?”

  “I guess.”

  “Okay. Hang on. And keep your eyes moving.”

  “Yes, my love.”

  The sun was strong and high in the early afternoon and we were in Cambridge and we were at the basketball courts and we played egg and Samantha was good and she slaughtered me with ease and I grumbled and grunted and we played a best of three and she had a magnificent mid-range game and her feet were fast and she was strong and could get to wherever she wanted to get on the court nine free throws in a row we played but not too hard and we didn’t get sweaty and then we left the courts and walked the shady sidewalk up toward Central Square and I asked Are you hungry and she said Yes and I asked Do you want real food or junk food and we had a discussion on the difference and something about falafels was mentioned and then she said pizza and she was adorable just like she was in Seattle when the sun was coming up and I was in her bed and so we walked the sidewalks and we smoked and she told me that I’m tall and then we were in Central Square and we crossed over the paths of buses and the streets were warm and people were out and about wicked smart kids and the bums and I could smell food wherever we went and so we took a right and went down the street and finally we came upon a pizza place and it was warm inside and greasy and smelly and so we got pizza and soda and Samantha rumbled about getting a beer and I thought that that might be a good idea but not right now I’m still so dehydrated and wired and we sat down and ate our pizza and I looked in and she looked out and I asked how the view was and she said she could see the street and I was looking at Gino the pizza guy and I burned my mouth but played it cool Samantha wanted another slice and so she got one and while she was gone I smiled and shook my head and wondered what the fuck was going on here she came back with more pizza and we ate and we talked and she spilled pizza grease on her shirt and then we left the pizza place and headed back toward the T and I called Mark and asked Inbound or Outbound for Harvard Square and he told me Outbound and I said Thanks Mark and then we got to the T and we went down the stairs and the tunnel echoed and we got through the turnstiles and then we waited for the train and the train came and we got on and it rattled and squealed into Harvard Square and we got off and climbed up to the street more people than Central Square and fuck I just realized I missed a bunch of shit The Cantab and The Republic and drinks and darts and Samantha won and every time she went to pull her darts from the board I was staring at her ass she must have known we played scratch-tickets at The Cantab but that was before The Republic and we won some money but left about even and Jameson Whiskey and beer and Guinness and I wanted to kiss her then but it was early don’t fuck this up now but flirt and be merry and then we climbed the stairs to the street in Harvard Square and we went to buy cameras and we took silly pictures of each other and I was pretty buzzed still and I was getting tired and she suggested we go get some coffee and tea and so we went to the coffee/tea place and we waited in line and it was hot inside and we rubbed heads for a moment and I wanted to kiss her neck but I didn’t and we got our coffee tea waters too and we went outside and sat in the grass and the sun was going down and the sky was dark blue and purple and Samantha must have been growing cold but she said no she’s fine and she called her mother and they talked for a moment and we smoked cigarettes and then I called Mark and asked him where’s a good sushi bar and he told me to get back on Massachusetts Avenue and go past the big dolphin and it’s right there and I said Thanks and then I lay down in the grass and I wanted to pull her on top of me a human blanket steamroller and we motivated and moved and we stopped at a 7-11 so I could get cigarettes and Samantha crouched with some bums that talked to her about planes and I came out and we gave them cigarettes and then we moved off we found the sushi place easily and it was getting dark it was late it was 8 o’clock maybe and we went inside and it was pretty empty and we sat at the bar and we chatted and ordered food and they didn’t have tempura dammit and so we ordered some kind of salty pea pod things that Samantha loved and she taught me how to eat them by pulling out the peas with my teeth she was so nice and we got sake and sushi and Miso soup and it was yummy and we ate and some tourist sat next to us not knowing that we too were tourists and he asked us what we were eating and we
looked at him blankly and Samantha said food and he seemed satisfied with that and we drank to us we drank to ourselves this was a celebration and then we were done we said thank you to the nice people and we went outside to have a smoke and we sat on the steps and then I said this is what I’m thinking I’m thinking I’m good enough to drive and I’m thinking I was going to get a room somewhere and then we could do whatever and she said that’s fine I’m up for whatever I’ll go with you that’s fine and I was so fucking happy then that she wasn’t going to go back to Hudson and I wasn’t going to be alone and I didn’t know if we were going to sleep together or what was going to happen but I just knew that she was going to stay with me and that was amazing we’re not crazy we got back on the sidewalk and it was dark but still warm the trains kept the sidewalks warm just like the subways in New York the snow never builds up on the sidewalks they are so hot there and then then then she reached over and took my hand and I was so touched so moved so filled that I wanted to drop I wanted to absorb her through osmosis and we walked back toward the T in Harvard Square and we found our way down and it was big and open underneath like a dome and she said it reminded her of New York City even though she’d never been there but it should because it is like New York City only smaller and cleaner and we went through the turnstiles again and we heard music and then we saw the music it was a black dude singing in front of speakers and he wore a Yankee jersey a Philadelphia jersey and he was really good and Samantha wanted to give him some money and I did too and so I handed her a couple of singles and she went over and I watched her go over and she was my girlfriend now whether she liked it or not and the music got louder as she came back over to me because the singing man loved her as much as I did and then the train came and we got on and it was emptier this time and we sat down and we waved to the singing man and he waved back and I wanted to pull her over onto my lap and we got back to Central Square and we climbed up to the street and it was nighttime and we went down Western Avenue and we stopped and bought PowerAde drinks and then she had to pee and so she went into this sketchy little bar and I heard people scream as I waited outside and then a black woman came out laughing and I laughed too but I wasn’t sure why and she told me that Samantha tried to go into the men’s room better not do that she said and I laughed and Samantha came out and we laughed about it and then we went back to the parking lot behind Mark’s old place and we were a little tired a little groggy and so we played basketball again but this time we played one on one hardcore and she was so fucking good and there was a crowd this time cheering her on because they loved her too just like those guys later in the week that wanted to kidnap her and kill me and I was sweating like a fuck and she was so fast and tight with that little mid-range game and I was tired and so I turned on the faucet and let it rain Three Three Three Stop it Oh My God Three Three Three And I had told her that I was the master of the Three-bomb and she didn’t believe me but she could still kill me one on one I suck off the dribble and then we finished and we were happy and full and it was time to call Mark and figure out what’s next and so I did after I ran off and peed in an alley I called Mark and he told me to go to the Howard Johnson on the left before the bridge but it turned out to be the Radisson which was fine and we found out that it was 150 bucks for a night Good God but Samantha rocked she threw 50 down because she could sense that I was running low and we got room 700 and we were close to the Charles River and Boston University and I was wearing my black fleece now and it was covered in cat hair and I was wearing my Red Sox hat and we were both kind of dirty and we found the room and Samantha tried the key card and it didn’t work right away and we’re smart people we can do this and finally she got it to work because she was a genius and I was a fucking moron and we went inside and kicked off our shoes and we had two beds in the room and I sat on one and she sat on the other and we asked well what do we do now and I had definite ideas but I still wasn’t sure where she was at but I could imagine and she looked at me funny but not funny ha ha she looked at me like she wanted me to kiss her or she wanted to kiss me and we hadn’t kissed yet today and I didn’t know I had been thinking about everything so much and we touched feet socked feet and she was still looking at me like that and her eyes were so fucking pretty she was so fucking pretty and sweet and funny and sexy and so I moved over to her bed and we hugged and kissed and we hugged and smooched and we smooched and smooched and I had a raging hard-on and I wanted to tear her clothes off and maybe she asked me who are you and I asked who are you and I decided that I must take a shower I was so grimy and gross and I’d been sweating all fucking day and so I jumped up and went to the bathroom and I left the door open intentionally I wanted her to come in and take a shower with me but she didn’t which was fine because in a few days I was going to watch her take a bath I came out of the bathroom and she was on the bed with her eyes closed my God she must have been so tired so far away from home so far from anything that she knew she didn’t even know me but she was here and she trusted me and I loved that because I trusted her too and I climbed into my jeans and then I climbed next to her and she was warm and quiet and soft like a pillow and we started smooching again and then she was sitting in my lap and I asked her to take her clothes off and so she took her shirt off and wait—

  THREE